Characteristics of Deceitful People

Your Lying Relatives - Why Do You Put Up with Them?

They post photos up on social networks boasting of people they claim to know real well, tell you stories about life events that supposedly happened, make promises they will do things but don't follow through, and at times remain quiet about truth while letting you believe family lies.  These liars in our families are often exposed sooner or later.  I think of a few who used distractions every time they were called out on their foolishness. 

With smiles on their faces, they talk of other things that have little to do with the lies they have told in an attempt to make you forget about what they said.  These manipulators exaggerate, pretending to know more than what they do.  They say they don't like certain family members, yet they tell these same people much about their lives and others.  Liars in the family come in all shapes and sizes, attend churches, hold leadership positions in organizations, do nice things for others, and appear to be harmless, sweet little old ladies and gentlemen.

Some of you fall for the lies!  You treat the whistleblowers in your family like plagues, because the liars don't want you becoming too close to them.  You are told, "That one is crazy...She doesn't know what she is talking about...You know she is known for...He said that because he is just angry..." But the one the liars speak of is the truth-teller.  Those relatives who expose wrong-doing are shouted down, ignored, made fun of, and cast aside.  It isn't any wonder that some truth-tellers don't come around the family anymore.

The real trouble-makers are those gossiping matriarchs in the family that use food and material wealth to win friends, ignorant patriarchs who have nothing better to do than to enable the liars in the family, and users and abusers who look and dress quite nicely, but on the inside are toxic shooting poison wherever they go.  Every now and again the so-called "nice," "fun" show their true colors, pretending to like, love relatives when they really could care less.

Your lying relatives believe the hype surrounding some of the successful family members, but little do they know that their matches were lying to them!  The prosperous will lie to obtain their wealth, exaggerate events during travels, and send even children to private schools while claiming they can afford them.  Relatives don't always connect the dots to learn that applications were falsified, activities didn't necessarily happen the way they told them, and more.  Lies fly out of mouths like salesmen trying to convince you to buy a lemon for a car.  Most individuals never bother to question liars' shady activities.  Why suddenly does someone who claims to have no money is out buying much?  Why are relatives told one thing, but certificates, paperwork, and other documents reveal a different story?  Most family members unaffected by the lies don't ask questions, but those who believe in holding relatives accountable and are simple weary of their story-telling will!

Don't walk softly around liars, ask for the truth and when it isn't given, it is safe to say you have a liar in your circle, mark them as such and create distance.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, When Mothers Cry, and other books. 

On Recognizing False Fronts: Smokescreens, Hypocrites, Liars

On Delusional Family Members Creating False Stories

You may have a few in your family that love exaggerating, lying, changing or omitting factual details to keep from people finding out any truth about them.  For instance, a man breaks up with his ex, he desires to make a good impression on a new lover; therefore, he will be careful about what he says about how he and his ex broke up.  He may tell his lover that it was due to repeated disagreements, that she couldn't get over what he did in the past, or there were often disputes about family, money, faith, or politics. 


Whatever the stories the former lover chooses to share, one will never really know the truth especially if he or she has never talked with the ex.  Now take this example and think about delusional family members.  These fantasy-filled people create worlds within and around them that appear to look righteous, peaceful, and prosperous while ignoring the reality around them.  They will be careful about presenting anything that might make the family look bad.  They are often braggadocios and either compare their lifestyles to others or look down on people who don't have much.  So if you were to have a disagreement with a delusional relative or many in a group, they most likely will shut you down in such a way that you will not be considered trustworthy or a credible witness. 


A person with a false image of family will work hard to make it appear as if everyone loves each other, there is no wrong-doing, and God's favor is upon them.  Those who have grown up with these people, know better.  For example, a praying grandmother turns out to be nothing more than a liar and a cheat.  A so-called hard-working grandfather is really nothing more than a hustler.  A sweet aunt turns out to be a seductress and adulterer.  A fun cousin is not the nice guy you once knew, but really the family drunk.  A rich uncle is really a poor pedophile.


These family members with false images and carefully crafted family stories are not worth disputing with.  Truth has a way of coming out in many forms including on the Internet for starters!  You will find yourself increasingly angry with them if you boldly confront them while they repeatedly deny what you know as fact.  In your quest for truth, you might find yourself doing and saying things about that person that might make others form a negative judgment about you.  People like this who live in a fantasy world, you must play cool.  As much as you would like to present the real you, free of facades and compromises when dealing with these types, the reality is it won't be beneficial to start a protest or campaign against those individuals without family members backing you up as well as much evidence to prove truth. 


Wishy-washy relatives who don't mind liars and manipulators in the family will most likely not stand for truth.  These folks, who stay quiet or take a middle of the road stance about family issues, usually don't have much morals and are nonchalant about major issues.  The have an attitude like, "Keep me out of this...I don't know about that and don't want to talk about it...don't ask me...I can't recall."  This can be frustrating when you are trying to get a point across that some individuals could have supported you on when confronting these delusional relatives, but chose not to while creating more family division.


The wrong time to approach these liars is during the holiday family gatherings, if you must, better to take the drama out of view or the liar might win sympathy from witnesses.  Some relatives are deceptive enough to try to draw you into a family fight in an effort to prove lies they have told or heard.  For instance, the man who was used in the previous example wanting to make a good impression on his new lover, if he would be in the presence of an ex, he would use her weaknesses to prove a point.  But he couldn't do it without triggering events.  So maybe he might bring up something from the past that would anger the ex or say something unkind behind closed doors so that she would react to him in a negative way once in public.  Then he would say to witnesses, "See what I had to go through being with her?"  His attempt at making himself look righteous just might go over well with those who already don't like the ex.


When advisers warn you, ignore trouble-makers or don't feed into what they say, they are doing well by giving you this kind of advice.  However, there will be those times where one must speak up and tell truth.  You can do this without being emotional, confrontational or belittling.  Simply state what you know like you would if you were seated in an office with a boss.  Once the information is out, people can do what they want with it.  But the more emotional you become when presenting facts about family members, the more likely you will say or do something that you might later regret.


Nicholl McGuire provides insightful spiritual video at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.  Also, check out her book, Know Your Enemy: The Christians Critic.

Face Your Foe: On Confronting the Liar

Face Your Foe: On Confronting the Liar: You hear that someone has either lied about something, lied on you, or is planning to tell a lie.  You know that this person has a shady pas...

Liars in the Family - Don't Be Deceived This Year!

Last year you may have believed one story or another about relatives because "So and So told me..." but then later discovered they were incorrect about the facts, blatantly lied, or did other things that proved that some of your relatives are compulsive liars!  Don't be deceived again! 

An easy way to stay out the loop of others' dramas is to be unavailable for it.  When the liar calls, exchange pleasantries so as not to be accused of being rude, but when the conversation begins to take a negative turn (such as questionable story-telling about another family member), tell the person, "I got to go...I have a lot to do...I have a full day...It's busy around here..." then follow your statement soon after with a "Bye, Have a good day!"  If you choose to entertain the liar, he or she will eventually lead you to respond in a way that might possibly validate his lies and most likely share what you said or did with other relatives.

Liars are always looking out for self first!  They orchestrate plans to get selfish needs met.  When a liar realizes that people no longer want to be in his or her presence, the person will come up with ways to draw them near again.  They will pretend as if they care about others, have changed their evil ways, create family related events, and use others to build up their reputations so as to appear as if they are honest.  When all else fails, they set out to destroy the reputations and partnerships of those who know the liar very well in the hopes to win people on their side.

Nicholl McGuire