Thursday, January 5, 2012

No More Family Drama: You Can Do It!

You don't want the family drama around you, so what better time to start then now?  Last year you had some difficult times, to the point that they made you want to hurt, disown, stop calling, or disconnect from certain or all relatives.  You were deeply hurt and concerned about a certain individual(s); yet, still this person or people affected your life negatively last year. 

The first thing you will need to do when it comes to pre-exisiting family drama or ongoing issues is to look at you first.  Now this is a challenge for some people especially when they think that they are right and everyone else is wrong.  Be honest with yourself.  If you don't, someone else will, if they haven't already.  How did you contribute to the dysfunction?  What might you need to do differently in your own life to lessen and/or eliminate current family drama?  Some people claim they don't want the drama, yet they call everyone looking for drama.  When family members do this sort of thing, they usually have far too much time on their hands!  Their home life may be a wreck and they want people to think otherwise.  They may be lonely, but don't know how to communicate their need in a healthy way.  They place blame on others when there is no legitimate reason.  Overall, some family memebers are just negative, unhappy people that really don't have any concept of true happiness.

One way we can all trim down the controversy in our own families is by not talking so much about people.  That's right people--any people.  Most of us think that conversing about people is just a great conversation starter and no harm is being done, but the more you talk about what this one and that one is doing, the more likely someone in the conversation is going to say, "You know what, I don't like the way she...I wish he would..."  Before you know it, like a dog carrying a bone, the person listening is going to get off the phone with you and carry what you said back to them.  Unless what you have to say is positive to others about others, don't share anything about anyone with the bone carriers.  Most likely, you already know who they are in your family, because these are the people who kept drama going last year.

Let's say that there are some people that you do have issue with.  Well why talk to their supporters about your drama?  Does it really make sense to talk to people who are sitting on the middle of the fence or standing far left on an issue that you may or may not deem right?  You are just recruiting more people against, not for you.  Instead, go to the source that keeps you up at night.  Ask the source exactly what he or she has said about an issue (of course for clarification purposes) and be sure you are willing to cut off ties, if necessary, and/or do whatever else to give you peace about someone or something.  You don't have to hang in the same environment just because this person is a relative, nor visit the same people--especially when you know that they don't like you or enjoy your company.  You also don't have to do everything you use to do with your relatives like talk on the phone for hours, visit, run errands, give money, provide a service, attend a family church, etc. 

Sometimes we keep drama going by telling ourselves, "I am not going to allow anyone to shut me out of blah, blah, blah..." When you know that many of those people who are at that church, club, event, or elsewhere aren't adding or subtracting to your life.  So say, "Goodbye old habits and hello new ones."

Family drama is no laughing matter and unlike reality television shows there is no one that will give you a six-figure income for all your hardship.  So why keep things going for free?  Why allow others to bring you down at your expense? 

Sometimes adults pay little or no attention to how family drama affects children.  They think that they will, "Get over it."  But rarely does a child just get over anything.  Some part of their personality is affected by what the parent says and does which leaves the child with all sorts of behavioral issues.  So don't wonder why some children don't like mommy going over grandma's house, or daddy visiting his brother-in-law?  Children remember how tension feels and they don't want to witness all the family drama either.  Look for other places that you and your children can both enjoy besides visiting family.  Consider taking them to parks, toy stores, museums, malls, fairs, school events, classes, or join a gym with a daycare.  You can work out while someone else watches your children on-site.

Make good use of those quiet moments during the day or night.  Use those times to be realistic with yourself about the drama you may have caused in the family simply by continuing to put up with the same stuff year after year.  Have the courage to confront those who have also contributed to the family mess only if need be.  Lastly, make peace with yourself and possibly others.  Vow that you will be the solution and not the problem in your own family this year and years to come.

God bless.

Nicholl McGuire

Read more of my work here.

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Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media


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