Thursday, December 27, 2012

How to Handle House Guests That Stay Too Long

Some people just love your home, your children, you and whatever else that you have; therefore, they will invite themselves over and don't bother to go home--uh oh!  Read these noteworthy tips:  How to Handle House Guests That Stay Too Long

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Good Times are Here Again! When You Have to Celebrate with Relatives

What is good about being with family, eating, drinking, being merry, and doing other things that a wise God in his Word has repeatedly warned us about, well you get to see some people that you most likely wouldn't see at their best any other time of the year.  But yes, we should watch as well as pray and not fill ourselves too much with food and drink.  There is always an enemy that would like nothing more than cause problems for you and your family.

The holiday season typically brings out the best in people.  Those who are often upset suddenly cheer up when they see something wrapped with a bow.  There are children who may not be polite on most days, but when they know they are getting something "fun, cool" out comes, "Thank you, yes ma'm...No sir."  Oh the joys of the holidays and those people we love!

So what are some things we all can think about this season to keep us happy and motivated to be around select people that we really don't like much while enjoying the company of others that we do like.

One.  Focus on people in attendance you do appreciate and spend time with them.  Take part in whatever they are doing so that you aren't busy with those people who annoy you.

Two.  Take up time with the children.  Playing with toys and listening to children talk will also keep you occupied, so that you don't feel obligated to sit too long with those individuals that bring you down.

Three.  Take lots of photos and video.  Once again, you are keeping busy so there isn't much time to listen to that one negative relative who sits in the corner always saying one thing or another about this person and that one.

Four.  Bring something to the gathering and share it with those who would find what you have interesting.  Of course, the busybody, the envious and others will also see what you have, but who cares?  You win friends and they just sit back and frown.

Five.  Show love even to your enemies.  Despite the rudeness or pompous behavior of certain relatives, you still thought about them whether you bring a card, gift card, an envelope with a little cash, or something else you think they might like, you are showing that you still care about them.  But your nice gesture doesn't mean, that you are a fool either.
 
Six.  Come up with an idea that keeps everyone smiling.  Whether you bring a funny video, sing a merry song, or do something fun online, share.

Seven.  Challenge a few to a favorite game.  This will also keep some of those negative people from raining down on your parade.

Well with all the things you have to do and all the people you will be talking to and entertaining, there just won't be any time to sit down with the trouble-makers, so don't.  When they call for you to come over, mouth, "Later, busy."  When you do finally sit down with them (have a witness), and don't get comfortable.  Avoid responding to comments that make you feel awkward, irritate you, or make you want to argue, "Oh, sorry you feel that way.  But honestly, now is not the time."  Get up and go about your way.  If things get out of hand, have someone go get the host.

Nicholl McGuire 

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Family Intervention

The time has come to share news with a certain family member about some personal matters.  But some relatives just don't know what to say or do.  From secrets to personal feelings about the person, how do we handle such matters?  Well the question we all might want to ask ourselves first is, "What is it that I don't want to do?"  Because if you can get the negative issues out the way first, you might be able to reach some solutions faster.  The goal is to communicate certain information effectively that will eventually result in positive change, deliverance, assistance, or whatever else you and others in your family might be after from your loved one.

Let's say that you need to discuss money issues with a relative, but you don't know how to do it in a way that isn't going to cause a relative to accuse you of being a no-good, sneaky, downright, selfish gold-digger.  Consider the following: you don't want to talk about your needs, you don't want to tell the person right from the beginning what he/she should be doing with his/her wealth, and you definitely don't want to be standing in front of this person like a sniffling idiot who has a history of being foolish with his or her own money either.  Instead of doing any of these things,  you would talk about the recent string of events and what you were thinking when all those things were going on maybe the relative overspent and came up short with rent or gave someone money that he or she knows they can't afford.  Notice, you would focus on your relatives needs--the kinds of things that would most benefit him or her.  "Mom that money that was taken from you, could have been best used to pay your bills...I can't afford to help you..."  You would encourage others to share their observations.  You would also include how the relatives actions or inactions are making you feel.  For example, "I was hurt when you called me up about Johnny asking you for money yet again!  I wanted to beat Johnny up and you know that had I did that your son would have been in jail!  Would you want that?" 

