7 Good Reasons to Cut Off Certain Relatives

They are the trouble-makers.  Certain relatives will go along with everyone's program as long as there is some benefit to them.  Grandma pays her son or daughter to take her shopping, clean her home and do other things, yet some relatives think that grandma's children are so good to her, but they don't know the truth.  An aunt shows up after years of not coming around the family, only for some relatives to find out that she has a few too many skeletons in her closet and now everyone is upset that she wants to bring up the past.  Maybe you have a nephew, cousin, sister or brother who is always available to do something for the family, but behind all the smiling is one who is a gossip and a liar and would love to do nothing more than to cut everyone off.  These people are in our families, the ones who love, who hate, and who manipulate.  So when do we cut off certain individuals irregardless of their titles and just get on with our lives?     

1.  When the majority of their talk is about how they want to get even with another family member while trying to enlist your help.  Most likely, this person also has a long history of lying.
2.  When they see you as a walking bank for their personal needs as well as their partner, children, friends and anyone else who supposedly needs something.
3.  When you are improving yourself mentally, physically and spiritually and all they can do is say, "Why are you doing that...Why can't you do...I wouldn't do that...When are you going to come and help me..."
4.  When they take and take and never make a deposit toward you or your family--no visits, no acknowledgements, no financial assistance, no nothing!
5.  When they don't bother to respond to email, text, phone, snail mail, or anything else.  Then when you finally do see them in person, they say, "Oh I've been so busy...let's get together."  But they never do.
6.  When they don't act interested in you in person: no smile, no conversation and no sitting or standing near you.  If you hadn't wrote them out of your will, now is a good time.
7.  When they are using you while everyone else has long black-balled them out the family.  Could it be that for once everyone else is right and you are wrong for keeping them around you and your family?

These seven things to think about concerning those deceptive relatives in your circles will most likely make some of you think of seven more good reasons as to why certain people should have long been put out of your life.  When we think deeply about these individuals, it hurts that for so many years we permitted negativity from others to permeate our minds and hearts.  If you have a faith, you know that keeping anyone or anything with a negative energy around you, can set you back spiritually.  Do take the time to pray for your family and those who you consider your enemies.  Remember if he or she is hungry or thirsty in your presence, care for them.  But whatever you do, don't go beyond that or you just might put yourself at risk of doing something you might later regret.  Stay in your Father's will.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic

Feeling Deserted, Lonely or Misunderstood? Do You Have a Faith? - YouTube

Feeling Deserted, Lonely or Misunderstood? Do You Have a Faith? - YouTube

How to Find Out If Your Daughter or Son is Really Happy and in Love | Gomestic

How to Find Out If Your Daughter or Son is Really Happy and in Love | Gomestic

Ayida and Lenon Honor Positive Relationships 14 - YouTube

Thought this was interesting video for those of you who have large families ...reflecting on the past and dealing with the present as well as planning for the future.  Idea jogging video for your own family issues.

Ayida and Lenon Honor Positive Relationships 14 - YouTube

Why Some Sons and Daughters Don't Like or Respect Their Mothers

Why Some Sons and Daughters Don't Like or Respect Their Mothers

Family Issues: MedlinePlus

When you need expert opinion about various family related topics, this is a site that is very helpful especially if you are writing family related articles, reports, etc.  Click link below. Don't forget to subscribe to this site and thanks for stopping by!

Family Issues: MedlinePlus

FamilySearch.org — Free Family History and Genealogy Records

One day while looking for something else, I came across this site.  I thought it might be useful to those of you who are interested in knowing your family history.  It is very organized and easy to use.  See here:

FamilySearch.org — Free Family History and Genealogy Records

What You Shouldn't Say to the In-Laws When They Have Offended You

Your in-laws have done it again, rubbed you the wrong way with their unnecessary comments!  The following article just might help you handle yourself and your in-laws the next time you see them.  Read more : What You Shouldn't Say to the In-Laws When They Have Offended You

Christ-Believing Relatives: Cowards When it Comes to Crazy Folks

Some of us invite drama in our lives.  We just can't help it.  Something in us just welcomes the familiar spirits of gossip, backbiting, yelling, cursing, craziness and whatever else we grew up around.  Those of you who know the Bible, know we aren't supposed to entertain nor fellowship with those familiar spirits.  But some believers, don't care.

Why do we allow people who wear certain titles in our lives get the best of us?  Just think, you are having a good day until that relative calls you on the phone with their drama.  You get off the phone and now you feel like you don't want to do anything.  You are hollering at the kids for no good reason.  Your mind starts taking you back to negative times.  "Oh I remember when she...and that's why I can't stand...and you know what why did I even bother to..."  Now you are frustrated and irritated all because of one of your relative's seeds of negativity.

