Wild, Crazy and Rude - It's All in the Family

I was thinking about the many family members that have a screw or two loose upstairs due to years of drug use, sexual diseases, wars, and turbulent relationships and I thought, "No wonder so many relatives are distant."  Who really wants the wild, crazy and rude at the barbecue, the birthday celebration, or even at the church?  Sooner or later one or all three of these type of family members are going to say or do something that is going to make a relative wish he or she never saw their faces again!

Some do-good type of relatives want family events to be memorable, so they will take a chance and invite the family members who are better off left alone--even when God himself is saying, "Avoid the drama..."  Despite the past issues with relatives, the wild ones will still come out and show their love and support until someone triggers a deep rooted emotional issue to come flying forth!  Now the fight is on!

Do yourself a favor as the season warms up and family get-togethers are underway, stay clear of the drama.  When you know you have issues with certain relatives, stay home!  If you are planning the party, take a vote on whether Crazy Henry, Wild Suzie, or Rude Brenda should be at the event.  I'm sure the reason why the last event didn't go over so well is because all three showed up!

Nicholl McGuire

Using Family Members and Friends as Buffers to Protect One's Favorite People

It's easier to point the finger at everyone else when a wrong has been commited against you, but at the person who really caused your head to hurt, your back to ache, or your mouth to curse.  Your favorite person had been there when a relative died, loved you when no else did, bought things for you, and encouraged you with flattery.  Some people will never see any wrong in their "beloved, favorite, best" family members and friends.  However, people change and what we think we know about mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, and best friends isn't always accurate.  A mother can talk negatively about her daughters and sons, an aunt can lie and steal five days a week while attending church on Sunday, and a best friend can be as dirty as Judas while giving his brother a kiss on the cheek.

If one was to record audio, setup video, and have 17 witnesses hidden while an interview took place between a favorite relative or friend and the matriarch of the family and the question was asked, "What do you really think of..." some individuals, who were deemed as favorites, would be shocked to find out the truth.  "Grandmother was really nothing more than a liar...daddy was a drunk...mother was a hypocrite...and sister was crazy."  Others would digress, lie, defend, or offend while accusing the person of setting up the interview as being an agitator.  The truth hurts--someone finally would have the courage to say what they really wanted to after years of being let down by a favorite while still holding on to the "good ole' days" kind of memories. 

The truth about family hurts and the self-righteous, prideful and downright evil would never want lies, secrets and mayhem to be exposed.  But why?  Because for years they worked hard to create a stellar reputation and when it is threatened the need to retailiate arises.  When people, who were once good, turn bad, they work hard sometimes to keep from the majority of relatives and friends from finding out what they are really about nowadays.  Think of some of the good turned bad in your own family for a moment.  Who are the gatekeepers in these people's lives presently?  If you were to be critical of those individuals or point out wrong-doing, would you be considered a black sheep or maybe you already are?

So when drama begins to show up and show out with some families, those who are protective of their "favorite people" will use others as buffers.  They will redirect anger that should have gone toward their favorites, to those like: the weak and gullible, others who are caught in the middle or play both sides, people who have nothing to do with anything but stumbled on everything, or those they consider trouble-makers.  These people are the buffers, whether they know it or not, the ones who are meant to catch the anger that is pent up for mom, dad, favorite brother, best aunt, and whoever else.  They won't face the people who have truly hurt them due to fear.  In addition, they can't face the truth that these people are no longer favorites in their lives.  They lie to themselves.

You can keep out of the drama that playing favorites brings once you learn who the supporters are of crooked family members and friends.  You can stay out of the buffer zone, meaning catching someone's twisted wrath, by not trying to play peacemaker when God himself is not even calling you to that sort of assignment with certain family members and friends.  You will know what your place is when you see that the same people's names continue to come out of the mouth of a single person, whether these people are actively causing drama or not, the person doing the calling out is the one who is looking to find anyone or anything to unleash on in his or her effort to protect the Queen B, or in other words, his or her favorite person or group.  

Nicholl McGuire

Dissociative Identity Disorder

Esteeming People Who Aren't True Friends

You may have been in contact with an individual who speaks highly of someone in his or her circle, yet the evidence shows this "star" person really isn't that significant in his or her life like he or she once was.  Yet, the family member or friend continues to boast about how this star person gave them money when they were down and how they were there when a parent died and so on.  It is apparent that the delusional individual hasn't permitted his or herself to be updated on current events regarding one's connection to the so-called best friend, aunt, cousin, etc.

People change.  Jobs will move a person to act differently.  The birth of children will wipe a smile or two off a new parent's face.  Divorce will bring on a troubled mind.  So many negative life events will cause people to put a halt on being kind, sweet, loving, and the type who will have your back when times are rough. 

When one is told the truth about a favorite family member and friend, the person will act defensive.  They will act as if you are the trouble-maker for exposing truth.  They don't want to face the fact that someone who might have been once a best friend is now toxic.  They find it hard to fathom that a "best friend" would act in ways that aren't friendly.  When scandal from long ago rears its ugly head, they don't want to believe that their loved one really didn't like them very much.  The truth is a hard pill to swallow.

