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Wednesday, February 18, 2015

On Family History: When Titles Don't Make Relatives Right, Truth Does

If you should take a moment to argue with a self-righteous family member about what you deem to be right about family history and it is proven wrong, this relative might act very prideful while reminding you of his or her title, whatever that might be in your life, while advising you about your education, who you think you know, or skill level in a certain area.  But if you were to be right about a person or event in family history, this same prideful relative might attempt to downplay what you have said, discredit you, and act very jealous.  He or she might do any of the following: fault-find, play ignorant, ignore facts, act judgmental, etc.  Keep in mind, a title doesn't make a relative or guardian right, but the truth does!

When you are awakened to the shoddy foundation of a family unit and see that what has been passed down for years from patriarchs and matriarchs is incorrect, it is natural to want to point out flaws in the family's thoughts, traditions, stories, and more.  However, those that enjoy believing the lies, desire to keep secrets, refuse to be wrong, and may have issue with you and your family, will argue, defend, back-bite, leave people out of wills, or even physically fight about the facts.

No contact is always the best way to go when you can't seem to speak any truth to relatives who rather insult, argue, and threaten you.  No one should have to deal with toxic people who believe they are often right, when they are usually often wrong.  Establish your boundaries, create new view points, share facts with those who care, and don't give place to the enemy by losing your cool!

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7. 

Saturday, February 14, 2015

What to Do About Moody Relatives with an Ax to Grind Whether You Know It or Not

There are just some relatives that will not show any love no matter what time of year it is.  From Valentine's Day to Christmas, the family issues will continue to mount and some will say nothing until one day they just explode.  A small event triggers a major one and before long everyone is angry, sad or ready to fight.

Moody relatives, who have much negativity to say about relatives and friends, are to be avoided if you want to keep the peace in your own family.  You don't want to spend too much time being around them especially when you know they have their share of relationship challenges, difficult children, and personal misery.  Many relatives and friends set themselves up by trying to uplift some people that have a long history of saying and doing toxic things to others.  If you must connect with these people, do it after the holiday(s).

There are some people who wait for good times to spill the beans about this issue and that one.  They have an ax to grind with someone and so they seek an unsuspecting relative or friend to help sharpen it.  These people, who so readily believe whatever they hear, get cut in the process.  It is always better to stay out of others' quarrels.  But if you must be involved in a family dispute, before you jump in, choose to advise, or be there for someone who might be the scapegoat or black sheep in the family, do the following:

1.  Find out more about why this person is so upset.  Look at both sides, not just the complaining person's point of view.
2.  Don't badmouth relatives and friends to the hurt individual, because if he or she should one day befriend the enemy, your conversation just might come back up.
3.  Don't offer to lie, cover-up, or validate anything he or she says.  Listen without judgment.
4.  Share what you know with others only if the person confiding in you wants you to.  This might occur if he or she wants you to talk to someone for him or her.  However, be cautious doing this because the person who might be on no contact could turn on you for passing information to him or her.
5.  Avoid the shame, guilt, and other emotions that could make you feel obligated to helping this person.  Advise only if he or she is willing to listen to you.
6.  If you find that the family issue is affecting other areas of your life, distance yourself.  Don't be so available to take phone calls, visit homes, and perform service for the quarrelsome relatives or friends.

Not everyone is able to help moody relatives or family friends who just can't seem to get along with people.  When efforts at peace have failed and the person rather keep issues going, don't get involved with the individual or those who encourage the family fighting.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.     

Friday, February 13, 2015

Can You Say Anything Good About Your Family?

They come and go in your life.  They show up at family gatherings.  They claim they love you and will always be here for you, your family.  But how true are they to the words that they speak?  When was the last time a trial showed up in your life and you called on your family?  What happened?  Do you find yourself trying to make a square hole fit into a round peg with these people or do you fit together like a hand in a glove?

Chances are there is some pain, confusion, bitterness, resentment, envy, and more concerning certain relatives, not all.  The "bad seeds" are the ones that we find ourselves trying to make sense of their nonsense.  We cut off some, while others we keep around for title-sake.  Some who carry titles are just as toxic as the bad seeds, but we put up with them for a time.  But one day there will come a time, when we will grow older, get bolder and there is no putting up with anything!

What is certain about all families in this life, they live and then they die.  Some we will miss while others we will secretly rejoice (as heartless as this might sound), but is so true!  There is no sugar-coating what we know about some people.  We try to say nice things about them, be polite in public, and don't rock the boat.  However, there will always be that breaking point when one gets tired of being used, abused, forgotten, ignored, or treated more like a thing then a human being.

As one relative told me some years ago, "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all."  I think this rule applies to some things, but not all.  Some issues have got to be said in order to begin a healing process.  You can't very well continue to allow someone to mistreat you just because they are "family."  It is insane and this is why some relatives never heal, if anything, they are burdened by the weight of someone else's evil just because they won't let go of titles.  There are those moments when truth is prohibited due to one issue or the other, but then there are those times when one is free to say how he or she truly feels.  Of course, some things can't be done without some degree of consequence, so we prepare.  But what really matters is saying what needs to be said before eyes are closed forever.

So I leave you with this, can you honestly say anything good about your family and if you can, is it honest?

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual wisdom at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.


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