Stay away from name-calling, accusatory statements, and belittling when confronting relatives on wrongs.  Never brag about how you or others that you know  have their lives together or what someone else has done in a smiliar situation.  You are not the one on the hot seat and no one really cares about who you know either.  Instead of focusing on getting your loved one some help, you have made their issue somewhat about you.  Other family members will turn on you when they see this sort of behavior occuring.  If I am that angry, bitter old relative, I don't want to be reminded about something I already know especially if your purpose for talking to me is to get me to handle my finances better, manage my household or treat others better.

Now for some family members they aren't going to take too kindly to any intervention where they are on the hot seat.  You most likely will have to be that one who acts strictly--you know the bad guy, who is really the good guy, for putting sickly mom away in a nursing home, taking her credit cards away because she can't pay her bills, or permitting any and everyone to take advantage of her.  If other family members are not willing to step up to the plate, you have no choice but to go do things alone without the support of others.

One thing you never want to do during a family intervention is show your full hand.  What I mean is, you don't want to expose everything you might be considering concerning your loved one.  A card player would never show his hand while a game is in play unless he has won.  You don't want to do that either.  For some family members who might have  prematurely spoken up about everything that is wrong about this person and that one, they usually are the last to know about things and the least liked.  Then there are those who if they know everything that you are doing or are going to do, they would block you from getting things done.  The worse mistake you can make, especially if you are the one who has the voice, power, money, etc. in the family, is to show your hand and you haven't even won the game yet!  Family members that cannot or refuse to help really have no say so during a family intervention although their opinions are welcomed.  Remember, don't act disrespectful toward them.  Sure, they may have some ideas, but you don't have to use them.

You also will want to get some boundaries established on what you will and will not accept prior to the family intervention.  You don't want to invest time or money on someone or something that simply isn't going to work.

Do take the time out to do further research on how to handle your specific family dilemma and what might be the best possible solutions.

Nicholl McGuire

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Family Fights



It happens, family fighting.  You say something or they say something and now everyone says something.  You can run, but you can’t hide.  The words follow after you.  The emotions and re-runs of events permeate your mind, then what?  A pity party, the blame game, a moment of silence, a physical altercation, self-sabotage, or go make peace?  Your choice.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Don't Buy Everyone a Gift Whether Physically or Mentally When You Have Major Debt

We shop for others whether in our minds or in our wallets.  Then when the money is spent or we ponder far too long on gift-giving and do way too much research on what we could do, then we wish we hadn't--time and money are valuable!

        "I thank you for this but...I wish you hadn't...I didn't need this...Could you take this back, my child doesn't play with these...Did you think before you got this for me?"

Oh, the voices from relatives and friends who don't bite their tongues!  You know you could have used your hard-earned money or credit for someone else, mainly yourself.  "I could have used this thing and that one instead of buying for you or your child," you think.

For a moment, reflect on the past when you had absolutely no money to buy anyone anything.  How did you feel?  Were you made to feel guilty by others?  Did you allow controlling individuals to talk you into thinking about them next year?  Did you vow you would make everyone happy by buying everyone something?

Today some of you will be free from all of the bondage you placed upon yourself.  Something inside your being doesn't want to be a slave to debt!  The quiet voice within keeps moving you not to buy this person and that one.  Well, heed the voice and your gut feeling, "Don't do it!" at least not yet for a select few people.  You see, birthdays will come around and "thinking of you" moments throughout the year, then what? You will be paying back your debt and those moments will come and go.  What most people don't realize it is the unexpected, unanticipated gift-giving that makes all the difference in the world.  When one is in the state of loneliness, he or she would love for someone to drop by, call, or send a gift in the mail throughout the year.  Most families have more than enough during this time of year ie.) a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, food in their bellies, and a bed to rest.  Many families are too busy trying to give stuff away or sell --new, used, broken or dare I say it, stolen.

So why would you permit yourself to be pressured into buying things for everyone closest to you?  Why would you even spend money on pricey gifts for a select few when you know you owe people money?  The best gift for anyone is to pay back what you owe whether that is a company or an individual.

