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Tuesday, March 24, 2015

On Bringing Family Members to Your Home When Relationship is in Trouble

Why do some couples do it, allow relatives to visit their homes when they know they don't see eye-to-eye on most things including people who don't like one or both of them? 

Sometimes a personal situation will occur where one person either has to care for a relative temporarily or chooses to bring a relative to one's home for a short or long term stay.  Meanwhile a partner might not be in agreement for a number of reasons such as: negative past experiences, inconvenience, personal health issues, relationship challenges, trouble-making statements/behavior, and more. 

Whatever the issue that stirs one to want to bring family for a visit, the point is, if things aren't right at home why cause more unnecessary turmoil for the relationship or cause discomfort for your visiting relatives by bringing them into an already stressed setting?

One.  Don't invite trouble-makers with a history that isn't in support of your relationship.

You are asking for problems when you let someone come into your home that has made it clear he or she doesn't like you or your mate's past or present actions.  Notice this person's behavior.  Has he or she sincerely acted any different over the years?  Parents who act in this way assume that all is forgotten if they stand to gain something from the visit like: being tended to, playing with grandchildren, receiving monies, etc.  However, bad experiences usually aren't forgotten by those who had to endure back-handed comments, mean-spirited facial expressions, bad-mouthing, and the like.  Keep in mind, there just might be that moment during the visit where the past will come back up again and are you prepared to take sides?

Two.  State your concerns to your mate.

You might be in a relationship with someone who is understanding, but then again maybe not.  Whoever you are with, communicate the pros and cons of the potential visit.  Far too often, family members will deceive one another into thinking that all is well when in fact there is some hidden resentment, jealousy, and unresolved past issues they are coping with.  Permitting someone to come to your home because you think all is well is simply not enough and remember you might have a bias view if this person is your relative or friend planning to visit.  Listen to your mate.  Say and do the kinds of things that will bring your partner peace of mind or simply cancel plans if you detect that there is going to be trouble.

Three.  Avoid the temptation to lie or sugar-coat your feelings about certain relatives.

Pretending, lying, or exaggerating is not going to help matters.  A partner who thinks that bringing a relative into the home is beneficial while you disagree, needs to know the truth.  Sooner or later, your true colors will show up and it is then that you or your significant will be considered the bad guy or gal.

Four.  Make plans to go out of town, work longer hours, visit friends, and do other things in an effort to keep intense moments to a minimum.

Let's just say, things aren't a bad as they appear to be, if so, then figure out what you are going to do with your time so that you aren't caught having to watch, care for, or entertain a loved one.  However, the likelihood of you helping at some point or another will occur as long as the person is living in the home.

As much as we would like to think that the past is just what it is and all old offenses are long forgotten, the truth is that bad times have a way of lingering especially with those not-so favorite relatives.  Be honest with your partner and do what you must to keep trouble out of your home.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

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