Mending Broken Bonds: Biblical Wisdom for Strained Relationships

How to Know You are in an Unhealthy Relationship

It is not uncommon for people to find themselves in unhealthy friendships. Unfortunately, this type of relationship can be detrimental to both individuals involved. To help protect yourself and others from being a part of an unhealthy friendship, here are a few warning signs that may indicate that you or someone else is not a good friend.  

One major sign is when one person begins to take advantage of the other person by asking for favors constantly without offering anything in return. This could involve asking for money, rides, or assistance with household tasks without ever reciprocating the favor. Another indication is when one person in the friendship only calls or texts during times of need and neglects their friend most other times. It becomes especially concerning if this individual always has something they need help with, but never takes time to just catch up or show appreciation.  

The most telling sign is when one friend continuously puts the other down or undermines their opinions and decisions. This can manifest in subtle put-downs disguised as jokes, or open criticism of someone's ideas. All these behaviors are indicative of an unhealthy friendship that should be avoided at all costs to protect both individuals involved from emotional harm.

 
If you notice any of these signs present in a relationship, it might be time to reconsider whether it is worth continuing the friendship. It is important to have healthy relationships with others and if a friendship fails this test, then it is best for everyone involved to move on. Remember that having good friends who treat us with respect and kindness is essential to our wellbeing.  

The bottom line is that it can be hard to let go of someone you care about, but if the signs point towards a detrimental friendship, then it may be necessary for your own safety. Be sure to look out for these warning signs in any future friendships you create and do your best to create healthier relationships with those around you.  

More than anything else, remember that having friends who value us and make us feel appreciated should be at the top of our list when it comes to relationships. A healthy relationship will have mutual respect and understanding, as well as plenty of time spent enjoying each other's company without expecting anything in return. Being a good friend means being there for each other and supporting one another in challenging times, but also giving each other space to grow as individuals.  

With a little effort, you can create and maintain relationships that are beneficial for everyone involved! If you or someone you know is struggling with being a good friend, there are many resources available to help. It is important to keep communication open and honest so that both people feel comfortable expressing their needs. With the right support, anyone can work on building healthy friendships! 

Nicholl McGuire is the owner of this blog and the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and Tell Me Mother You're Sorry.

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10 Things that Occur in Relationships that Couples Avoid Sharing with Others

You notice the photographs of what appears to be happy couples posted on the social networking sites you have joined.  You see them walking down the street holding hands.  You are in awe of your favorite relatives’ relationships and you secretly wish that you could have what they have.  Yet, before you get too lost into what you think is a happy relationship, know that many couples have their share of issues and if you were to be a fly on the wall you would be shocked at what you saw.  

1. A partner’s personal body hygiene.

Although most women wouldn’t want the world to know their partners stink, some have gone publicly with what they discovered.  All that glitters doesn’t necessarily smell good so you might have read somewhere online with some celebrities.  A person’s hygiene says a lot about how they manage (or not) other areas of their lives.

2. Past issues like: cheating, threats of divorce, deaths in the family, financial woes, jail time, etc.

Sure, the seemingly sweetheart couple appears to be in love now, but you would never know how much they endured in order to get to that place.  They wouldn’t tell most relatives, because sometimes keeping major issues private draw couples close rather than far apart.

3. An incident(s) where one or both started physically fighting.

It would make sense why no one would ever hear about a couple’s physical altercations.  With the threat of going to jail as a result of dating or domestic violence, both would promise each other never to breathe a word.  Besides, if some relatives found out, the partner doing the fighting just might catch a bad case of being beaten to death depending on the family.

4. Awful lies that were told and continue to happen.

Disputes between couples about lying are all-too-popular from lying about what one views on the internet to where he or she went while a partner was sleeping.  Those in denial would never want to let family and friends know that they were right about their partner being sneaky, irresponsible, untrustworthy, etc. so wicked lies are often covered up until something really bad happens.

5. Appearance flaws.

Bad teeth, an unflattering part on the body or scar tissue from an accident, sometimes no one knows about these things but a partner. 

6. A child or children really not being one or both of the parents.

This is one of the best kept secrets for a time.  However, sooner or later a child’s features will reveal the truth.  From skin tone to eye shape, something just isn’t right.  Observers will talk, but the couple will refuse to tell the story.  Sometimes secrets like this do far more harm than good.

7. Weird fetishes, routines, and sexual desires.

As handsome as a man might look seated beside his beautiful wife, one may never know just how strange this couple might be behind closed doors.  Some couples participate in some very strange behavior that would leave many of us speechless.  Others have annoying habits that we would never tolerate if our partners were to do them.  Then there are those bizarre sexual things that happen at their home—you know the kind that you might want to be careful where you sit when visiting.  You also might want to be mindful of eating there too.

8. An abortion or miscarriage.

This is a painful secret that many women and men have gone to their graves with.  No one wants to be reminded of something that occurred in their lives that they may never be forgiven for, so these couples who have experienced such things, stay quiet.