Take a look at your finances.  Think about what those around you have promised to help you with, give you, etc.  Then look back at your finances.  Take a moment to reflect on all you have already done ie.) service, freebies, "above and beyond" tasks, a listening ear, etc.  Consider what others have told you about certain individuals you were thinking about buying for "not needing another thing."  If you already got some folks some things, take them back or sell them for a higher price online and then pay back what you owe others.  Then check your list, that is if you have one, to see what you thought you were going to buy then talk yourself out of buying them or research as to why those items wouldn't be a good purchase (I did this myself and saved $$$).  Then fold the list up and place it in a Bible symbolically placing your burden in God's hands, if you don't have a faith then throw it away, or give the list to someone else who can afford to spend much money on gifts for everyone.  Remember the point of this blog entry, be free, my friend.

Now is the time to cast your burdens away!  Don't permit yourself to be grieved by your circumstances any longer.   Pay the bills you owe.  Avoid attending functions that will only bring out the worse in you.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a quiet holiday season at home.  Besides, if you go anywhere, you will feel uneasy, possibly jealous, and brought into someone else's drama about, "All I do for these people and they couldn't at least wash the dishes!  I wish that I had gotten this gift from your mom, what am I going to do with it?  You know your Uncle buys cheap gifts (sigh).  Where did your Aunt get this at a flea market?"

Be free my friend, be free.

Nicholl McGuire

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Black Friday and Cyber Monday Shopping: 3 Departments You Don't Want to Pass up!

Whether you are planning to shop before, during or after Black Friday offline or online, you will need to have some idea on how to save time and money. Learn a thing or two about shopping for Black Friday deals and Cyber Monday bargains!


Year after year online shoppers seek out the best deals on things like electronics, media, clothing, household goods and more only to be disappointed with some of their finds.  Sometimes what appears to be a great deal ends up being nothing more than a headache.  Why?  Because shoppers fail to shop with their minds, rather than their hearts.

Clothing

Most cheaper goods, slow moving items, and just plain old ugly things tend to have the best deals.  However, those rare finds on quality merchandise can catch you off guard.  So you will need to be on the look out for the items you want the most.  Try opening up several windows of websites you like to shop and then compare prices.  Also, use comparison shopping sites and word of mouth for the best deals.  I personally surf forums, blogs and make phone calls to relatives and friends to see what they know.  Typical major retailers that have reasonable deals include: Walmart, Target, Kmart, Kohls, Burlington Coat Factory, TJ Maxx, JCPenny, Old Navy, etc.  However, do try the smaller businesses and lesser known names simply by conducting a search including what you are looking for.  See this advice site on shopping for men’s clothes.

Household appliances

You will need to have the make and model of the item you seek to purchase.  If you don’t have an idea of what you want and you are just looking, then at least note your findings.  Start by listing the brand, the model, and the cost you see at stores like: Home Depot, Lowes and Sears just to name a few.

Toys

There is always some deal on select toys throughout the year.  You have to know what your child really wants and also how much can you afford to spend on a toy that he or she most likely will outgrow.  I personally stay away from items that you have to keep buying something new for such as a gaming console.  Children will see the latest game and before long they are asking for another, then another and another.  If you are going to get an electronic device at least seek out those items that are already used.  I have found that many pre-owned items are far less than the Black Friday deals–that is unless you are one of the lucky ones that got something for dirt cheap or for free new!  

I took the liberty to post some interesting and very useful information on general Black Friday shopping and included links to the most popular stores here.

There are many places to shop, but oftentimes little cash, so do check your family’s wardrobe, your household, and your children’s room to find out what they need most rather than what they want.  You will feel better about your purchases when you do this while keeping guilt feelings away.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Unsaved, Lost Family Members - What to do? - YouTube

Are you a believer?  Most likely, God is going to move you to pray or speak to a relative about God this holiday season. Unsaved, Lost Family Members - What to do? - YouTube

Thursday, November 15, 2012

For Anyone Who Has a Gas Problem Due to Thanksgiving /Christmas Dinner

It happens.  The more some eat, the more they got to go!  But sometimes a gas attack comes before the storm.  Help someone or yourself out, and get some deodorizers to keep the odor down during those family gatherings!! Start with deodorizer pads for your chairs and for others their behinds.

Amazon.com: GasBGon Flatulence Filter Seat Cushion, Patented - (The Winner's Circle): Home & Kitchen

Flatulence Deodorizer Pads

Friday, October 19, 2012

7 Ways to Break Free from a Controlling Father

How will you emotionally and physically set yourself free from your domineering dad?

