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Thursday, December 22, 2016

Family Distance - What Causes This?

Family Traditions and Drama - Why Bother?

Family traditions, nothing wrong with them until they put one in a box, make an individual feel miserable, disrupt an otherwise happy marriage, and inconvenience many kinfolk.  People go where they are genuinely wanted--well-received.  However, they avoid places where there is going to be yet again put-downs, tears, fears, and crazy-making.  Some relatives can't help themselves, they are mentally disturbed and others are ill-equipped to entertain much less host a family function.  Yet, family members will go along with the programming while vowing, "Next year will be different...I won't be coming back during the holidays...I will stay at home with my own family."

Why bother lugging rambunctious kids to a celebration where they will be bored, adults will complain about all the noise and energy that they bring?  Why consider attending a function that is poorly organized and attendees aren't your favorite people?  Why ruin a possibly good time because one lacks self control when it comes to drinking?  Yet, people will keep with tradition while breaking inside.

If one is tired of the hustle and bustle just to make it to family events, spending money on gifts you really can't afford, energy-sapping connections with relatives, then do something different!  Break an old family tradition, and start a new one!

Blog Owner and Author of When Mothers Cry

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Emotional Abuse in Families - name-calling, yelling, ignoring

Do You Really Know Your Family?

Sure you take photos with them, call when you need something, or eat a good meal together every now and then, but do you truly know your family members?  Sometimes we are so overwhelmed with life responsibilities, we don't bother to learn more about the ones we claim to love so much.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Rude and Greedy - Selfish Relatives

Tis the season!  With the hustle and bustle that is sure to come as we close out another year, you know how some relatives will behave, not so nice. 

You have celebrated holidays with the same group year after year, so do you really expect anything different?  I will tell you, two groups that stand out in my mind at these family gatherings are the rude and greedy kinfolk.  These people bring their share of drama every time they show up to a family event.

Let's talk about the rude folks first.  These people have issues with everyone!  They don't refrain from their critical comments.  Their negative attitudes never take a vacation no matter what the occasion. They are often quick to talk and what comes out of their mouths you never know.  These people are usually forewarned before they arrive to behave, but do they listen?

As for the greedy folks.  You know the kind that love to take far too much of the favorite foods and drinks?  Never tell these people, "Help yourself."  Here's what you end up saying later, "Are you going to leave any for the rest of us?"  They don't care about anyone but themselves.  If it isn't the mother piling up a bunch of food on plates to go back home, it is the hungriest of them all going back for a third, fourth, or fifth plus plate!

These as well as other types I mentioned might be in your family too.  You love them, but you don't have to put up with them unless you want to--your choice.

Happy Thanksgiving!


Thursday, October 27, 2016

Friday, October 21, 2016

Not Talking to Family Members

It happens, you just don't want to deal with your family.  No one is judging, condemning, or being mean about your feelings or actions.  Whether you want to stay away for a long time or forever from family members whether difficult or not, you have every right.

Sometimes we just don't have the mental capacity to deal with anyone else other than those that we live with.  It can be simply too much to deal with all the trials and tribulations that come with dealing with a few or many people.

Family might not understand and may pressure you to change your mind, but stand your ground anyway.  It is when we are tired, broken, angry, confused, frustrated, and more that we should stay away from family and mutual connections.  However, there are times when we are experiencing nothing more than positive things in our lives that it would be wise to stay away from negative people.

There is a time to converse with loved ones and a time not to, this might be the season that you are in or working to be in, so embrace and protect it.  Teach children to guard their mouths and hearts as well.

Nicholl McGuire, Should I Go to the Party?

When You Unmask a Covert Narcissist, RUN, But Quietly! Counterfeit Rela...

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Excerpt from Say Goodbye to Dad - A Survival Guide to Breaking Free from Toxic Emotional Ties

Back in '96, I was 21 years old at the time and was in and out of an abusive relationship with an older man. My Daddy blues didn't come to light for me until years later when I decided to get married to someone else. It was then that I noticed there were so many similarities my mate and others had like my dad. A few were former military guys, had been to Germany, and came from large families, quiet, impatient, and hot-tempered. I was looking for something in my male partners to fill a void, but I had no clue what that could have been back then. In time, I gave my life to Christ and became saved. After that spiritual experience, little did I know that various personal issues in my life would be exposed. I share some thoughts about the partner connection in a later chapter.

