How Enlightened Families Argue

The Wish that Relatives Would See the Light - Not Everyone is Sane in the Family

People who are mentally ill don't know that they are.  If they detect something is not quite right with themselves, they work hard to cover up their insanity.  All of their tactics of blaming, denying, minimizing, abusing, and using others are excellent tools to keep the unsuspecting in the dark. 

Sometimes it takes years for hurting family members to separate the truth from the lies, but by the time this happens victims want nothing to do with them. 

"After all these years you believed I was the crazy one when your parents were really the nuts!"

"You thought I had something to do with that?  Your crazy brother was at fault!"

"Why didn't you ever bother to pick up the phone and find out what exactly I supposedly said or what occurred over at the house?"

Some partially insane folks have enough sense to create smokescreens so if you aren't discerning and don't bother questioning what you think you might know based on what they told you, you will believe almost anything.

The next time a loved one tells you something, think before you speak, "What really happened?  What did he/she do the reason why her children, siblings, etc. are distant?  Why doesn't my relative do more with her life besides talk negatively about others?"

Hold your judgment and know that with some people they don't want you to ever find out just how cold-bloodied and cruel they really are.  Watch as well as pray!

Nicholl McGuire has had her share of experiences with narcissists, substance abusers, and those who walk on the dark side.  Check out her practical guides at this site.

Nasty Ways of the Narcissistic Kinfolk - Family Problems, Favoritism, Ho...

Keep Children in View - No Playing House, In a Car Alone, Hiding from Others

With all the merry-making some parents, grandparents and other adults are not paying much attention to children, but they should be especially in homes where there are many rooms, wide open spaces to hide, and yards that can't be seen from windows.

So many children end up being sexually abused because parents, who are high on drugs and alcohol, are not watching them!  These kids are lured by strange adults, ornery teens and abused children to go into parked cars, dark rooms, basements, and other hiding places away from watchful eyes.  Children are bullied, sexually abused, teased, pressured to drink or use drugs, and more in those areas.

Who will hear screams when music is being played loudly?  Who will notice when children are away to long with an Uncle, Cousin, Aunt or someone else?  Who is watching when kids are so-called "just playing"?

Keep children in view or else cry later.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and shares thoughtful wisdom on Spreaker.

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Signs of Physical-Sexual Child Abuse in Adults

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Signs of Physical-Sexual Child Abuse in Adults: As an adult have you experienced-but not limited to the following? • Little or no memory of childhood-age 3 to 12 • Trouble with relations...

How To Deal With Controlling Parents - Get Rid of Negative Influences - Take Control of Your Life

The Next Level is Going to Cost You - Advisers Who Encourage Costly Activities

Getting married, going to college, getting another job, starting a business, having children, buy a house, and more costs money.  But sometimes well-wishers and advisers don't think before they speak.  Are they helping?  http://share.myflare.com/3bLM39

A Word from Family Article Writer and Owner

I just wanted to take this moment to thank the contributors of this blog and all those who have shared their entries.  I am so glad that so many in difficult families have found this work useful.  I look forward to having an even better year and wishing you and your family the best!

At this time we are welcoming any contributors who would like to be featured for solving their family related challenges.  Also any individual or business who would like to purchase ad space, do make contact.

Feel free to reply to this post or contact me at nichollmcguire@gmail.com

Nicholl McGuire is the manager of this blog, a self-published author, inspirational speaker, and business owner originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She has been a featured guest on television and radio talk shows such as CBS and WPXI Channel 11.

Healthy Families Bring Happiness

No matter where you are in the world when surrounded by people who genuinely love you with no strings attached, you can't help but thrive in circles like this.  Whether family or not, love is the common denominator.

When a family has stopped loving, there is sure to be no more unions.  Appreciate those who care for you and enjoy your company.  Happy people encourage happy thoughts and help cultivate strong bonds.  Negative people only create sorrow, worry, and confusion. 

Choose the company you keep wisely.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Should I Go to the Party? on Smashwords.com

Some People will Never Change Don't Let Family, Former Friends Upset You This Holiday Season

You helped people. Did the best you could doing for them 

and sometimes your best wasn't good enough. 

For years, you listened to things you really didn't want, went places when you preferred to stay home, and did other people-pleasing things.  Now that you aren't doing as much or nothing at all for those same people (possibly drawing a line in the sand with them--establishing boundaries), those same individuals look to pay you back for every time they felt offended due to:  your not answering their calls promptly, visiting them when invited, or offering your assistance when needed.

You went from being a God-sent angel in your emotionally unstable relatives' eyes to just another you fill in the blank.  People like this don't think outside of their emotions.  Oftentimes illogical, they are hard to please anyway.  The more you do, the more they want.  You feel angry, bitter, and might think negatively about them, but don't!  Allow yourself to detach and move on to greener pastures that are emotionally freeing and not physically draining or binding.

Enjoy your holiday season in peace and avoid those emotions that others want you to have because they are so miserable.  We have one life to live, so use it wisely!  Spend time with people who you enjoy being around whether family or not!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Should I Go to the Party? and other emotionally freeing books.

How To Outsmart A Narcissist The Right Way - Melanie Tonia Evans

Issues with Sibling? Trusting in Your Sibling to Make Life Choices

 

Watch as well as pray when seeking counsel from a sibling.  Also, notice your partner choices if you are dating, are you connecting with someone who reminds you of a sibling's personality?  Listen here: http://share.myflare.com/T3Yfyb  Check out more audio on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

Repressed Memories - Childhood, Abuse, Family - Video Dailymotion

Repressed Memories - Childhood, Abuse, Family - Video Dailymotion

The "Yes" Men and Women in the Family

They say yes to the men who abuse them and yes to the women who curse them.  They say yes to their mothers even when they shouldn't and yes to dads when they really don't want to.  

Know some folks like this?  

I wrote nonfiction books for those who consider themselves to be "Yes" people that really should be saying, "No way!"  Stop being tempted to say, "yes" when you really mean, "no."

Tell Me Mother You're Sorry

Say Goodbye to Dad

She's Crazy

Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men

When Family Members Don't Wish You Well - Pessimistic and Proud Kinfolk

You didn't do what a relative wanted, you behaved in ways that upset one or more than a few members in your family, or maybe you aren't guilty of anything but being wiser, smarter, better, and more accomplished than most of your relatives.  No one is condemning you here.

Some people are just not going to behave nicely whether you talk to them much or very little.  These same people are the customers we see holding up the lines in stores arguing about little things while wanting some of us standing behind them to co-sign on their rants.  I think to myself, "You probably are a problem at home too."

Miserable people can't formulate their mouths to wish you well.  How can they when they look in the mirror everyday and see that they didn't do much in life but work, complain, have babies, complain some more, spend money, save money, and you know the rest.  A lifestyle that is okay, but unsatisfying is not what any of us wished for as we grew older especially jealous and petty individuals.  Even if you don't have much going on in your life, if you should crack a smile around mean-spirited individuals, they aren't the least bit jolly around you--they have issues that might not have anything to do with you.