You have to love a dad who cares about you and wants what is best for you.  But like mothers, fathers sometimes don't know when to let go and let God too!  Some papas just love their children so much that they can't see when they are actually causing more harm than good.  These men usually came from backgrounds where their own fathers didn't give them much attention or things; therefore they feel like they have to make up what was lost in their young lives with their own children.  This is when the problems come into play.  Dad doesn't want son bothering him about money, yet dad gives son anyway.  Dad is irritated with his daughter for the life decisions that she makes, but he keeps bailing her out.  You may have a relationship with your dad that isn't bad, but isn't all that good either and you just want him to stay out of your business and let you live your own life!  So what do you do?

One.  Stop sharing so much of your personal life with him.  Maybe you aren't directly talking to him about all that is wrong with your life, and if this is the case, then your mother or someone else is taking your information back to him.  This is why he feels like he can roll his eyes, take a deep breath and formulate his unflattering opinion about you, who you know and what you do.

Two.  Don't ask him for the car, money, housing, or any other help when you are in trouble.  When you do this, you are telling your controlling dad, "I can't take care of myself, I need you.  You were right, I am an idiot!"  So what is a controlling dad going to do?  Beat you over the head with your requests!  "If you would just do what I tell you, you wouldn't be in this mess!   I am tired of you asking for my stuff!"  He yells, yet reluctantly he helps you out anyway while you talk negatively about him to others--like father like son/daughter.

Three.  Don't help your dad bring you down.  Ask yourself, "How am I helping my dad enable my issues?"  Are you expecting him to fund your drug, alcohol and other addictions?  Do you tell him stories about your sexual conquests and how you manipulate or abuse your partners?  Do you excuse what you do when you are away from him as being "okay" or "all good," because you saw him do the same things when you were growing up?  Well, if you are laughing it up with him and thinking he is "cool" and "alright with what I do," think again, he is just waiting for that opportunity to find fault with you!  When he does, he will name-call and talk ugly about you to others (as if he has always done right by your mother and siblings).  Someone once told me, "Don't give him a stick to crack your head with."

Four.  Avoid dropping everything and then running to his aid.  Once you start something, the older he gets, he will expect it.  "Your my son and my daughter, you should help your old man.  Look at all the years I took care of you!"  You make promises about coming over and doing this or that for him, he will remind you of what you said and tell others when you don't deliver.  "Look at that unreliable #$%^%#@!  If I told him once, I told him twice!"  Then what is he going to do when you don't keep your promises?  Start praising your siblings who do come to his rescue.  Controlling dads aren't self-esteem boosters!  So don't make any promises you can't keep.

Five.  Relocate.  If you live with or near a controlling dad, you might want to relocate.  You see, sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder.  He may not have appreciated you much when you were around, but now you and he have some space to work out your differences.  When he sees that you are doing well and have a nice family, job, etc. he will either admire and respect you or grow jealous of you which only encourages more controlling behavior such as: giving you unnecessary advice, spreading negative criticism, and conducting evil speaking about others who are doing better than him to you (as if you care)!?

Six.  Forget the holidays.  Visit your dad when there is no shine on him--that's right no shine, no phony happy family picture taking, gift exchanges, and more.  When you jump when he (or your mother) says, "jump" what you are saying is that, "I want to make you happy, so I will celebrate the holidays because you want me to and I am still that spineless little kid who coward every time you walked into the room."  You are a woman or man now probably bigger and/or stronger.  What is he going to do if you don't come to visit him on his birthday, Thanksgiving or Christmas?  The idea, when dealing with a controlling father, is to undo the things you did to help him remain in control of your life.  Remember, don't talk yourself into doing things that only give him more power.

Seven.  Don't fear him.  When one is guilty of acting fearful of his or her manipulative father, he or she might use lies, excuses, blame siblings, and do other things to try to hide fear while hoping not to offend him.  If you are an adult, paying your own bills and have no need of your father (other than an occasional moment where you want to just touch-base with him), then what is there to fear?  Childhood dramas take up too much of our time and energy and only feed the monster.  If an animal senses fear, he will attack.  If being in your dad's presence brings out the worse in you, then stay away!  It doesn't matter what your relatives, siblings and others think, you have to live in your body not them.  Sometimes controlling people can trigger all sorts of things in us that we didn't know we have such as: alters, nervous tension, suicidal thoughts, rage, etc.  If you have a faith, use it to bring you to a genuine place of healing in Jesus name!