The best thing we can do when we see that family members and friends are esteeming people, who are no longer in their corner, is to gently remind them that they now have the power to do whatever it is they desire without the need of hand-holding from XYZ.  We can also point out when the person said or did things that wouldn't constitute a good friendship.  Once the opportunity has passed to speak truth, one must keep a lid on his or her mouth and let the truth marinate on the person's mind, body and spirit.  Hopefully, in time, he or she will wake up and realize that the favorite family member or friend just isn't the same.

Nicholl McGuire

Never Trust the Big Mouth in Your Family

When family members share, "I don't talk to her because...I don't come around because..."  There is good reason, most likely they have said or did something that caused a stir in the family.  Be it right or wrong, the chaos had been so much over the years that there was no more interacting closely with relatives.  Nevertheless, there will always be the big mouth in the family, the one who says, "I don't care what she said, I'm calling her...So what he doesn't come around, he knows what he did, but I still want him to come to my event!"  Whatever the issue, the big mouth will be sure to broadcast every little detail to other relatives about those who have been distant for quite sometime.  "Did you hear what she said?  Well, this is what I heard."  Before long, personal opinion about the person spreads like wildfire!

When you encounter the big mouth in the family, you will want to limit your conversation with such a person and try hard not to say anything to him or her that includes a name, place, or anything related to other family members unless absolutely necessary.  When referencing your personal interaction with other relatives, you might be vague and only mention labels such as: "an aunt, a cousin or a relative" rather than names.  Taking care to leave out any details that might be misconstrued and keeping private information to one's self.

If there is a confrontation or family dispute over what the big mouth relative said, stand your ground!  Don't feel threatened, bullied, or curse the person you are speaking with.  Rather stick to the facts and give the person or yourself a way out if the discussion because emotional.  You don't want to keep conversations going with people who easily jump to conclusions, act childish, or have so many rules about what to say or not to say about them.

Nicholl McGuire

What causes Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?

How to Recognize an Emotional Manipulator - a Bully

Sometimes the people in your own family can bully you.  They know your weakness and will use those to get the upper hand.  Don't let them!  Learn more on how some will use emotional manipulation to get what they want.  Use the techniques mentioned in this video to empower you!

Bad Weather + Bad Attitude = Kooky Behavior

Weeks of cold weather made up of snow, rain, and very little sun will make anyone lose it!  Grandma is suffering with pain in her body which affects her mind.  Mom is yelling about God knows what--she hasn't seen the sun in weeks!  Dad is staring at a television screen like a man under hypnosis--blocking out all sound around him.  He hopes to one day get back to his backyard activities.  Siblings are fighting about what this one has and what this one wants.  Mother Nature has a way of working a number on the human psyche.

When so much is going on indoors, it can be a challenge to go outdoors.  Therefore, one must check his or her kooky behavior before someone does.  The family must exercise some patience, look for ways to stay busy without need of others, and be helpful whenever called upon.  Negative attitudes, loud conversation, and bad-mouthing just adds fuel to the melting pot of personalities all around.

Sometimes family can be very understanding of short-tempers, impatience, and disrespect when outside the home and interacting with others they barely know.  However, at home can be a very different story.  It would make sense to treat others how one wants to be treated at home and wherever he or she goes, but of course, that doesn't happen with all individuals.  Some people enjoy feuds, more than they like peace.

Bad weather will affect one's mood and the results may not be good, so we must all check our minds, bodies, and spirits and avoid trouble whenever we can via phone, at home, and other places.  In the words of one of my children, "Mind your own business!"

Nicholl McGuire

Big Dreams, Big Ideas - Troubled Relatives

They want you to believe in their dreams.  They desire help with their plans.  They tell you a long story about what they hope to become in the future and all you can do is nod your head.  But then the question comes, "So do you have some money to help me finance my business?"  Huh?

Let's be honest a relative with a long track record of broken dreams can't be trusted.  If his or her own partner isn't supporting your loved one on what he or she says, why do you think that is?  Yet, the guillble, the optimist, and the blind will reach into his or her wallet or write out a check in the hopes that the family member will be that great success.

After months of wishing and praying, nothing happens.  The once excited relative doesn't have the passion anymore.  It is on with another idea.  You may have been the one praying for that relative, but things just don't work out for him or her.  You might even ask, "Why oh God, don't you answer my prayer?"  You know why he doesn't?  Because even one's Creator knows that fools like to talk much.  Take heed. 

There is a bottomless pit of ideas with many people and most don't amount to anything.  Before you support someone on his or her project, understand that you just might be getting an answer to your prayers right around the corner, therefore hold on to your money, save yourself some time!

Nicholl McGuire

Break Free from Parental Programming - Too Old to Be Governed by Control...

You Can't Make Them Like You

You may have bought your loved ones gifts, offered a helping hand, stayed on the phone listening to their every problem, and told them a million times, "I love you,"  but despite all your efforts, you learn from other relatives that they don't like you much.

