Tired of the Emotional Pain Caused by Relatives? Choose Your New Family

You grew up with them.  You know more about them than they care to admit.  They blamed you for things you did or didn't do.  They shamed you for being you.  They told lies then acted like they told the truth.  Your family.  Your good-for-nothing family!  Someone may have told you once, "You can choose your family."  Maybe it's time to let go of the old and welcome the new.

Too often people put up with so much from others because of titles, past favors, old gifts, fond memories, and more.  But when do you ever reach that point when you are free--totally free from the pain these people have caused you?

One-by-one my stable-minded relatives let go of the toxic kinfolk.  There was the uncle who often drank too much, bye!  The aunt who was out doing who knows what with who, bye!  The cousin who was often in trouble with the law, bye!  The beggar, the liar, the abuser, all gone!  The victims had enough of the pain.  It hurts to argue with a stubborn relative who refuses to see his own destruction.  It is exhausting reaching into the fire to pull someone out.  Heroes get tired of saving the damsel in distress.  Family eventually burn out from protecting family.

I recall there were relatives who looked much better when I bumped into them away from the family  holiday events. The survivors were no longer dealing with certain relatives.  Sure, they missed them from time-to-time, but they knew that of they let these people back into their lives, they would pay for old and new offenses.  It didn't help that the trouble-making relatives didn't let go easily.  They would lure their victims back in every now and again with a party invite, a sad story, a funeral announcement, a gift, or an offer to baby-sit.

What did it take for the survivors to finally let go and welcome new "family" into their lives?

1)  They found lives of their own.  They stayed involved with activities they personally enjoyed rather than go along with family tradition/programming.

2)  They found people who supported them mentally, financially, spiritually, etc. outside of the family circle.

3)  They refused to do what relatives wanted when they wanted and how they wanted; instead, they put themselves first.

4)  They stopped making excuses for disrespectful relatives.  They stood up to the bullies.

5)  They went low and no contact when boundaries were not respected.

6)  They didn't subject their children and grandchildren to toxic relatives and their lifestyles.

7)  They changed phone numbers, addresses, avoided online connections, etc.

I admired those who got free from my dysfunctional kinfolk.  I saw early on that they had been troubled far too long by them.  The survivors had chosen a different path, one of peace, prosperity, and protection.  They were deserving of their new found family and friends!  I am proud of them for it.  I too, had left, moved on.  It's a great feeling not to be shackled by others' dysfunction.

Nicholl McGuire

They Don't Want to Believe Their Loved One is Guilty

Disturbing Family News: 4 Tips on What to Do or Not

Just when you think you know your family, along comes something that shocks, sickens, and makes you wish you were never connected with certain people.  How does one manage to get over such things?  How do you reach that point of no return with some troublesome relatives?

Well after many years observing people go through much with difficult relatives, including myself, I can say that there are several things that I have noticed when it comes to dealing with challenging family members and their disturbing news.

1.  Those in shock often talk to the relative who is the main character in said events or others involved.  They allow the person or kinfolk to share their side of the story no matter how bad.

2.  The hurting family members don't always offer assistance or want to hear details especially when they know full well they aren't the least bit interested in coming to any one's aid.

3.  Shocked and angry relatives will advise close family members and friends to stop enabling the problem relative which also might include shunning the person and others.

4.  They avoid re-connecting with both the difficult person and those affiliated to him or her until issues die down or they simply disconnect for good.

Sometimes the best way to handle any shocking information is to not react publicly.  The more attention you draw to the mayhem, the more likely you will be sucked in by it.  Consider your relationship with the person, who brought the information to you and whether it is really necessary to discuss anything with other loved ones.  If the news is very shameful, it is always best to keep a lid on it and distance yourself from the person and the problem if you know you can't handle him or her and all that comes with the drama unfolding.  Think ahead.

Nicholl McGuire

Selfish People: Self-Absorbed, Uncaring and Controlling

Author, speaker and blogger Nicholl McGuire shares a spiritual perspective about selfish people in your inner circle.  http://share.myflare.com/jmmBjv

Liars, Thieves and Murderers in the Family - They Don't Change, They Go Into Hiding

Whether you have a liar, thief or murderer in the family, one thing is for certain, just because they might claim to have changed, doesn't mean the family is going to act any different toward them.

The relatives have plenty of good reason to act distant toward those with a criminal mindset.  They should protect their assets, and caution others especially if they have been a victim of a shady relative's schemes in the past.  As much as some would like for things to be left in the past, it can be quite difficult to forget about offenses when they are still ongoing.  I think of deceitful family members who repeatedly let loved ones down.  Then after some time passed (out of sight, out of mind), they acted as if all was okay and they had changed.  But the reality was, these liars, thieves, and murderers only got better with their acting skills.

The family charlatans who boast how much they love family usually have two faces.  The one that everyone sees (good guy) and the one a few can see (bad guy).  Enabling family members will try to protect the one who thinks himself to be honest and true (a changed man or woman) by singing his or her praises for all to hear.  They will talk of how much the so-called righteous relative did in the past for the family.  They will boast about all the service they have received from the individual.  These enablers might go so far as to give the deceivers many gifts while hoping that others will hop on the bandwagon.

It is unfortunate but rarely do people with a long history of lying, stealing, and fighting change.  They might grow older and get slower, but their mentalities are still very selfish and downright evil.  Some will go into hiding for a time while hoping that those around them are convinced they have changed before coming around family once again.  Others will be quite open about their misdeeds but all the while plot their next move.  They hope that discerning relatives will see that things appear to be different with them even when it is apparent that there is no change.

Set some traps for sneaky relatives, interview others about their behaviors, and watch how these liars, thieves and murderers in your family operate for a time.  Sooner or later what is in darkness will come to light.

Nicholl McGuire