The most important thing I learned about myself when it came to my relationship with my Dad was that I needed attention--a male figure that genuinely liked and respected me and wanted to know more about me. Up until that point, all I knew was that I had developed a pattern when it came to dating men that reminded me of my Dad. Later in life, I had to come to terms with the fact that I was a disappointed daughter that was not going to get my emotional needs met from intimate partners, because I was looking for something in them that they simply couldn't fulfill--a father daughter bond.

Many men operate off of the premise that if they weren’t involved in their daughter’s life as she was growing up that it is too late to make a difference,” Ken Canfield, speaker and author of Seven Secrets of Effective Fathers and The Heart of a Father, said on “Thinking that the die is cast or the deal is done because our children are grown is something we must re-examine, because it simply is not true. In a parallel vein, research shows the devastating impact of divorce affects adult children deeply. Contrastingly, the continued investment in your child’s life even when they are parents of your grandchildren will reap tremendous benefits for you and them.”

As I discovered more about myself, I observed that some men and women I knew personally and professionally had some daddy hang-ups too. Some of us weren't children of divorce and didn't have Dads that weren't living outside of the home, yet we had emotional issues. There were those of us who were looking for surrogate fathers through marriage, others who tried to make peace with the past after dads had died by leaning on many lovers and addictions, and those who had no clue where to begin when it came to connecting with their fathers because of old wounds, so they either created false stories or exaggerated events to ease the pain. Then of course, there were daughters who didn't have any problems that they could think of concerning their fathers. As for men I knew with broken relationships with their fathers either they didn't have their fathers around, didn't know him or he was around but was very demanding or ineffective--one of two extremes.

I didn't breathe a word to those who had what were seemingly healthy relationships with their fathers about anything negative concerning my family, because I didn't need or want their advice or pity. As far as they knew, "I have a good family...nice, kind, loving." Some of this had long been seeded in me by my parents even when I didn't always agree. Were they really as positive as I made them appear to be? Every so often, but the old mantra, "What goes on in this house stays in the house," played like a broken record in my head, because their parents told them the same thing. Even when I was really young, I knew there were some things being covered up, and my eyes didn't deceive me. I saw my parent's personality issues and weaknesses. I couldn't help but feel different, from time to time confused maybe even jealous when some friends talked so positively about their Dads and were all smiles when they hugged and joked with them. Many Dads, with military programming, come with much baggage and their families suffer more than they will ever tell. Throw alcohol in the mix with loved ones and you are in for a treat! When I was a child, there wasn't a family event that didn't include men pouring strong drinks and a few women taking their sips.

The nonfiction, self-help guide, Say Goodbye to Dad by Nicholl McGuire, touches on Daddy problems and solutions that will help disappointed sons and daughters get past personal pain and struggles and on to a path toward some healing and understanding! The daddy issues presented are those past offenses, unresolved dilemmas, hidden emotional pain, and memories of verbal and/or physical abuse that didn't easily go away no matter how old you are or how much you visit and/or talk with a father(s). Those daddy issues also come in the form of dating and marrying mature men old enough to be a Dad's brother or worse close to a grandfather's age. You might lean on these men for support and/or companionship. You look to them for comfort. But for many young, frustrated women they get nothing more than controlling partners who aren't interested in nothing more than someone to care for them like a daughter, have sex, or a baby.

Monday, September 5, 2016

Are You Ready to Die for Your Family, Job?

I know the headline seems a bit out there, but the truth is daily someone is dying for his or her family whether it is the one they grew up with or a new one.  They are doing any number of things for family, job, church, etc. that is putting so much stress on their hearts, minds, and spirits to the point that members end up visiting them in hospitals and the patients don't return home while others start showing signs of insanity.

Now I don't know about you, but I love my relatives, but not enough to want to end my life for them.  For those who have a faith, God intervenes only when we call out to him, but men or women are not to be placed on a throne and worshipped.  Far too often, people are esteeming loved ones while ignoring the God who created them.

