On Praying Before You Buy Things for People during the Holidays

Holidays: When Your Family and Friends Get the Best of You

Inspirational speaker and author shares wisdom on family holiday events, peace and more

For the 4th of July-Celebrate Your Independence- Freedom from People, St...

5 Things to Do Stay Out of Family Dramas Before the Holiday Season Approaches

Holiday seasons can make or break families.  Some trouble-making relatives simply don't want to mind their own business, behave themselves, or act respectfully around others.  So with that said, you will want to be proactive in protecting your mind, body and spirit this upcoming season while alerting those closest to you that you don't want to be bothered with the gossips, liars, braggarts, or drunkards in your family or others.

Here are a some things you can do to keep the family drama at bay.  Remember, the more involved you are with certain family members, the more likely you will find yourself in the middle of some nonsense!

1)  Stay busy with your own task list.  Don't offer service and don't expect others to help you with your holiday plans.

If you are busy, you won't have any idle time to participate in the latest family drama.  You also won't be available to offer service or ask for help.  In some cases, no good deed goes unpunished.  Picky, petty and controlling types will not be satisfied with your assistance no matter what you do!  Lazy, rude or manipulative relatives may appear helpful initially, but in time they will make a mountain out of a molehill regarding your holiday planning requests.

2)  Avoid answering the phone or visiting those relatives who merely want to talk about what everyone else is doing.

So much time is wasted because someone wants you to be available to listen to their comments, complaints, concerns, etc. about someone else.  Is it any wonder why unflattering information gets passed around by the gossips?  Feed into the b.s. and you will surely be caught in their web of destruction sooner rather than later.

3)  Safeguard your wallet by not offering or promising to buy any items for anyone when you know that your funds are running low.  Don't expect others to buy you and your family members anything.

You will surely be let down if you are relying on petty people to make you and your family happy this year with their cheap gifts.  When you know that money is tight, why upset a spouse or children by trying to impress others with pricey gifts?  Stay quiet about buying anything or wanting anything in return.  Meanwhile, you just might hear how others are such a burden for expecting relatives to buy them as well as their children. 

4)  Opt out of preparing holiday meals when once again you know you can't afford it.

The irritation and anger shows up out of nowhere when you are spending money you really don't have on things that will bite you in the butt later!  Just because someone else wants to holiday plan, doesn't mean you have to.

5)  Don't involve anyone in past or current conflict concerning your relatives.  Teach children to stay out of grown folks business!

Children, believe it or not, can be a source of confusion and misery during holiday seasons.  They are desiring any number of things: a new pet, divorced parents reconciled, expensive gifts, lots of money, college funds...whatever someone has manipulated them into believing.  When the negativity begins to arise in children, put a stop to it quickly!  Explain your situation as well as scold rebellious children.  Difficult young people can easily be used by mean-spirited adults to carry negative information about you as well as others, don't fuel the fire!

When people are getting along, the holiday season comes and goes without conflict, but when people are at war with one another before a holiday season, all hell breaks loose sometimes sooner rather than later.  Know who your family foes are and avoid them like a plague!

Nicholl McGuire

Family Holiday Drama - The Planning, The Ingrates and The Regrets

It happens every year, someone is upset about what took place at the last holiday event.  He or she will either vow to get even or show up wearing a fake smile while holding in feelings of resentment, jealousy, anger, or other negative emotions.

Much of the drama centers around individuals who simply refuse to behave.  The host spends many hours and much money planning for the ingrates who show up while later having his or her regrets for even getting the family together in the first place.

What most people can do to stay out of the family drama is keep quiet on the controversial topics and avoid the statements that are supposed to be out of fun or love.  Think of family get-togethers like professional social mixes, you wouldn't say whatever you want at those functions for fear that you might lose your job, so why do it at a family holiday event that might cost you your relationship with favorite relatives?

When we think of family holiday events, we often think of the holiday cheer that we see on television screens.  Of course, we would like that too, but oftentimes that's not what we get.  Instead, we notice the ungrateful child or adult in the group sighing about something he or she did or didn't get.  Those who complain a lot about everything from how much something costs to how much gift-wrapping paper is on the floor tend to add to holiday challenges with their negativity.  The holidays isn't all merry and bright as one might think when troubled people show up to trouble others.

This is why choosing carefully who you and your family might spend the holidays with is crucial.  Bad memories don't go away easily when celebrating supposedly good times with bad kinfolk.  Family don't always forgive and forget and when an offense occurs, intimate relationships and generations are impacted!

When you are the host you must think twice who you might invite to your holiday celebrations.  Many objections coming from relatives regarding certain unfavorable family members is cause for concern, take heed.  You don't want to participate in anything you may later regret.

Have a wonderful holiday season free f the family drama!

Nicholl McGuire
Blog Owner of It's All in the Family and Author of When Mothers Cry

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Rude and Greedy - Selfish Relatives

Tis the season!  With the hustle and bustle that is sure to come as we close out another year, you know how some relatives will behave, not so nice. 

You have celebrated holidays with the same group year after year, so do you really expect anything different?  I will tell you, two groups that stand out in my mind at these family gatherings are the rude and greedy kinfolk.  These people bring their share of drama every time they show up to a family event.

Let's talk about the rude folks first.  These people have issues with everyone!  They don't refrain from their critical comments.  Their negative attitudes never take a vacation no matter what the occasion. They are often quick to talk and what comes out of their mouths you never know.  These people are usually forewarned before they arrive to behave, but do they listen?

