Friday, February 24, 2017

Tell Me Mother You're Sorry - book about dysfunctional mothers - excerpt by Nicholl McGuire

One day you noticed the self-absorbed mother trying to be helpful, yet meanly criticizing, joking, playing, or doing something else that makes you feel awkward. She is coming into your room without knocking whether clothed or not. You found yourself having to keep insisting on your independence and protecting those you love because something isn't quite right with your mother. When she feels like you are “sassing” or “think you are so grown and never too old to get you’re a$$ whipped,” she tries to put you in your place. Now if you were to say something she doesn’t like, or do something that goes against her wishes, this kind of mom will try to humiliate you around witnesses. A slap across the face, a name-call over the phone, or a nasty remark about your husband or children and before long you are ready to do battle. Fall into that trap and she will make sure she appears like she was in the right while telling others, “You see how your sister reacted to me! Look at how your niece acts! See why I don’t bother with these young people!” Yet, this mother started the mess, but it doesn't matter to onlookers. You were at fault because you fed into the drama.

 familyarticlesbynicholl.BlogSpot.com

Some of you readers will be the first to admit that at times you gave your mothers a hard time. You weren’t always honest, didn’t always do what you were told, and might have done the unspeakable because you were mad at Mom. I get it, I’m not judging. So where might some of that have come from? Think about it. Mom was sneaky, lying, and covering up some things too even if she wanted you to believe she was a perfect child, always listened to parents, and could do no wrong in her youth and up to now.
If you witnessed any mother-like figure's deceitful ways, you learned from the best. As long as you are on Team Mom and have trained your children to be on Team Grandma, then you are okay as long as everyone follows the rules. But you know that God has given us our own minds, a free will. We can choose to follow unrighteous precepts or live in peace doing our best to love and respect others whether near or far. No one should be bullied into doing something they don’t want to do!
A child of God, comfortable with his or her sense of self and identity, will break wicked programming from a mentally disturbed mother that has a long history of controlling her children using things like: bible studies and church attendance, strict fathers and relatives to scare them into submission, money and gifts, and emotional, sexual and physical abuse. Many adults suffer with self-esteem issues as a result and have trouble making challenging decisions because they still rely very much on their childhood caretakers that refuse to let them grow up.
 
Tell Me Mother You're Sorry by Nicholl McGuire
Some of you readers will be the first to admit that at times you gave your mothers a hard time. You weren’t always honest, didn’t always do what you were told, and might have done the unspeakable because you were mad at Mom. I get it, I’m not judging. So where might some of that have come from? Think about it. Mom was sneaky, lying, and covering up some things too even if she wanted you to believe she was a perfect child, always listened to parents, and could do no wrong in her youth and up to now.
If you witnessed any mother-like figure's deceitful ways, you learned from the best. As long as you are on Team Mom and have trained your children to be on Team Grandma, then you are okay as long as everyone follows the rules. But you know that God has given us our own minds, a free will. We can choose to follow unrighteous precepts or live in peace doing our best to love and respect others whether near or far. No one should be bullied into doing something they don’t want to do!
A child of God, comfortable with his or her sense of self and identity, will break wicked programming from a mentally disturbed mother that has a long history of controlling her children using things like: bible studies and church attendance, strict fathers and relatives to scare them into submission, money and gifts, and emotional, sexual and physical abuse. Many adults suffer with self-esteem issues as a result and have trouble making challenging decisions because they still rely very much on their childhood caretakers that refuse to let them grow up.
“A person with a very low sense of self generally has a fragmented, fractured, disconnected and disassociated sense of identity and self,” according to an article entitled, Selfhood and Recovery written by Terry Lynch. “The voices and conversations in their head reflect this, often appearing in third person, which are deemed to be hallucinations and therefore quite abnormal...” With many mothers, who have undergone traumatic experiences over a long period of time, they suffer with various thought disorders. From repeated abuse to difficult pregnancies, they struggle to make sense of their own worlds let alone others. There are plenty of recovery resources that help explain mental illnesses.
Nicholl McGuire
Book available in print and eBook
 

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Awakening to Blind Perception: Dysfunctional Dad

Your view of your father changes when someone more knowledgeable points out your father's flaws. In addition, you might become more enlightened about him as a result of personally experiencing negative events that you can no longer deny. Depending on our relationship with our fathers and the years of mind control we experienced with them, we will assume our perception is correct and all others are false.
 
Those that are "in love" with Dad will eye roll, deep sigh, argue, or even shake their heads if someone should tell them, "I think your father was responsible for...I believe he did...I know he doesn't like me...Your dad doesn't love anyone, he just uses people. He only cares about himself." Now those, who are not caught up in the illusion of seeing only what they want to see about their fathers and others, will not react in ways that show they are a part of Daddy's fan club. "Yes, I know that is true about him...I heard people say that...I am not like the others, I know my dad. I agree with you. That's why I don't take my family around him for those reasons." There is no argument or defending a toxic dad from wounded sons and daughters.
Your confidence about your dad's abilities when it comes to certain tasks depletes when you discover he has been doing things wrong for quite some time including destroying his own family due to his foolish thinking and ways. You learn that Dad is not as smart as you thought, isn't as nice as you once believed, has a long history of lying, and is unwilling to provide the resources to help you. You realize your dad isn't as big, bad, and scary as you once thought when you see him suffering due to circumstances beyond his control. Some of these dads have their share of "boys" who will esteem them, but usually their friends have their share of issues with them too that they may never reveal. As much as we would like to assume our own father or someone else's means well, chances are if he has a long line of victims with parallel experiences, he is not as charming as he might appear to be.
 
Nicholl McGuire author of Say Goodbye to Dad

Why is it so hard for my family to understand the abuse?


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Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media

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