When I was younger, I saw the pain, tears, frustrations, and fears of relatives who were so tired of being tired of running, crying, fighting, and pushing kinfolk to behave, to live right, to be there for children, etc. Now those people are gone, dead...their lives finished prematurely.  For decades, they ate, drank, and abused their bodies trying to escape their miserable situations that could have been prevented had they established some boundaries with toxic relatives.

How long does one continue to help someone in a hopeless situation that he or she continues to allow happen?

How long does a relative run to the aid of an individual who is controlling, lies, and doesn't even like or love his or her self much less anyone else?

How long does someone continue to accept another's abuse in the name of love?

How long, how long?

Are you ready to die for people who wouldn't even consider putting their lives on the line for you?

Nicholl McGuire

Saturday, August 6, 2016

Parents Who Don't Like Your Children

Some parents just don't like their children.  You listen to their conversation and you think, "I'm sure your children don't like you either."  There is no judging, it just is.

Whatever moved parents and children not to like or appreciate one another has a lot to do with internal issues, some that just might be centered around mental illness, substance abuse, many disappointments, living vicariously through children who didn't meet standards, ineffective parenting, etc. 

There are many ways one can start on the path of healing a parent-child relationship such as: one-on-one counseling with a professional, personal study, faith, doctor's care, and more.  However, none of that can take place when one or both secretly have no desire to connect with one another, yet they might pretend to like one another--the bridge might have been brought down and there is no plan of rebuilding.  (So to the adviser who thinks that everything will work itself out "if this one does this or that..." save your breath.)

People need time to adjust their thoughts about themselves and others.  Sometimes they have spent far too many years with one another that they have burned themselves out.  They might have done some mean-spirited things that they know they can't fix.  You increase your chances of some kind of major falling out with a parent and other loved ones when you spend far too much time talking and visiting with them.

Parents sometimes don't like their children for some of the most juvenile or petty reasons.  Take for instance, the daughter who fails to run to a mother's rescue when she commands or the son who doesn't bother to stop over to see Dad when he is "in the mood" to see him?  So they hold grudges, change beneficiaries on policies, bad mouth their children to others, and then extract pity from those who don't have a clue as to what is really going on. (Check out Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and Say Goodbye to Dad by Nicholl McGuire).

There might be someone in your circle that is saying and doing ugly things concerning their children.  Don't justify their wrong-doing or assume that everything they are saying about their kids is accurate especially when they are older.  Know that there are those parents who don't like their children and so they reap because of it.

Nicholl McGuire

Saturday, July 30, 2016

Complain Too Much about Family, Friends?

Some people you know (might even be you) complain an awful lot about family members they supposedly "love so much" and "want what is best" but the truth is they are deceiving themselves to remain in relationships that often leave them feeling empty.

Relatives and friends aren't all good or all bad, but they exist and some either welcome themselves into your life or you invite them in to stay forever or always or kick them out.  The problem is that so many push away the wrong ones and keep the troubled folks near.  Why is that?  People with many issues like to stay close.  They are the ones who feed off the family love, respect, generosity and more and are also rewarded even when their mind and spirit aren't right.

The common belief is that because someone in the family is around meaning the one who is doing much that he or she should be compensated or given gifts just because.  But I disagree, I believe that God blesses those who are His own and not family favorites.

It's time to start thinking about those who smile in your face and often complain behind your back.  People who appear to be friendly, but are really more than nothing but vultures.  It is time to be free of status quo thinking of service equal reward and think more in terms of "What does my God think?"

Like the Israelites who complained much about their environment, what they ate, rules, and more, so too do ungrateful, rude, and backsliding family and friends.  Don't entertain them in your homes or welcome them to eat at your gatherings, negative people who are negative with others will eventually be negative with you.  We forgive but we don't forget about the lessons we have learned being mixed up with people even God has cursed.

Nicholl McGuire

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Take Off the Boxing Gloves Before You See Your Family Again

Boxing, Equipment, Gloves, Sports, Fight

If you have a history of fighting with your family, they will expect you to fight.  Prove them wrong!