Now I know what some of you are thinking, "I don't allow it...I am not the one causing problems."  Maybe that's true.  But if we interviewed some of your relatives, what would they say?  Sometimes we start drama by what we don't say and what we don't do.  You could have told your backbiting trouble-making relative to keep quiet on a certain issue, but instead you just laughed or sat silently on the phone.  You allowed them to keep feeding you and others their crazy stories by saying nothing!  No wonder why some relatives just keep on behaving like they do, people just laugh and feed into whatever they are saying.  Wonder what God thinks?

Where are the bold relatives out there?  The ones who don't tolerate no mess!  Do you stand up for what's right?  Do you put fools in their place?  Do you cut people off irregardless of their titles when they have seriously wronged you and yours?

I hate to say it, but some so-called Christ filled believers are cowards!  They are always fearful to hurt someone's feelings who they know is in the wrong!  They don't want to be accused of being a trouble-maker for putting their foot down.  Some have fought so many battles over the years about right and wrong actions that they are just tired.  But if these relatives are truly the saved, sanctified and Holy Spirit, bible toting Christ followers, then where is the strength and courage they are supposed to use to help others?

You have to question who are these folks really serving?

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Spiritual Poems by Nicholl: Thoughts and Prayers to Encourage & Convict coming out this spring on Blurb.com.

No More Family Drama: You Can Do It!

You don't want the family drama around you, so what better time to start then now?  Last year you had some difficult times, to the point that they made you want to hurt, disown, stop calling, or disconnect from certain or all relatives.  You were deeply hurt and concerned about a certain individual(s); yet, still this person or people affected your life negatively last year. 

The first thing you will need to do when it comes to pre-exisiting family drama or ongoing issues is to look at you first.  Now this is a challenge for some people especially when they think that they are right and everyone else is wrong.  Be honest with yourself.  If you don't, someone else will, if they haven't already.  How did you contribute to the dysfunction?  What might you need to do differently in your own life to lessen and/or eliminate current family drama?  Some people claim they don't want the drama, yet they call everyone looking for drama.  When family members do this sort of thing, they usually have far too much time on their hands!  Their home life may be a wreck and they want people to think otherwise.  They may be lonely, but don't know how to communicate their need in a healthy way.  They place blame on others when there is no legitimate reason.  Overall, some family memebers are just negative, unhappy people that really don't have any concept of true happiness.

One way we can all trim down the controversy in our own families is by not talking so much about people.  That's right people--any people.  Most of us think that conversing about people is just a great conversation starter and no harm is being done, but the more you talk about what this one and that one is doing, the more likely someone in the conversation is going to say, "You know what, I don't like the way she...I wish he would..."  Before you know it, like a dog carrying a bone, the person listening is going to get off the phone with you and carry what you said back to them.  Unless what you have to say is positive to others about others, don't share anything about anyone with the bone carriers.  Most likely, you already know who they are in your family, because these are the people who kept drama going last year.

Let's say that there are some people that you do have issue with.  Well why talk to their supporters about your drama?  Does it really make sense to talk to people who are sitting on the middle of the fence or standing far left on an issue that you may or may not deem right?  You are just recruiting more people against, not for you.  Instead, go to the source that keeps you up at night.  Ask the source exactly what he or she has said about an issue (of course for clarification purposes) and be sure you are willing to cut off ties, if necessary, and/or do whatever else to give you peace about someone or something.  You don't have to hang in the same environment just because this person is a relative, nor visit the same people--especially when you know that they don't like you or enjoy your company.  You also don't have to do everything you use to do with your relatives like talk on the phone for hours, visit, run errands, give money, provide a service, attend a family church, etc. 

Sometimes we keep drama going by telling ourselves, "I am not going to allow anyone to shut me out of blah, blah, blah..." When you know that many of those people who are at that church, club, event, or elsewhere aren't adding or subtracting to your life.  So say, "Goodbye old habits and hello new ones."

Family drama is no laughing matter and unlike reality television shows there is no one that will give you a six-figure income for all your hardship.  So why keep things going for free?  Why allow others to bring you down at your expense? 

Sometimes adults pay little or no attention to how family drama affects children.  They think that they will, "Get over it."  But rarely does a child just get over anything.  Some part of their personality is affected by what the parent says and does which leaves the child with all sorts of behavioral issues.  So don't wonder why some children don't like mommy going over grandma's house, or daddy visiting his brother-in-law?  Children remember how tension feels and they don't want to witness all the family drama either.  Look for other places that you and your children can both enjoy besides visiting family.  Consider taking them to parks, toy stores, museums, malls, fairs, school events, classes, or join a gym with a daycare.  You can work out while someone else watches your children on-site.

