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On Greed - When Relatives Ask for Too Much

How much money does one really need when he or she has almost everything?  Is it necessary to ask for things just because someone is willing to give them to you?  For some of us, we wouldn't dare ask a relative who had little money and other resources to buy or give us some things.  Yet, there are those relatives who are bold enough to do just that!  They don't mind stating what they want and if select family members don't do for them, they will not hesitate to bad mouth them.


When one attends a holiday celebration, most likely he or she isn't paying much attention to the greedy people in the family until they do or say something that upsets others.  It can be a turn off to witness individuals pack food on large plates, ask for third and fourth helpings, talk incessantly about getting more of something, and joke about taking all of what sits before others.  These people who just love to take more than they give, are typically ignored by other adults or scolded by patriarchs and matriarchs while children observe.


What some greedy people don't realize is that their behavior is passed down to the naïve who watch them fight, curse, swindle, and do other things to get more of something.  Then young observers grow up and do the same things--acting selfishly while expecting others to meet their demands.  These greedy men and women, who just can't get enough of something, are a disservice to others.  Negative behaviors like greed must be exposed if one hopes to stop certain habits. 


1.  Tell the person who is acting greedy to stop.  (If you know you are greedy, think about what you are saying and doing that is hurting others and halt the urge to want to take more than your fair share.) 
2.  Explain to the greedy person why the behavior shouldn't continue and give examples.
3.  Advise the individual of the consequences if he or she should refuse correction.
4.  Don't invite, share, or encourage greed of any kind.
5.  Avoid assisting people who already have more than enough.  Politely say something like, "I know you might like XYZ; however, there are still others who need this...you might want to look into...or buy the item yourself...I hope you understand."  Then walk away.  Don't argue with a person who obviously has a problem with greed.
6.  When greedy people make a small effort to help someone, even though what they did was okay, don't brag about their deeds.  They will falsely assume that their unsatisfactory deeds were great even though they weren't anything worth mentioning.
7.  If your greedy relative should insist on asking you or someone else to do or give them something, don't give in, keep refusing them.


No one should have to put up with anyone who refuses to see how their negative behavior impacts others.  Stand your ground and remind the greedy person that others might want whatever the item(s) might be and if there is something left over than you are willing to part with it/them.


Nicholl McGuire also maintains a blog for Christians entitled, Face Your Foe.  

When Relatives Don't Listen and the Advisers Who Care About Them

As much as we want our loved ones to do what's right, especially when it comes to caring for themselves and others, some will refuse correction and attempt to discredit us because they don't want to do what's right.


I have watched rebellious relatives look for fault in myself and others because they knew what we said was honest and wise, but didn't want to change bad habits, toxic thoughts, or exercise self-control when dealing with others. 


Anyone who comes to a family function and chooses to share details about one's personal life with others, is setting themselves up for advice whether he or she wants to listen or not.  This is why many mature individuals don't have much to say about their feelings, personal habits, and more, because they know that if they aren't willing to change, there is nothing anyone can say to them that will make them want to do anything different.  They are not interested in debates, defending themselves, prefer not to experience the uncomfortable feelings that come along with being told what to do.  So they sit, observe, don't say much, and may even reflect on the dumb things they did in life, but one will never know. 


Some parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts just won't sit idly by and let young ones live and let live, they will say and do what they can to assist them.  However, this isn't typical behavior from elders, most rather let know-it-all and rebellious types fall on their faces first, then learn from lessons, before offering to pick them up.


Those familiar with biblical scripture know that pride does come before a fall.  When a wise one is witnessing a relative, who is standing on his or her soapbox preaching, boasting, or attempting to advise others while still dealing with issues themselves, notice he or she says nothing.  Why quarrel with someone who believes that he or she is doing everything right in his or her life?


Family gatherings can bring out the worst or the best in people depending on how stable or unstable in their minds they are.  Some family members wrestle with unresolved issues of the past that stem from things like: rejection, resentment, lies, abuse, and more, so they might not speak well of self and others.  Most often, their intent is to be on their best behavior, but sometimes internal and external disputes cause them to speak what's on their mind to anyone willing to listen.


When you find yourself struggling with those loved ones, who really aren't interested in being advised and more concerned with voicing their issues, if you have a faith, pray for them.  But whatever you do, don't allow their issues to affect your personal life--you have come too far to turn back now!


Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.   

The Family Members Who Don't Like to Do Much of Anything

There is always one or a few in the family that if a task doesn't have money connected with it, they aren't helping, serving, volunteering, or complimenting.  These people can be difficult people to be around especially when they are lazy, stingy, avarice, or argumentative.  But as much as we may not like these people, they are family and we have a choice, we don't have to be around them either!




When I first noticed the laziness in some relatives, I was about six years old.  I recalled watching an uncle who was only a few feet away from the kitchen tell another relative to carry his dirty glass and plate into the kitchen.  I didn't like him for that and later in life I still didn't like him when he repeatedly asked others, while sitting on his behind, including myself, to do more of the same--be his servant.  I refused.  He was able-bodied, there was nothing wrong with helping himself. 




There were other family members like that lazy uncle, men, who sat in front of TV screens next to girlfriends or wives for hours, and they would rarely buy a gift, offer assistance and sometimes added no value to any conversation others were having.  Those male relatives who did pitch in to help the women in the kitchen was distracted or talked into joining the other men in the living-room area and some would quite boldly say, "You don't need to help the women, come in here with us."




These family members, who don't bother to do much of anything--not even entertain children, tend to eat the most, complain more than others, and talk too much.  They are also the ones who want to be treated with respect, but don't act very respectfully to others.  Over the years, the family gatherings declined and those who use to host have said, "I am so glad I don't do that anymore...I hated it when people didn't bother to help. The food was costly to buy and time-consuming to make, so glad I don't have to feed a bunch of lazy You Know Whats!"




Some of these same lazy relatives were also the ones who didn't stay employed for long, didn't get married or did but later separated or were divorced, and they were also the ones who had many health issues, because they didn't bother to get checked out.




As I look back over those times of being with fun, wild, lazy, and crazy relatives, I realize that good times didn't last very long.  As I grew up, it also became harder to deal with some of those family members too without becoming easily frustrated and irritated with the things they would say and do.  Unfortunately, many have since died. 




If there is anything I would say to those, who are working hard to make a family gathering pleasing, relax, no matter what you do, leopards don't change their spots.  If you don't have to invite some, don't.  (I have no regrets not seeing some of those trouble-makers once I became an adult). 




Get the most out of the good memories with those you sincerely enjoy being around, because life is indeed too short!




Nicholl McGuire also maintains the following blog:

Workplace Problems, Solutions, Raves & Rants -- Need a Career Change?: Looking for Extra Income?

Funny Family Conversations - Talking to Family During the Holidays

The Ugly Reality of Dating an Older, Married Partner with Low T, Hormonal Issues

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Problems - You Know What to Do But You Don't Do It

Crying on a loved ones shoulder, calling people up to help you, reading articles, and commenting on YouTube videos, and yet you still are in the mess that you are in!  Some people have warned that if you keep doing what you are doing, things will only get worse.  Others have turned a deaf ear to you and no longer want to hear about your problems. 


