When They Don't Encourage You

Help is on the Way, But Then Again Maybe Not - When Family Consider You a Burden

Whether you have had far too many moments in your life when you have been down on your luck, short of cash, in and out of relationships, or caused much drama that left some family members wishing you were dead, there will be those relatives and friends who will help you until it hurts.  However, there comes a point when favor wears off and all kind deeds have been exhausted.

Some family and friends will see to it that you don't remain in your mess, but helping you is going to cost you.  Maybe you are working off the help you have received, as you read this, or maybe you have yet to serve those individuals who believe that what they are asking of you is justified.  However, sooner or later the helper is going to expect something.

We need to think once, twice, and even a third time before asking relatives for assistance especially money.  Some people will help you in small ways, barely giving you enough to do much of anything, before requesting you do something for them.  People like this are really not helping, but seeking out benefits.  "What benefit is it letting him stay here?  What can she do for me?"  Think like these people for a moment, "What am I doing for these people?"  When your burdens are greater than the benefit, that is when people begin to change.  They start withdrawing their assistance.  They look for excuses as to why you can't stay in their residence pass a certain time period.  The drama begins to increase--a clear sign to move/quit asking/ stop borrowing/ as soon as you can!

The following is several things you can do when you are facing hard times and have to deal with certain difficult relatives for a time:

1.  Plan your next move, career, business, etc. from start to finish so that you will not have to go back and ask for any assistance from family!

2.  Network with people outside of your family and friends.  You will find that many are more knowledgable and can find resources that will help you out of your situation much faster.  Consider churches, civic groups, community centers, career counselors, temporary agencies for job placement, etc.

3.  Avoid staying at a relative's residence and doing nothing.  Go to bed early, get up early and try to stay away as long as you can.  Find places you can unwind after work.  When you are at the relative's home do small tasks, but be sure you communicate a start and stop time and when you are unable to help them otherwise they will take advantage.

4.  Give money when you can, but set a limit and how often you give.  Never give so much money that you have none put aside to move out on, pay for transportation, food, and more.  Keep track of your giving--use checks or money orders so that you have a receipt of payment.

When You Need Family Support

It happens, unfortunate situations that put us in a position that we need the help of family.  But when we reach out, we may not always be greeted with a friendly smile and a warm embrace especially if we have a history of angering certain people.  So what do you do?

One.  Set aside your pride.

Pride can be a demon that sets out to destroy everything that is there to help you.  Some people believe they are somehow doing the right thing by turning down assistance.  But unfortunately, saying "no" at the wrong time for the wrong reason can cause more harm than good.  Not all people are out to get you later or expect you to give your right arm because they did something for you.  If asking for help is bothersome to you, then consider enlisting the help of someone who can do the talking for you.  Also, be clear what you can and can't do for someone upfront.  Most often those who are opportunists will not do much for you when they can't get something in return.  Selfish and greedy individuals will always expose themselves sooner or later.  Watch for individuals and groups who mean you well and stay away from those who don't.

Two.  Assist others when you can.

Everything you do to help others shouldn't be wrapped up in money agreements, but as we all know there are always a few who love money and will do just about anything for it.  Sure, some relatives will expect money loaned paid back, because you may have entered into that sort of agreement with them, but others would be more than happy to receive service from you.  Therefore, whenever possible offer service rather than money as pay back BEFORE YOU BORROW especially when you know you have bills to pay.  If you can get the agreement recorded via email, text, voicemail, or some other way, do that so as to avoid confusion in the future.

Three.  Avoid arguments, personal opinions, and saying anything that you know will start unnecessary conflict.

The past has a way of coming back to haunt you when you are stressed.  You start thinking about those times when this person and that one wasn't there to help you.  You become easily irritated when someone starts bringing up subject matter that you have yet to get over.  Don't rehash your troubles with people who you know don't understand and have never walked a mile in your shoes.  Walk away when you feel like you are ready to explode on someone who thinks he or she knows it all and is critical of your decision-making.  Keep doors closed when discussing your issues with others.  It  is always best to avoid drama whenever possible particularly when you know you need certain relatives to help you.

Four.  State what you need upfront and try not to ask for much more.

Everyone who knows about your personal crises may help you for a time, but as the situation grows older, family members will begin to close their doors on helping you any longer.  They will expect some results from their assistancing you.  So if something comes up, you may have to ask for more help, but before you do, exhaust all options.  The last thing you want is a disgruntled relative complaining about you being a freeloader or beggar.

Five.  Try to speak positively whenever you can.

Sometimes it is simply hard to be happy for others who are doing well.  You become very angry and bitter when things just don't seem to be going your way.  However, you can adjust negative thinking by speaking positively whenever you can.  Find inspiration online.  Surround yourself around individuals who are doing well.  Attend worship services, spiritual conferences, and other similar things to keep your mood upbeat.  Resist the temptation to drink or do drugs, this will only cause discord between you and those who are trying to help you.

Six.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Don't get caught not doing what you said you were going to do.  If you are supposed to be looking for a job, do that.  If you plan to pay someone back, start paying that person a little at a time as soon as you have money in your pocket.  But whatever you do, don't make promises you can't keep.  If you know you will be unable to pay a loan within a designated time frame, say so.  Ask for options.  If you know you will need a donation, instead of a loan, then be clear about that.  Never assume that someone knows your situation, speak truthfully.  Keep only those who need to be updated about your personal business in the know, leave those who can't help you, out of your affairs.

Those that love you the most, can hurt you the most with mean-spirited statements, looks and the like, but just because you are down today, doesn't mean you always will.  People reap what they say and do.  Keep your head up.  Stay active seeking a job, taking courses, networking, working on your personal relationships, and doing other things that will help you in life.  Don't let critics keep you down!  To your future success!

Nicholl McGuire shares faith based messages on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7  You can also check out videos on Godtube.