Overprotective Relatives who Refuse to Face the Truth About Mentally Disturbed Loved Ones

You are having a conversation with a relative about some unusual behavior coming from another relative--this person could be a parent, grandparent and the listener becomes defensive.  "Why are you saying that?  He is acting that way.  Are you starting trouble?  What about you?" the wife/aunt/uncle/sibling or whoever this person is to you is angry.  Why would they be so quick to defend a relative's mental issues?  Oftentimes people already know someone is troubled around them, but they don't want to admit it or hope the secret doesn't get out.  But crazy is crazy no matter what nice names we like to use to cover up the wild, strange, and downright disturbing behaviors of individuals in our lives.  But what can be upsetting is when one or a group would like to point the finger back at you for being the crazy one because you exposed the secret--now we have a problem.

Luckily, there are ways that you can deal with those who like to protect crazy Uncle Joe or Wild Wendy's actions or inactions.

1.  Let them find things out on their own without saying too much.  You can alert people to concerns rather than specifically talk about the person by mentioning your observations without using the name.  "So the bathroom is messed up again, this is a real problem.  What is being done about this issue?  I noticed there was a problem with the car, any story as to why it looks like that yet again?  With so many challenges, what is your plan?  You don't look yourself and seem to be stressed." You see, there is no name mentioned, but most likely someone will say something about the person who is causing much stress, it will be then that you share contact information, videos, or any other thing that might help their situation. 

2.  Distance yourself from people who don't want to admit that their loved one has issues. 

3.  Avoid conversation with those who try to deflect attention away from the troubled person in the family by focusing on you and whatever your personal issues might be.

4.  Don't continue to offer help to people who have repeatedly told you they don't want your help.  You can upset your own household by redirecting your focus from your personal life and on to someone else's.  Think of the many relationships that come to an end because of outside stresses ie.) in-laws, co-workers, friends, civic group associates, etc.

5.  Stay out of arguments with or about the troubled relative.  As much as you would love to share everything you despise about that person, let the protectors deal with the issues.  Keep "I told you so" comments to yourself.  Move on with your life.

The more you know about a loved one's condition the more empowered you will feel.  Ignore people when they act overprotective about loved ones, they do this because it is a natural reaction, don't take it personally.  When others speak angrily about the troubled relative, always think, "That person could be me going through those trials."  Treat others like you would expect to be treated.

Nicholl McGuire