You spend much time thinking about how to solve a problem or many, but what might be one of your biggest frustrations is not having the will to implement what you have learned.  At first you are delighted with the suggestions and feel empowered with all the knowledge, but a day or two later you fight with what you are not doing and what you should do.  The side of your brain that convinces you not to do something because it is new, different, cost money, and you don't know how others might respond, seems to always win.


Here is yet another bit of advice to help with defeating this hesitation within to avoid solving your issues.


1.  Reflect back on how you got in the mess that you are currently in and what could you have done differently.  What is in your power now to make some changes?  Back when issues first started, you may have had limitations and felt the need to rely on someone or something, is there still that same need or can you do some things on your own?  If so, then start working toward doing them independently without calling a relative or friend to validate everything you are or aren't doing.


2.  Forget what someone or the group told you to hinder progress.  "What if" statements and "You should" phrases with selfish motives will only keep you doing what you don't want to do.  For instance, a man makes an announcement that he no longer wants to keep working a certain position in the church and he really feels led by God to do something different.  If he is determined, no amount of persuasion or enticements is going to keep him where he knows he is no longer called to be.  He recognizes that his time of service in a certain position has a limit.  Do you know when you should step down, move out, relocate, or start something new?  If you are a believer, have you been taking the time to pray and meditate on holy scriptures or have you been doing your own thing lately?  Spend 20 minutes a day focused on your prayer life and receiving a word from your Creator while you take baby steps to get things done you know you should. 


3.  Notice the signs around you that warn you about your life.  Just as there are road signs that tell us not to turn, to yield, to stop, and more, what are your life warning signs telling you these days?  Is it health issues every time you eat a certain thing?  Is there a desire to learn something that you keep putting off?  Are there people around you that are trying to help, but you keep telling them, "I can do it...I will be okay."  Sometimes people looking on the outside in, know more about our situations when it comes to self, love, work, and play, then we do.  When do you stop making excuses and get to work on you while removing bad habits that are hindering progress?


4.  Create your to-do list and post it somewhere so that you can see it everyday.  If there is a project, item, or something else that needs to come out of a closet, garage, attic, storage, or somewhere else, take it out, clean it up, and start doing something with it.  Tackle the to-do list one day at a time. 


5.  Cut out and cut off distractions.  Think about this, if you had an emergency situation, would you want someone who could help you continue to play a video game, watch TV, surf the Internet, work long hours at a job, or talk on the phone?  So why are you doing these things to yourself?  Make an appointment with yourself to get things done.  Will you start every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday or daily between the hours of 5 a.m. and 7 a.m., during a lunch hour or 7 p.m. and 9 p.m.? 


6.  Encourage yourself to achieve accomplishments by surrounding yourself around like-minded people, visit places that can help you meet goals, and seek useful tools that will also assist you with getting things done!  What have you been missing out on that you should have been buying or doing?


7.  Don't let anyone or anything take all your money.  Designate a portion to go toward the things that you need to solve your problems.  What might those be?  For instance, if counseling is needed, a class, a tutor, babysitter, or legal assistance, then create a fund for your specific need.  Do you have a separate bank account or an envelope system to tend to your needs?  Don't borrow from it and don't tell others about it who can't help you contribute to that fund.  Also, seek out free products and services as well.


Now that you have seven more pieces of advice, don't put off what you could do now, address the issues in your life sooner rather than later!  Remember, think about the issues, note solutions, create your to-do list, make any necessary connections to people, places and things that will help you solve your problems while leaving the naysayers, enablers, and ignorant behind!


Nicholl McGuire has authored When Mothers Cry, Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic, Laboring to Love Myself, and Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate as well as other books.

On Delusional Family Members Creating False Stories

You may have a few in your family that love exaggerating, lying, changing or omitting factual details to keep from people finding out any truth about them.  For instance, a man breaks up with his ex, he desires to make a good impression on a new lover; therefore, he will be careful about what he says about how he and his ex broke up.  He may tell his lover that it was due to repeated disagreements, that she couldn't get over what he did in the past, or there were often disputes about family, money, faith, or politics. 


Whatever the stories the former lover chooses to share, one will never really know the truth especially if he or she has never talked with the ex.  Now take this example and think about delusional family members.  These fantasy-filled people create worlds within and around them that appear to look righteous, peaceful, and prosperous while ignoring the reality around them.  They will be careful about presenting anything that might make the family look bad.  They are often braggadocios and either compare their lifestyles to others or look down on people who don't have much.  So if you were to have a disagreement with a delusional relative or many in a group, they most likely will shut you down in such a way that you will not be considered trustworthy or a credible witness. 


A person with a false image of family will work hard to make it appear as if everyone loves each other, there is no wrong-doing, and God's favor is upon them.  Those who have grown up with these people, know better.  For example, a praying grandmother turns out to be nothing more than a liar and a cheat.  A so-called hard-working grandfather is really nothing more than a hustler.  A sweet aunt turns out to be a seductress and adulterer.  A fun cousin is not the nice guy you once knew, but really the family drunk.  A rich uncle is really a poor pedophile.


These family members with false images and carefully crafted family stories are not worth disputing with.  Truth has a way of coming out in many forms including on the Internet for starters!  You will find yourself increasingly angry with them if you boldly confront them while they repeatedly deny what you know as fact.  In your quest for truth, you might find yourself doing and saying things about that person that might make others form a negative judgment about you.  People like this who live in a fantasy world, you must play cool.  As much as you would like to present the real you, free of facades and compromises when dealing with these types, the reality is it won't be beneficial to start a protest or campaign against those individuals without family members backing you up as well as much evidence to prove truth. 


Wishy-washy relatives who don't mind liars and manipulators in the family will most likely not stand for truth.  These folks, who stay quiet or take a middle of the road stance about family issues, usually don't have much morals and are nonchalant about major issues.  The have an attitude like, "Keep me out of this...I don't know about that and don't want to talk about it...don't ask me...I can't recall."  This can be frustrating when you are trying to get a point across that some individuals could have supported you on when confronting these delusional relatives, but chose not to while creating more family division.


The wrong time to approach these liars is during the holiday family gatherings, if you must, better to take the drama out of view or the liar might win sympathy from witnesses.  Some relatives are deceptive enough to try to draw you into a family fight in an effort to prove lies they have told or heard.  For instance, the man who was used in the previous example wanting to make a good impression on his new lover, if he would be in the presence of an ex, he would use her weaknesses to prove a point.  But he couldn't do it without triggering events.  So maybe he might bring up something from the past that would anger the ex or say something unkind behind closed doors so that she would react to him in a negative way once in public.  Then he would say to witnesses, "See what I had to go through being with her?"  His attempt at making himself look righteous just might go over well with those who already don't like the ex.


When advisers warn you, ignore trouble-makers or don't feed into what they say, they are doing well by giving you this kind of advice.  However, there will be those times where one must speak up and tell truth.  You can do this without being emotional, confrontational or belittling.  Simply state what you know like you would if you were seated in an office with a boss.  Once the information is out, people can do what they want with it.  But the more emotional you become when presenting facts about family members, the more likely you will say or do something that you might later regret.