You may be able to think of some more ways to break free from your father.  I suggest you start putting some of these suggestions and more to good use!  Know that people will talk, others who are fearful of him will try to keep you under his thumb, and even your mother/step-mother/girlfriend will try to get you to draw near to him, but whatever others say and do, you know you and what you can tolerate.

Set yourself emotionally and physically free from your father for good!  Sometimes there will be setbacks and you might even cry and get angry at yourself for slipping back into old habits, but forgive yourself, and then get back on track.  By breaking free from a controlling person, you will be better able to see the damage that this person has caused in your life then you will be well on your way toward healing from your past.

Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and others including Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and When Mothers Cry.  She has also recently self-published a book on Amazon entitled, "Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic"

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

You've Been Tricked: Occult Holidays And Sabbats in Your Family

You celebrate year after year occult holidays.  Maybe you don't believe this, but you need to do some research.  Most of us were once in the dark, but after years of research, praying and fasting, some learn quickly that they have been deceived into believing that someone else's idea of harmless fun is really bringing a curse on self and family.

Traditions can be broken and people can be delivered from annual holiday stress simply by not subscribing to the following: 

Occult Holidays And Sabbats

Learn more and be free!

After Christmas Blues | Socyberty

Read this if you are in doubt about celebrating the holidays and would prefer to save money and stay home--nothing wrong with that!  Enjoy... 

After Christmas Blues | Socyberty

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

When Family Work Together

Credit: Nicholl McGuire
 
It can be a blessing and a curse working with family.  When I attended this outdoor event in Columbus GA, I noticed that most of these Tahiti dancers, as seen in the photographs, were related.  I can only imagine what it was like behind the scenes preparing for this hour long event. 

"No, you are doing it wrong...get it together...stop slacking...do it like this...keep that up and you won't be in the group!  Okay, now we got it--yeah showtime!" 

There were young as well as older dancers moving hips, bouncing, jumping, etc.  After standing in the hot sun for about 30 minutes or so, I couldn't help but think about my own family doing things together as far back as I could remember.  They were making large dinners, serving, decorating, selling stuff, building, painting, errand running, etc. for others.  Relatives worked together (or apart depending on whether they could get along or not) on some project or event and there was always moments of negativity showing up making one want to cover their mouths, ears or run away!  I recall the tension in the atmosphere being so bad at times and I thought to myself, "Why bother?  Why keep doing the same thing year after year with people you know you don't like or get along with?" 

I think sometimes people permit tradition, especially during holidays, to override common sense.  There comes a point prior to a holiday or some other time of family togetherness when you are sitting back thinking about that "Wonderful time when.." that you should really be thinking about the headache, heartache, yelling, and all the ugliness that came along with the family event.  You should ask yourself, "Is it really worth it?"  Now for some, they would say, "Yes" because all they see is how they might benefit.  But for others, they should say, "No."  No tradition, person, place or thing is worth causing one a potential heart attack, a physical fight, loss of money, or something else just because someone or a group thinks that it is.  Be wise before you plan this holiday season!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

7 Good Reasons to Cut Off Certain Relatives

They are the trouble-makers.  Certain relatives will go along with everyone's program as long as there is some benefit to them.  Grandma pays her son or daughter to take her shopping, clean her home and do other things, yet some relatives think that grandma's children are so good to her, but they don't know the truth.  An aunt shows up after years of not coming around the family, only for some relatives to find out that she has a few too many skeletons in her closet and now everyone is upset that she wants to bring up the past.  Maybe you have a nephew, cousin, sister or brother who is always available to do something for the family, but behind all the smiling is one who is a gossip and a liar and would love to do nothing more than to cut everyone off.  These people are in our families, the ones who love, who hate, and who manipulate.  So when do we cut off certain individuals irregardless of their titles and just get on with our lives?     

