Your view of your father changes when someone more knowledgeable points out your father's flaws. In addition, you might become more enlightened about him as a result of personally experiencing negative events that you can no longer deny. Depending on our relationship with our fathers and the years of mind control we experienced with them, we will assume our perception is correct and all others are false.
Those that are "in love" with Dad will eye roll, deep sigh, argue, or even shake their heads if someone should tell them, "I think your father was responsible for...I believe he did...I know he doesn't like me...Your dad doesn't love anyone, he just uses people. He only cares about himself." Now those, who are not caught up in the illusion of seeing only what they want to see about their fathers and others, will not react in ways that show they are a part of Daddy's fan club. "Yes, I know that is true about him...I heard people say that...I am not like the others, I know my dad. I agree with you. That's why I don't take my family around him for those reasons." There is no argument or defending a toxic dad from wounded sons and daughters.
Your confidence about your dad's abilities when it comes to certain tasks depletes when you discover he has been doing things wrong for quite some time including destroying his own family due to his foolish thinking and ways. You learn that Dad is not as smart as you thought, isn't as nice as you once believed, has a long history of lying, and is unwilling to provide the resources to help you. You realize your dad isn't as big, bad, and scary as you once thought when you see him suffering due to circumstances beyond his control. Some of these dads have their share of "boys" who will esteem them, but usually their friends have their share of issues with them too that they may never reveal. As much as we would like to assume our own father or someone else's means well, chances are if he has a long line of victims with parallel experiences, he is not as charming as he might appear to be.
Nicholl McGuire author of Say Goodbye to Dad
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