Do You Have Any Normal Relatives?

I pondered this thought when I kept seeing dysfunction show up with some of my relatives while I wished to be around those I considered normal--no obvious mental handicaps, no crazy mannerisms, no loud talking, or angering others.  From the time I was a child, I recognized there was just something wrong with many family members.  I thought it quite strange that no one seemed to notice or said anything and acted as if what these people would say or do was okay.  Some were blatantly over-the-top about everything, reactive, all-too-ready to fight about whatever whenever, and it was excused.

I recalled an uncle who would often beat up his girlfriends, but always had a seat at the family table.  Then there was another uncle that would often be loud-mouthed and disrespectful to his mother and he got the pass.  I can't tell you how many relatives were intoxicated, cursing, and just downright stupid especially at family events.  "What was up with these people?" I thought.  Problems in the family, behind closed doors, weren't self-contained either, they would show up in courtrooms, on neighbors doorsteps, and elsewhere.  Someone always needed something from another relative and if he or she didn't deliver there was hell to pay!  Being a child, all I could do was watch.  There was no asking questions or commenting about "grown folks business."  I heard, "Stay in a child's place, mind your business!"

I seriously can say that "normalcy" is not a word I could ever use with some relatives and their households.  When you are in the middle of a circle with crazy people orbiting you like the sun, it can be all so draining!  You often feel alone as if you have no one to talk to because mental illness runs wild.  I would love to say that I grew up around certain family members and life was pretty normal, but it wasn't, I know that now more than ever before.  Their brainwashing has long worn off!  It took years to shake off some wicked programming and even more to stop thinking negative things. 

When you are around dysfunctional people long enough, you will find yourself thinking and behaving in ways that look more like them and less like you.  This is why I will be the first to support any one who decides they want to go No Contact with some relatives.  Going no contact means freedom from arguments, crazy and toxic relatives, and you don't have to worry about who lied, cried, died, etc.  You are also no longer concerned about someone getting murdered or jailed.  You stop caring and are free to live your life!  I realize what God means when he says, "Turn your burdens over to me and I will give you rest."

When you are a child, you have no choice, but to deal with what appears to be normal folks in your family.  But when you get out of your small town and small-minded thinking, you are opened up to a world where things you thought were normal growing up isn't and if you aren't careful you might fall into a trap of additional craziness! 

Some of you recall the day when you discovered that certain people were not what relatives said they were, when what your family called tradition really wasn't, what a relative said or did to you was evil, etc.  It is quite liberating when you are no longer under what someone's false definition of normal is.  So I pray that those of you who seek healthy relationships, a quiet life, and much blessing, get what you have been craving now and forever!

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

On Delusional Family Members Creating False Stories

You may have a few in your family that love exaggerating, lying, changing or omitting factual details to keep from people finding out any truth about them.  For instance, a man breaks up with his ex, he desires to make a good impression on a new lover; therefore, he will be careful about what he says about how he and his ex broke up.  He may tell his lover that it was due to repeated disagreements, that she couldn't get over what he did in the past, or there were often disputes about family, money, faith, or politics. 


Whatever the stories the former lover chooses to share, one will never really know the truth especially if he or she has never talked with the ex.  Now take this example and think about delusional family members.  These fantasy-filled people create worlds within and around them that appear to look righteous, peaceful, and prosperous while ignoring the reality around them.  They will be careful about presenting anything that might make the family look bad.  They are often braggadocios and either compare their lifestyles to others or look down on people who don't have much.  So if you were to have a disagreement with a delusional relative or many in a group, they most likely will shut you down in such a way that you will not be considered trustworthy or a credible witness. 


A person with a false image of family will work hard to make it appear as if everyone loves each other, there is no wrong-doing, and God's favor is upon them.  Those who have grown up with these people, know better.  For example, a praying grandmother turns out to be nothing more than a liar and a cheat.  A so-called hard-working grandfather is really nothing more than a hustler.  A sweet aunt turns out to be a seductress and adulterer.  A fun cousin is not the nice guy you once knew, but really the family drunk.  A rich uncle is really a poor pedophile.


These family members with false images and carefully crafted family stories are not worth disputing with.  Truth has a way of coming out in many forms including on the Internet for starters!  You will find yourself increasingly angry with them if you boldly confront them while they repeatedly deny what you know as fact.  In your quest for truth, you might find yourself doing and saying things about that person that might make others form a negative judgment about you.  People like this who live in a fantasy world, you must play cool.  As much as you would like to present the real you, free of facades and compromises when dealing with these types, the reality is it won't be beneficial to start a protest or campaign against those individuals without family members backing you up as well as much evidence to prove truth. 


Wishy-washy relatives who don't mind liars and manipulators in the family will most likely not stand for truth.  These folks, who stay quiet or take a middle of the road stance about family issues, usually don't have much morals and are nonchalant about major issues.  The have an attitude like, "Keep me out of this...I don't know about that and don't want to talk about it...don't ask me...I can't recall."  This can be frustrating when you are trying to get a point across that some individuals could have supported you on when confronting these delusional relatives, but chose not to while creating more family division.


The wrong time to approach these liars is during the holiday family gatherings, if you must, better to take the drama out of view or the liar might win sympathy from witnesses.  Some relatives are deceptive enough to try to draw you into a family fight in an effort to prove lies they have told or heard.  For instance, the man who was used in the previous example wanting to make a good impression on his new lover, if he would be in the presence of an ex, he would use her weaknesses to prove a point.  But he couldn't do it without triggering events.  So maybe he might bring up something from the past that would anger the ex or say something unkind behind closed doors so that she would react to him in a negative way once in public.  Then he would say to witnesses, "See what I had to go through being with her?"  His attempt at making himself look righteous just might go over well with those who already don't like the ex.


When advisers warn you, ignore trouble-makers or don't feed into what they say, they are doing well by giving you this kind of advice.  However, there will be those times where one must speak up and tell truth.  You can do this without being emotional, confrontational or belittling.  Simply state what you know like you would if you were seated in an office with a boss.  Once the information is out, people can do what they want with it.  But the more emotional you become when presenting facts about family members, the more likely you will say or do something that you might later regret.


Nicholl McGuire provides insightful spiritual video at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.  Also, check out her book, Know Your Enemy: The Christians Critic.