Tuesday, June 7, 2011

8 Petty Things Partners Do to Kill a Perfectly Good Relationship

You have started a new relationship and recently discovered that your partner is a bad communicator. Every time you two have a conversation you end up asking him or her, “What is it that you want me to do? You haven’t told me anything!”

How are you suppose to know what is bothering them about you when they act as if everything is normal? Your partner can’t seem to give you any good examples to help you stop doing something that may be irritating them. We are going to take a chance on reading their minds and figure out what sort of petty things you may be doing in this new relationship that are killing what could potentially lead to marriage in the future.

One. Expecting them to call you whenever.

There are men who talk about their girlfriends or wives nagging them. “There she goes again calling me.” Their friends will joke about how he is “whipped,” “on lock down” or make some other negative comment about how you can’t let him alone. For women (or men) who feel secure in their relationships, they usually don’t behave in that way. However, for those who don’t feel they can trust their mate, they will call as often as they can. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, at least initially, but in time it can wear on one’s nerves and make them feel that they can never win his or her partner’s trust.

Two. Hoping they will do things for you or say things that you don’t communicate.

Just as we are attempting to mind read your partner who has trouble communicating, they may be attempting to read your mind as well. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you intend on doing something wonderful for them and you don’t bother to find out if they have a certain day available, then how are they suppose to know to clear that date? If you want more affection, more appreciation, more care, more love, more whatever then what are you doing or saying to get it?

Three. Talking behind their back to everyone who will listen about what makes you angry about him or her.

Some people are very good about telling others what they think about their relationship, but are terrible at communicating their ill feelings to their partner. If the relationship stinks, then tell him or her why you feel this way and what you intend to do to make it better. Meanwhile ask them to tell you exactly what they need from you and what they plan on doing to enhance the relationship. If they can’t come up with anything to make things better, make up excuses, blame or belittle you, and/or don’t act interested, they may actually be confiding in someone that has more than just a listening ear. Someone who truly wants to be in a relationship is willing to work at it; someone who isn’t will find excuses not to work on it.

Four. Being extremely organized, messy or smelly.

A person who is over the top with how they keep a home or terrible at keeping anything clean, (including their body) may be a headache for someone who is totally the opposite. These may not have been obstacles for you to overcome when you weren’t living together. But now they could be, once again, if you can both communicate and reach an agreement on these issues—your world may be more relaxed, cleaner and smell better.

Five. Showing ingratitude when he or she makes an effort to do something that they hope will please you.

When you don’t appreciate the little things as well as the bigger things that your mate does for you, they will stop doing them. If you can’t remember the last time you showed love for what they have done for you, outside of a holiday, then it’s time you should. Pencil them on your calendar so that you will keep the good work up at least once a month.

Six. Being manipulative by using flattery, gift-giving, and other so-called “nice” deeds.

Now if you have been using nice behavior to cover up some misdeeds, then they may be reacting negatively to your actions, because they know why you are doing it. No one wants someone to give them something without being sincere. If you keep doing this without addressing the issues of concern, your partner will begin to resent you and your attempts to cover up your bad attitudes.

Seven. Overly concerned about what everyone else things.

Does it really matter what your family or friends think about your partner? The truth is that you have to live with them not your relatives. If you are always worried about what will people think if for instance, he served time, or what will people think if she tells them that she is from a poor neighborhood and other similar things, then you have no business being with them.

Eight. Assuming everyone of the opposite sex wants your partner.

No one loves your partner as much as you do. If you feel bothered by everyone who talks to your partner, then you must think about why you feel this way? Was there something that happened in the past that affected your trust in people? Does your partner act in ways that makes you feel insecure?

Although these are only eight ways that you could possibly be killing a perfectly good relationship, there are many more. Think of more ways that are causing your mate to want to re-consider staying in a relationship with you. Remember if there is a problem that keeps showing up in your relationship, most likely it’s because you are not dealing with it. Once you face the problem head on and make attempts to resolve it, it will go away, but you can’t go at it alone, you will need your partner to be willing to help you fix matters!

By Nicholl McGuire

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Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media

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