Nicholl McGuire provides insightful spiritual video at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.  Also, check out her book, Know Your Enemy: The Christians Critic.

What is Paranoid Personality Disorder? (Mental Health Guru)

Is someone in your family often suspicious of others?  Thinking that relatives and family friends are up to something, they may tell others of their suspicions.  They are often accusing people of stealing something, planning to do something to harm them, or they believe that some around them are enemies.  These paranoid types will draw you into their imagined scenarios of what they think someone might be up to.  Although you may tell them that you don't believe that the accused would say or do something like what they are suggesting, they will insist that they believe otherwise.

Sometimes much proof must be provided in order to counter the paranoid person's personal beliefs.  Even with proof, these people will remain adamant about their suspicions.  If a small issue comes up with someone they believe is an enemy, they will blow the situation up while recruiting others to go along with their programming.  They will take on an attitude of, "I told you so."  Despite facts, the paranoid person who believes that there are people out to get him or her will not back down from lies and exaggerations they have conjured up about others. 

The best solution in dealing with people like this is the following: don't share personal details about your life, avoid being alone with them, record conversations if necessary, and whenever possible distance yourself if you notice the paranoid person is acting nervous, telling false stories, or accusing others of things that are untrue.  Politely excuse yourself and go about your business.  Most individuals like this, don't believe that they have any mental disorder.

Nicholl McGuire shares personal experiences on Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate blog, click here.

Unhappy with Relatives?

They know how to rub you the wrong way.  You have observed your family for years do all sorts of things to get what they want when they want it.  You might be one of many who is tired of having to deal with their irresponsible decision-making, challenging mental and/or physical illnesses, and more.  Some of you reading this might be thinking, "Why was I born into this messed up family?"


Once you have reached the place in your life where you draw the line in the sand, so to speak, and refuse to put up with others' dysfunctions, you have truly arrived into adulthood.  Boy men and girl women, terms I use to describe men and women who have yet to grow up, will act like children.  These needy people are still concerned about what others think, they don't take a stand, and are unhappy when they don't get their way even when their wants are not in the best interest of self or those involved.  The less you have to deal with the immature, who refuse correction, the better!


Whether you are reading this during a holiday season or not, know that you have a choice, you can either focus on those negative relatives who love being on your radar or you can choose to ignore them and connect with people who are positive.  Relatives who make you unhappy need a time-out.  We should never force ourselves to do anything with these people that we don't want to do--never!  It doesn't matter if there is a blood tie or not.  When something is rude, crazy, disgusting, or wicked, it would make sense to feel all sorts of negative emotions about what a relative or relatives is up to.  But trouble-making people, will do almost anything to convince you that what they say or do is right and your reaction to it is wrong.  Distance yourself!  The mind games are unnecessary when you know deep in your heart that someone is wrong.


The good news is these seasons of family unhappiness are temporal depending on the offense.  Other times they can seem like forever.  Depending on the length of time you allow yourself to be unhappy with these people will affect your personality and how you treat others, so it is best to work to snap out of feelings of disappointment and seek healthy happiness elsewhere.  Healthy happiness are the things that don't cost a lot, won't make you sick, won't put you in jail, or cause further unhappiness.


So I close with this, wishing you joy and peace during this time of family storms.  May you be blessed with the desires of your heart!


Nicholl McGuire shares insightful audio/video at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7
  

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Doubtful about Celebrating Holidays with Relatives?

So the invitation to come celebrate the Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Year's holidays with people that may or may not be a part of your bloodline has been offered.  Yet, you are hesitant about attending.  There are good reasons to stay home like peace and quiet for starters and your mind will come up with many more, but there are also good reasons to be at one or all of these events especially if you have any of the following: a small business, large family, not much money, unresolved issues, and feelings of loneliness and depression not excluding suicidal thoughts.

Attending a family event just might be very beneficial to you if the pros outweigh the cons. 

1.  Networking opportunities.

Whether you are unemployed, interested in starting a new business, or doing more with a hobby, attending a family event is a great way to test an idea, learn something new, and establish potential contacts/customers/investors.  Remember, many successful businesses were built based on who owners knew that could help them.  Who does your family and friends know?

2.  Receive updates from relatives and family friends straight from them.

Why bother to keep getting stories about your family members through others when you can see how they are doing for yourself?  This might also be a good time to clear up some rumors too.

3.  Unexpected gifts and surprises.

You never know what seeing someone you haven't been around in a long time might do to that person.  There could be a blessing right around the corner coming from a favorite relative and you don't even know it.  So take those phone numbers offered to you and use them.

4.  Free food.

If you don't feel like cooking or your refrigerator and snack cabinet doesn't look so great, why not eat somewhere else?  Stay for awhile then take some leftovers home for the next day.

5.  The possibility of meeting someone new.

Singles, relatives just might bring friends.  If so, take advantage of the opportunity.

6.  Squash old issues.

What better time then to show up to a family event with a huge smile on your face, emotions high, and happy to be around relatives?  You can use this good time to squeeze in a few "I apologize" statements and "I love you, so glad to see you."  If you owe someone money, bring some, if not all the cash you borrowed.  If you asked for their items to use and never returned them, gather them up and take the products to that person.

7.  Meet new relatives.

Far too many people take meeting new relatives lightly, but knowing one's relatives is important.  It can be very easy to connect with someone who you didn't know was a relative while dating.  Oftentimes, people miss out on great opportunities because they didn't know that they had an aunt, cousin or some other relative working somewhere.

So if you are doubtful about celebrating the holidays due to any number of reasons, try to talk yourself out of the negative self-talk.  Stop by to see relatives if only but an hour or two if you live close by.  Even if the welcome is dismal and not much is going on, consider this, life is too short and if someone died tomorrow, at least you can say, "I made the effort to see him/her--no guilty conscious here!"

If you can't make it to see relatives, at least give them a courtesy call, explain your situation, and wish them well.

Nicholl McGuire shares audio/video on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
 

Relatives who like to Blow Things Out of Proportion

Be careful what you to say to them, relatives who love to take what most people would consider a simple statement and make a big deal about nothing.


Most likely family members who have problems with others will not be positive about anything that one might share about another.  For example, if you were to describe a favorite relative to a trouble-making family member like this, "She is a nice person, she looks good, she helps you and others, and she has done well in life."  The bitter, unforgiving, envious, or angry family member will have something to say that is the total opposite or downplay what you say.  You are not permitted to say anything positive when in the presence of a negative relative.


Some people have got into screaming matches, physical fights, and became distant from relatives as a result of a person who has nothing better to do than to blow most statements out of proportion.  There have been family divisions that have lasted for decades because someone was offended, lied, or exaggerated a story or something that was done supposedly to another.


Whether at a holiday event, living with a relative, working with one, or attending the same church, watch as well as pray that God will cover your conversation with all and cut your conversation short with those who love taking what people say and putting their own spin on it!


Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry and Know Your Enemy: The Christians Critic.  Also, check out her blog: http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com

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Your Family is Not Your Friends - Watch the Story-Telling at Family Gatherings

As much as we would love to treat our family members as our friends, we quickly realize when a family member simply isn't a friend when he or she talks in ways that tell us so.  For instance, if you were to tell your friend your deepest, darkest secrets, there is no feeling of obligation with your friend to tell anyone.  But if you were to tell a relative the same thing, he or she might feel the need to alert your parent or someone who he or she might be able to assist you even when that isn't necessary.