Negative people look for ways to wipe the smile off your face and others.  They aren't going to welcome you with a warm demeanor, say kind words or do anything out of their way to assist you.  This is why we have to re-evaluate what part are individuals like this will play in our futures even if they have been there for us and "at times weren't so bad but..."  You have to know when to let them go and let God deal with them.

It doesn't matter if the toxic people in your life are parents, grandparents, workers, children, or best friends for decades, if folks are bringing you down, it's time to do something different like guard your heart for starters.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.

When Decorating Your Home - Think of the Mood You are Conveying to All Who Visit

Repressed Memories - Childhood, Abuse, Family - Video Dailymotion

After a loved one dies, major tragedy, strange illness, or other odd things, our memories have a way of coming back to haunt us or bring peace.  Repressed Memories - Childhood, Abuse, Family - Video Dailymotion

Abusive Men in the Family

They exist and as much as relatives pretend that kin are stable and sweet, those who have been abused by them know better!  Check out Nicholl McGuire's nonfiction, self-help guide, Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.  A great read for those who are just starting out dating once again.

My Family Bullied Me | MamaKatTV

How to avoid Family Arguments at Christmas

Need a Closer Walk with Your Creator? Cut the Sin

Don't Go to Bed Stressed Again About Another Family Holiday Invitation!

Nervousness, gut-wrenching stress and other wild emotions about a simple invite to a family event will wreck havoc on someone and those he or she lives with in the household.  Do you know the feeling?  Well, let's address it.  Should you be going to that party? Get you copy of this helpful guide today.  Should I Go to the Party?  Click here.

Braxton Family Values - Braxton Family Values: Roundtable Argument

Codependency & Loneliness: Why Codependents Stay w/ Narcissists. Lonely...

Family Holiday Event Invites: 7 Signs You Don't Need to Go Along Just to Get Along

For years many of us have went along with an invite just because we didn't want anyone thinking badly of us.  We told people that, "I'm just doing this for you...I'll go because I like her, but not the rest of them...I did it for my husband...My friend begged me to go."  But doing things when you know deep within you just don't want to is never a good idea.  Sooner or later true feelings show up and show out!  The arguments increase, the mood swings increase, and the rage within is fueled by all the stupid stuff that people you know you don't like will say--count on it!

Now sometimes you just don't know how much you dislike a person or a group until the family invite shows up in the mail or drops from the lips of your favorite people, "Hey just wanted to let you know So and So is having an event, you coming?"  You are either excited within or resent the idea of going.  "Is my least favorite person going to be there?" you might boldly ask.  Of course, the response might be, "I don't know, just come.  Don't let him/her keep you away."  And so you might go along.

Here are seven signs it is best not to take someone up on his or her offer to attend a family event:

1.  Your ex is now remarried and has children.  If the past is in the past, why does The Past feel the need to be around the ex's family?  It is obvious there are some lingering emotions especially when one has children, so reschedule if you know you can't manage hurt feelings or drop children off with their relatives while you spend time with your new beau's family or stay home.  Most hosts of family events are more concerned about wanting everyone together to make themselves feel good, but what about how you feel? 

2.  Avoid the family event if the number of people you don't like far outweigh the ones that you do.  Once again, make plans to see your favorites another time.

3.  You don't like the cooking, atmosphere or the vibe you get when you are around them.

4.  You heard some bad things about the family and you know you just can't keep your mouth shut about them.

5.  The family's traditions go against your religious beliefs.

6.  You are often angry, impatient, moody, or have habits that impair your best judgment.  Do yourself and the family a favor and stay home.

7.  People have told you in so many words, "I don't think it is a good idea to come around..." point well taken, stay away.  Although some defiant folks will want to crash the party anyway, bad idea especially when some individuals might have the police on speed dial.

So when it comes to those either much anticipated or dreaded family events, be wise and do what's right.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Genealogy X: What to Expect When Researching Family History and offers spiritual insight on family issues and other challenges here.

 

On Defending Dysfunctional Family Members and Friends

THE IN-LAWS ARE COMING!!! (Funny Resolve Ad)

Characteristics of Deceitful People

Complicated Grief: Q & A with Dr. M. Katherine Shear

Can PTSD cause sufferers to break from reality? What is a dissociative...

5 Tips: Help For Spouse Of An Alcoholic Husband or Wife

Dysfunctional Families and the Shame Cycle: Healthy Families

The Holiday Season Might Be the Last Chance to Sever or Repair Family Ties

Sometimes we just have to face the fact that some relatives don't like, respect or care for us as much as we think.  Once the revelation is made, you can either pretend like you don't see the truth or accept it.  Too many family members and friends will be spending hours together in rooms trying hard to ignore what is wrong with toxic ties, but a few just might "lose it" and when they do, don't wonder why.  Years of suffocating voices that needed to be heard will eventually scream before the masses, "Listen to me!" and what better time than a holiday gathering.  So the host is taking a chance putting tension filled relatives together and hoping they will behave themselves.  Change is a coming for many families.  Check out Loved Ones with Toxic Behaviors.

Family Lies, Family History - Still Victims, Claiming to be Survivors

When I wrote Genealogy X: What to Expect When Researching Family History, I felt moved to do so because too often people die in families with spirits in unrest.  They don't all die in peace.  They were troubled when they left.  Sometimes one feels an innate desire to get to the bottom of things and this is what my family history book instructs and inspires you to do before it's too late.  There are many walking dead amongst the living, claiming to be survivors when they are still very much victims in bad marriages, still enabling family lies, covering up for others, and more.  If you want to learn more about your family roots and learn effective ways to investigate your own family history, then get the book. Genealogy X: What to Expect When Researching Family History

 

No Longer a Poster Child for the Family Dysfunction

When we are born we don't know who these people are who are responsible for caring for us.  We are babies that soon grow into adults who have to take care of ourselves.  So when family drops the ball a time or two in our lives, we have to learn quickly how to survive or else remain down.  As much as some would like to take credit for the rebound moments in our lives, we are the ones who were ultimately in control. 

We were down and out in the first place, because someone didn't teach us well.  So we start again and again with or without a support system until we get our lives back in order.  However, we don't realize that someone in the family has put us up on a poster with the word "dysfunction" somewhere on it.  They have basically called us "crazy" and said that we were responsible for our own shortcomings even when they were catalysts behind some of them.  The truth is, people put on fronts to merely hide just how evil they can be.  For instance, if I were to push you into the water knowing you can't swim then blame you for standing too close, what kind of person would I be?  Then if I were to go and tell someone how crazy you were for jumping into the water and no one ever hears your side, then you would be falsely viewed as being the crazy one until the truth catches up with the lies.

I personally share insightful wisdom to alert others to that poster of dysfunction that has been going around about him or her and how to get one's self down off of it.  If you have ever felt like a black sheep, lost or confused in a family that co-signs on dysfunctional behavior, then by all means feel free to check out my YouTube page and stop by Smashwords.  This has been my calling for some time now spiritually moving people to think about the dysfunction they have been fed. My work attracts believers in a Supreme Being and encourages one to draw near to Him (not an establishment other than to learn some things) and definitely not toward abusive handlers.

