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Friday, October 24, 2014

Family of Divorce

Far too often, there are families that are hit with destruction as a result of divorces, they are overwhelmed with the pain, responsibilities and depression that come with break ups. 

They are angered that partners have moved on with their lives and away from drama.  Some hopeful individuals expect that everything will be the same and all parties will treat everyone with respect.  Others falsely assume that children will continue to be loving, sweet and kind and do well in school.  But when times change, people also will change and not everyone will deal with divorce in the ways that one might expect.

You may have noticed those around you looking like they have everything together since a divorce.  There are scheduled pick ups to see children, new purchases, new relationships, and good things happening.  However, what you don't see is the symptoms that come with a break up.  Those that need to be medicated, healed, delivered, removed, and so on. Past unresolved anger, emotional issues, mental challenges, un-forgiveness, impatience, rude behaviors, and more occur before, during and after a divorce.  Sometimes it takes many years for people to mentally come back to their senses.  Not all smiling faces that have come out of a divorce are genuinely happy.  They realize that getting all things new doesn't bring anything, but new difficulties.

Before one encourages someone to get a divorce, he or she might want to open his or her heart, environment, bank account, and schedule to help that person who is going to need financial, mental, and physical support.  The more drama the relative has had to contend with in the marriage, as well as outside of it, the more assistance he or she will need.  This is why it isn't always a good idea to suggest a break up or divorce if you are not prepared to assist the individual in the turbulent relationship. 

It is also unwise to prematurely leave a person or situation that might be temporary.  A job loss is temporary, a financial dip temporary, a crying newborn temporary, a relocation/move temporary, a new hobby temporary, a health issue temporary, or a career move temporary!  None of these things last for always even if one might depart this life in the process, they aren't here forever.  So if the couple can endure, they will find that after the storms in their lives pass, they will draw near to each other.  However, abusive behavior, addictions, mental illness, cheating, and similar problems require much outside help and are not good situations to raise children.  Therefore, the family has no choice but to get away, particularly when the one with the illness is showing no signs of getting help.

If you are someone who is experiencing a divorce, keep in mind that you are not alone and that there are online programs, websites, and offline free resources that can help.

Nicholl McGuire   

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