Every young woman wants her first time to be special. But unfortunately, that isn’t always the case. If she has sex before she is ready she feels humiliated, misused, abused, angry, and in some cases suicidal. The young man who has broken her virginity is usually praised for his accomplishment and all too often wants to come back for more. Many fathers fear the idea that there is some no-good guy out there wanting their precious daughter’s virginity or that she may be all too willing to give it away. They remember the things they said and did to get a girl and now they don’t want their daughter to fall for lines like, “I love you…you are so pretty…I’ll take care of you…I won’t tell…We were made for one another!”
So what are some healthy things a father can do to help his daughter put off having sex with a guy other than threatening to kill her boyfriend, beat her, or brainwash her into thinking there is no young man good enough for her and that every one of them is up to something? The following 12 tips are created to help you build a quality relationship with your daughter, while allowing her the space to make wise decisions when it comes to being intimate with a boy.
One. Respect her Mother and other women
Girls pay attention to how daddy reacts to their mother. While you are yelling, scowling, staring at women walking along the street, or staying up late at night looking at naughty movies or pornographic photographs via the Internet, your daughter is watching your every move. If she reasons in her head that the only time mommy can get daddy’s undivided attention is when she does something wrong or if a woman dresses provocatively, what do you think she is going to do?
Two. Read to her and play games (i.e. put aside your man hood for tea party and Barbie)
Your manhood is what defines who you are, how you conduct yourself, the way you talk and dress, but sometimes your manhood will have to be compromised when you have a daughter. She invites you to read a book about ponies, play Barbies, sit down for a tea party, or help her burp her baby doll, just do it. You aren’t less of a man by enjoying the company of your daughter. If you don’t take the time to experience her world now, years from now that no good guy will be happy to oblige. That is if there isn’t a little boy in school now making a good impression on your beloved daughter. Chances are he is all too curious about what adults do and your daughter just might take him up on the offer.
While you are playing dress up with your daughter, she will be open to hear anything that makes you look like a King and her mother look like a Queen. She will also want to know that she is your princess. Little girls want to hear stories that include how beautiful they look, how smart they are, and how proud you are of them. They also want you to tell them what to do when the evil witch, ugly monster, or crazy animal of life tries to attack them. Put on your best show and let them know you care and you will protect them come hell or high water! Tell her what boys say to get girls to do what they want. Use examples from the media. Discuss the music she is listening to and what she may already know about the birds and the bees.
Four. Practice what you preach (i.e. if you believe in God then pray with her)
It doesn’t make sense that a father will tell his daughter not to watch rated R movies, then she sees him up late at night watching rated X movies with the TV turned down. It doesn’t make sense that a father will tell his daughter not to talk to boys and she sees him flirting with women in the stores. You get the idea, don’t just tell her not to do something, but live by example. If you don’t want her to drink, smoke, go to the club or bar, and have multiple partners, then why are you doing it?
Five. Educate yourself about her age group, what they do and talk about
When she tells you something in slang, do you know what she means? If some guy calls her up, do you know what the latest strategies they use to get a girl in bed? Keep your ear to the street. The Internet youth forums, social networking sites, chat rooms, and more are filled with information to help you find out the latest trends, slang words, music, celebrity icons and more to help you find out more about her world. Prepare to interview your daughter about her interests. She will be flattered that dad knows a little something about her world. However, don’t try to say a bunch of slang words in a single paragraph or make a habit of using too many, you will appear ridiculous in her eyes. Some parents make this mistake and forget that there is a fine line between being a child’s friend and being a parent. Avoid crossing that line.
Six. Keep Promises
Too many dads are busy making promises on the job and keeping them; yet breaking them on the home front. Don’t tell her at anytime you will be able to do something and never follow through. She will be hurt and most likely will remember for a lifetime. Check and re-check your schedule, before you commit. It is better to say, “I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it,” then surprise her and make the event, then commit and not be there.
Seven. Pick her up from places whenever you can
More girls become pregnant during free time when they seem to have nothing planned. It could be before they got to school, during a half day, after school, or on the weekend. Don’t rely on others to pick her up if you don’t have to or believe that her feet will always walk her straight home. Know her friends and phone numbers. Any new friends she tells you about should not be taking her anywhere unless you have met them. Also, have her give you a schedule of extracurricular activities that include meeting dates and times. Be sure you obtain a calendar from the school to see if what she is telling you check’s out. Connect with other parents who have children in the same groups, so that you can be aware of meeting dates and when they are cancelled.
Eight. Attend Parent Teacher Conferences
So many parents are too busy to bother, but when a crisis occurs suddenly they want to schedule a meeting. Be present for these meetings before she has trouble with her studies. You will be surprised to find out how much the teacher really knows about your daughter. He or she may even tell you about a boy in the class who may be taking an interest in her or may mention seeing her around the school holding hands with a boy. With this information, you will have a grasp on what you will have to do to put a halt to certain things, get your wife involved with teaching her about birth control, etc.
Nine. Volunteer to help with field trips, dances, sporting events
This is the best way to educate yourself about your child’s age group as well as stay in the know about her friends. Kids will talk. These events are your front row seat in observing the kind of people your daughter associates herself with and you will be able to warn her about the troublemakers.
Ten. Assist with Fundraisers
Helping your daughter raise money for a good cause allows her to see you in a good light. You are showing her that you care about what interests her and it is a great way to build a relationship with your neighbors. When you are walking around the neighborhood with her, people will be able to get to know your faces and will keep their eyes open for any suspicious activity occurring at your home. For instance, if there is a boy hanging out around your home when you are at work, they may tell you.
Eleven. Surprise her with gifts outside of the holidays sometimes
This is a another great way to show your daughter you care. Let her know you appreciate her not only during the holidays. She will be glad to know you are thinking about her and will definitely be thrilled to find that you got her something that she can really use.
Twelve. Call or visit her some time
Divorce and separations happen; however, that is no excuse not to see your daughter. If you need to go to court, then do it. No matter what the relationship with the mother, if you can prove that you are a good father, then a judge who can see past any lies the mother says, will give you visitation. Do some of the things mentioned above. Take advantage of that free time, ask questions, do something she likes and most of all reaffirm that you love her.
These 12 tips will help you create the kind of relationship that will keep her focused on the important matters of life. In time, when she is tempted, she may not react, because she will remember the things daddy said that made her feel special, the interest daddy took in her, and most of all the love that he has shown. Don’t be like some fathers who spend more time doing the things that please them and overlook what is happening in the family. Your daughter needs you just as much as you needs her mother whether she tells you that or not. If she should still become pregnant or have an STD, at least you know you did everything you could to help her prolong her virginity. She will have herself to blame, not you.