When I realized my own personal truth and recognized that repeatedly I had been invalidated in so many ways by those who claimed to love me, I did what I had to do and that was focus on what I can to make a difference. 

Awakening to truth, no matter how hard it is or how much it hurts, is a great start toward independence and freedom from controlling individuals.  I am so grateful to the one true God for opening up my eyes to see that the mind manipulation had to stop!  I hope you too will have the courage and strength to no longer accept being that poster child for dysfunction in your own family.

Be at peace.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.

How Elder Mediation Works To Solve Family Conflict Over Aging Parents

Abused Men

 

Parents: Are You Turning Siblings Against One Another?

One or all sons and daughters just might not come for the holidays to see parents and grandparents, because they know how they truly feel about them. 

As a parent, stepparent or grandparent, don't minimize the truth, cast blame, invalidate feelings, or pretend that what your offspring tells you about "playing favorites," "you don't love me" and "I'm not good enough" is wrong.  You know how you sincerely feel inside, what you said to others about the son or daughter, and you know what you have done over the years to add to the issues that your emotional son or daughter now has.  Don't let yourself off the hook so easily.  Not every son or daughter will react to a demanding, ineffective, needy, or controlling parent like you think they ought.  One child might be totally open with a parent despite short-comings while the other not so much.  Just like you have your right to your feelings, they have theirs and attempting to control them only aggravates already intense situations.    

A parent who is angered for whatever reason at his or her son, daughter or step-children can be that way, but once the upset trickles into other people's lives, you have to take a step back and say, "What am I doing?"  Venting to the son or daughter's siblings is just not a good idea, ever.  A parent or grandparent will not always be on this planet, so because he or she is feeling hurt/disrespected/angry about one's child, this same parent seeks to destroy any healthy bond one's children may one day have with one another.  If you are a son or daughter reading this take heed to what a parent like this is up to and reach out to your siblings when you know full well they have done nothing wrong to you.

"Can you believe Jan did it again...didn't respond to my phone call?  I really can't stand your brother, I am leaving that ingrate nothing in my will!"  So Mom or Dad's rants continue, yet the sibling listening to the words spoken against his or her sister or brother feels awkward.  Parents don't take a moment to pause and ask themselves, "Why am I causing strife between my children?  What I'm doing is tearing down bridges not building them up?  Why do I badmouth like this?  I need to stop it and change the discussion." 

As much as a sibling might want to respond with, "Honestly Mom/Dad don't talk about my sister/brother like that!"  Nothing is said, because either he or she is jealous of the other, doesn't want to cause any trouble for his or herself, or fears the parent and what he or she might do if the sibling stand up for his brother or sister--something he or she was mostly likely taught just so long as the individual doesn't do it with parents so he cowers.  However, the ache within doesn't go away--there is empathy for one's sibling whether the least favorites choose to believe this or not.  The worry of being unfavorable in Mom or Dad's eyes took root from childhood and beyond, and so the trouble-free siblings try their best not to anger parents because they have already witnessed the consequences.

Some parents and grandparents like to feel like they are in control of children and grandchildren.  They expect respect, yet don't feel they need to respect others.  They believe they are always right even when they are wrong and will try to convince themselves and others of this by exaggerating events, lying, blaming, becoming emotional, and more to build a solid case against their least favorite children.  If you know someone who behaves like this, consider how he or she might behave with you if you should have a falling out with him or her.  The drama isn't isolated, in time it spreads to other relatives, family friends, etc. as well.  So the "favorites" enjoy their moments in the parental limelight before they too are mistreated or discarded for not following the rules. 

The matriarchs and patriarchs in the family may have their favorite people, but what they fail to realize is that one day they will die leaving a legacy of unnecessary issues while answering to an all-knowing, righteous Judge on the other side.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

An Excerpt out of 'Saying Goodbye to Dad' Chapter 3 Parasitic Dads - Video Dailymotion

An Excerpt out of 'Saying Goodbye to Dad' Chapter 3 Parasitic Dads - Video Dailymotion

Dysfunctional Families--ACoA Home--Narcissistic Parents Create Unhealthy...

Life Altering Mistakes - You Did It, Now What?

When the Wicked Appear Like They Are Blessed

Christian: What are You Waiting For? Promises, Death, Money...

Holiday Madness - No Contact with Narcissist family

Family Reunion Planning | Family Reunion Party Ideas - PartyPOP

nmenterprise7 - When Burdened about a Deceased Loved One Talk to God

Drug Abuse In Older Adults / Documentary Video

How to spot signs of a nonverbally abusive relationship

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: How to spot signs of a nonverbally abusive relatio...: Tips on Handling the Silent Treatment We have all heard about physical abuse where one hurts another by choking, slapping, hitting, an...

Know the Signs of Child Abuse

Selfish People: Self-Absorbed, Uncaring and Controlling

Author, speaker and blogger Nicholl McGuire shares a spiritual perspective about selfish people in your inner circle.  http://share.myflare.com/jmmBjv

A Family of False Fronts - Liars, Exaggerators and Manipulators

Do you ever get tired of hearing the exaggerated story-telling, lies, manipulations, and more that a relative (or more than a few) put out about certain family members?  So why co-sign on the foolishness?

Some relatives are either too scared, nervous, or just don't want to get into any dispute about the wrongs coming out of the family gossips' mouths.  By doing this, they are nothing more than enablers and flying monkeys.  Gathering in a room with a bunch of people around the holidays, telling stories with false fronts and pretending to be enjoying the festivities, you most likely can see through their acts.  Some do this because they are bought by toxic family members.  They feel obligated because they made requests and so they feel forever indebted to them.

You may not particularly like some relatives; therefore when you around them, they will make you more sensitive to criticism and quick to defend one's self and others.  If the family mess is stinking to high heaven, it might be best for you to stay home around those major holidays and visit favorite loved ones afterward.

False fronts are presented everywhere from the celebrity who sits on a talk show host's couch talking about how much he or she is in love with a partner, gets along well with a producer, etc. to the mother who claims that all is right with her family.  Most of us don't inquire any further simply because we don't care or have enough issues of our own.  Yet, when false fronts affect our well-being, cause emotional upset, or set us back physically, we will speak up.  We will not go along just to get along.

It can be a challenge dealing with someone who has a long list of emotional issues and more.  Sometimes you are unable to get pass the false fronts to get to the truth.  Don't lose your cool!  I have seen firsthand people like this who know full well they are lying about someone or something be exposed.  At times, you might find you are in the position to shine a bright light on their dark ways.  But don't fear, back down, or create a few false fronts of your own, stand strong!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.

Vacation Budget, Planning and Savings Tips

Family Stories, Secrets and Survival: Dr. Judith Landau at TEDxVailWomen

Let Go Of Women You Screwed Up With - Tell Your Family to Stop Keeping Exes Around

Sister Sledge - We Are Family

On Going Back - Should You? Relationship, Event, Hometown, Employment, C...

Author Nicholl McGuire Reading Ch. 2 of Say Goodbye to Dad

The Mathematics of Marriage: Predicting Divorce (John Gottman)

Tips Dating Older Men, Dating Younger Women: Crazy, Weird, Silly - Don't Settle for Someone You...