Your family is not your friends and do keep this in mind when you gather at the next family event.  It is at these gatherings when people feel so open, comfortable and happy being around folks they haven't seen in awhile that they feel like they need to share some family stories.  Sometimes it is best just to avoid the fodder about relatives and stick to talking about things like: the food, Black Friday sales, the weather, work related tasks, activities, etc. 


You just might be a person who truly loves your family and will not keep anything from them, but when it comes to other people's personal business, it is better to keep those things to yourself.  Family members have roles in our lives that look more like mentors, teachers, parents, counselors, and other titles of authority and less like best friends, acquaintances, and co-workers. 


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Family of Divorce

Far too often, there are families that are hit with destruction as a result of divorces, they are overwhelmed with the pain, responsibilities and depression that come with break ups. 

They are angered that partners have moved on with their lives and away from drama.  Some hopeful individuals expect that everything will be the same and all parties will treat everyone with respect.  Others falsely assume that children will continue to be loving, sweet and kind and do well in school.  But when times change, people also will change and not everyone will deal with divorce in the ways that one might expect.

You may have noticed those around you looking like they have everything together since a divorce.  There are scheduled pick ups to see children, new purchases, new relationships, and good things happening.  However, what you don't see is the symptoms that come with a break up.  Those that need to be medicated, healed, delivered, removed, and so on. Past unresolved anger, emotional issues, mental challenges, un-forgiveness, impatience, rude behaviors, and more occur before, during and after a divorce.  Sometimes it takes many years for people to mentally come back to their senses.  Not all smiling faces that have come out of a divorce are genuinely happy.  They realize that getting all things new doesn't bring anything, but new difficulties.

Before one encourages someone to get a divorce, he or she might want to open his or her heart, environment, bank account, and schedule to help that person who is going to need financial, mental, and physical support.  The more drama the relative has had to contend with in the marriage, as well as outside of it, the more assistance he or she will need.  This is why it isn't always a good idea to suggest a break up or divorce if you are not prepared to assist the individual in the turbulent relationship. 

It is also unwise to prematurely leave a person or situation that might be temporary.  A job loss is temporary, a financial dip temporary, a crying newborn temporary, a relocation/move temporary, a new hobby temporary, a health issue temporary, or a career move temporary!  None of these things last for always even if one might depart this life in the process, they aren't here forever.  So if the couple can endure, they will find that after the storms in their lives pass, they will draw near to each other.  However, abusive behavior, addictions, mental illness, cheating, and similar problems require much outside help and are not good situations to raise children.  Therefore, the family has no choice but to get away, particularly when the one with the illness is showing no signs of getting help.

If you are someone who is experiencing a divorce, keep in mind that you are not alone and that there are online programs, websites, and offline free resources that can help.

Nicholl McGuire   

In Denial, Isolated - When the Abused Claims It's Not What You Think

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Facing the Truth - When Relatives are Not Mentally Stable

Sometimes we just don't want to admit that favorite relatives are "out there...strange...crazy!"  We just assume that their personalities are just different.  Therefore, we excuse insanity, anger outbursts, and other negative things while we continue to be entertained by these people.

Rather than take mental illness lightly with relatives, we are to find ways to cope that are healthy, but doesn't enable them to act even worse.  I think of a person who has a serious issue with wanting to be the center of attention, be right/have the last word, and worse doesn't mind creating chaos even when there is nothing substantial to argue about.  When dealing with people like these, we must learn how to deal with them from a distance.  Whatever they once were feeding us to keep us coming back to them, we must cut it off so that we don't pick up on their negative ways.  We also need to be mindful of how we react around them.  It helps to be knowledgeable about one's mental illness or personality disorder so that we know how to deal with he or she.

Justifying hurtful behavior just so that we can keep someone a favorite in our lives is unhealthy and foolish.  Sooner or later the so-called "favorite" is going to turn on us--the mental instability will show up and act ugly.  Denying that someone is sick when the evidence is there that proves they are is just as ugly as the illness.  Sick people take up for sick people.  Mental illness has many symptoms that are tricky and makes its victims act as if everything is alright when it is not.

Here are some things to think about when dealing with family who are mentally unstable.

1.  Notice what prescription medicines they are taking and look up side effects.  (You can do the same with those who are illegal drug users).

2.  List the symptoms you notice.

3.  Talk with doctors and other relatives about your findings.

4.  Seek a support system.  Without one, you will feel like you too are going crazy.

5.  Keep children away from adults who can't control themselves.  It isn't necessary to put children in front of relatives who may not want to see or be around children for long.  Don't use them to babysit your children.  There is no way to predict when the individual might have an anger outburst.

6.  Stay away from loved ones you know you can't handle being around and encourage others who may not be emotionally stable to keep away too.  Many family issues result from uncontrollable tempers.

Nicholl McGuire 

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Sibling Rivalry Among Adults

Deceased Loved Ones: Trouble from the Grave

When some loved ones were alive they were trouble, and now long gone in mind, body and spirit and they are still trouble!  These angry, bitter, or crazy relatives and friends didn't make peace while alive and so the unfinished business they left behind is stirring up all sorts of dissension.

When was the last time you spoke to a relative who caused the family much chaos?  This person could one day die and the drama could worsen.  If it is in your power or someone else's in the family to expose pending issues and get them settled, the sooner, the better.

Far too many people who once got along well with one another, ended up having much difficulty long after a loved one died, because some things were said by the deceased relative during their waking hours.  The selfish, controlling, prideful and busybody type is most concerned about material wealth; therefore he or she might say some things to get others to be bound to their things. 

"After we die, don't ever sell this...We invested much time and money on these things.  We might come back from the grave and haunt you...Don't ever part with grandma's ring, you know how much it means to her.  Hold on to this family heirloom, it will be worth something some day," selfish loved ones might say.

Sometimes things do hold value in time and the beneficiary just might experience a big pay off, but when "that thing" is causing so much trouble in the family to the point that everyone and everything is in upheaval because of it, one must ask his or herself, "Is it worth it?"

If you have someone in your family that says or does things related to "when I die..." that make you feel uncomfortable, question this person, interview others about his or her state of mind, and most of all be sure that this person has a living will in the event that he or she is no longer able to speak.  When you do these things, you are less likely to experience trouble from the grave.

Nicholl McGuire

Men Who Hate Women and Those Who Belittle Them

Sexism hasn't gone anywhere!  Like with so many other issues that once dominated newspaper headlines or was major gossip between family and friends, the issue of men disrespecting or even hating women has been hidden or forgotten about until someone is significantly wounded or worse murdered!

After years of observing men talking in circles about the women in their families, at work and elsewhere, I have noticed a disdain some have for them.  If they aren't joking about how long women talk, they are making comments about the way a woman's body is shaped.  Much of the hate comes from those who unfortunately had poor relationships with their mothers and hardly no, if ever, a relationship with their fathers.

