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On Enabling, Supporting Those Who Hurt Others

Sunday, March 7, 2021

Family Bullies: They will Attempt to Silence You, Don't Let Them

"Keep that one distracted, quiet-- give her what she wants!  Just whatever you do, don't let her talk to her mother...tell her dad...or mention it to her grandparents!"  That is what was done and still being done to the potential black sheep of the family who saw and heard too much!  If you know this is being done, you do what you can in your power get the victims away from the bullies.  You encourage them to speak up, fight back, and surround themselves around people that could help them not hurt them!

Sometimes there is no punishment involved for speaking truth, exposing lies, telling secrets and so on; instead, that one, who is considered the enemy or a potential threat, is kept close with expensive gifts, promises, children are favored, and dreams fulfilled.  "That was a close one, I thought she was going to say something at the last family event...Thank God!" says the one fearful of the truth getting out.

The family bully doesn't have money, time, or the sense to attract a bee with honey!  This hot-headed, temperamental, angry, stubborn, or crazed one in the family uses whatever means necessary to get family members to stay in their lane, tow the line or do what they are told or else!  "You want me to beat your a$$!  I will k*ll you if you ever say that!  Do you know who I am?  I can destroy you!"

So what do fearful family members do?  They sit back and let bad things happen or passively perform well-meaning actions while hoping or praying the evil-doer will get what is coming to her or him, change for the better or just stop cold turkey.  However, most abusers and enablers don't do any of those things they reason away wrongdoing and persuade others to go along just to get along.  

Sometimes days, weeks, months, even years later when the users and abusers either get too old and tired, become remorseful after losing a lot in life or die is when they finally stop being bullies.  Yet, the next generation, those who had been negatively influenced by them, tend to repeat the cycle if their behaviors are left unchecked.  The worry and fear of knowing that they have become far worse than the bully is on the hearts and minds of those susceptible to victimization.

What do we do when we know someone in a family has a strong track record for being a bully?  We don't allow ourselves or loved ones to be subjected to their abuse.  We speak up against their behavior in front of a circle of witnesses.  We take proper precautions to ensure our safety as well as others.  We get paramedics, police, counselors, doctors, trusted friends--anyone or group we know will take necessary action to stop the bullying.

Family bullies feel they are powerful just so long as people around them support them on their foolishness, but when their support system implodes from the inside out they have no one to rely on, insult, assault, or crazy make.  The gig is up!

When you are the one in control, powerful in the eyes of the bully, surrounded by your own personal network of supporters, bullies are jealous, angry, and vengeful.  "How could you get away?  How could you come out so strong, so wise, so smart, so brave?" the evil ones think.  They will attempt to belittle you, bring up your past, talk rudely about you to others, find people who have issue with you, vow to get even...you best be aware and prepare for the bumpy ride ahead!

Bullies aren't just in families, they are everywhere!  They are in government, the entertainment industry, your workplace, the Internet, and at your child or grandchild's school.  They hate it when they are brought down low by those they have repeatedly insulted.  They can't stand that their reputation is damaged and now someone or group is now after them!  They want nothing more to bring anyone down who has spoken out against them, took something they like or love away, and exposed their dastardly deeds!

With your own supportive network from attorneys to your cousins on that crazy side of your family, you can and you will bring a bully down to his or her knees!  Utilize a higher power, greater than yourself, an unseen force through prayer and fasting to fight your battles.  

Seek legal counsel for legal matters, spiritual counselors for spiritual ones.  You are not just a child of God but also a soldier for him as well.  There is a reason why you or someone else spoke up about the bully, so don't come this far and allow the bully to silence you or those you love!

Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and contributor and author of Know Your Enemy The Christian's Critic and other books.

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