Tips Dating Older Men, Dating Younger Women: Crazy, Weird, Silly - Don't Settle for Someone You...: When I was younger if a man had a funny looking face, an annoying flaw like a bizarre laugh, or something else I didn't like, I simply ...

Need Assistance with Family Issues?

Around the web there are sites that can help with family issues from substance abuse to unemployment.  Here are some places to help you begin your journey toward some peace.

Online Counseling
Online counseling for couples, relationships, marriage and ...
MyTherapynet.com

Career Issues
Career Counseling, Testing & Professional Level Assessments
Career Counseling Services - Careers.org

Housing Needs
Rental Assistance/U.S. Department of Housing and Urban ...
Low income assistance programs - Need Help Paying Bills

Money Problems
Supplemental Security Income (SSI)
Supplemental Income - FlexJobs
Work From Home Jobs on CareerBuilder.com
WAHM - Official Site
Work From Home Jobs - 10 Best (and Real) Work-At-Home Jobs ...

Personality Disorders
Personality disorders - Mayo Clinic
The 10 Personality Disorders | Psychology Today

Spiritual Motivation (by Family Articles blogger Nicholl McGuire)
NM Enterprise 7 - YouTube

nmenterprise7 - Daily Prayer Card Helps with Learning …

 

Elder Issues

Terminal Illness – Preparing for Death – Dealing with Illness

Medicare.gov Nursing Home Compare

Prescription Drugs & Cold Medicines | National Institute ...

 

List supplied by Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry, Socially Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.

 

 

Discernment - Study People Before You Include Them in Your Circle

Warning Signs of an Abuser

Dating Tips: Important Dos and Don’ts For Meeting the Parents! – The Single Life

3 CRITICAL Online Dating Tips For Women - Sexy Confidence

Seven Keys to Resolving Family Conflict

Narcissism Swapping the Golden Child and the Scapegoat

The Family Knows Their Loved One is Troubled But Do You?

You meet, date, or work with someone from a reputable family.  You notice how relatives act toward one or a few relatives that seem to have something a bit odd about them.  The person might appear close to a few members, but the majority don't talk, come around or have much to say.  You wonder what is up with the strange, off-putting ways of some family members.  So you think you will be that one who is nice, kind and friendly to the "weird, crazy" one.

Sometimes family will wrongfully treat the whistle-blowers from a distance, while keeping their mentally handicap, drug-addicts, alcoholics, abusers, thieves, and others close to them.  You can't always tell who is "wild, crazy" until you get to know them.  The handsome man, attractive woman, and others in the family circle aren't always what they appear to be.  While those with common sense are shunned, the relatives in denial about troubled offenders in the family will present them as being "good, great wonderful" until you learn more about them.

Most relatives who don't want to be bothered with truly crazy loved ones will either subtly or boldly let you know, "I don't spend time with them...I don't really know them well...I prefer to mind my own business...We have had to help that one out far too many times.  I would be careful if I were you dealing with..."

When you know some relatives are challenging to deal with, it is always best to keep your distance.  No good deed goes unpunished when you are attempting to help those who are mentally unstable.  When you reach out to family members that even the matriarchs and patriarchs have cautioned you about, you won't win anything more than trouble on your hands.  So watch family cues and keep in mind not everyone is wrong about those relatives who just can't seem to live independently, get a job and keep one, don't do well remaining faithful to partners, struggle with addictions, and more.  There is always more to their stories and good reasons as to why relatives act the way they do.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and other books. 

Feeling Loved and Accepted - Suicidal Thoughts (made with Spreaker)

Your Lying Relatives - Why Do You Put Up with Them?

They post photos up on social networks boasting of people they claim to know real well, tell you stories about life events that supposedly happened, make promises they will do things but don't follow through, and at times remain quiet about truth while letting you believe family lies.  These liars in our families are often exposed sooner or later.  I think of a few who used distractions every time they were called out on their foolishness. 

With smiles on their faces, they talk of other things that have little to do with the lies they have told in an attempt to make you forget about what they said.  These manipulators exaggerate, pretending to know more than what they do.  They say they don't like certain family members, yet they tell these same people much about their lives and others.  Liars in the family come in all shapes and sizes, attend churches, hold leadership positions in organizations, do nice things for others, and appear to be harmless, sweet little old ladies and gentlemen.

Some of you fall for the lies!  You treat the whistleblowers in your family like plagues, because the liars don't want you becoming too close to them.  You are told, "That one is crazy...She doesn't know what she is talking about...You know she is known for...He said that because he is just angry..." But the one the liars speak of is the truth-teller.  Those relatives who expose wrong-doing are shouted down, ignored, made fun of, and cast aside.  It isn't any wonder that some truth-tellers don't come around the family anymore.

The real trouble-makers are those gossiping matriarchs in the family that use food and material wealth to win friends, ignorant patriarchs who have nothing better to do than to enable the liars in the family, and users and abusers who look and dress quite nicely, but on the inside are toxic shooting poison wherever they go.  Every now and again the so-called "nice," "fun" show their true colors, pretending to like, love relatives when they really could care less.

Your lying relatives believe the hype surrounding some of the successful family members, but little do they know that their matches were lying to them!  The prosperous will lie to obtain their wealth, exaggerate events during travels, and send even children to private schools while claiming they can afford them.  Relatives don't always connect the dots to learn that applications were falsified, activities didn't necessarily happen the way they told them, and more.  Lies fly out of mouths like salesmen trying to convince you to buy a lemon for a car.  Most individuals never bother to question liars' shady activities.  Why suddenly does someone who claims to have no money is out buying much?  Why are relatives told one thing, but certificates, paperwork, and other documents reveal a different story?  Most family members unaffected by the lies don't ask questions, but those who believe in holding relatives accountable and are simple weary of their story-telling will!

Don't walk softly around liars, ask for the truth and when it isn't given, it is safe to say you have a liar in your circle, mark them as such and create distance.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, When Mothers Cry, and other books. 

Honoring and Dishonoring Parents (made with Spreaker)

Petty Relatives - Be One Step Ahead Before, During, and After a Dispute

They will get on your nerves, do stupid things, make snide remarks, and participate in deceitful things, people like this are often petty.  If you have a dispute with them, look out!  There are some tips you might want to consider when dealing with them if a quarrel should break out.

1.  Prior to being in the presence of a petty relative, know what you are getting yourself into when you talk with them.  They usually have a history of angering others, so don't think you are special.  The party is over if you should look at them wrong, say something offensive, or make them feel unimportant.  The key to winning with them is don't talk about you, ask questions about them.  Avoid offering your personal opinion especially if it isn't flattering.  Compliment them much.

2.  If a dispute breaks out, you could keep talking and talking, but childish people will only use what they know to get back at you.  At some point, you will realize you are getting no where, so change your attitude, and move out the presence of the petty person.  They will talk to whoever about whatever you said or did, but at least you don't have to continue putting up with their behavior.