1.  When the majority of their talk is about how they want to get even with another family member while trying to enlist your help.  Most likely, this person also has a long history of lying.
2.  When they see you as a walking bank for their personal needs as well as their partner, children, friends and anyone else who supposedly needs something.
3.  When you are improving yourself mentally, physically and spiritually and all they can do is say, "Why are you doing that...Why can't you do...I wouldn't do that...When are you going to come and help me..."
4.  When they take and take and never make a deposit toward you or your family--no visits, no acknowledgements, no financial assistance, no nothing!
5.  When they don't bother to respond to email, text, phone, snail mail, or anything else.  Then when you finally do see them in person, they say, "Oh I've been so busy...let's get together."  But they never do.
6.  When they don't act interested in you in person: no smile, no conversation and no sitting or standing near you.  If you hadn't wrote them out of your will, now is a good time.
7.  When they are using you while everyone else has long black-balled them out the family.  Could it be that for once everyone else is right and you are wrong for keeping them around you and your family?

These seven things to think about concerning those deceptive relatives in your circles will most likely make some of you think of seven more good reasons as to why certain people should have long been put out of your life.  When we think deeply about these individuals, it hurts that for so many years we permitted negativity from others to permeate our minds and hearts.  If you have a faith, you know that keeping anyone or anything with a negative energy around you, can set you back spiritually.  Do take the time to pray for your family and those who you consider your enemies.  Remember if he or she is hungry or thirsty in your presence, care for them.  But whatever you do, don't go beyond that or you just might put yourself at risk of doing something you might later regret.  Stay in your Father's will.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Ayida and Lenon Honor Positive Relationships 14 - YouTube

Thought this was interesting video for those of you who have large families ...reflecting on the past and dealing with the present as well as planning for the future.  Idea jogging video for your own family issues.

Ayida and Lenon Honor Positive Relationships 14 - YouTube

Friday, May 18, 2012

Family Issues: MedlinePlus

When you need expert opinion about various family related topics, this is a site that is very helpful especially if you are writing family related articles, reports, etc.  Click link below. Don't forget to subscribe to this site and thanks for stopping by!

Family Issues: MedlinePlus

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

FamilySearch.org — Free Family History and Genealogy Records

One day while looking for something else, I came across this site.  I thought it might be useful to those of you who are interested in knowing your family history.  It is very organized and easy to use.  See here:

FamilySearch.org — Free Family History and Genealogy Records

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What You Shouldn't Say to the In-Laws When They Have Offended You

Your in-laws have done it again, rubbed you the wrong way with their unnecessary comments!  The following article just might help you handle yourself and your in-laws the next time you see them.  Read more : What You Shouldn't Say to the In-Laws When They Have Offended You

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Christ-Believing Relatives: Cowards When it Comes to Crazy Folks

Some of us invite drama in our lives.  We just can't help it.  Something in us just welcomes the familiar spirits of gossip, backbiting, yelling, cursing, craziness and whatever else we grew up around.  Those of you who know the Bible, know we aren't supposed to entertain nor fellowship with those familiar spirits.  But some believers, don't care.

Why do we allow people who wear certain titles in our lives get the best of us?  Just think, you are having a good day until that relative calls you on the phone with their drama.  You get off the phone and now you feel like you don't want to do anything.  You are hollering at the kids for no good reason.  Your mind starts taking you back to negative times.  "Oh I remember when she...and that's why I can't stand...and you know what why did I even bother to..."  Now you are frustrated and irritated all because of one of your relative's seeds of negativity.

Now I know what some of you are thinking, "I don't allow it...I am not the one causing problems."  Maybe that's true.  But if we interviewed some of your relatives, what would they say?  Sometimes we start drama by what we don't say and what we don't do.  You could have told your backbiting trouble-making relative to keep quiet on a certain issue, but instead you just laughed or sat silently on the phone.  You allowed them to keep feeding you and others their crazy stories by saying nothing!  No wonder why some relatives just keep on behaving like they do, people just laugh and feed into whatever they are saying.  Wonder what God thinks?

Where are the bold relatives out there?  The ones who don't tolerate no mess!  Do you stand up for what's right?  Do you put fools in their place?  Do you cut people off irregardless of their titles when they have seriously wronged you and yours?

