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Saturday, March 29, 2014

Wild, Crazy and Rude - It's All in the Family

I was thinking about the many family members that have a screw or two loose upstairs due to years of drug use, sexual diseases, wars, and turbulent relationships and I thought, "No wonder so many relatives are distant."  Who really wants the wild, crazy and rude at the barbecue, the birthday celebration, or even at the church?  Sooner or later one or all three of these type of family members are going to say or do something that is going to make a relative wish he or she never saw their faces again!

Some do-good type of relatives want family events to be memorable, so they will take a chance and invite the family members who are better off left alone--even when God himself is saying, "Avoid the drama..."  Despite the past issues with relatives, the wild ones will still come out and show their love and support until someone triggers a deep rooted emotional issue to come flying forth!  Now the fight is on!

Do yourself a favor as the season warms up and family get-togethers are underway, stay clear of the drama.  When you know you have issues with certain relatives, stay home!  If you are planning the party, take a vote on whether Crazy Henry, Wild Suzie, or Rude Brenda should be at the event.  I'm sure the reason why the last event didn't go over so well is because all three showed up!

Nicholl McGuire

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Using Family Members and Friends as Buffers to Protect One's Favorite People

It's easier to point the finger at everyone else when a wrong has been commited against you, but at the person who really caused your head to hurt, your back to ache, or your mouth to curse.  Your favorite person had been there when a relative died, loved you when no else did, bought things for you, and encouraged you with flattery.  Some people will never see any wrong in their "beloved, favorite, best" family members and friends.  However, people change and what we think we know about mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, and best friends isn't always accurate.  A mother can talk negatively about her daughters and sons, an aunt can lie and steal five days a week while attending church on Sunday, and a best friend can be as dirty as Judas while giving his brother a kiss on the cheek.

If one was to record audio, setup video, and have 17 witnesses hidden while an interview took place between a favorite relative or friend and the matriarch of the family and the question was asked, "What do you really think of..." some individuals, who were deemed as favorites, would be shocked to find out the truth.  "Grandmother was really nothing more than a liar...daddy was a drunk...mother was a hypocrite...and sister was crazy."  Others would digress, lie, defend, or offend while accusing the person of setting up the interview as being an agitator.  The truth hurts--someone finally would have the courage to say what they really wanted to after years of being let down by a favorite while still holding on to the "good ole' days" kind of memories. 

The truth about family hurts and the self-righteous, prideful and downright evil would never want lies, secrets and mayhem to be exposed.  But why?  Because for years they worked hard to create a stellar reputation and when it is threatened the need to retailiate arises.  When people, who were once good, turn bad, they work hard sometimes to keep from the majority of relatives and friends from finding out what they are really about nowadays.  Think of some of the good turned bad in your own family for a moment.  Who are the gatekeepers in these people's lives presently?  If you were to be critical of those individuals or point out wrong-doing, would you be considered a black sheep or maybe you already are?

So when drama begins to show up and show out with some families, those who are protective of their "favorite people" will use others as buffers.  They will redirect anger that should have gone toward their favorites, to those like: the weak and gullible, others who are caught in the middle or play both sides, people who have nothing to do with anything but stumbled on everything, or those they consider trouble-makers.  These people are the buffers, whether they know it or not, the ones who are meant to catch the anger that is pent up for mom, dad, favorite brother, best aunt, and whoever else.  They won't face the people who have truly hurt them due to fear.  In addition, they can't face the truth that these people are no longer favorites in their lives.  They lie to themselves.

You can keep out of the drama that playing favorites brings once you learn who the supporters are of crooked family members and friends.  You can stay out of the buffer zone, meaning catching someone's twisted wrath, by not trying to play peacemaker when God himself is not even calling you to that sort of assignment with certain family members and friends.  You will know what your place is when you see that the same people's names continue to come out of the mouth of a single person, whether these people are actively causing drama or not, the person doing the calling out is the one who is looking to find anyone or anything to unleash on in his or her effort to protect the Queen B, or in other words, his or her favorite person or group.  

Nicholl McGuire

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Esteeming People Who Aren't True Friends

You may have been in contact with an individual who speaks highly of someone in his or her circle, yet the evidence shows this "star" person really isn't that significant in his or her life like he or she once was.  Yet, the family member or friend continues to boast about how this star person gave them money when they were down and how they were there when a parent died and so on.  It is apparent that the delusional individual hasn't permitted his or herself to be updated on current events regarding one's connection to the so-called best friend, aunt, cousin, etc.