3.  Remind yourself why you really shouldn't be breaking bread with the individual, accepting his or her invites, entertaining phone calls, and more.  Shut this person out of your life especially when you don't rely on him or her for anything.  But if you do, gradually redirect your dependence elsewhere and find a support system apart from the immature individual.

More on petty people/relatives...

1.  They are easily irritated, often impatient and can be very rude.

2.  They are more interested in talking about how people look, what they say, and things related to material wealth then thinking about important subjects that matter.

3.  They hate being wrong and will look for ways to make them appear right.  If anyone should talk to these petty people about issues they have had with others, they will come across as righteous, ignorant, and/or harmless.  "I wouldn't know why she acted like that at the party...we have done so much for her.  I couldn't imagine what was going on inside of her head," says the petty relative.  Meanwhile, the individual provoked an argument by saying and doing things to irritate others.

If you should encounter someone like this in your family, do everything in your power not to spend too much time with them over the phone, in-person or elsewhere.  He or she will only bring you down.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad

Power and Control: The People in Your Life that Have Far Too Much Access

Family Medical History

Family Manipulation - Emotional Blackmail

Controlling Parents-Understanding The Real Motive-(Emotions We Are Taught..

Tell Me Mother You're Sorry by Nicholl McGuire Excerpt Chapter 9

Tell Me Mother You're Sorry by Nicholl McGuire Excerpt Chapter 6 "She Knows Best"

On Recognizing False Fronts: Smokescreens, Hypocrites, Liars

When Families Expect a Return on Their Investment - Food, Shelter, Sacrifice

No matter how much you or someone else thinks that a parent, grandparent, or other relative should be paid back "...after all I did for my son...my daughter..." think again!  The parent did nothing more for children then what is required by law--food, shelter, etc.  Now if Mom, Dad, Grandparents went above and beyond, that's great, but if all one receives is a "Thank you," be happy for that.  Don't expect frequent phone calls, cards that say "You're the best!" and other similar things. 


Sacrifices are made everyday for sons and daughters from the mother who chooses to quit a job and stay home with children to a father who takes on a job that pays him less so he can be available to his family.  So when that inevitable decline in one's bond with offspring begins here and there over a lifetime (20s, 30s 40s plus), why badmouth children, shoot messengers, act prideful, self-righteous or anything else?


The negativity arises in so many families when enablers act as if what a parent, grandparent or others have done is justified such as:  expecting a son or daughter to acknowledge a holiday, visit a relative, provide service, appreciation, etc.  Most enablers have not walked in the disappointed daughter's or son's shoes with a toxic family.  So they become nothing more than mouth pieces, not necessarily peace-makers, who attempt to make themselves feel good by saying nothing new, different, or beneficial.  They talk only to hear themselves speak and at times they are parakeets for the toxic relatives.  Getting involved in disagreements, especially involving mothers and daughters and fathers and sons as well as others, is tiresome and usually no good deed goes unpunished.


Consider what a parent or grandparent has done over time that has caused distance between not only one's children, but others in the family, friends, neighbors, etc.  Take notice when you or someone else is being used in a way that makes the trouble-making relative feel good.  Sooner or later he or she will be a problem for you or others you know, if not already.


Much of the fuss goes back to those days when a troubled parent felt he or she could control his or her children.  They used what they could like:  providing basic needs, periodic gifts, and service to gain control.  They convinced children that they sincerely cared, but in time selfish reasons were revealed. 


To think that one should receive a return on investment from children is unintelligent.  Think about the financial obligations they have that parents didn't or wouldn't help with.  The pain of losing a near and dear relative that may not have been that parent's favorite person.  The issues sons and daughters have to deal with in marriage, divorce, parenting, and more.  How foolish a parent, who has caused his or her share of emotional and/or physical drama with children on and off over a period of years, to even think sons and daughters should/better/ought to have a close relationship!


The truth is a family reaps what they sow even with descendants.  Take a moment to ponder on what you are permitting to go on with your own children and how your actions or in-actions are affecting your relationship with them in the short or long-term.  No matter what you do or don't for children, there will come a time or many times when they just aren't into family particularly when they are tired of being hurt by them.


Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry and Tell Me Mother You're Sorry.  

How Emotionally and/or Physically Abused Victims Cope

Handling Spiritual Trials with Ex Relatives

Two-Minute Therapy: Healthy Grieving - Making Peace With Loss, Death

Fathers Who are Distant from their Children for Things They Did

Social Anxiety Disorder: A Devastating Look Inside The Minds of Social A...

My Baby Wouldn't Hurt Anyone - When Mother Doesn't Want to Believe Her Child is Abusive

We have those family members who will tell the world just how much they love us.  They will fight, lie, create a protest, and do more when they know that someone has wronged us.  However, when you are guilty as sin, still some will defend you.  In the case of one mother that comes to mind, I realized that she truly loved her children unconditionally, but the fact remained she had raised abusive men.


The problem with entering into a family, with a long history of crazy-making disorders, is that no one wants anyone talking about their "Baby, My beautiful daughter and my good son..."  So if you are hell-bent on telling relatives that their loved one is "crazy, weird, abusive" or whatever else you know to be true, you could be opening up a Pandora's box.  You never know when that smiling in-law who claims he or she "understands...thanks for sharing..." is going to turn on you like a rattlesnake and bite you or worse take out their anger they have toward you on your children.  They didn't ask for or want you bringing them news they might already know and most likely don't want to hear again when they are too close for comfort with their babies.


That mother I spoke of earlier usually didn't like any of her sons' girlfriends especially after they said some sad, but true events about her babies.  After a good tongue lashing and/or some veiled threats from the controlling mother, those ladies went away with tails between their legs never to sit down in her presence with another unflattering word about her adult babies.


If you are a mother, keep in mind, that you are responsible for raising your child, but when he becomes a man, you don't throw the towel in, but you advise.  You don't shoot messengers, you use what you know and help your poor child.  You remind your sons and daughters of the pitfalls in life and what the consequences are when they cross others.  The mother's babies got lucky that the girlfriends' families didn't go after them.  And that's another thing, where are the fathers when your daughters are being used and abused?


Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

The Scapegoat is The Truth-Teller, Blamed for Everything, Shamed

Author of Know your Enemy: The Christian's Critic, Nicholl McGuire, shares her latest work, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, at Smashwords.com. In the book, readers are presented with observation, experiences, and advice from scapegoats' perspectives when it comes to dealing with the self-absorbed, often described as narcissistic, mother.

For years, sons and daughters who have viewed their families as dysfunctional and dared to speak out about the issues, are often quieted. They are told what to say, how to think, feel, and more. Siblings and others are recruited to turn against them. When they rebel against their programmers, they are made to look like they are crazy. They are blamed for one offense or another. They are used and abused. Whenever they present truthful family stories, offended relatives will twist words, lie about events, and bad mouth the scapegoats/truth-tellers in the family.

If you are the one being made to wear a scarlet letter in the family, don't worry there are many just like you. Learn more about narcissistic mothers in video below and also check out Nicholl's book,
Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, it's not just a book about a mother but many in similar roles who scheme to achieve devious plans.