These bitter men, often confused about things concerning women, are easily frustrated with them especially if they are aware of their menstrual cycles.  Its as if they act moody because they know the women will be experiencing a very private issue soon.  Instead of acting supportive, some men will become visibly irritated, short-tempered, and want to be left alone.  It has been my experience that men who behave like this, oftentimes cheat and will lie about whereabouts just so that they can be away from their partners.

I don't know about you, but what I can tell you is that no matter the age, the way the woman looks, how smart she is, or how much wealth she has, an angry man who doesn't care too much for women, (except for what they can do for him), is incapable of loving them unless he has healed from past rejection from mom and the other women he has encountered in his life.  Whether these women treated him well or not, it is his perception of women that needs to change if he wants to get pass the anger.

It is not polite or funny to listen to a man put down women in general.  It is disturbing to see a man punch, kick, shove, or spit on a woman.  It is downright evil to know of or even witness a man acting evilly toward women while observers say or do nothing!  Yet, so many family members will encourage the men in their families, who just can't seem to get along with women, to act abusively if they deserve it.  Centuries ago this attitude of male dominance was prevalent and so it still is to date.

When it comes to these angry men in relationships they oftentimes have enablers--people who support their hate for women even if they are women themselves.  The sister of the abusive brother will "stay out of it...mind my own business" despite knowing how abusive he is to someone's daughter.  She might even place blame on the wife/girlfriend without knowing the facts.  Then there is the mother who believes that her son can do no wrong and the father who advises his son to "play" women and "get her to do for you!"  Aunts and female cousins might sign off on their abusive relative's behavior because they "know how women can be."

From print advertising to music videos, mothers, fathers, and other relatives don't mind letting a young girl or woman act in inappropriate ways that contribute to the negative attitudes of men who belittle and/or hate women.  The critics will judge them and say, "I told you these women aren't loyal...You can't trust them."  I say, what is wrong with a society that welcomes such hate for women?  Has it really come down to this, men and women who are in love in the public eye, but behind closed doors can't stand one another?  As our nation becomes increasingly homosexual and bisexual with more mothers at work than at home parenting children, one must think, "What might be the role of women in the future?"

Nicholl McGuire is not only a blogger and author but a YouTuber, check her thought-provoking spiritual commentary and biblical study here: YouTube  
 

Nice a Word that is Overused to Describe People We Barely Know

The Overuse of the Word "Family"

"I moved back because of family...I think it would be good to get together because of family...I think it would be nice if the family could...We should meet her family...You should help them because that is your family...I think the family should pitch in to help..."  Family, family, family!  We all get it!

There is that one in the family who loves putting an emphasis on what he or she believes family should or shouldn't do.  This person will rally up support from family members (typically the gullible ones) for his or her personal beliefs while hoping that he or she will get some sort of benefit out of the deal.  Whether the one preaching "family" is the mother, father, sister, brother or whoever else, most relatives don't bother to think, "Well, what's in it for her/him?  Why the push for family togetherness after all these years?  Why is he/she so adamant that his or her son or daughter come back to the hometown to stay?  What is the real meaning as to why he or she is talking much about family these days?"

In my years of doing what family say, rather than what I say, I have learned that the motives for some relatives on preaching family togetherness, even when there is no family closeness, is because that person (who screams the loudest) most likely has been influenced by another family he or she has married into or befriended outside of the bloodline.  This person is like the former smoker, who has kicked the habit, therefore he or she wants everyone else to quit.  "Why is everyone angry at one another, come on we are family!?  Why don't we go in and out of each other's homes--aren't we family?" she yells.  The family preacher, if you will, can be annoying with all his or her statements about "family" and "...getting along" while telling his or her own family, "What goes on in this house, stays in this house!" 

Oftentimes the family preacher is personally miserable while being judgmental toward others.  He or she knows that some people in the family will never change especially toward him or her who doesn't know when to be quiet or when to speak up.  Almost always this same person forgets his or her negative contributions to breaking the family down with things like: a quick tongue, moodiness, pride, lying, silent treatment, greed, selfishness, being unsupportive in times of need, and more!

Cheaters, manipulators, liars, pimps, hustlers, financially poor, and the moody seem to be the biggest preachers of family togetherness because they know that someone in the group will be weak enough to follow them.  "Yeah, sure...let's get together...we haven't seen the family in awhile...I'm in!"  The miserable circle of relatives, who sometimes mask their negativity well, get together on organizing the family campaign that usually causes more harm than good over time.  After all the party goers have left the show and the decor has been taken down and money spent, the disheartening family stories arise of the miserable group asking for money, wanting this, and needing that!

I caution readers of this blog to be wise in your decision-making when it comes to hiring, firing, marrying, divorcing, moving near, or moving away from intermediate family members as well as extended ones.  Whatever you choose, be mindful that someone will say or do something to keep you near or far, not for your benefit, but for theirs.

Nicholl McGuire

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Learn more about abusive relationships here: http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com

Must-See Video: "Intense Family Drama: Mom Likes Brother Best"

Borrowing Money from Family Will Bring Trouble If Don't Pay Back

They say they will, pay the money back they owe.  While others warned, "Don't give XYZ any money..." a relative will anyway.  However, when one chooses to let relatives borrow hard-earned money, don't assume that one's word to pay back is true.

Relatives, who plan to bring drama when money isn't paid back, typically go from sweet and kind-hearted to miserable.  They will go after wife, kids, and even friends in the hope that a once beloved relative will honor his or her words.  It might take a long time before money is paid back, but when it is finally paid, there is typically a trail of trouble that one has had to endure due to a relative not honoring his or her promise during a set time.  Some things that might occur:

1.  Public disputes that might lead to the police being called.
2.  Items stolen in an effort to get owed money back.
3.  Lying or covering up by borrower, spouse and/or children.
4.  Divorce.
5.  Court issues.
6.  Ignored phone calls and family gatherings.
7.  Strange incidents that are done out of spite (i.e. damaged items, bad-mouthing...)

Those that beg, borrow, and steal money unfortunately do these things without a conscience.  They usually don't tell others what they have done.  These people know they have financial challenges, but believe that one day things will get better, but in many cases they never do, the mindset refuses to change.  As long as relatives come to the rescue, the one with the financial issue will always feel like he or she can ask.

If you know you are the type that flips out when it comes to borrowing money, don't offer it to someone who is broke (one who has no forseeable way to get finances in the immediate future).   

Nicholl McGuire

Family Foundation Legacies

Genesis 18:17-19 states: "The LORD said, "Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do, since Abraham will surely become a great and mighty nation, and in him all the nations of the earth will be blessed? For I have chosen him, so that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of The Lord by doing righteousness and justice; so that the LORD may bring upon Abraham what He has spoken about him."

God validated the importance of leaving a legacy through family to Abraham when He said that His promises to him related to nation-building were directly tied to Abraham's influence on his own children. God instructed Abraham to train his children, along with his entire household, to live their lives under God (Joshua 24:15). God's plan in history is tied to family legacy (Exodus 3:6). It's a motif spread throughout the Bible in distinct terms that describe structure that makes a family. Discipleship cultivates order and structure in the home to keep God. It replicates the process elsewhere.