Make good use of those quiet moments during the day or night.  Use those times to be realistic with yourself about the drama you may have caused in the family simply by continuing to put up with the same stuff year after year.  Have the courage to confront those who have also contributed to the family mess only if need be.  Lastly, make peace with yourself and possibly others.  Vow that you will be the solution and not the problem in your own family this year and years to come.

God bless.

Nicholl McGuire

Read more of my work here.

Holidays Go Swinging...Along with Creepy Relatives

It's that time of the year again and many families will be getting together cooking, eating, singing and dare I say it creeping!?  Yep I said it, creeping.

So what on earth do I mean?  That sounds like something an animal would do or something that slides on the ground or some kind of sneaky behavior.  Well, that's exactly what I mean, all of the above!  Creepy relatives creeping around doing creepy things.  Since many heads of families will be busy this time of year, those creepy relatives might be looking for an innocent child to manipulate, an old lady to take advantage of or simply cause a fight hoping in the short-run they can benefit in some way.

There will also be some family creeping around trying to find out what gifts they got this year.  Creeping around to keep from someone noticing how drunk and/or high on drugs they are.  Creeping around to steal, destroy or possibly kill someone or something.  Holidays not only bring cheer but fear as well!

I am one of those people who use to celebrate all the holidays!  But as I have grown older, I have freed myself from the bondage.  Feelings of being bound to do things for others, for false gods, and false ideas, not anymore, I am FREE!  I learned over the years that the one true God that I serve doesn't have anything to do with these man-made American traditions.  Besides, things just ain't what they use to be!  Capice?

I have seen far too much strife in households over the years in my face and behind my back and I had to ask myself, "What am I doing?"  I don't know about you or your family, but what I do know is that anything that makes you compromise truth, causes problems in your family, puts you in unspeakable debt, and makes you feel like you are going insane, ought to be cut off and cut out of your family circle!  Now it won't be easy at first, but I can promise you that with each year it gets easier and easier to do.  You start with the little things like narrowing down the holiday meal, then you start cutting out the decorating, shortening the guest and gift lists, stop sending out Christmas cards, do away with the tree, and so on, until you have a clean slate to either start a new tradition or remain free to do what you want during the holidays.

You see, we have all allowed our parents and other relatives' programming as well as societal pressure to get the best of us all in the name of "family tradition" and some of us just don't have the time, energy, mentality, or spirituality to be caught up in this kind of foolishness anymore!  Some families risk their lives in the snow to get to grandma's house for a one-day event.  Other families have lost their jobs during this time of year and will still try to make a holiday happen come hell or high water.  Still others have lost their lives and freedom behind all the pressure "to come home for the holidays."  There comes a point where you just have to say, "This is no longer something I can do." Pass the baton to someone else, they will be glad to get that Christmas tree and whatever else you no longer want or need.

Now there are some families who do well during the holidays and enjoy one another's company.  I commend them, but I also hope that if they are sincere Christ followers that they do a little more studying of God's word and make the choice to spread truth and not lies during this so-called season of giving (ie. Jesus b-day, Santa, elves, flying reindeer, candy cane symbolism, etc.)  There is a whole lot of giving happening but it isn't according to God's will.  Just think Christ was born in poor circumstances and remained that way through his adult years.  He didn't have a fine car, mansion, a few ladies, strong drink, and other things that kept him bound!  He wasn't caught up with "family" traditions. 

We are all guilty of being hypocritical whether believer or not in what we say and do, meanwhile the Christmas tree is sitting in the church next to the cross on a day that isn't even Christ's birthday--go figure!?  The green idol has been decorated and presented as if it's okay any and everywhere.  Wonder what the Christian God thinks?

Anyway, the holidays go swinging and so do people in their views, ideas, and even when they buy gifts for others.  "Harry, I think I won't be buying Janice this year because...I don't know if I want to buy Jim that...You know last year Evelyn didn't appreciate what I got her...I hope Uncle Tom doesn't show up drunk..."

'Tis the season.

Nicholl McGuire

How to Find Peace during the Thanksgiving and Christmas Holidays

Like most of us, you are grateful for your family and enjoy the wonderful sounds of chatter over a good Thanksgiving meal and gift wrap opening on Christmas. Yet, this year is one of those years that you just want to be left alone, but you have this feeling inside that is stressing you out! You feel obligated to share the holiday with family and friends, because that is what they have come to expect from you. Every year you are praised for your creative cooking, decorating, and crafting, but it all seems to be a bit much. If you are on the fence about celebrating this year, then you will want to consider doing one thing, nothing!