The Threat of Losing Inheritance Money, Property, and More When You Anger the Wrong One in the Family

Some of our needy relatives and family friends can be bought with blood money, promises of money, and property.  You might be one of them who is acting well-behaved with the most difficult people in your family because of what has been promised to you.  So you put up with their negative comments, unreasonable demands, lies, and gossip while involving your spouse and children.  Your hope is that there will be a pay off someday for all your hardship.  But some of you learned the hard way after the deceased passed, you didn't get what you thought you deserved.

Many hopeful relatives were surprised when they discovered that much of what was promised by their kin was all smoke and mirrors.  They really thought by helping the so-called broke and busted in the family they would get blessed sooner or later.  They thought that if they assisted the rich in the family in getting richer by saving them money, they would get something that could pay bills off in return.  Whatever you might have did or are now doing for someone in the family who keeps promising they will leave something for you, help you, etc. take a moment, pause.  Is what you are doing for them really worth it?  Are your dreams of a better future because of their promises really accurate?  Can this person even be trusted?   Is there a better way to relate to this person or a better way out?  Difficult people with money are fickle and people without it are just as bad.

If you find yourself caught in a trap where someone has promised to give you something only if you do A, B, C and whatever else they come up with, know that they are setting you up to be used and abused for as long as your name sits on a policy, a will, a trust, etc.  Relatives like this don't love you, they love what you can do for them while feeling good having a bit of monetary power to flex in the family too.  When you stop doing, out comes the gifts to lure you back in or changes to the policies, legal documents, beneficiaries, and more when you don't perform like they wish.

If you are a believer, don't put yourself and others in bondage because someone is angry with you and has threatened to take what has been ordained by your heavenly Father for you.  I think of how God hated Esau because he sold what was due him for a bowl of soup.  If what is being given is filled with trouble, know that God didn't mean for you to have it anyway.  Don't learn the hard way like after the person dies; instead, free yourself now from the threats and promises and enjoy your life!

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Are You The Go To Person, The Help or Peacemaker?

On Recognizing False Fronts: Smokescreens, Hypocrites, Liars

Family Lies

You don't know my family or I

but we both have been hurt

by lie after lie.

This one told a story

praised God for his glory.

This one said she was well,

but her body was in hell.

This one said he loved his wife,

but he was causing much strife.

This one said he graduated school,

but the truth is, he's a fool.

This one said she liked to help others,

but she had fights with her brothers.

This one claimed to trust in Jesus,

but the way she treated the poor and us...

I told them I wanted to make a book,

one's head just shook and shook.

"You don't really want to do that..."

Family secrets made so many fat.

They ate to hide their blues

food like a pacifier soothes.

Didn't want family lies

under bright lights

afraid they would start endless fights.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

What Is PTSD: What Is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Liars, Thieves and Murderers in the Family - They Don't Change, They Go Into Hiding

Whether you have a liar, thief or murderer in the family, one thing is for certain, just because they might claim to have changed, doesn't mean the family is going to act any different toward them.

The relatives have plenty of good reason to act distant toward those with a criminal mindset.  They should protect their assets, and caution others especially if they have been a victim of a shady relative's schemes in the past.  As much as some would like for things to be left in the past, it can be quite difficult to forget about offenses when they are still ongoing.  I think of deceitful family members who repeatedly let loved ones down.  Then after some time passed (out of sight, out of mind), they acted as if all was okay and they had changed.  But the reality was, these liars, thieves, and murderers only got better with their acting skills.

The family charlatans who boast how much they love family usually have two faces.  The one that everyone sees (good guy) and the one a few can see (bad guy).  Enabling family members will try to protect the one who thinks himself to be honest and true (a changed man or woman) by singing his or her praises for all to hear.  They will talk of how much the so-called righteous relative did in the past for the family.  They will boast about all the service they have received from the individual.  These enablers might go so far as to give the deceivers many gifts while hoping that others will hop on the bandwagon.

It is unfortunate but rarely do people with a long history of lying, stealing, and fighting change.  They might grow older and get slower, but their mentalities are still very selfish and downright evil.  Some will go into hiding for a time while hoping that those around them are convinced they have changed before coming around family once again.  Others will be quite open about their misdeeds but all the while plot their next move.  They hope that discerning relatives will see that things appear to be different with them even when it is apparent that there is no change.

Set some traps for sneaky relatives, interview others about their behaviors, and watch how these liars, thieves and murderers in your family operate for a time.  Sooner or later what is in darkness will come to light.

Nicholl McGuire

Sibling Spiritual Attacks, Rivalry, Abuse - Family Disputes

Hunger and Lack of Sleep Will Escalate Arguments, Abuse

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Hunger and Lack of Sleep Will Escalate Arguments, ...: A snoring partner, lack of quality food, frequent missed meals, and other issues, and what might one's household look like?  The mind, ...

They Look Like Such a Happy Family

You might have walked by them, sat by the so-called happy family in a restaurant, and thought, "Wow, they are such a happy family.  Everyone looks so beautiful..."

Some of the most attractive and content looking families are having their share of issues.  The kind that don't easily go away.  What we see is merely an act like that of a Hollywood movie scene.  Those who are discerning, look beyond the surface.  They see pain underneath the masks and experience a negative vibe emanating from them.

Oftentimes, the stressed head of family is keeping up the best act.  He is smiling at strangers and purposely making eye contact with them to appear friendly.  He exchanges warm pleasantries while his body language advertises, "I am a pretender."  He is acting polite and attentive in public toward his family, but every now and then his true self emerges when he is irritated about something his wife and children may have said or done.  He is behaving himself at least while watchful eyes are in view.

The family head's wife puts on a fake smile when spoke to directly.  She pretends to be interested in the family conversation and the environment around her, but her eyes say, "I wish I was anywhere but here."  She isn't smiling at the women who gaze in her family's direction, she doesn't trust them or the partner she is with around them. The wife barely smiles at the men who nod as they pass by because she knows how jealous her husband can be.

The couple's children chat among each other and occasionally misbehave.  After being warned, they sit silently with a half-hearted smile here and there as disappointed parents look on.  They mustn't mess up the perfect family public facade.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7 

On Dating a Christian: Are You Sincerely a Believer?

Dating Advice, Relationship Problems: On Dating a Christian: Are You Sincerely a Believe...: Some people visit Christian dating websites and are not active believers. They might have a reverence for the faith, but are not studying...

Alzheimer's Disease, How I Stopped and Reversed It

You're not Jesus - I'm Not Jesus - Thank God! He paid it all!

Motherhood Easy? Think Again! Societal Issues Can Make it Difficult - Nicholl McGuire

On Bringing Family Members to Your Home When Relationship is in Trouble

Why do some couples do it, allow relatives to visit their homes when they know they don't see eye-to-eye on most things including people who don't like one or both of them? 

Sometimes a personal situation will occur where one person either has to care for a relative temporarily or chooses to bring a relative to one's home for a short or long term stay.  Meanwhile a partner might not be in agreement for a number of reasons such as: negative past experiences, inconvenience, personal health issues, relationship challenges, trouble-making statements/behavior, and more. 