Evangelizing the family is introducing them to God (Genesis 17:26-27). Circumcision is the sign of the covenant. It brings the family to faith. It establishes commitment to serve God and training/development (Ephesians 6:4). It starts with having a sense of destiny. Purpose births and raises it in the Seed that is transcendental. Passing down is critical in terms of faith because someone after you has to continue the legacy.

If not the fulfillment and understanding is disqualified null and void. Preempt ways the enemy works kills generations after the one that doesn't pass the godly way along ultimately fails. The world can't be looked at for what it is but for what we want it to become. Family can't be built off of just going through the motions, it needs to be done having a goal in mind. Nurturing a cultivated family in God begins in a unified effort. The family in God requires centeredness and reverence. God will take care of your fortune, future, and happiness.

The home should be an atmosphere of life. The man is tone setter and without that role, he is simply a baby maker that doesn't care or love his children and there is no holy culture at home. The woman is a clinging life supply of security, stability, and love. She is the fruitful vine. A prudent, virtuous woman grows from a healthy spiritual atmosphere. A vine turns into a vineyard that is seasonal. The children are olive plants which turn to trees with proper teaching and nurturing. These moments are seized for God.

 

Anthony Tyus, guest blogger

 

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Why Is it so Important to Know Your Family History?

A child might not seem to care too much about family history, but those dating should.  As adults, we tend to know more about everyone else's history, but our own.  So when kissing cousins meet one another, have babies, and so on, family members want to act judgmental, ignorant, or downright rude?  This could all be avoided if the elder relatives would open up their mouths and start sharing family history including health information.  Tell the maiden names of the women in the family, talk about where the family originated from as far back as you remember, check out online information, and visit genealogy websites.  Why should the younger generation walk around not knowing who their extended relatives are?  Maybe they will never meet their elder aunts, uncles, and cousins, but it doesn't hurt to know at least their names and possible whereabouts.

Nicholl McGuire

Schizoaffective Disorder : Woman and Man Share Their Experiences

Note: Be cautious of the many systems in our society for meditation, stress relief, weight loss, and elevated spiritual enlightment.  Various techniques can bring on all sorts of personality disorders.
 

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Wild, Crazy and Rude - It's All in the Family

I was thinking about the many family members that have a screw or two loose upstairs due to years of drug use, sexual diseases, wars, and turbulent relationships and I thought, "No wonder so many relatives are distant."  Who really wants the wild, crazy and rude at the barbecue, the birthday celebration, or even at the church?  Sooner or later one or all three of these type of family members are going to say or do something that is going to make a relative wish he or she never saw their faces again!

Some do-good type of relatives want family events to be memorable, so they will take a chance and invite the family members who are better off left alone--even when God himself is saying, "Avoid the drama..."  Despite the past issues with relatives, the wild ones will still come out and show their love and support until someone triggers a deep rooted emotional issue to come flying forth!  Now the fight is on!

Do yourself a favor as the season warms up and family get-togethers are underway, stay clear of the drama.  When you know you have issues with certain relatives, stay home!  If you are planning the party, take a vote on whether Crazy Henry, Wild Suzie, or Rude Brenda should be at the event.  I'm sure the reason why the last event didn't go over so well is because all three showed up!

Nicholl McGuire

Using Family Members and Friends as Buffers to Protect One's Favorite People

It's easier to point the finger at everyone else when a wrong has been commited against you, but at the person who really caused your head to hurt, your back to ache, or your mouth to curse.  Your favorite person had been there when a relative died, loved you when no else did, bought things for you, and encouraged you with flattery.  Some people will never see any wrong in their "beloved, favorite, best" family members and friends.  However, people change and what we think we know about mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, and best friends isn't always accurate.  A mother can talk negatively about her daughters and sons, an aunt can lie and steal five days a week while attending church on Sunday, and a best friend can be as dirty as Judas while giving his brother a kiss on the cheek.

If one was to record audio, setup video, and have 17 witnesses hidden while an interview took place between a favorite relative or friend and the matriarch of the family and the question was asked, "What do you really think of..." some individuals, who were deemed as favorites, would be shocked to find out the truth.  "Grandmother was really nothing more than a liar...daddy was a drunk...mother was a hypocrite...and sister was crazy."  Others would digress, lie, defend, or offend while accusing the person of setting up the interview as being an agitator.  The truth hurts--someone finally would have the courage to say what they really wanted to after years of being let down by a favorite while still holding on to the "good ole' days" kind of memories. 

The truth about family hurts and the self-righteous, prideful and downright evil would never want lies, secrets and mayhem to be exposed.  But why?  Because for years they worked hard to create a stellar reputation and when it is threatened the need to retailiate arises.  When people, who were once good, turn bad, they work hard sometimes to keep from the majority of relatives and friends from finding out what they are really about nowadays.  Think of some of the good turned bad in your own family for a moment.  Who are the gatekeepers in these people's lives presently?  If you were to be critical of those individuals or point out wrong-doing, would you be considered a black sheep or maybe you already are?

So when drama begins to show up and show out with some families, those who are protective of their "favorite people" will use others as buffers.  They will redirect anger that should have gone toward their favorites, to those like: the weak and gullible, others who are caught in the middle or play both sides, people who have nothing to do with anything but stumbled on everything, or those they consider trouble-makers.  These people are the buffers, whether they know it or not, the ones who are meant to catch the anger that is pent up for mom, dad, favorite brother, best aunt, and whoever else.  They won't face the people who have truly hurt them due to fear.  In addition, they can't face the truth that these people are no longer favorites in their lives.  They lie to themselves.

You can keep out of the drama that playing favorites brings once you learn who the supporters are of crooked family members and friends.  You can stay out of the buffer zone, meaning catching someone's twisted wrath, by not trying to play peacemaker when God himself is not even calling you to that sort of assignment with certain family members and friends.  You will know what your place is when you see that the same people's names continue to come out of the mouth of a single person, whether these people are actively causing drama or not, the person doing the calling out is the one who is looking to find anyone or anything to unleash on in his or her effort to protect the Queen B, or in other words, his or her favorite person or group.  

Nicholl McGuire

Dissociative Identity Disorder

Esteeming People Who Aren't True Friends

You may have been in contact with an individual who speaks highly of someone in his or her circle, yet the evidence shows this "star" person really isn't that significant in his or her life like he or she once was.  Yet, the family member or friend continues to boast about how this star person gave them money when they were down and how they were there when a parent died and so on.  It is apparent that the delusional individual hasn't permitted his or herself to be updated on current events regarding one's connection to the so-called best friend, aunt, cousin, etc.

People change.  Jobs will move a person to act differently.  The birth of children will wipe a smile or two off a new parent's face.  Divorce will bring on a troubled mind.  So many negative life events will cause people to put a halt on being kind, sweet, loving, and the type who will have your back when times are rough. 

When one is told the truth about a favorite family member and friend, the person will act defensive.  They will act as if you are the trouble-maker for exposing truth.  They don't want to face the fact that someone who might have been once a best friend is now toxic.  They find it hard to fathom that a "best friend" would act in ways that aren't friendly.  When scandal from long ago rears its ugly head, they don't want to believe that their loved one really didn't like them very much.  The truth is a hard pill to swallow.