I hate to say it, but some so-called Christ filled believers are cowards!  They are always fearful to hurt someone's feelings who they know is in the wrong!  They don't want to be accused of being a trouble-maker for putting their foot down.  Some have fought so many battles over the years about right and wrong actions that they are just tired.  But if these relatives are truly the saved, sanctified and Holy Spirit, bible toting Christ followers, then where is the strength and courage they are supposed to use to help others?

You have to question who are these folks really serving?

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Spiritual Poems by Nicholl: Thoughts and Prayers to Encourage & Convict coming out this spring on Blurb.com.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

No More Family Drama: You Can Do It!

You don't want the family drama around you, so what better time to start then now?  Last year you had some difficult times, to the point that they made you want to hurt, disown, stop calling, or disconnect from certain or all relatives.  You were deeply hurt and concerned about a certain individual(s); yet, still this person or people affected your life negatively last year. 

The first thing you will need to do when it comes to pre-exisiting family drama or ongoing issues is to look at you first.  Now this is a challenge for some people especially when they think that they are right and everyone else is wrong.  Be honest with yourself.  If you don't, someone else will, if they haven't already.  How did you contribute to the dysfunction?  What might you need to do differently in your own life to lessen and/or eliminate current family drama?  Some people claim they don't want the drama, yet they call everyone looking for drama.  When family members do this sort of thing, they usually have far too much time on their hands!  Their home life may be a wreck and they want people to think otherwise.  They may be lonely, but don't know how to communicate their need in a healthy way.  They place blame on others when there is no legitimate reason.  Overall, some family memebers are just negative, unhappy people that really don't have any concept of true happiness.

One way we can all trim down the controversy in our own families is by not talking so much about people.  That's right people--any people.  Most of us think that conversing about people is just a great conversation starter and no harm is being done, but the more you talk about what this one and that one is doing, the more likely someone in the conversation is going to say, "You know what, I don't like the way she...I wish he would..."  Before you know it, like a dog carrying a bone, the person listening is going to get off the phone with you and carry what you said back to them.  Unless what you have to say is positive to others about others, don't share anything about anyone with the bone carriers.  Most likely, you already know who they are in your family, because these are the people who kept drama going last year.

Let's say that there are some people that you do have issue with.  Well why talk to their supporters about your drama?  Does it really make sense to talk to people who are sitting on the middle of the fence or standing far left on an issue that you may or may not deem right?  You are just recruiting more people against, not for you.  Instead, go to the source that keeps you up at night.  Ask the source exactly what he or she has said about an issue (of course for clarification purposes) and be sure you are willing to cut off ties, if necessary, and/or do whatever else to give you peace about someone or something.  You don't have to hang in the same environment just because this person is a relative, nor visit the same people--especially when you know that they don't like you or enjoy your company.  You also don't have to do everything you use to do with your relatives like talk on the phone for hours, visit, run errands, give money, provide a service, attend a family church, etc. 

Sometimes we keep drama going by telling ourselves, "I am not going to allow anyone to shut me out of blah, blah, blah..." When you know that many of those people who are at that church, club, event, or elsewhere aren't adding or subtracting to your life.  So say, "Goodbye old habits and hello new ones."

Family drama is no laughing matter and unlike reality television shows there is no one that will give you a six-figure income for all your hardship.  So why keep things going for free?  Why allow others to bring you down at your expense? 

Sometimes adults pay little or no attention to how family drama affects children.  They think that they will, "Get over it."  But rarely does a child just get over anything.  Some part of their personality is affected by what the parent says and does which leaves the child with all sorts of behavioral issues.  So don't wonder why some children don't like mommy going over grandma's house, or daddy visiting his brother-in-law?  Children remember how tension feels and they don't want to witness all the family drama either.  Look for other places that you and your children can both enjoy besides visiting family.  Consider taking them to parks, toy stores, museums, malls, fairs, school events, classes, or join a gym with a daycare.  You can work out while someone else watches your children on-site.

Make good use of those quiet moments during the day or night.  Use those times to be realistic with yourself about the drama you may have caused in the family simply by continuing to put up with the same stuff year after year.  Have the courage to confront those who have also contributed to the family mess only if need be.  Lastly, make peace with yourself and possibly others.  Vow that you will be the solution and not the problem in your own family this year and years to come.

God bless.

Nicholl McGuire

Read more of my work here.

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Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media

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