Some relatives are either too scared, nervous, or just don't want to get into any dispute about the wrongs coming out of the family gossips' mouths. By doing this, they are nothing more than enablers and flying monkeys. Gathering in a room with a bunch of people around the holidays, telling stories with false fronts and pretending to be enjoying the festivities, you most likely can see through their acts. Some do this because they are bought by toxic family members. They feel obligated because they made requests and so they feel forever indebted to them.
You may not particularly like some relatives; therefore when you around them, they will make you more sensitive to criticism and quick to defend one's self and others. If the family mess is stinking to high heaven, it might be best for you to stay home around those major holidays and visit favorite loved ones afterward.
False fronts are presented everywhere from the celebrity who sits on a talk show host's couch talking about how much he or she is in love with a partner, gets along well with a producer, etc. to the mother who claims that all is right with her family. Most of us don't inquire any further simply because we don't care or have enough issues of our own. Yet, when false fronts affect our well-being, cause emotional upset, or set us back physically, we will speak up. We will not go along just to get along.
It can be a challenge dealing with someone who has a long list of emotional issues and more. Sometimes you are unable to get pass the false fronts to get to the truth. Don't lose your cool! I have seen firsthand people like this who know full well they are lying about someone or something be exposed. At times, you might find you are in the position to shine a bright light on their dark ways. But don't fear, back down, or create a few false fronts of your own, stand strong!
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.