The best thing we can do when we see that family members and friends are esteeming people, who are no longer in their corner, is to gently remind them that they now have the power to do whatever it is they desire without the need of hand-holding from XYZ.  We can also point out when the person said or did things that wouldn't constitute a good friendship.  Once the opportunity has passed to speak truth, one must keep a lid on his or her mouth and let the truth marinate on the person's mind, body and spirit.  Hopefully, in time, he or she will wake up and realize that the favorite family member or friend just isn't the same.

Nicholl McGuire

Never Trust the Big Mouth in Your Family

When family members share, "I don't talk to her because...I don't come around because..."  There is good reason, most likely they have said or did something that caused a stir in the family.  Be it right or wrong, the chaos had been so much over the years that there was no more interacting closely with relatives.  Nevertheless, there will always be the big mouth in the family, the one who says, "I don't care what she said, I'm calling her...So what he doesn't come around, he knows what he did, but I still want him to come to my event!"  Whatever the issue, the big mouth will be sure to broadcast every little detail to other relatives about those who have been distant for quite sometime.  "Did you hear what she said?  Well, this is what I heard."  Before long, personal opinion about the person spreads like wildfire!

When you encounter the big mouth in the family, you will want to limit your conversation with such a person and try hard not to say anything to him or her that includes a name, place, or anything related to other family members unless absolutely necessary.  When referencing your personal interaction with other relatives, you might be vague and only mention labels such as: "an aunt, a cousin or a relative" rather than names.  Taking care to leave out any details that might be misconstrued and keeping private information to one's self.

If there is a confrontation or family dispute over what the big mouth relative said, stand your ground!  Don't feel threatened, bullied, or curse the person you are speaking with.  Rather stick to the facts and give the person or yourself a way out if the discussion because emotional.  You don't want to keep conversations going with people who easily jump to conclusions, act childish, or have so many rules about what to say or not to say about them.

Nicholl McGuire

What causes Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?

How to Recognize an Emotional Manipulator - a Bully

Sometimes the people in your own family can bully you.  They know your weakness and will use those to get the upper hand.  Don't let them!  Learn more on how some will use emotional manipulation to get what they want.  Use the techniques mentioned in this video to empower you!

Bad Weather + Bad Attitude = Kooky Behavior

Weeks of cold weather made up of snow, rain, and very little sun will make anyone lose it!  Grandma is suffering with pain in her body which affects her mind.  Mom is yelling about God knows what--she hasn't seen the sun in weeks!  Dad is staring at a television screen like a man under hypnosis--blocking out all sound around him.  He hopes to one day get back to his backyard activities.  Siblings are fighting about what this one has and what this one wants.  Mother Nature has a way of working a number on the human psyche.

When so much is going on indoors, it can be a challenge to go outdoors.  Therefore, one must check his or her kooky behavior before someone does.  The family must exercise some patience, look for ways to stay busy without need of others, and be helpful whenever called upon.  Negative attitudes, loud conversation, and bad-mouthing just adds fuel to the melting pot of personalities all around.

Sometimes family can be very understanding of short-tempers, impatience, and disrespect when outside the home and interacting with others they barely know.  However, at home can be a very different story.  It would make sense to treat others how one wants to be treated at home and wherever he or she goes, but of course, that doesn't happen with all individuals.  Some people enjoy feuds, more than they like peace.

Bad weather will affect one's mood and the results may not be good, so we must all check our minds, bodies, and spirits and avoid trouble whenever we can via phone, at home, and other places.  In the words of one of my children, "Mind your own business!"

Nicholl McGuire

Big Dreams, Big Ideas - Troubled Relatives

They want you to believe in their dreams.  They desire help with their plans.  They tell you a long story about what they hope to become in the future and all you can do is nod your head.  But then the question comes, "So do you have some money to help me finance my business?"  Huh?

Let's be honest a relative with a long track record of broken dreams can't be trusted.  If his or her own partner isn't supporting your loved one on what he or she says, why do you think that is?  Yet, the guillble, the optimist, and the blind will reach into his or her wallet or write out a check in the hopes that the family member will be that great success.

After months of wishing and praying, nothing happens.  The once excited relative doesn't have the passion anymore.  It is on with another idea.  You may have been the one praying for that relative, but things just don't work out for him or her.  You might even ask, "Why oh God, don't you answer my prayer?"  You know why he doesn't?  Because even one's Creator knows that fools like to talk much.  Take heed. 

There is a bottomless pit of ideas with many people and most don't amount to anything.  Before you support someone on his or her project, understand that you just might be getting an answer to your prayers right around the corner, therefore hold on to your money, save yourself some time!

Nicholl McGuire

Break Free from Parental Programming - Too Old to Be Governed by Control...

You Can't Make Them Like You

You may have bought your loved ones gifts, offered a helping hand, stayed on the phone listening to their every problem, and told them a million times, "I love you,"  but despite all your efforts, you learn from other relatives that they don't like you much.

Why is it that some relatives think that you will never learn the truth about what they really think about you?  There is a lot said in flippant comments, the family member who thinks that you are "...nothing but a...." is going to pretend like they honestly care about you, at least in front of your face, but behind your back, well that is a different story!  "Well, I wish she would get her life together...he is too old behaving like that...I never really liked either of them...Sometimes I have to pray they don't call me or come around." the critical relative might say.

Observers will ask, "Why do you bother?  Why go out of your way?  You know he/she doesn't like you?"  Most good-hearted people will reason/defend/excuse/ignore the negativity that they are being given.  "I know what my Bible says...What goes around, comes back around...I do what I do, because I love him/her."  But the concerned relative will retort, "But he/she is USING you!  Don't you get it!?  Do you really want to know what this person thinks about you?"

The unfavored ones, who were never considered the favorite ones by parents, will work real hard to prove themselves.  They will do what they can to win favor with family members.  They will use their actions to scream out loud, "Don't forget about me!  I love you!"  But the reality is, that no matter how many Thinking of You cards you send them, how much money/gifts you put in the mail, and family events you attend to show support, some people are simply mean-spirited.  Some believers will even ignore their Heavenly Creator's admonition to, "Keep away...don't call...don't come around for a time."  There is a season for all things when it comes to reaching out to family; therefore, one must know when his or her season is over for giving and being available to extended relatives.  Sometimes how someone feels about you has nothing to do with taking a time out from him or her (although it might be necessary), but the time-out has everything to do with readjusting your focus on keeping the peace in your household, dealing with personal issues on the home front and troubles elsewhere in your life.  Extended relatives must be placed on the back-burner when personal problems begin to mount.  But what some will do is attempt to feel good about their lives, by doing for others so that they don't have to deal with issues on the home front--this type of thinking is unwise and will lead to much heartache in one's personal and/or professional life. 

Think of the many relationships that have been destroyed because a partner's mindset was all about getting someone in their family circle to like them.  The individual totes children, partner, gift bags, and food over to a house that isn't very inviting even loved ones will comment, "They don't like us, why do we come over here?"  The host puts on a fake smile while whispering some negative remarks to other family members.  When confronted about his or her behavior, the response goes something like this, "You didn't have to do this...I didn't really invite you...Why do you bother calling or coming around?"  Wow, what a reality check!  However, most family members don't want to look like a spit-fire demon, so they will put on an act, "Glad you came...Oh, this is for me?  You shouldn't have."