Sunday, May 22, 2016

On Dealing with Your Weird Kinfolk

You never know what to expect with some family members.  They can say and do some of the most shocking things.  I recall a time when I would call certain relatives on the phone then about half way into the conversation, they are sharing something they did that was irresponsible and downright crazy.
Armchair, Beach, Funny, Strange

When you have weird, wild, or way off kind of folks, here's what you can do to keep yourself out of their energy-draining conversations while safe-guarding yourself and family in the future.

1)  Don't entertain strange conversation by agreeing or disagreeing with it.  The more you react to what they say, the more likely they will tell you the kind of things that you just don't want to hear or get involved in.

2)  Avoid the places they go if you know you sincerely can't put up with their behaviors.  If you go somewhere that you really don't want to, knowing full well you don't like one or many people there, you will end up feeling quite disappointed if they should come up to you and start saying or doing something you just can't keep quiet about.

3)  Just because they are family doesn't mean you have to introduce them to everyone you know.  Who came up with that idea anyway?  Some people are so persistent about wanting to get to know their family members' associations.  Well when it comes to those, who you know are mentally draining, you just might want to save your social circle from some headaches as well as yourself the embarrassment by not bothering to ever introduce them to your troublesome kinfolk.

4)  Say a prayer.  You will need a faith to in order to deal with the spiritual issues that some loved ones bring to you and others.  The key to dealing with people who seem to have a rain cloud over their heads is to not offer an umbrella when you know that they keep leaving home without it.  If you continue to be that one everyone runs to when they are in trouble, weak-minded individuals will never learn from their mistakes.  Rather than helping them out, what you are really doing is starting to rely on them needing you.  Unfortunately in time you may grow to resent them if you should keep bailing them out of their circumstances.

Emotions, Man, Happy, Sad, Face, Adult

As much as we love some of our strange family members, there comes a point when we must let go and let God especially when their weirdness seems to be wearing off on us.

Nicholl McGuire

Friday, May 13, 2016

Busybody, Petty Relatives

They want to know what is going on with you and your family.  They are interested in your life.  They wish for you to share just one more story...but you don't.  You learn that to some relatives, you can spill your guts, but others (the busybodies and petty types) not so much or not at all.

Busybody relatives, who don't know how to make mouths or feet be still, are not interested in us, but our stories preferably the negative ones.  They are also connected to the feelings that arise within them when we tell our stories.  So if the emotions make them feel good about themselves, they are listening and so-called helping, but if not, they are finding fault and creating distance especially during tough times. 

Think of a moment when you shared a personal experience with one of your relatives, who loves to hear about this family member and that one's highs and lows, how did you feel afterward?  You most likely felt like you gave far too much information then they gave you.  You also might have noticed he or she was only interested in anything that made them feel like they were somehow better than you or someone else you may have talked about. 

Busybody kin are like parasites, they feed off of anyone or anything willing to dish about themselves or others.  So if you have someone in your circle that doesn't mind letting you talk a lot about yourself and others, be advised he or she most likely shares your information too with others and may not say flattering things about you.

I recall a relative who loved to listen to me talk, at least so I had thought--lol, but I learned later, in a strange way, that the woman was going back to someone in her circle complaining about me.  If she had a problem with me, you would have thought she would have said it, right?  But I guess she thought I would never hear about what she had said.  For a long time, I never bothered to connect the dots and realized that she really hadn't changed much since childhood--she was still shady in the way she did and said things.  At one point, I really viewed her as someone who I could share almost anything with, but I was wrong.  After drawing near to my Lord, I learned much about her, heard about things she had told others, and now I rarely talk with this individual.

You might recognize a busybody type in your own family and don't know what to do with him or her, I challenge you to remind yourself each day to do the following:

1.  Watch your conversation with that person.
2.  Limit what you say to him or her.  In other words, don't say anything that you would not want the Internet to know about.
3.  Don't invite the relative to your home (he or she will only visit to see what you have and then go back and share with others you may or may not want to know about your lifestyle).
4.  If you really don't trust this person, stick to text or email--this way you have a paper trail.
5.  Avoid speaking to people, who also know this person, about things he or she has said or done to you.

