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Liars, Thieves and Murderers in the Family - They Don't Change, They Go Into Hiding

Whether you have a liar, thief or murderer in the family, one thing is for certain, just because they might claim to have changed, doesn't mean the family is going to act any different toward them.

The relatives have plenty of good reason to act distant toward those with a criminal mindset.  They should protect their assets, and caution others especially if they have been a victim of a shady relative's schemes in the past.  As much as some would like for things to be left in the past, it can be quite difficult to forget about offenses when they are still ongoing.  I think of deceitful family members who repeatedly let loved ones down.  Then after some time passed (out of sight, out of mind), they acted as if all was okay and they had changed.  But the reality was, these liars, thieves, and murderers only got better with their acting skills.

The family charlatans who boast how much they love family usually have two faces.  The one that everyone sees (good guy) and the one a few can see (bad guy).  Enabling family members will try to protect the one who thinks himself to be honest and true (a changed man or woman) by singing his or her praises for all to hear.  They will talk of how much the so-called righteous relative did in the past for the family.  They will boast about all the service they have received from the individual.  These enablers might go so far as to give the deceivers many gifts while hoping that others will hop on the bandwagon.

It is unfortunate but rarely do people with a long history of lying, stealing, and fighting change.  They might grow older and get slower, but their mentalities are still very selfish and downright evil.  Some will go into hiding for a time while hoping that those around them are convinced they have changed before coming around family once again.  Others will be quite open about their misdeeds but all the while plot their next move.  They hope that discerning relatives will see that things appear to be different with them even when it is apparent that there is no change.

Set some traps for sneaky relatives, interview others about their behaviors, and watch how these liars, thieves and murderers in your family operate for a time.  Sooner or later what is in darkness will come to light.

Nicholl McGuire

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They Look Like Such a Happy Family

You might have walked by them, sat by the so-called happy family in a restaurant, and thought, "Wow, they are such a happy family.  Everyone looks so beautiful..."

Some of the most attractive and content looking families are having their share of issues.  The kind that don't easily go away.  What we see is merely an act like that of a Hollywood movie scene.  Those who are discerning, look beyond the surface.  They see pain underneath the masks and experience a negative vibe emanating from them.

Oftentimes, the stressed head of family is keeping up the best act.  He is smiling at strangers and purposely making eye contact with them to appear friendly.  He exchanges warm pleasantries while his body language advertises, "I am a pretender."  He is acting polite and attentive in public toward his family, but every now and then his true self emerges when he is irritated about something his wife and children may have said or done.  He is behaving himself at least while watchful eyes are in view.

The family head's wife puts on a fake smile when spoke to directly.  She pretends to be interested in the family conversation and the environment around her, but her eyes say, "I wish I was anywhere but here."  She isn't smiling at the women who gaze in her family's direction, she doesn't trust them or the partner she is with around them. The wife barely smiles at the men who nod as they pass by because she knows how jealous her husband can be.

The couple's children chat among each other and occasionally misbehave.  After being warned, they sit silently with a half-hearted smile here and there as disappointed parents look on.  They mustn't mess up the perfect family public facade.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7 

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On Bringing Family Members to Your Home When Relationship is in Trouble

Why do some couples do it, allow relatives to visit their homes when they know they don't see eye-to-eye on most things including people who don't like one or both of them? 

Sometimes a personal situation will occur where one person either has to care for a relative temporarily or chooses to bring a relative to one's home for a short or long term stay.  Meanwhile a partner might not be in agreement for a number of reasons such as: negative past experiences, inconvenience, personal health issues, relationship challenges, trouble-making statements/behavior, and more. 

Whatever the issue that stirs one to want to bring family for a visit, the point is, if things aren't right at home why cause more unnecessary turmoil for the relationship or cause discomfort for your visiting relatives by bringing them into an already stressed setting?

One.  Don't invite trouble-makers with a history that isn't in support of your relationship.

You are asking for problems when you let someone come into your home that has made it clear he or she doesn't like you or your mate's past or present actions.  Notice this person's behavior.  Has he or she sincerely acted any different over the years?  Parents who act in this way assume that all is forgotten if they stand to gain something from the visit like: being tended to, playing with grandchildren, receiving monies, etc.  However, bad experiences usually aren't forgotten by those who had to endure back-handed comments, mean-spirited facial expressions, bad-mouthing, and the like.  Keep in mind, there just might be that moment during the visit where the past will come back up again and are you prepared to take sides?

Two.  State your concerns to your mate.

You might be in a relationship with someone who is understanding, but then again maybe not.  Whoever you are with, communicate the pros and cons of the potential visit.  Far too often, family members will deceive one another into thinking that all is well when in fact there is some hidden resentment, jealousy, and unresolved past issues they are coping with.  Permitting someone to come to your home because you think all is well is simply not enough and remember you might have a bias view if this person is your relative or friend planning to visit.  Listen to your mate.  Say and do the kinds of things that will bring your partner peace of mind or simply cancel plans if you detect that there is going to be trouble.