When you know that people have proven over and over again that they just don't like you for any number of reasons that might make sense or might not, guard your heart and your wallet!  Consider what people are telling you about some of your relatives and avoid the temptation to defend the users and abusers.

Nicholl McGuire

The Braggart Family Member Who Believes that All You Need is Family

He or she goes around spewing his or her speech about family togetherness, family time, and how much time is left to be with this relative and that one while squeezing in how great his or her family supposedly is.  "Cherish your family, you never know when you will need them...family will be here when no one else will...your family loves you..."  Unsuspecting relatives have been manipulated by the optimist who claims to only want what is best for everyone.  However, what some family members fail to realize is that they are living their lives based on what someone has told them, but not on how they truly feel!  It is very easy to put aside differences based on someone's false perception only to later be shot down with a negative reality. 

People move away, ignore others, and practically disappear out of families for good reason!  Some return only to wish they never came back.  Others will open up doors only to be reminded to close them back!  Fickle family can be a detriment to a relationship, business, one's spiritual growth and more!  It would make sense to avoid the comments of one's hyped up braggart family member and observe people, places and things for who and what they truly are!  A relocation can turn out badly, an event can end up with people in the hospital, children can be emotionally scarred for a lifetime in the wrong environment with the wrong people, and above everything else, one can lose his or her mind, partner, and finances trying to appease others.

Sure, it sounds good the family talk, walk, group, event and whatever other word that has "family" in it.  But the reality is, that many relatives have moved away for good reason and to convince them to, "Come on back home, because your poor, dear mom needs you...grandma doesn't have long to live...you know how much we love and miss you (sob, sob)" is just wrong especially when the family member arrives to his or her hometown only to find that everyone is doing just fine and no one doesn't even look like they are on their death bed.

Braggart relatives speak highly of family because of their own personal guilt.  They remember the money they owe, the family disputes, the bad-mouthing they did, and a plethora of other issues they have had with their relatives.  Some even go so far as to pass on responsibilities for loved ones in the hopes that others will step up to the plate.  So of course, they will talk loudly about how much family means to them. 

Depending on the relationship one has with certain family members will determine whether or not they are going to buy into the "We are family" hype.  Don't expect everyone to jump on board just because someone is ill, having financial difficulty, needs someone to talk to, or misses a relative he or she once was close to.  Realize people change!  Don't be the one bad-mouthing others because they don't want to be a part of family related events!  What use to be may not be anymore for these wounded individuals.  People have a way of messing things up because they overly promote family.  They fail to understand that some get tired of being lied to, used, abused, controlled, bad-mouthed, or judged.

As the year presses on, if you are the one being pressured to do one thing or another for a relative just because their "family," stop!  Think about what is happening.  Notice how the pressure is affecting your personal life and make some immediate changes including distancing yourself from those who don't care to understand what is going on in your own personal life.

Stay blessed!

Nicholl McGuire

Cyclothymia - episodes of hypomania with cycles of depression for two years or more

10 Obvious Signs of Emotionally Abusive Relationships

Recovering From Emotional Abuse From Parents

Hypomania - a milder form of Mania

In this video, the reporter shares the mental personality disorder hypomania and provides a woman's experiences to further explain the condition.  Mental issues such as hypomania and others are often overlooked by family.  Those who think they are "normal" dismiss others as being "odd, weird, crazy."  But there is more to what those, who are coping with an imperfect body, are going through.  They are typically unaware of what is happening at the moment that it is occurring.  Demanding that one act a certain way while in a weak state of mind is like talking to a wall for some and for others might lead to major disputes or worse violence.  The one going through the mania, must be given the opportunity to do the following in order to calm down:  pace one's self, cut back on certain activities, be left alone if he or she is in no danger of harming self or others, or removed from the environment that is causing major stress.  Also, he or she might need to be reminded to take his or her medication, herbal supplement, etc. 

Book of Ruth Part Two Bible Study - Meeting Boaz, Welcoming Opportunity

Seven Keys to Resolving Family Conflict

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - Health Matters

Adult ADD/ADHD Documentary

Personal Story and Education on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

You notice that your parent cleans the same item over and over again although it looks clean. You mention to a friend that he or she has something on his or her nose, the person wipes it off, yet they keep touching their nose and asking you repeatedly throughout the day is there something on it.  Simple scenarios that follow more complex issues from obsessing over whether something is clean to people staring, obsessive compulsive disorder just might be causing much difficulty relating to others in the family.  Learn more.  Most of all encourage loved ones to seek treatment!

Schizoid Personality Disorder - They Don't Have Relationships with Others

Ever wonder why some relatives don't come around you or no other family member?  Do you question whether they have friends?  Some people have personalities that go beyond just wanting to be alone.  Learn more about the schizoid personality.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - The Low-Level Psychopath (Impulsive & ...

Overprotective Relatives who Refuse to Face the Truth About Mentally Disturbed Loved Ones

You are having a conversation with a relative about some unusual behavior coming from another relative--this person could be a parent, grandparent and the listener becomes defensive.  "Why are you saying that?  He is acting that way.  Are you starting trouble?  What about you?" the wife/aunt/uncle/sibling or whoever this person is to you is angry.  Why would they be so quick to defend a relative's mental issues?  Oftentimes people already know someone is troubled around them, but they don't want to admit it or hope the secret doesn't get out.  But crazy is crazy no matter what nice names we like to use to cover up the wild, strange, and downright disturbing behaviors of individuals in our lives.  But what can be upsetting is when one or a group would like to point the finger back at you for being the crazy one because you exposed the secret--now we have a problem.

Luckily, there are ways that you can deal with those who like to protect crazy Uncle Joe or Wild Wendy's actions or inactions.

1.  Let them find things out on their own without saying too much.  You can alert people to concerns rather than specifically talk about the person by mentioning your observations without using the name.  "So the bathroom is messed up again, this is a real problem.  What is being done about this issue?  I noticed there was a problem with the car, any story as to why it looks like that yet again?  With so many challenges, what is your plan?  You don't look yourself and seem to be stressed." You see, there is no name mentioned, but most likely someone will say something about the person who is causing much stress, it will be then that you share contact information, videos, or any other thing that might help their situation. 

2.  Distance yourself from people who don't want to admit that their loved one has issues. 

3.  Avoid conversation with those who try to deflect attention away from the troubled person in the family by focusing on you and whatever your personal issues might be.

4.  Don't continue to offer help to people who have repeatedly told you they don't want your help.  You can upset your own household by redirecting your focus from your personal life and on to someone else's.  Think of the many relationships that come to an end because of outside stresses ie.) in-laws, co-workers, friends, civic group associates, etc.

5.  Stay out of arguments with or about the troubled relative.  As much as you would love to share everything you despise about that person, let the protectors deal with the issues.  Keep "I told you so" comments to yourself.  Move on with your life.

The more you know about a loved one's condition the more empowered you will feel.  Ignore people when they act overprotective about loved ones, they do this because it is a natural reaction, don't take it personally.  When others speak angrily about the troubled relative, always think, "That person could be me going through those trials."  Treat others like you would expect to be treated.

Nicholl McGuire