As for the greedy folks.  You know the kind that love to take far too much of the favorite foods and drinks?  Never tell these people, "Help yourself."  Here's what you end up saying later, "Are you going to leave any for the rest of us?"  They don't care about anyone but themselves.  If it isn't the mother piling up a bunch of food on plates to go back home, it is the hungriest of them all going back for a third, fourth, or fifth plus plate!

These as well as other types I mentioned might be in your family too.  You love them, but you don't have to put up with them unless you want to--your choice.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Nicholl

Family Holiday Event Concerns, Dramas

Check out Inspirational Speaker and Author Nicholl McGuire's audio messages on Chirbit http://chirb.it/1wcgd4

Your Partner is Close to His or Her Family But You Not So Much

When you are involved with someone who really enjoys the company of his or her family a little more than you do, the last thing you want to do is hurt him or her, so you go along to get along month after month or year after year until one day a light bulb goes off, "I don't want to keep doing this! I really want to do something different this year." If resentment is mixed with anger once you arrive to this revelation, those emotions are sure to bring confusion for yourself and/or household, because for so long you had chose to do some things to appease someone else.


One should never obligate his or herself to go somewhere he or she rather not just because the individual doesn't want to hurt a partner's feelings. What about yours?...

I remember the looks on faces of wives and girlfriends of relatives who were uncomfortable, upset about something, and just wasn't in the mood to be around family. But their pushy partners insisted that they come around. You could tell with some of these women they had been arguing. I recorded one with a video camera during a Thanksgiving family event say when asked by a relative, "Why are you both late? I thought you weren't coming?" She responded with, "We won't get into that." It was clear she was not going to share a story that would embarrass her or cause further discord between her and her partner. Later that same day, there were some details given by the girlfriend that proved the couple did have a major disagreement prior to their arrival. Another girlfriend of a different relative visiting her boyfriend's family didn't look that comfortable being with kin either at the same event. She said very little and smiled infrequently.


I observed one more relative's girlfriend seated with her daughter. The pair remained in a different room spending much of their time away from the others and both were very quiet and depressed looking despite all the laughter going on around them. Neither of these women I mentioned were in happy relationships and the men appeared to fake it as well. One girlfriend soon broke up with her partner after that family event and the other had been a victim of domestic violence showing up one day with the evidence on her face.

One issue that many people have to deal with when saying "yes" to holiday invites, when they really mean "no," is they hope to pacify partners and look good before the eyes of family. But oftentimes the "act" backfires, because if the person becomes offended by someone or something at the family event, guess who the person is going to blame? You guessed it, his or her mate for bringing them. One's hidden aggression just might come out for all to see if the relationship is rocky.

"Why did you bring me to this? You know how your family is. You know we aren't on the best of terms. That's why I didn't want to come in the first place!" an offended companion yells. Then what might the partner retort, "No one said you had to come. You could have stayed your a$$ home!"

Now it is World War III in the family home, because the couple is stressed. Being around family has its nerve-racking moments. Yet, this isn't an issue for many decent families, but there are plenty who do go through much due to unresolved past problems and controlling relatives.

Book excerpt taken from Should I Go to the Party by Nicholl McGuire

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Don't Go to Bed Stressed Again About Another Family Holiday Invitation!

Nervousness, gut-wrenching stress and other wild emotions about a simple invite to a family event will wreck havoc on someone and those he or she lives with in the household.  Do you know the feeling?  Well, let's address it.  Should you be going to that party? Get you copy of this helpful guide today.  Should I Go to the Party?  Click here.

Family Holiday Event Invites: 7 Signs You Don't Need to Go Along Just to Get Along

For years many of us have went along with an invite just because we didn't want anyone thinking badly of us.  We told people that, "I'm just doing this for you...I'll go because I like her, but not the rest of them...I did it for my husband...My friend begged me to go."  But doing things when you know deep within you just don't want to is never a good idea.  Sooner or later true feelings show up and show out!  The arguments increase, the mood swings increase, and the rage within is fueled by all the stupid stuff that people you know you don't like will say--count on it!

Now sometimes you just don't know how much you dislike a person or a group until the family invite shows up in the mail or drops from the lips of your favorite people, "Hey just wanted to let you know So and So is having an event, you coming?"  You are either excited within or resent the idea of going.  "Is my least favorite person going to be there?" you might boldly ask.  Of course, the response might be, "I don't know, just come.  Don't let him/her keep you away."  And so you might go along.

Here are seven signs it is best not to take someone up on his or her offer to attend a family event:

1.  Your ex is now remarried and has children.  If the past is in the past, why does The Past feel the need to be around the ex's family?  It is obvious there are some lingering emotions especially when one has children, so reschedule if you know you can't manage hurt feelings or drop children off with their relatives while you spend time with your new beau's family or stay home.  Most hosts of family events are more concerned about wanting everyone together to make themselves feel good, but what about how you feel? 

2.  Avoid the family event if the number of people you don't like far outweigh the ones that you do.  Once again, make plans to see your favorites another time.

3.  You don't like the cooking, atmosphere or the vibe you get when you are around them.

4.  You heard some bad things about the family and you know you just can't keep your mouth shut about them.

5.  The family's traditions go against your religious beliefs.

6.  You are often angry, impatient, moody, or have habits that impair your best judgment.  Do yourself and the family a favor and stay home.

7.  People have told you in so many words, "I don't think it is a good idea to come around..." point well taken, stay away.  Although some defiant folks will want to crash the party anyway, bad idea especially when some individuals might have the police on speed dial.

So when it comes to those either much anticipated or dreaded family events, be wise and do what's right.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Genealogy X: What to Expect When Researching Family History and offers spiritual insight on family issues and other challenges here.

 

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