Nicholl McGuire

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Choose Your Circle Wisely

A family can make or break you if you are ill-prepared, distracted, mentally challenged, or something else might be going on with you.  Those who are able to have it all from family to home ownership do so because of discipline and a strong desire to stick out with their families come hell or high water.  But what they don't say is that they are highly selective about who is permitted to enter into there social circles. 

So when you notice the phone calls and invites aren't showing up at your door step, you are not a part of the cliché.  It doesn't make it right or wrong it just is.  Some individuals do very well a part from their families of origin while others thrive when they are around.  To each his or her own, but whatever you choose to do with your life, choose wisely!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and other family conflict eBooks.

Friday, April 8, 2016

Be Free of Toxic Communications - Troublesome Family Members, Friends

No one cares but you.  No one hurts like you.  No one fights like you.  You can be your own worse enemy when it comes to your family.

When you feel like you just can't do much more for your difficult family members, why do it?  You know how they will respond to your comments, suggestions, thoughts, and more.  Why open your mouth?  You know how they will behave if you should reveal private things about your life.  You have a history with these people and it may not be nice, pleasant, loving or generous.  So why work yourself up this weekend and the next fighting with people who may not like or respect you.

Sometimes we ask for trouble because we simply don't know when to throw the towel in when it comes to our troubled relatives.  There is no going along to get along any more when you know all that you do is upsetting not only you, but your loved ones too.  Chances are those closest to you are sick and tired of hearing you talk about your family.  Put the brakes on some things concerning them and be inspired to do something different apart from those you are simply tired of.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other helpful books.  You can also listen to wisdom by this inspirational speaker on self-improvement and spiritual topics.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Disturbing Family News: 4 Tips on What to Do or Not

Just when you think you know your family, along comes something that shocks, sickens, and makes you wish you were never connected with certain people.  How does one manage to get over such things?  How do you reach that point of no return with some troublesome relatives?

Well after many years observing people go through much with difficult relatives, including myself, I can say that there are several things that I have noticed when it comes to dealing with challenging family members and their disturbing news.

1.  Those in shock often talk to the relative who is the main character in said events or others involved.  They allow the person or kinfolk to share their side of the story no matter how bad.

2.  The hurting family members don't always offer assistance or want to hear details especially when they know full well they aren't the least bit interested in coming to any one's aid.

3.  Shocked and angry relatives will advise close family members and friends to stop enabling the problem relative which also might include shunning the person and others.

4.  They avoid re-connecting with both the difficult person and those affiliated to him or her until issues die down or they simply disconnect for good.

Sometimes the best way to handle any shocking information is to not react publicly.  The more attention you draw to the mayhem, the more likely you will be sucked in by it.  Consider your relationship with the person, who brought the information to you and whether it is really necessary to discuss anything with other loved ones.  If the news is very shameful, it is always best to keep a lid on it and distance yourself from the person and the problem if you know you can't handle him or her and all that comes with the drama unfolding.  Think ahead.

Nicholl McGuire

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Family Articles by Nicholl McGuire and Featured Guests

When I started this blog, I populated it with articles I wrote related to family.  The topics range from controlling partners to holidays.  In time the site grew housing many of the problems and solutions we all have had to learn when it comes to dealing with relatives.  I hope that you will find the work on this blog most useful.  Do take a moment to scroll for topics and click on related links.  Thanks for visiting.

Nicholl McGuire

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Psychologists, Family Therapists, Counselors, Be Featured on this Site

We are currently seeking any professional who has made a contribution online to help people troubled by family related issues.  An upcoming resource list will be provided on this site and you might want to include your work, practice, eBook download, or other related material in the roundup.

This site has been around for awhile now and viewers do seek useful information to help them manage their life challenges, so if you would like to be exposed to a new audience, let us know.  Please do share our request with others.  We have featured some interesting people over the years with both problems and solutions.

Send correspondence to as soon as possible.  We hope to start featuring people and their work rather quickly.

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Having Problems with Mom, Dad and a Partner?

When it comes to dealing with parental issues and partner woes, I recommend several of my books to fellow friends and family members.  I have had highs and lows with all three and spend time online sharing tips with networks on various sites.  Let my work inspire you to obtain the freedom you so desire.  See here: Self Help Guides

Friday, January 29, 2016

The Parent Who Believes His or Her Children Could Do No Wrong

Some people you just hate to invite over your home especially when they behave rather strange when it comes to their children and practically worship the ground that their children are walking on.

