Showing posts with label overprotective defensive relatives. Show all posts
Showing posts with label overprotective defensive relatives. Show all posts

Friday, June 19, 2015

My Baby Wouldn't Hurt Anyone - When Mother Doesn't Want to Believe Her Child is Abusive

We have those family members who will tell the world just how much they love us.  They will fight, lie, create a protest, and do more when they know that someone has wronged us.  However, when you are guilty as sin, still some will defend you.  In the case of one mother that comes to mind, I realized that she truly loved her children unconditionally, but the fact remained she had raised abusive men.


The problem with entering into a family, with a long history of crazy-making disorders, is that no one wants anyone talking about their "Baby, My beautiful daughter and my good son..."  So if you are hell-bent on telling relatives that their loved one is "crazy, weird, abusive" or whatever else you know to be true, you could be opening up a Pandora's box.  You never know when that smiling in-law who claims he or she "understands...thanks for sharing..." is going to turn on you like a rattlesnake and bite you or worse take out their anger they have toward you on your children.  They didn't ask for or want you bringing them news they might already know and most likely don't want to hear again when they are too close for comfort with their babies.


That mother I spoke of earlier usually didn't like any of her sons' girlfriends especially after they said some sad, but true events about her babies.  After a good tongue lashing and/or some veiled threats from the controlling mother, those ladies went away with tails between their legs never to sit down in her presence with another unflattering word about her adult babies.


If you are a mother, keep in mind, that you are responsible for raising your child, but when he becomes a man, you don't throw the towel in, but you advise.  You don't shoot messengers, you use what you know and help your poor child.  You remind your sons and daughters of the pitfalls in life and what the consequences are when they cross others.  The mother's babies got lucky that the girlfriends' families didn't go after them.  And that's another thing, where are the fathers when your daughters are being used and abused?


Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Overprotective Relatives who Refuse to Face the Truth About Mentally Disturbed Loved Ones

You are having a conversation with a relative about some unusual behavior coming from another relative--this person could be a parent, grandparent and the listener becomes defensive.  "Why are you saying that?  He is acting that way.  Are you starting trouble?  What about you?" the wife/aunt/uncle/sibling or whoever this person is to you is angry.  Why would they be so quick to defend a relative's mental issues?  Oftentimes people already know someone is troubled around them, but they don't want to admit it or hope the secret doesn't get out.  But crazy is crazy no matter what nice names we like to use to cover up the wild, strange, and downright disturbing behaviors of individuals in our lives.  But what can be upsetting is when one or a group would like to point the finger back at you for being the crazy one because you exposed the secret--now we have a problem.

Luckily, there are ways that you can deal with those who like to protect crazy Uncle Joe or Wild Wendy's actions or inactions.

1.  Let them find things out on their own without saying too much.  You can alert people to concerns rather than specifically talk about the person by mentioning your observations without using the name.  "So the bathroom is messed up again, this is a real problem.  What is being done about this issue?  I noticed there was a problem with the car, any story as to why it looks like that yet again?  With so many challenges, what is your plan?  You don't look yourself and seem to be stressed." You see, there is no name mentioned, but most likely someone will say something about the person who is causing much stress, it will be then that you share contact information, videos, or any other thing that might help their situation. 

2.  Distance yourself from people who don't want to admit that their loved one has issues. 

3.  Avoid conversation with those who try to deflect attention away from the troubled person in the family by focusing on you and whatever your personal issues might be.

4.  Don't continue to offer help to people who have repeatedly told you they don't want your help.  You can upset your own household by redirecting your focus from your personal life and on to someone else's.  Think of the many relationships that come to an end because of outside stresses ie.) in-laws, co-workers, friends, civic group associates, etc.

5.  Stay out of arguments with or about the troubled relative.  As much as you would love to share everything you despise about that person, let the protectors deal with the issues.  Keep "I told you so" comments to yourself.  Move on with your life.

The more you know about a loved one's condition the more empowered you will feel.  Ignore people when they act overprotective about loved ones, they do this because it is a natural reaction, don't take it personally.  When others speak angrily about the troubled relative, always think, "That person could be me going through those trials."  Treat others like you would expect to be treated.

Nicholl McGuire

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