Whatever the issue that stirs one to want to bring family for a visit, the point is, if things aren't right at home why cause more unnecessary turmoil for the relationship or cause discomfort for your visiting relatives by bringing them into an already stressed setting?

One.  Don't invite trouble-makers with a history that isn't in support of your relationship.

You are asking for problems when you let someone come into your home that has made it clear he or she doesn't like you or your mate's past or present actions.  Notice this person's behavior.  Has he or she sincerely acted any different over the years?  Parents who act in this way assume that all is forgotten if they stand to gain something from the visit like: being tended to, playing with grandchildren, receiving monies, etc.  However, bad experiences usually aren't forgotten by those who had to endure back-handed comments, mean-spirited facial expressions, bad-mouthing, and the like.  Keep in mind, there just might be that moment during the visit where the past will come back up again and are you prepared to take sides?

Two.  State your concerns to your mate.

You might be in a relationship with someone who is understanding, but then again maybe not.  Whoever you are with, communicate the pros and cons of the potential visit.  Far too often, family members will deceive one another into thinking that all is well when in fact there is some hidden resentment, jealousy, and unresolved past issues they are coping with.  Permitting someone to come to your home because you think all is well is simply not enough and remember you might have a bias view if this person is your relative or friend planning to visit.  Listen to your mate.  Say and do the kinds of things that will bring your partner peace of mind or simply cancel plans if you detect that there is going to be trouble.

Three.  Avoid the temptation to lie or sugar-coat your feelings about certain relatives.

Pretending, lying, or exaggerating is not going to help matters.  A partner who thinks that bringing a relative into the home is beneficial while you disagree, needs to know the truth.  Sooner or later, your true colors will show up and it is then that you or your significant will be considered the bad guy or gal.

Four.  Make plans to go out of town, work longer hours, visit friends, and do other things in an effort to keep intense moments to a minimum.

Let's just say, things aren't a bad as they appear to be, if so, then figure out what you are going to do with your time so that you aren't caught having to watch, care for, or entertain a loved one.  However, the likelihood of you helping at some point or another will occur as long as the person is living in the home.

As much as we would like to think that the past is just what it is and all old offenses are long forgotten, the truth is that bad times have a way of lingering especially with those not-so favorite relatives.  Be honest with your partner and do what you must to keep trouble out of your home.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

What's Right About Family Members, What's Wrong

When it comes to thinking about what's right about family, words come to mind like: love, patience, peace, money, fun, and laughter.  When I think of what is wrong when it comes to family, I see words like: pain, discovery, hope, help, anger, abuse, rage, sadness, and regret.


So much time wasted over the years with strange people who liked the sound of saying things like, "I love you...I will help you...Don't worry...Be good..." yet failed miserably at being good examples (of course some, not all).  I think of those who meant well, but had far too many demons in their closets to help anyone much less themselves.


I have been hopeful over the years that the sick, confused, and blind family members will be made well.  I have wished that widows would find love again and broken-hearted mothers would do other things with their lives besides provoke their children to anger with all their unreasonable requests.


Family just doesn't mean the same for all people.  Those that I have witnessed who truly loved their families took the bitter with the sweet and worked together so that all in their circle could live reasonably well.  However, those who claimed to love their families didn't do anything more than to make bad situations worse with all their lies, exaggerations, gas lighting, fighting, and more.  Then these same individuals would act as if nothing they did was ever wrong!


I think when you have a great set of relatives, you should appreciate them.  Show them just how much you care and offer service every now and again.  But when you have toxic relatives, you should go no contact, and find a new family.  Adopt parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, and others who can show you love and enjoy your presence.  I personally believe there is a Creator who allows such things to happen.  New people are welcomed into lives while old people are pushed out.  I hope for nothing but the best for those of you who honestly desire healthy relationships and that you will sincerely find what you have been looking for before you close your eyes forever.


Nicholl McGuire

Why Obligate Yourself to Things You Really Don't Want to Do?

The great thing about reaching mature adulthood is finally coming to a period in your life when you are finally living for you!  Of course, there are responsibilities, obligations, and other things that come up, but you can pick what you are capable of handling and what you can't put up with.  You always have the option to say "no" to what other people feel you should do and say regarding a situation that may or may not involve your assistance.  But what happens is far too often, people put themselves in tough spots because they have yet to realize what truly standing up for yourself and others really means.  Instead, they are manipulated or forced into doing things or cordially charmed into making others feel good inside while they suffer.


I think of the many people, both young and old, spiritual and nonspiritual, rich and poor, who are emotionally, physically and spiritually in bondage with others because they simply can't say things like, "No, I will not be attending the event...Sorry I can't help with that...I will not be paying for yet another thing...I just don't have the time and patience...Could you find someone else to do it?"  These Rush to Say Yes people, who are more concerned about their reputations, how someone or a group feels, or the consequences if they should say no, are typically the ones who blame others for things they have gotten themselves into.  When you know you can't handle something, why subject yourself to it in the first place?


Relationships, friendships and more have been negatively impacted by weak-minded individuals who have said yes for far too long to family, friends, bosses, church leaders, and others without giving a thought to things like: how their "yes" or "maybe" might inconvenience others, what they might have to do/sacrifice and for how long, and whether they will still have a good relationship/friendship when it is all over.


Over the years, I recall hearing in church as well as from a couple of relatives, let your yes be yes and your no be no.  When you can't do something, get out of it quickly.  Don't turn your household upside down or get angry with people because you thought you could do something, but now you can't.  Most often, individuals will understand when you choose not to attend their events, help with tasks, and do other things as long as you let them know early on.  The truth is, they really didn't want to do some of what they were asking you to do; therefore, they seek someone who will make their lives easier.  Think about that for a moment.  Is your life easy right now?  Can you benefit out of what this person or group might be asking you to do?  Is the so-called benefits worth it? 
Find freedom in doing the things you truly want to do and not because other people have obligated you to what they want.  If you feel controlled in a relationship, please do stop by: http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com

Signs of Mental Illness in Older Children -- Arleen Fitzgerald -- UHC TV

Signs of Mental Illness in Older Children -- Arleen Fitzgerald -- UHC TV

548 How to deal with your Toxic Emotional Relationships, the Crazy Families

SL: "Help! My In-laws Are Ruining My Marriage!"

Do You Have Any Normal Relatives?

I pondered this thought when I kept seeing dysfunction show up with some of my relatives while I wished to be around those I considered normal--no obvious mental handicaps, no crazy mannerisms, no loud talking, or angering others.  From the time I was a child, I recognized there was just something wrong with many family members.  I thought it quite strange that no one seemed to notice or said anything and acted as if what these people would say or do was okay.  Some were blatantly over-the-top about everything, reactive, all-too-ready to fight about whatever whenever, and it was excused.

