On Defending Your Family - feuding, fights

Family Predictions - deceptive practices, prophetic

Pushy Relatives, In-laws - when they force their will

Family Distance - What Causes This?

Family dispute resolution (FDR) process - Parenting Arrangements

Brainwashing in the Family - Don't Know What to Believe, Who to Trust

How to Resolve Family Conflict

Family Issues

Choose Your Circle Wisely

A family can make or break you if you are ill-prepared, distracted, mentally challenged, or something else might be going on with you.  Those who are able to have it all from family to home ownership do so because of discipline and a strong desire to stick out with their families come hell or high water.  But what they don't say is that they are highly selective about who is permitted to enter into there social circles. 

So when you notice the phone calls and invites aren't showing up at your door step, you are not a part of the cliché.  It doesn't make it right or wrong it just is.  Some individuals do very well a part from their families of origin while others thrive when they are around.  To each his or her own, but whatever you choose to do with your life, choose wisely!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and other family conflict eBooks.

Your Partner is Close to His or Her Family But You Not So Much

When you are involved with someone who really enjoys the company of his or her family a little more than you do, the last thing you want to do is hurt him or her, so you go along to get along month after month or year after year until one day a light bulb goes off, "I don't want to keep doing this! I really want to do something different this year." If resentment is mixed with anger once you arrive to this revelation, those emotions are sure to bring confusion for yourself and/or household, because for so long you had chose to do some things to appease someone else.


One should never obligate his or herself to go somewhere he or she rather not just because the individual doesn't want to hurt a partner's feelings. What about yours?...

I remember the looks on faces of wives and girlfriends of relatives who were uncomfortable, upset about something, and just wasn't in the mood to be around family. But their pushy partners insisted that they come around. You could tell with some of these women they had been arguing. I recorded one with a video camera during a Thanksgiving family event say when asked by a relative, "Why are you both late? I thought you weren't coming?" She responded with, "We won't get into that." It was clear she was not going to share a story that would embarrass her or cause further discord between her and her partner. Later that same day, there were some details given by the girlfriend that proved the couple did have a major disagreement prior to their arrival. Another girlfriend of a different relative visiting her boyfriend's family didn't look that comfortable being with kin either at the same event. She said very little and smiled infrequently.


I observed one more relative's girlfriend seated with her daughter. The pair remained in a different room spending much of their time away from the others and both were very quiet and depressed looking despite all the laughter going on around them. Neither of these women I mentioned were in happy relationships and the men appeared to fake it as well. One girlfriend soon broke up with her partner after that family event and the other had been a victim of domestic violence showing up one day with the evidence on her face.

One issue that many people have to deal with when saying "yes" to holiday invites, when they really mean "no," is they hope to pacify partners and look good before the eyes of family. But oftentimes the "act" backfires, because if the person becomes offended by someone or something at the family event, guess who the person is going to blame? You guessed it, his or her mate for bringing them. One's hidden aggression just might come out for all to see if the relationship is rocky.

"Why did you bring me to this? You know how your family is. You know we aren't on the best of terms. That's why I didn't want to come in the first place!" an offended companion yells. Then what might the partner retort, "No one said you had to come. You could have stayed your a$$ home!"

Now it is World War III in the family home, because the couple is stressed. Being around family has its nerve-racking moments. Yet, this isn't an issue for many decent families, but there are plenty who do go through much due to unresolved past problems and controlling relatives.

Book excerpt taken from Should I Go to the Party by Nicholl McGuire

How Enlightened Families Argue

Some People will Never Change Don't Let Family, Former Friends Upset You This Holiday Season

You helped people. Did the best you could doing for them 

and sometimes your best wasn't good enough. 

For years, you listened to things you really didn't want, went places when you preferred to stay home, and did other people-pleasing things.  Now that you aren't doing as much or nothing at all for those same people (possibly drawing a line in the sand with them--establishing boundaries), those same individuals look to pay you back for every time they felt offended due to:  your not answering their calls promptly, visiting them when invited, or offering your assistance when needed.

You went from being a God-sent angel in your emotionally unstable relatives' eyes to just another you fill in the blank.  People like this don't think outside of their emotions.  Oftentimes illogical, they are hard to please anyway.  The more you do, the more they want.  You feel angry, bitter, and might think negatively about them, but don't!  Allow yourself to detach and move on to greener pastures that are emotionally freeing and not physically draining or binding.

Enjoy your holiday season in peace and avoid those emotions that others want you to have because they are so miserable.  We have one life to live, so use it wisely!  Spend time with people who you enjoy being around whether family or not!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Should I Go to the Party? and other emotionally freeing books.

How Elder Mediation Works To Solve Family Conflict Over Aging Parents

Seven Keys to Resolving Family Conflict

Self-Centered Relatives, Materialistic, Greedy...Holiday Get-Togethers

Relatives who like to Blow Things Out of Proportion

Be careful what you to say to them, relatives who love to take what most people would consider a simple statement and make a big deal about nothing.


