Women don’t just become unhappy they have to be driven to
unhappiness. Every optimistic woman like
every hopeful man starts a relationship with the best intentions. They are excited about a future with their
new lover and will be on their “best behavior” for as long as they can. However, nothing is ever as easy as it seems
and the reality is that most men and women lose the motivation to work on their
relationship and become comfortable.
Oftentimes, women have come to a place in their love
relationships where they are the ones trying to keep everything together in
their household from remembering the doctors’ appointments to cleaning up the
kitchen after they have cooked. No one
was designed to happily do the same things over and over again and never
experience a burn out. Why is it that so
many women when you look at photos of yesteryear were stunning and nowadays you
can see no trace of that youthful beauty?
The reason is simple. She became
settled with being only a wife and mother and all the stress that those roles
come with has caused her to age prematurely.
The person who she really is has become buried deep within her soul and
she doesn’t know how to get her back.
There are many women who choose to get employment outside of
the home to avoid losing their sense of identity. This is their best strategy for some, but it
shouldn’t be their only one. She may
have an untapped hidden talent, a hobby she gave up long ago, or a desire to do
something about her passion. If the
extra income isn’t needed, she will have to make the time to pursue her dreams
in order to be the best she can be and live her best life now. She will have to learn how to make some
sacrifices for herself without feeling guilty.
The time will come when she will have to explain to her husband how she
has been feeling lately and let him know what she will be doing to make some
changes in her life that may potentially affect the family. He may not initially
like the changes she has decided to make in her life, but he will come around
if he understands. It’s all in how she
approaches him, being careful not to have a negative attitude about something
she wants to do that is suppose to be positive.
Worrying over what he may say or do is not going to give her any
motivation to do anything for herself and may only add to the friction that is
already there in the marriage.
A man will only do as much to a woman as she will allow
him. If he provides a list of what he
will and won’t accept from her, because she loves him, she will usually abide
by his wishes. However, men who are
selfish and do not love their women will not return the favor. Some will continue to cheat, avoid assisting
with household chores, leave the majority of the care-taking of the children to
her and if she drives, well she is also doing much of the errand running as
well. In her quest to pursue the happy
woman within, she will have to examine whether her relationship with her
husband has helped her become a better woman overall, or has it took away
everything positive she once was before the two of them met? Many women who are busy never take the time
to re-evaluate what is actually going on at home and eventually will find out
the hard way what the underlying burdens are in their marriages. Some women find out when their husbands act
out by being deceitful, lying, abusive, etc.
Other women will find out when they are lying on their backs struggling
to heal from an illness. They will begin
to think about the things that have been going on around them and how they will
have to deal with them when they aren’t so busy.
Once the stressful wife has determined what is preventing
her from being her very best, she will
have to begin to eliminate the things in her life that is causing her the most
stress. Whether it is bad habits such as overeating, drinking, smoking,
gambling or relationship concerns such as a bad marital relationship or
problems with children, relatives and/or friends. Her husband may not be interested in trying
to work things out and if so, she can’t make him. He will have to want to improve their
marriage and take necessary actions consistently. If he is not willing and rather criticize,
belittle, blame or do something else to cause further stress, then she will
have to set boundaries, ultimatums, talk with a counselor, or end the marriage.
Women who are successful in most areas of their lives become
that way because they make a conscious effort to make changes in their lives
spiritually, mentally, and/or physically that will benefit not just themselves
but everyone. Children are happier,
supportive husbands will honor her, relatives and friends notice the difference
and some may even ask her, “How did you do it?” A strong determination to be a happy woman
must be accompanied with action. Talking
with friends, hoping, wishing and waiting will not make any one happier when
there is work to be done. Women will
have to use the tools that they have around them from the husband to the
Internet to begin to make a conscious effort to become a happier woman. The worry over the past and what every one
will think will have to be totally forgotten in order to make the quest for
happiness work.
Some tips on how you can get started on your quest to
happiness are as follows:
Avoid unsupportive family members and friends who have
enjoyed listening to your stories of misery in the past until you are stronger
about what it is that you truly want to do to achieve your happiness. Why confide in people who are doing worse off
than you? Once you have made some
progress in your quest to be happy, you may want to change how you converse
with them, being less likely to share negative events that have happened in
your day and more likely to share positive ones.
Begin to network with people that can help you in your
community or on the Internet. From job
searching to starting a business, create a plan on who you intend to contact,
what reference guides you may need to purchase, conferences that you are
willing to attend and classes you may need to take.
Make the time to have lunch with friends that make you feel
appreciated. You will need someone to
talk to about your progress. Designate
that person to hold you accountable if you begin to slip back into old habits.
Set up an appointment with your doctor and dentist to be
sure that you are not suffering from any illness that could be aiding your
problems. You may have everything going
well, but still be unhappy, that may be a sign of a bigger problem ahead.
Find something you enjoy and stick with it. Do you enjoy listening to music? Taking small trips? Exercising?
These pleasures will help you get some of those problems you haven’t
tackled yet off your mind. Enjoy those
positive distractions.
Change the way you eat.
Food has a lot to do with mood swings.
Anything high in sugar, fat, carbohydrates and more may be contributing
to your mood slowing your progress to becoming content with your life.
Consider uplifting yourself spiritually via a faith in your Creator.
Many people believe in God and do well believing in a higher power other
than them selves. If you haven’t
recently visited a church, watched spiritual programming or read the Bible, you
may want to start. You will find that
what you are going through doesn’t even come close to what others are
experiencing. You may be less likely to
complain about your life and more likely to appreciate it. Becoming in touch with your spiritual self is
helpful toward becoming a happier person when done within reason. You don’t ever want to become so heavenly
minded and self-righteous that you can’t help anyone else.
Treasure moments with your children when they are doing
good things and discipline them when they are not. Whatever you do don’t give up on them! Praise them, make or buy them something
special, or take them out to a fun place.
They will want to see the happier you and who knows you may create long
lasting memories that they will remember for the rest of their lives! Of course, be sure to leave them with their
father or another caretaker at times so that you can value and appreciate
yourself.
Most of all, if your mate is supportive, then don’t neglect
your husband. Encourage him to do the things he
has always wanted to do as long as it doesn’t interfere with your dreams. You don’t want to go backward by putting off
your desires while he achieves his, you will have to stand your ground.
These ideas are just a start toward your transition from a
stressful wife to a happy woman, get started on your new life today!
Nicholl McGuire also manages the blog When Mothers Cry, check it out and subscribe today!
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