I recalled an uncle who would often beat up his girlfriends, but always had a seat at the family table.  Then there was another uncle that would often be loud-mouthed and disrespectful to his mother and he got the pass.  I can't tell you how many relatives were intoxicated, cursing, and just downright stupid especially at family events.  "What was up with these people?" I thought.  Problems in the family, behind closed doors, weren't self-contained either, they would show up in courtrooms, on neighbors doorsteps, and elsewhere.  Someone always needed something from another relative and if he or she didn't deliver there was hell to pay!  Being a child, all I could do was watch.  There was no asking questions or commenting about "grown folks business."  I heard, "Stay in a child's place, mind your business!"

I seriously can say that "normalcy" is not a word I could ever use with some relatives and their households.  When you are in the middle of a circle with crazy people orbiting you like the sun, it can be all so draining!  You often feel alone as if you have no one to talk to because mental illness runs wild.  I would love to say that I grew up around certain family members and life was pretty normal, but it wasn't, I know that now more than ever before.  Their brainwashing has long worn off!  It took years to shake off some wicked programming and even more to stop thinking negative things. 

When you are around dysfunctional people long enough, you will find yourself thinking and behaving in ways that look more like them and less like you.  This is why I will be the first to support any one who decides they want to go No Contact with some relatives.  Going no contact means freedom from arguments, crazy and toxic relatives, and you don't have to worry about who lied, cried, died, etc.  You are also no longer concerned about someone getting murdered or jailed.  You stop caring and are free to live your life!  I realize what God means when he says, "Turn your burdens over to me and I will give you rest."

When you are a child, you have no choice, but to deal with what appears to be normal folks in your family.  But when you get out of your small town and small-minded thinking, you are opened up to a world where things you thought were normal growing up isn't and if you aren't careful you might fall into a trap of additional craziness! 

Some of you recall the day when you discovered that certain people were not what relatives said they were, when what your family called tradition really wasn't, what a relative said or did to you was evil, etc.  It is quite liberating when you are no longer under what someone's false definition of normal is.  So I pray that those of you who seek healthy relationships, a quiet life, and much blessing, get what you have been craving now and forever!

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

Tired of Helping The Confused, Stubborn and Crazy People in Your Life?

What are you willing to give up for God's will? Money, Time, Fame, Power?

On Family History: When Titles Don't Make Relatives Right, Truth Does

If you should take a moment to argue with a self-righteous family member about what you deem to be right about family history and it is proven wrong, this relative might act very prideful while reminding you of his or her title, whatever that might be in your life, while advising you about your education, who you think you know, or skill level in a certain area.  But if you were to be right about a person or event in family history, this same prideful relative might attempt to downplay what you have said, discredit you, and act very jealous.  He or she might do any of the following: fault-find, play ignorant, ignore facts, act judgmental, etc.  Keep in mind, a title doesn't make a relative or guardian right, but the truth does!


When you are awakened to the shoddy foundation of a family unit and see that what has been passed down for years from patriarchs and matriarchs is incorrect, it is natural to want to point out flaws in the family's thoughts, traditions, stories, and more.  However, those that enjoy believing the lies, desire to keep secrets, refuse to be wrong, and may have issue with you and your family, will argue, defend, back-bite, leave people out of wills, or even physically fight about the facts.


No contact is always the best way to go when you can't seem to speak any truth to relatives who rather insult, argue, and threaten you.  No one should have to deal with toxic people who believe they are often right, when they are usually often wrong.  Establish your boundaries, create new view points, share facts with those who care, and don't give place to the enemy by losing your cool!


Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7. 

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What to Do About Moody Relatives with an Ax to Grind Whether You Know It or Not

There are just some relatives that will not show any love no matter what time of year it is.  From Valentine's Day to Christmas, the family issues will continue to mount and some will say nothing until one day they just explode.  A small event triggers a major one and before long everyone is angry, sad or ready to fight.

Moody relatives, who have much negativity to say about relatives and friends, are to be avoided if you want to keep the peace in your own family.  You don't want to spend too much time being around them especially when you know they have their share of relationship challenges, difficult children, and personal misery.  Many relatives and friends set themselves up by trying to uplift some people that have a long history of saying and doing toxic things to others.  If you must connect with these people, do it after the holiday(s).

There are some people who wait for good times to spill the beans about this issue and that one.  They have an ax to grind with someone and so they seek an unsuspecting relative or friend to help sharpen it.  These people, who so readily believe whatever they hear, get cut in the process.  It is always better to stay out of others' quarrels.  But if you must be involved in a family dispute, before you jump in, choose to advise, or be there for someone who might be the scapegoat or black sheep in the family, do the following:

1.  Find out more about why this person is so upset.  Look at both sides, not just the complaining person's point of view.
2.  Don't badmouth relatives and friends to the hurt individual, because if he or she should one day befriend the enemy, your conversation just might come back up.
3.  Don't offer to lie, cover-up, or validate anything he or she says.  Listen without judgment.
4.  Share what you know with others only if the person confiding in you wants you to.  This might occur if he or she wants you to talk to someone for him or her.  However, be cautious doing this because the person who might be on no contact could turn on you for passing information to him or her.
5.  Avoid the shame, guilt, and other emotions that could make you feel obligated to helping this person.  Advise only if he or she is willing to listen to you.
6.  If you find that the family issue is affecting other areas of your life, distance yourself.  Don't be so available to take phone calls, visit homes, and perform service for the quarrelsome relatives or friends.

Not everyone is able to help moody relatives or family friends who just can't seem to get along with people.  When efforts at peace have failed and the person rather keep issues going, don't get involved with the individual or those who encourage the family fighting.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.     

Can You Say Anything Good About Your Family?

They come and go in your life.  They show up at family gatherings.  They claim they love you and will always be here for you, your family.  But how true are they to the words that they speak?  When was the last time a trial showed up in your life and you called on your family?  What happened?  Do you find yourself trying to make a square hole fit into a round peg with these people or do you fit together like a hand in a glove?

Chances are there is some pain, confusion, bitterness, resentment, envy, and more concerning certain relatives, not all.  The "bad seeds" are the ones that we find ourselves trying to make sense of their nonsense.  We cut off some, while others we keep around for title-sake.  Some who carry titles are just as toxic as the bad seeds, but we put up with them for a time.  But one day there will come a time, when we will grow older, get bolder and there is no putting up with anything!

What is certain about all families in this life, they live and then they die.  Some we will miss while others we will secretly rejoice (as heartless as this might sound), but is so true!  There is no sugar-coating what we know about some people.  We try to say nice things about them, be polite in public, and don't rock the boat.  However, there will always be that breaking point when one gets tired of being used, abused, forgotten, ignored, or treated more like a thing then a human being.

As one relative told me some years ago, "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all."  I think this rule applies to some things, but not all.  Some issues have got to be said in order to begin a healing process.  You can't very well continue to allow someone to mistreat you just because they are "family."  It is insane and this is why some relatives never heal, if anything, they are burdened by the weight of someone else's evil just because they won't let go of titles.  There are those moments when truth is prohibited due to one issue or the other, but then there are those times when one is free to say how he or she truly feels.  Of course, some things can't be done without some degree of consequence, so we prepare.  But what really matters is saying what needs to be said before eyes are closed forever.

So I leave you with this, can you honestly say anything good about your family and if you can, is it honest?

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual wisdom at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.