Why is it that some relatives think that you will never learn the truth about what they really think about you?  There is a lot said in flippant comments, the family member who thinks that you are "...nothing but a...." is going to pretend like they honestly care about you, at least in front of your face, but behind your back, well that is a different story!  "Well, I wish she would get her life together...he is too old behaving like that...I never really liked either of them...Sometimes I have to pray they don't call me or come around." the critical relative might say.

Observers will ask, "Why do you bother?  Why go out of your way?  You know he/she doesn't like you?"  Most good-hearted people will reason/defend/excuse/ignore the negativity that they are being given.  "I know what my Bible says...What goes around, comes back around...I do what I do, because I love him/her."  But the concerned relative will retort, "But he/she is USING you!  Don't you get it!?  Do you really want to know what this person thinks about you?"

The unfavored ones, who were never considered the favorite ones by parents, will work real hard to prove themselves.  They will do what they can to win favor with family members.  They will use their actions to scream out loud, "Don't forget about me!  I love you!"  But the reality is, that no matter how many Thinking of You cards you send them, how much money/gifts you put in the mail, and family events you attend to show support, some people are simply mean-spirited.  Some believers will even ignore their Heavenly Creator's admonition to, "Keep away...don't call...don't come around for a time."  There is a season for all things when it comes to reaching out to family; therefore, one must know when his or her season is over for giving and being available to extended relatives.  Sometimes how someone feels about you has nothing to do with taking a time out from him or her (although it might be necessary), but the time-out has everything to do with readjusting your focus on keeping the peace in your household, dealing with personal issues on the home front and troubles elsewhere in your life.  Extended relatives must be placed on the back-burner when personal problems begin to mount.  But what some will do is attempt to feel good about their lives, by doing for others so that they don't have to deal with issues on the home front--this type of thinking is unwise and will lead to much heartache in one's personal and/or professional life. 

Think of the many relationships that have been destroyed because a partner's mindset was all about getting someone in their family circle to like them.  The individual totes children, partner, gift bags, and food over to a house that isn't very inviting even loved ones will comment, "They don't like us, why do we come over here?"  The host puts on a fake smile while whispering some negative remarks to other family members.  When confronted about his or her behavior, the response goes something like this, "You didn't have to do this...I didn't really invite you...Why do you bother calling or coming around?"  Wow, what a reality check!  However, most family members don't want to look like a spit-fire demon, so they will put on an act, "Glad you came...Oh, this is for me?  You shouldn't have."

When you know that people have proven over and over again that they just don't like you for any number of reasons that might make sense or might not, guard your heart and your wallet!  Consider what people are telling you about some of your relatives and avoid the temptation to defend the users and abusers.

Nicholl McGuire

The Braggart Family Member Who Believes that All You Need is Family

He or she goes around spewing his or her speech about family togetherness, family time, and how much time is left to be with this relative and that one while squeezing in how great his or her family supposedly is.  "Cherish your family, you never know when you will need them...family will be here when no one else will...your family loves you..."  Unsuspecting relatives have been manipulated by the optimist who claims to only want what is best for everyone.  However, what some family members fail to realize is that they are living their lives based on what someone has told them, but not on how they truly feel!  It is very easy to put aside differences based on someone's false perception only to later be shot down with a negative reality. 

People move away, ignore others, and practically disappear out of families for good reason!  Some return only to wish they never came back.  Others will open up doors only to be reminded to close them back!  Fickle family can be a detriment to a relationship, business, one's spiritual growth and more!  It would make sense to avoid the comments of one's hyped up braggart family member and observe people, places and things for who and what they truly are!  A relocation can turn out badly, an event can end up with people in the hospital, children can be emotionally scarred for a lifetime in the wrong environment with the wrong people, and above everything else, one can lose his or her mind, partner, and finances trying to appease others.

Sure, it sounds good the family talk, walk, group, event and whatever other word that has "family" in it.  But the reality is, that many relatives have moved away for good reason and to convince them to, "Come on back home, because your poor, dear mom needs you...grandma doesn't have long to live...you know how much we love and miss you (sob, sob)" is just wrong especially when the family member arrives to his or her hometown only to find that everyone is doing just fine and no one doesn't even look like they are on their death bed.

Braggart relatives speak highly of family because of their own personal guilt.  They remember the money they owe, the family disputes, the bad-mouthing they did, and a plethora of other issues they have had with their relatives.  Some even go so far as to pass on responsibilities for loved ones in the hopes that others will step up to the plate.  So of course, they will talk loudly about how much family means to them. 

Depending on the relationship one has with certain family members will determine whether or not they are going to buy into the "We are family" hype.  Don't expect everyone to jump on board just because someone is ill, having financial difficulty, needs someone to talk to, or misses a relative he or she once was close to.  Realize people change!  Don't be the one bad-mouthing others because they don't want to be a part of family related events!  What use to be may not be anymore for these wounded individuals.  People have a way of messing things up because they overly promote family.  They fail to understand that some get tired of being lied to, used, abused, controlled, bad-mouthed, or judged.

As the year presses on, if you are the one being pressured to do one thing or another for a relative just because their "family," stop!  Think about what is happening.  Notice how the pressure is affecting your personal life and make some immediate changes including distancing yourself from those who don't care to understand what is going on in your own personal life.

Stay blessed!

Nicholl McGuire