9. Criminal issues like: stealing, rape, falsifying documents, fighting someone or group outside of the relationship, recklessly driving, etc.

Whether one or both in the relationship paid a fine or did some jail time, they wouldn’t want others to know about what happened for fear of being judged.

10. A threat or attempt to commit suicide or other mental or physical condition.

Couples who have been through much emotional and physical turmoil usually don’t want anyone to know about their challenges.  They find it difficult being around people who have not experienced what they have been going through.  Some not only keep secrets but avoid coming around family and friends during tough times for any number of reasons.

If you find that you are in a relationship like the one described or know a couple like this, do take the time to be understanding about how others might feel.  If you are typically open about your life and begin to shut others out, they will react negatively toward you, worry, and may even drop by your residence unexpectedly depending on how close they might be to you. 

There is nothing wrong about keeping your life with your partner private.  If more couples did, they just might discover that they will be much happier. 

Nicholl McGuire manages this blog and others like Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and When Mothers Cry 

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8 Petty Things Partners Do to Kill a Perfectly Good Relationship

You have started a new relationship and recently discovered that your partner is a bad communicator. Every time you two have a conversation you end up asking him or her, “What is it that you want me to do? You haven’t told me anything!”

How are you suppose to know what is bothering them about you when they act as if everything is normal? Your partner can’t seem to give you any good examples to help you stop doing something that may be irritating them. We are going to take a chance on reading their minds and figure out what sort of petty things you may be doing in this new relationship that are killing what could potentially lead to marriage in the future.

One. Expecting them to call you whenever.

There are men who talk about their girlfriends or wives nagging them. “There she goes again calling me.” Their friends will joke about how he is “whipped,” “on lock down” or make some other negative comment about how you can’t let him alone. For women (or men) who feel secure in their relationships, they usually don’t behave in that way. However, for those who don’t feel they can trust their mate, they will call as often as they can. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, at least initially, but in time it can wear on one’s nerves and make them feel that they can never win his or her partner’s trust.

Two. Hoping they will do things for you or say things that you don’t communicate.

Just as we are attempting to mind read your partner who has trouble communicating, they may be attempting to read your mind as well. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you intend on doing something wonderful for them and you don’t bother to find out if they have a certain day available, then how are they suppose to know to clear that date? If you want more affection, more appreciation, more care, more love, more whatever then what are you doing or saying to get it?

Three. Talking behind their back to everyone who will listen about what makes you angry about him or her.

Some people are very good about telling others what they think about their relationship, but are terrible at communicating their ill feelings to their partner. If the relationship stinks, then tell him or her why you feel this way and what you intend to do to make it better. Meanwhile ask them to tell you exactly what they need from you and what they plan on doing to enhance the relationship. If they can’t come up with anything to make things better, make up excuses, blame or belittle you, and/or don’t act interested, they may actually be confiding in someone that has more than just a listening ear. Someone who truly wants to be in a relationship is willing to work at it; someone who isn’t will find excuses not to work on it.

Four. Being extremely organized, messy or smelly.

A person who is over the top with how they keep a home or terrible at keeping anything clean, (including their body) may be a headache for someone who is totally the opposite. These may not have been obstacles for you to overcome when you weren’t living together. But now they could be, once again, if you can both communicate and reach an agreement on these issues—your world may be more relaxed, cleaner and smell better.

Five. Showing ingratitude when he or she makes an effort to do something that they hope will please you.

When you don’t appreciate the little things as well as the bigger things that your mate does for you, they will stop doing them. If you can’t remember the last time you showed love for what they have done for you, outside of a holiday, then it’s time you should. Pencil them on your calendar so that you will keep the good work up at least once a month.

Six. Being manipulative by using flattery, gift-giving, and other so-called “nice” deeds.

Now if you have been using nice behavior to cover up some misdeeds, then they may be reacting negatively to your actions, because they know why you are doing it. No one wants someone to give them something without being sincere. If you keep doing this without addressing the issues of concern, your partner will begin to resent you and your attempts to cover up your bad attitudes.

Seven. Overly concerned about what everyone else things.

Does it really matter what your family or friends think about your partner? The truth is that you have to live with them not your relatives. If you are always worried about what will people think if for instance, he served time, or what will people think if she tells them that she is from a poor neighborhood and other similar things, then you have no business being with them.

Eight. Assuming everyone of the opposite sex wants your partner.

No one loves your partner as much as you do. If you feel bothered by everyone who talks to your partner, then you must think about why you feel this way? Was there something that happened in the past that affected your trust in people? Does your partner act in ways that makes you feel insecure?

Although these are only eight ways that you could possibly be killing a perfectly good relationship, there are many more. Think of more ways that are causing your mate to want to re-consider staying in a relationship with you. Remember if there is a problem that keeps showing up in your relationship, most likely it’s because you are not dealing with it. Once you face the problem head on and make attempts to resolve it, it will go away, but you can’t go at it alone, you will need your partner to be willing to help you fix matters!

By Nicholl McGuire