People change.  Jobs will move a person to act differently.  The birth of children will wipe a smile or two off a new parent's face.  Divorce will bring on a troubled mind.  So many negative life events will cause people to put a halt on being kind, sweet, loving, and the type who will have your back when times are rough. 

When one is told the truth about a favorite family member and friend, the person will act defensive.  They will act as if you are the trouble-maker for exposing truth.  They don't want to face the fact that someone who might have been once a best friend is now toxic.  They find it hard to fathom that a "best friend" would act in ways that aren't friendly.  When scandal from long ago rears its ugly head, they don't want to believe that their loved one really didn't like them very much.  The truth is a hard pill to swallow.

The best thing we can do when we see that family members and friends are esteeming people, who are no longer in their corner, is to gently remind them that they now have the power to do whatever it is they desire without the need of hand-holding from XYZ.  We can also point out when the person said or did things that wouldn't constitute a good friendship.  Once the opportunity has passed to speak truth, one must keep a lid on his or her mouth and let the truth marinate on the person's mind, body and spirit.  Hopefully, in time, he or she will wake up and realize that the favorite family member or friend just isn't the same.

Nicholl McGuire

Monday, March 10, 2014

Never Trust the Big Mouth in Your Family

When family members share, "I don't talk to her because...I don't come around because..."  There is good reason, most likely they have said or did something that caused a stir in the family.  Be it right or wrong, the chaos had been so much over the years that there was no more interacting closely with relatives.  Nevertheless, there will always be the big mouth in the family, the one who says, "I don't care what she said, I'm calling her...So what he doesn't come around, he knows what he did, but I still want him to come to my event!"  Whatever the issue, the big mouth will be sure to broadcast every little detail to other relatives about those who have been distant for quite sometime.  "Did you hear what she said?  Well, this is what I heard."  Before long, personal opinion about the person spreads like wildfire!

When you encounter the big mouth in the family, you will want to limit your conversation with such a person and try hard not to say anything to him or her that includes a name, place, or anything related to other family members unless absolutely necessary.  When referencing your personal interaction with other relatives, you might be vague and only mention labels such as: "an aunt, a cousin or a relative" rather than names.  Taking care to leave out any details that might be misconstrued and keeping private information to one's self.

If there is a confrontation or family dispute over what the big mouth relative said, stand your ground!  Don't feel threatened, bullied, or curse the person you are speaking with.  Rather stick to the facts and give the person or yourself a way out if the discussion because emotional.  You don't want to keep conversations going with people who easily jump to conclusions, act childish, or have so many rules about what to say or not to say about them.

Nicholl McGuire

Monday, March 3, 2014

How to Recognize an Emotional Manipulator - a Bully

Sometimes the people in your own family can bully you.  They know your weakness and will use those to get the upper hand.  Don't let them!  Learn more on how some will use emotional manipulation to get what they want.  Use the techniques mentioned in this video to empower you!

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Bad Weather + Bad Attitude = Kooky Behavior

Weeks of cold weather made up of snow, rain, and very little sun will make anyone lose it!  Grandma is suffering with pain in her body which affects her mind.  Mom is yelling about God knows what--she hasn't seen the sun in weeks!  Dad is staring at a television screen like a man under hypnosis--blocking out all sound around him.  He hopes to one day get back to his backyard activities.  Siblings are fighting about what this one has and what this one wants.  Mother Nature has a way of working a number on the human psyche.

When so much is going on indoors, it can be a challenge to go outdoors.  Therefore, one must check his or her kooky behavior before someone does.  The family must exercise some patience, look for ways to stay busy without need of others, and be helpful whenever called upon.  Negative attitudes, loud conversation, and bad-mouthing just adds fuel to the melting pot of personalities all around.

Sometimes family can be very understanding of short-tempers, impatience, and disrespect when outside the home and interacting with others they barely know.  However, at home can be a very different story.  It would make sense to treat others how one wants to be treated at home and wherever he or she goes, but of course, that doesn't happen with all individuals.  Some people enjoy feuds, more than they like peace.

Bad weather will affect one's mood and the results may not be good, so we must all check our minds, bodies, and spirits and avoid trouble whenever we can via phone, at home, and other places.  In the words of one of my children, "Mind your own business!"

Nicholl McGuire


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