Growing up, I noticed that some of
my intermediate and extended relatives had very strong family bonds. They
were the kind of bonds that showed just how much they cared for one
another. Sure, they argued at times and wasn't always there for one
another, but there was an appreciation, love and respect that family members
displayed that couldn't be broken no matter what the situation!
Drugs showed up in the family,
cheating, lying, stealing, and more, and even still, some family members were
diehard about loved ones. They didn't stop saying, "I love you...you
can do better! We are a family! Let me get you some help. I
hate what is happening to your family, let's do something about it!"
The passion to assist, the determination to get someone free of their demons,
and the kind of love that only a God could download into the spirit of man and
woman was real!
So, I thought of what they did
to accomplish that family closeness that some observers were simply jealous of
and wished for that kind of bond among their own.
1) They listened.
When family crisis showed up,
time was taken to listen. Steamrolling over conversations, quick to
name-call, running one's mouth about "you should...and you better..."
nope not with these Good Samaritans. They wanted to hear all sides and
then they planned the work and worked the plan. Judgments, bias,
name-calling, and personal opinions need not be a part of their family
discussions.
2) They encouraged.
These loved ones did the total
opposite of what discouraging family members did to their relatives, they
ensured the one they were speaking to that "everything would be
alright...you will get through this! I love you and you made a
mistake--no one is perfect! Do better next time."
3) They provided.
Unlike stingy relatives who
held on to money like they could never earn it again, the generous kin did what
they could to help. They gave up not just money, but time to ensure that
someone got to their appointment, someone was visited in jail, someone's house
was cleaned, and another had no worries about yardwork. They were
present, in the moment, and all-too ready to open their wallets and/or doors.
4) They loved.
As much as it hurt some of them
to let very troubled family members go, they still loved them anyway.
They refrained to talk ugly about them. They loved them until their
hearts couldn't take any more stress. Before long, unfortunately some of
those loving relatives were buried. They left us with one piece of advice
in their actions, "Know when to let go." A few used to say that
their kindness had been taken for weakness and they wished that at times they
hadn't been so kind, but more firm with some kinfolk.
5) They grew.
As family reunions came to a
slow end due to so many people passing away with dates so close together, it
was apparent that the family was still pressing on, still growing, still
helping, and still doing. The elders supported family growth and didn’t
frown or look down on those who became pregnant. They realized that they wouldn't be around forever,
so it was important that the family grow; therefore, they encouraged population
growth, family closeness, and family get-togethers even in their absence.
There wasn't just one family member leading, but many kin were instructed to
lead and to continue to keep the family ties strong.
6) They believed.
Now after years of observation
and participation in family events, there is still the belief that those who
had been distant will one day come together and those that have been close will
remain that way. It doesn't hurt to believe even when others have given
up. Stay faithful, stay loving, and stay kind, you never know who is
watching.
May God bless you and your family!
Nicholl McGuire is the owner of this blog and the author of When Mothers Cry, Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues, Say Goodbye to Dad and other nonfiction books.