Check this out on Chirbit

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Your Partner is Close to His or Her Family But You Not So Much

When you are involved with someone who really enjoys the company of his or her family a little more than you do, the last thing you want to do is hurt him or her, so you go along to get along month after month or year after year until one day a light bulb goes off, "I don't want to keep doing this! I really want to do something different this year." If resentment is mixed with anger once you arrive to this revelation, those emotions are sure to bring confusion for yourself and/or household, because for so long you had chose to do some things to appease someone else.

One should never obligate his or herself to go somewhere he or she rather not just because the individual doesn't want to hurt a partner's feelings. What about yours?...

I remember the looks on faces of wives and girlfriends of relatives who were uncomfortable, upset about something, and just wasn't in the mood to be around family. But their pushy partners insisted that they come around. You could tell with some of these women they had been arguing. I recorded one with a video camera during a Thanksgiving family event say when asked by a relative, "Why are you both late? I thought you weren't coming?" She responded with, "We won't get into that." It was clear she was not going to share a story that would embarrass her or cause further discord between her and her partner. Later that same day, there were some details given by the girlfriend that proved the couple did have a major disagreement prior to their arrival. Another girlfriend of a different relative visiting her boyfriend's family didn't look that comfortable being with kin either at the same event. She said very little and smiled infrequently.

I observed one more relative's girlfriend seated with her daughter. The pair remained in a different room spending much of their time away from the others and both were very quiet and depressed looking despite all the laughter going on around them. Neither of these women I mentioned were in happy relationships and the men appeared to fake it as well. One girlfriend soon broke up with her partner after that family event and the other had been a victim of domestic violence showing up one day with the evidence on her face.

One issue that many people have to deal with when saying "yes" to holiday invites, when they really mean "no," is they hope to pacify partners and look good before the eyes of family. But oftentimes the "act" backfires, because if the person becomes offended by someone or something at the family event, guess who the person is going to blame? You guessed it, his or her mate for bringing them. One's hidden aggression just might come out for all to see if the relationship is rocky.

"Why did you bring me to this? You know how your family is. You know we aren't on the best of terms. That's why I didn't want to come in the first place!" an offended companion yells. Then what might the partner retort, "No one said you had to come. You could have stayed your a$$ home!"

Now it is World War III in the family home, because the couple is stressed. Being around family has its nerve-racking moments. Yet, this isn't an issue for many decent families, but there are plenty who do go through much due to unresolved past problems and controlling relatives.

Book excerpt taken from Should I Go to the Party by Nicholl McGuire

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Family Blog Owner Nicholl McGuire Interviews with Smashword

An author, inspirational speaker, wife and mother, Nicholl McGuire, also the owner of this blog, showcases her family related eBooks on Smashwords.  The website promotes Indie book authors.  Here, Nicholl answers questions related to her book writing experience and other thoughts about publishing.  Nicholl's Smashwords Interview Enjoy!

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Low Contact - No Contact with Relatives, Friends - Video Dailymotion

Low Contact - No Contact with Relatives, Friends - Video Dailymotion: Crazy, manipulative, and miserable relatives that you have grown weary of don't have to remain in your inner circle. You shouldn't have to deal with any form of abuse coming from family members and friends. The speaker, Nicholl McGuire, is the author of many books and shares insightful audio around the web. Feel free to subscribe or purchase a book related to your issue.
Nicholl McGuire

Family Articles by Nicholl and videos

Nicholl is the author of the following books:

Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men

Say Goodbye to Dad

Tell Me Mother You're Sorry

Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic

Face You Foe

When Mothers Cry

Laboring to Love Myself

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate /3332346

Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street

Spiritual Poems By Nicholl

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Forgiveness + Love = Peace

You can do it, forgive.  Simply let go of the need to want to pay someone back for hurting you.  Don't hold on to the fault, but also don't play into the hands again of a broken person either.  Love the soul contained within the body.  Although wounded, God loves the individual anyway.  When you simultaneously love and forgive, there you will find peace.  -- Nicholl McGuire

Sunday, January 3, 2016


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