Not Called to be Married or Have Children

The Marriage isn't Good - Examine Your Why

How To Say Goodbye To Being A Stressed Wife… And Hello To Being A Happy Woman

Women don’t just become unhappy they have to be driven to unhappiness.  Every optimistic woman like every hopeful man starts a relationship with the best intentions.  They are excited about a future with their new lover and will be on their “best behavior” for as long as they can.  However, nothing is ever as easy as it seems and the reality is that most men and women lose the motivation to work on their relationship and become comfortable.

Oftentimes, women have come to a place in their love relationships where they are the ones trying to keep everything together in their household from remembering the doctors’ appointments to cleaning up the kitchen after they have cooked.  No one was designed to happily do the same things over and over again and never experience a burn out.  Why is it that so many women when you look at photos of yesteryear were stunning and nowadays you can see no trace of that youthful beauty?  The reason is simple.   She became settled with being only a wife and mother and all the stress that those roles come with has caused her to age prematurely.  The person who she really is has become buried deep within her soul and she doesn’t know how to get her back. 

There are many women who choose to get employment outside of the home to avoid losing their sense of identity.  This is their best strategy for some, but it shouldn’t be their only one.  She may have an untapped hidden talent, a hobby she gave up long ago, or a desire to do something about her passion.  If the extra income isn’t needed, she will have to make the time to pursue her dreams in order to be the best she can be and live her best life now.  She will have to learn how to make some sacrifices for herself without feeling guilty.  The time will come when she will have to explain to her husband how she has been feeling lately and let him know what she will be doing to make some changes in her life that may potentially affect the family. He may not initially like the changes she has decided to make in her life, but he will come around if he understands.  It’s all in how she approaches him, being careful not to have a negative attitude about something she wants to do that is suppose to be positive.  Worrying over what he may say or do is not going to give her any motivation to do anything for herself and may only add to the friction that is already there in the marriage.

A man will only do as much to a woman as she will allow him.  If he provides a list of what he will and won’t accept from her, because she loves him, she will usually abide by his wishes.  However, men who are selfish and do not love their women will not return the favor.  Some will continue to cheat, avoid assisting with household chores, leave the majority of the care-taking of the children to her and if she drives, well she is also doing much of the errand running as well.  In her quest to pursue the happy woman within, she will have to examine whether her relationship with her husband has helped her become a better woman overall, or has it took away everything positive she once was before the two of them met?  Many women who are busy never take the time to re-evaluate what is actually going on at home and eventually will find out the hard way what the underlying burdens are in their marriages.  Some women find out when their husbands act out by being deceitful, lying, abusive, etc.  Other women will find out when they are lying on their backs struggling to heal from an illness.  They will begin to think about the things that have been going on around them and how they will have to deal with them when they aren’t so busy.   

Once the stressful wife has determined what is preventing her from being her very best,  she will have to begin to eliminate the things in her life that is causing her the most stress. Whether it is bad habits such as overeating, drinking, smoking, gambling or relationship concerns such as a bad marital relationship or problems with children, relatives and/or friends.  Her husband may not be interested in trying to work things out and if so, she can’t make him.  He will have to want to improve their marriage and take necessary actions consistently.  If he is not willing and rather criticize, belittle, blame or do something else to cause further stress, then she will have to set boundaries, ultimatums, talk with a counselor, or end the marriage.

Women who are successful in most areas of their lives become that way because they make a conscious effort to make changes in their lives spiritually, mentally, and/or physically that will benefit not just themselves but everyone.  Children are happier, supportive husbands will honor her, relatives and friends notice the difference and some may even ask her, “How did you do it?”  A strong determination to be a happy woman must be accompanied with action.  Talking with friends, hoping, wishing and waiting will not make any one happier when there is work to be done.  Women will have to use the tools that they have around them from the husband to the Internet to begin to make a conscious effort to become a happier woman.  The worry over the past and what every one will think will have to be totally forgotten in order to make the quest for happiness work.

Some tips on how you can get started on your quest to happiness are as follows:

Avoid unsupportive family members and friends who have enjoyed listening to your stories of misery in the past until you are stronger about what it is that you truly want to do to achieve your happiness.  Why confide in people who are doing worse off than you?  Once you have made some progress in your quest to be happy, you may want to change how you converse with them, being less likely to share negative events that have happened in your day and more likely to share positive ones.

Begin to network with people that can help you in your community or on the Internet.  From job searching to starting a business, create a plan on who you intend to contact, what reference guides you may need to purchase, conferences that you are willing to attend and classes you may need to take.

Make the time to have lunch with friends that make you feel appreciated.  You will need someone to talk to about your progress.  Designate that person to hold you accountable if you begin to slip back into old habits.

Set up an appointment with your doctor and dentist to be sure that you are not suffering from any illness that could be aiding your problems.  You may have everything going well, but still be unhappy, that may be a sign of a bigger problem ahead.

Find something you enjoy and stick with it.  Do you enjoy listening to music?  Taking small trips?  Exercising?  These pleasures will help you get some of those problems you haven’t tackled yet off your mind.  Enjoy those positive distractions.

Change the way you eat.  Food has a lot to do with mood swings.  Anything high in sugar, fat, carbohydrates and more may be contributing to your mood slowing your progress to becoming content with your life.

Consider uplifting yourself spiritually via a faith in your Creator.  Many people believe in God and do well believing in a higher power other than them selves.  If you haven’t recently visited a church, watched spiritual programming or read the Bible, you may want to start.  You will find that what you are going through doesn’t even come close to what others are experiencing.  You may be less likely to complain about your life and more likely to appreciate it.  Becoming in touch with your spiritual self is helpful toward becoming a happier person when done within reason.  You don’t ever want to become so heavenly minded and self-righteous that you can’t help anyone else.

Treasure moments with your children when they are doing good things and discipline them when they are not.  Whatever you do don’t give up on them!  Praise them, make or buy them something special, or take them out to a fun place.   They will want to see the happier you and who knows you may create long lasting memories that they will remember for the rest of their lives!  Of course, be sure to leave them with their father or another caretaker at times so that you can value and appreciate yourself.

Most of all, if your mate is supportive, then don’t neglect your husband.  Encourage him to do the things he has always wanted to do as long as it doesn’t interfere with your dreams.  You don’t want to go backward by putting off your desires while he achieves his, you will have to stand your ground.

These ideas are just a start toward your transition from a stressful wife to a happy woman, get started on your new life today!

Nicholl McGuire also manages the blog When Mothers Cry, check it out and subscribe today!

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