Most likely family members who have problems with others will not be positive about anything that one might share about another.  For example, if you were to describe a favorite relative to a trouble-making family member like this, "She is a nice person, she looks good, she helps you and others, and she has done well in life."  The bitter, unforgiving, envious, or angry family member will have something to say that is the total opposite or downplay what you say.  You are not permitted to say anything positive when in the presence of a negative relative.


Some people have got into screaming matches, physical fights, and became distant from relatives as a result of a person who has nothing better to do than to blow most statements out of proportion.  There have been family divisions that have lasted for decades because someone was offended, lied, or exaggerated a story or something that was done supposedly to another.


Whether at a holiday event, living with a relative, working with one, or attending the same church, watch as well as pray that God will cover your conversation with all and cut your conversation short with those who love taking what people say and putting their own spin on it!


Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry and Know Your Enemy: The Christians Critic.  Also, check out her blog: http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com

You Got Family Issues? Rid Yourself of the Emotional Drama this Holiday Season

How To Avoid Drama With Your Family This Holiday

Using Family Members and Friends as Buffers to Protect One's Favorite People

It's easier to point the finger at everyone else when a wrong has been commited against you, but at the person who really caused your head to hurt, your back to ache, or your mouth to curse.  Your favorite person had been there when a relative died, loved you when no else did, bought things for you, and encouraged you with flattery.  Some people will never see any wrong in their "beloved, favorite, best" family members and friends.  However, people change and what we think we know about mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, and best friends isn't always accurate.  A mother can talk negatively about her daughters and sons, an aunt can lie and steal five days a week while attending church on Sunday, and a best friend can be as dirty as Judas while giving his brother a kiss on the cheek.

If one was to record audio, setup video, and have 17 witnesses hidden while an interview took place between a favorite relative or friend and the matriarch of the family and the question was asked, "What do you really think of..." some individuals, who were deemed as favorites, would be shocked to find out the truth.  "Grandmother was really nothing more than a liar...daddy was a drunk...mother was a hypocrite...and sister was crazy."  Others would digress, lie, defend, or offend while accusing the person of setting up the interview as being an agitator.  The truth hurts--someone finally would have the courage to say what they really wanted to after years of being let down by a favorite while still holding on to the "good ole' days" kind of memories. 

The truth about family hurts and the self-righteous, prideful and downright evil would never want lies, secrets and mayhem to be exposed.  But why?  Because for years they worked hard to create a stellar reputation and when it is threatened the need to retailiate arises.  When people, who were once good, turn bad, they work hard sometimes to keep from the majority of relatives and friends from finding out what they are really about nowadays.  Think of some of the good turned bad in your own family for a moment.  Who are the gatekeepers in these people's lives presently?  If you were to be critical of those individuals or point out wrong-doing, would you be considered a black sheep or maybe you already are?

So when drama begins to show up and show out with some families, those who are protective of their "favorite people" will use others as buffers.  They will redirect anger that should have gone toward their favorites, to those like: the weak and gullible, others who are caught in the middle or play both sides, people who have nothing to do with anything but stumbled on everything, or those they consider trouble-makers.  These people are the buffers, whether they know it or not, the ones who are meant to catch the anger that is pent up for mom, dad, favorite brother, best aunt, and whoever else.  They won't face the people who have truly hurt them due to fear.  In addition, they can't face the truth that these people are no longer favorites in their lives.  They lie to themselves.

You can keep out of the drama that playing favorites brings once you learn who the supporters are of crooked family members and friends.  You can stay out of the buffer zone, meaning catching someone's twisted wrath, by not trying to play peacemaker when God himself is not even calling you to that sort of assignment with certain family members and friends.  You will know what your place is when you see that the same people's names continue to come out of the mouth of a single person, whether these people are actively causing drama or not, the person doing the calling out is the one who is looking to find anyone or anything to unleash on in his or her effort to protect the Queen B, or in other words, his or her favorite person or group.  

Nicholl McGuire

Never Trust the Big Mouth in Your Family

When family members share, "I don't talk to her because...I don't come around because..."  There is good reason, most likely they have said or did something that caused a stir in the family.  Be it right or wrong, the chaos had been so much over the years that there was no more interacting closely with relatives.  Nevertheless, there will always be the big mouth in the family, the one who says, "I don't care what she said, I'm calling her...So what he doesn't come around, he knows what he did, but I still want him to come to my event!"  Whatever the issue, the big mouth will be sure to broadcast every little detail to other relatives about those who have been distant for quite sometime.  "Did you hear what she said?  Well, this is what I heard."  Before long, personal opinion about the person spreads like wildfire!

When you encounter the big mouth in the family, you will want to limit your conversation with such a person and try hard not to say anything to him or her that includes a name, place, or anything related to other family members unless absolutely necessary.  When referencing your personal interaction with other relatives, you might be vague and only mention labels such as: "an aunt, a cousin or a relative" rather than names.  Taking care to leave out any details that might be misconstrued and keeping private information to one's self.

If there is a confrontation or family dispute over what the big mouth relative said, stand your ground!  Don't feel threatened, bullied, or curse the person you are speaking with.  Rather stick to the facts and give the person or yourself a way out if the discussion because emotional.  You don't want to keep conversations going with people who easily jump to conclusions, act childish, or have so many rules about what to say or not to say about them.

Nicholl McGuire