That’s right nothing. There is peace in being still, those who have a faith know this and live by it when they have obstacles that they are facing. They sit quietly for as long as they can, not thinking about what their next move will be, but allowing God to move their spirits. They rely on their God’s will to do what is right not their own. Why worry yourself over the turkey and all the fixings? Why stress about entertaining people, some of which you don’t even like and they don’t like you? Why bother over how to budget for gifts you know you can’t afford?

People tend to act foolish during the holidays just so that someone will say, “Oh thank you I could really use this.” When in reality, they are just being nice and will most likely put it in the back of their closet, sell it on Ebay or Amazon, or rewrap it for a co-worker next year. As some traditionalists will say, “Thanksgiving is a time for people to be thankful for what God has done for them and be grateful for life, love, family and friends...” These are beautiful reasons for families to gather around the table if everyone is in agreement. However, if they are not and have told you in so many ways, “We rather stay home this year.” Then why aren’t you listening? Some hosts take offense to a rejected invite. If a family prefers to celebrate with their own family or not at all, why do they talk negatively behind their backs or to their faces? Could it be that they have some memories of the past and are using those to keep old memories alive, numb past pain, or simply control others?

Bossy family and friends want everyone to gather around their events while rarely accepting invites to other people’s homes. Sometimes they create an event on purpose so that they don’t have to be bothered with their own in-laws. If you are the one receiving the invitation and you rather not go, but are feeling obligated, why stress? Don’t go. What is the worst that could happen; the host will never talk to you again? Well if that is the worst, then do you really need him or her? And if so, consider that a sign to stop needing him or her and become more independent. Make your own food, go out to a restaurant, decorate your own home, buy your own gifts, or do anything that will make you feel at peace about the holiday season, rather than sick about it.

There is too much emphasis placed on this time of year, you know it, I know it and the retailers know it! They are hoping that you will stress, overspend, act crazy, fight, or anything else that will make you feel guilty, obligated, sad, depressed, sympathetic, empathetic, nostalgic, or some other negative feeling that will make you spend more! They have a product for just about every ailment you have and in some cases a person to go along with it like a psychologist. You are doing them a huge favor when you lose your mind about the holidays, because they know that’s more money in their pockets.

Peace is what you need this holiday season and the only way you can get it is by doing the following:

Say no to anything this holiday that will disrupt your sleep, cause ache to your stomach, back, muscles and joints, compromise your spiritual beliefs, and distract you from the things that matter the most to you.

Say yes when you know you don’t have to rely on others, have the money, the time, and overall feel good about any project or event you have in mind. When you assume others will help you on something that may not interest them, you set yourself up for feelings of resentment. So don’t do anything that you know you can’t do by yourself.

Avoid being fake. People know when they aren’t liked, so why invite family and others that you know you personally don’t like. If you can’t invite people to your home accepting them of who they are and genuinely feeling good about their presence, don’t invite anyone. So many people drop the ball on this one particularly people of faith. Do you think that Jesus was insincere about the people he chose to communicate with and forced himself to smile then behaved badly behind their backs? Don’t put yourself in a position that may cause unnecessary strife for you or the other party. Avoid making others who know you don’t like a certain person or couple uncomfortable.

Take the time to explain to the children what you will be doing for the holiday. If you are letting them go on a shopping spree after Christmas say so. Maybe you have a set limit on how many gifts each are receiving or maybe you are relying on someone else to finance the holiday. Whatever your issues, be truthful with your children they are stronger than you realize.

Be brief and honest with relatives about how you feel about the holiday season. You don’t need to give specific details as to why you rather stay home during the holidays, not celebrate at all, or go out of town. A simple statement of, “I would prefer to do something different” is all that is needed. Considering the significant changes in the economy lately and any personal tragedies you may have gone through yourself, anyone with a little common sense can understand. Yet, if there are a few relatives that lack any common sense then you have every reason to distance yourself from them.

Lastly, once you have created the peace you desire, don’t give it away. It is very easy to look around and wish you could do what other people are doing or reflect back on the past. Try to remain steadfast through it all. Doing nothing is peaceful, embrace it. Being quiet and treating the holiday season as just another day is okay. Think of the money you will save, the new perspective on life you will gain, and how happy you will make your family feel by only focusing on what matters -- them. As for the children, you know it’s all about the gifts they could care less about all the other stuff!