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Thursday, May 26, 2011

7 Things You Might Want to Think About When Dealing with Inlaws

It is never too late to make some changes in your relationship including how you interact with the in-laws. You may have done or said some things in the past to relatives on your partner's side of the family that you now regret. Maybe you have done nothing wrong (or that you are aware of.) So what might you need to stop or never do around the in-laws to keep the peace in your intimate relationship?
One. Don't make negative comments about your partner's cooking or other household duties.
Some partners may not care what their partners say to their relatives about how they manage the household while others may be offended. Meanwhile, this is nothing more than gossip for the in-laws and some might even bring what you do or don't do up to you depending on what your partner may have told them. Hopefully, you or your partner wouldn't allow this conversation to get out of hand to the point that feelings get hurt.
Two. Don't confide in the in-laws about your relationship problems.
So many couples do this and later regret doing it, confiding in your partner's mother or another relative about him or her. This person may say, "I promise I won't tell." However, there is a lot said in actions and if your partner knows his or her relative well, he or she is going to know something is up.
Three. Avoid discussion on how your partner parents the children.
This may start World War III in your household if you fall for it. Let's say a relative brings up a subject like, how parents don't discipline their children in traditional ways and that is why so many end up in jail. Now he or she may know you don't use harsh correction when parenting your children. So you decide you are going to share a bit about how you parent your children. This type of conversation will spark debate especially if you are a liberal thinking parent and the grandparents are conservative. How you parent your children is no one's business. Remind your partner of that.
Four. Keep personal, political and religious views between you and your partner.
Your partner may have told his or her relatives how you feel about certain issues or current events and now someone in the family is ready to challenge you. When this sort of thing happens, it's best to say a few simple words, "This is how I feel and we will have to agree to disagree." Hopefully, this kind of discussion will be avoided altogether.
Five. Don't encourage gossip about your partner.
The only reason why someone would bad mouth his or her partner is if they are ready to break up. Lying, exaggerating, and sharing unflattering things about one's partner, will result in a relationship falling apart. Avoid bringing relatives into your relationship, if it's so bad, talk to a stranger about it or better yet, take some time apart until you have something nice to say.
Six. Stay away from lying and covering up your bad deeds while exposing your partner's mishaps in front of the in-laws.
The temptation to want to make one's partner look bad especially when you know he or she has talked negatively about you to others may show up without notice. A simple conversation may end up being a tearful one with you confessing everything he or she has ever done to you. Too much talking may end up with some exaggerations, cover-ups and lies thrown in. Rather than, worry over what you said later, avoid talking about your partner badly even if his sister thinks he is the greatest brother in the world or her father believes his daughter can do no wrong. The next time you talk with a relative, who is eager to know personal details about your relationship, reverse the conversation on him or her. Ask the in-law questions about his or her life. Most likely, this person won't be open with you.
Seven. Beware of the blame game.
The in-laws may blame you for everything that goes wrong, wasn't right or isn't good with their beloved son, daughter or sibling. You may blame the family for everything that is wrong with your partner or worse blame him or her for the problems he or she may be having with the relatives. Those flippant remarks or negative comments from relatives that seem to come out of nowhere is nothing more than argument starters!
Sometimes your partner is at fault for the drama in the family, but he or she doesn't have to know that particularly in front of his or her relatives. Avoid the temptation to place blame at all costs; rather, suggest to your partner ways to avoid family disputes that are in his or her best interest. This way you aren't taking anyone's side.
By Nicholl McGuire

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