Three.  Avoid the temptation to lie or sugar-coat your feelings about certain relatives.

Pretending, lying, or exaggerating is not going to help matters.  A partner who thinks that bringing a relative into the home is beneficial while you disagree, needs to know the truth.  Sooner or later, your true colors will show up and it is then that you or your significant will be considered the bad guy or gal.

Four.  Make plans to go out of town, work longer hours, visit friends, and do other things in an effort to keep intense moments to a minimum.

Let's just say, things aren't a bad as they appear to be, if so, then figure out what you are going to do with your time so that you aren't caught having to watch, care for, or entertain a loved one.  However, the likelihood of you helping at some point or another will occur as long as the person is living in the home.

As much as we would like to think that the past is just what it is and all old offenses are long forgotten, the truth is that bad times have a way of lingering especially with those not-so favorite relatives.  Be honest with your partner and do what you must to keep trouble out of your home.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

What's Right About Family Members, What's Wrong

When it comes to thinking about what's right about family, words come to mind like: love, patience, peace, money, fun, and laughter.  When I think of what is wrong when it comes to family, I see words like: pain, discovery, hope, help, anger, abuse, rage, sadness, and regret.


So much time wasted over the years with strange people who liked the sound of saying things like, "I love you...I will help you...Don't worry...Be good..." yet failed miserably at being good examples (of course some, not all).  I think of those who meant well, but had far too many demons in their closets to help anyone much less themselves.


I have been hopeful over the years that the sick, confused, and blind family members will be made well.  I have wished that widows would find love again and broken-hearted mothers would do other things with their lives besides provoke their children to anger with all their unreasonable requests.


Family just doesn't mean the same for all people.  Those that I have witnessed who truly loved their families took the bitter with the sweet and worked together so that all in their circle could live reasonably well.  However, those who claimed to love their families didn't do anything more than to make bad situations worse with all their lies, exaggerations, gas lighting, fighting, and more.  Then these same individuals would act as if nothing they did was ever wrong!


I think when you have a great set of relatives, you should appreciate them.  Show them just how much you care and offer service every now and again.  But when you have toxic relatives, you should go no contact, and find a new family.  Adopt parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, and others who can show you love and enjoy your presence.  I personally believe there is a Creator who allows such things to happen.  New people are welcomed into lives while old people are pushed out.  I hope for nothing but the best for those of you who honestly desire healthy relationships and that you will sincerely find what you have been looking for before you close your eyes forever.


Nicholl McGuire

Why Obligate Yourself to Things You Really Don't Want to Do?

The great thing about reaching mature adulthood is finally coming to a period in your life when you are finally living for you!  Of course, there are responsibilities, obligations, and other things that come up, but you can pick what you are capable of handling and what you can't put up with.  You always have the option to say "no" to what other people feel you should do and say regarding a situation that may or may not involve your assistance.  But what happens is far too often, people put themselves in tough spots because they have yet to realize what truly standing up for yourself and others really means.  Instead, they are manipulated or forced into doing things or cordially charmed into making others feel good inside while they suffer.


I think of the many people, both young and old, spiritual and nonspiritual, rich and poor, who are emotionally, physically and spiritually in bondage with others because they simply can't say things like, "No, I will not be attending the event...Sorry I can't help with that...I will not be paying for yet another thing...I just don't have the time and patience...Could you find someone else to do it?"  These Rush to Say Yes people, who are more concerned about their reputations, how someone or a group feels, or the consequences if they should say no, are typically the ones who blame others for things they have gotten themselves into.  When you know you can't handle something, why subject yourself to it in the first place?


Relationships, friendships and more have been negatively impacted by weak-minded individuals who have said yes for far too long to family, friends, bosses, church leaders, and others without giving a thought to things like: how their "yes" or "maybe" might inconvenience others, what they might have to do/sacrifice and for how long, and whether they will still have a good relationship/friendship when it is all over.


Over the years, I recall hearing in church as well as from a couple of relatives, let your yes be yes and your no be no.  When you can't do something, get out of it quickly.  Don't turn your household upside down or get angry with people because you thought you could do something, but now you can't.  Most often, individuals will understand when you choose not to attend their events, help with tasks, and do other things as long as you let them know early on.  The truth is, they really didn't want to do some of what they were asking you to do; therefore, they seek someone who will make their lives easier.  Think about that for a moment.  Is your life easy right now?  Can you benefit out of what this person or group might be asking you to do?  Is the so-called benefits worth it? 
Find freedom in doing the things you truly want to do and not because other people have obligated you to what they want.  If you feel controlled in a relationship, please do stop by: http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com