I Get No Respect: 10 Reasons Why Family & Friends Don't Respect You

Are you tired of being disrespected by your family and friends? Do you often wonder why you can’t seem to win the respect of others? If so, then you will be interested to learn what makes people feel like they can’t respect you. After years of observing people, who I personally have no respect for, while discussing why others don’t respect them, I have created a simple list of topics that explain in detail why people who may have once respected someone, now have absolutely no respect.

One. Appearance/ Body Hygiene

It doesn’t matter why someone chooses to wear what they wear, defend their inappropriate clothing all you want, the bottom line they can’t expect to be taken seriously at a conservative job interview, be respected for their brain and not beauty and so on, while wearing something revealing or tight. Women are not only guilty of this, but so are men. Some are known for exposing their muscles or chest hair in a provocative shirt while wearing tight pants that hug their buttocks.

Let’s talk about the awful smell that comes from one’s lips or other not so obvious places! Don’t tell me that you aren’t going to think twice about carrying on a conversation with the person now or in the future. Let alone date them or introduce them to family. People who have workable noses don’t want to hang around people who can’t keep themselves fresh.

Two. Attitude

Some people think it’s cool to roll their eyes and neck, pop their fingers, and yell at the sales clerk, the bank teller, the passing driver in another car, etc. But there is absolutely, nothing brave, strong, noble or positive about any woman or man who behaves this way. So if you think that the people around them enjoyed the show and think favorably of them, that is the furthest thing from the truth, simply put, they are thinking, “She is ghetto, He is a*$#, and they both are trash!”

People have enough drama going on in their personal lives, so the last thing they want or need is a negative person coming around raining in on their parade. However, there are those who will still try and you maybe one of them. Be careful telling people everything that is wrong with everyone else and everything that is going on around you. There are those opportunists who love a person like and maybe taking what you say to someone who has the power to promote them, demote, or kick you to the curb!

Three. Health

Why do people who are obese, diabetic, have high blood pressure, or can’t walk upstairs without breathing heavy, feel like they can tell you how to eat? Overweight ministers are good for this! They should try being an example for others, before they tell someone what they need to eat and how they should exercise. Did your “know-it-all friend” look in the mirror after he or she got out the shower today? Has your stubborn relatives listened to their doctor’s advice? Are you taking or needing a prescribed medication?

There are people who are turned off listening to others spout off what is wrong with their bodies. If the health condition is that bad, do something about it. Why should anyone respect you when you obviously don’t care or respect yourself?

Four. Education

You may have a relative or friend who didn’t graduate from high school, let alone middle school, and feel that they need to preach to everyone how getting an education is important. Hello? But why didn’t they go back to school? Instead of them preaching to the choir, they need to go back to school, and maybe someone will show them a little respect and take them up on their 2 cent worth of advice.

They may have had a hard time in life, so be it, but their lack of education is also contributing to why people around them have no respect for them whether they would like to admit it or not.

Five. Business/ Employment

No one respects someone who is broke, busted, and disgusted, I know from experience. When you can’t by someone a gift, take them out to lunch, have a great party, travel, and so forth, people don’t offer to help you. They say, “Well you have a business you can help me.”

When you can’t keep a job for whatever reason, employers become really skeptical, it doesn’t matter that you became pregnant, helped with the family business, relocated, etc. The only thing employers are concerned about is “Will you be an asset to our organization or a liability?” The only way you can win anyone’s respect in the areas of business ownership or employment is by making a lot of money, having something fabulous to show for it, and helping others.

Six. Parenting

It is hard to respect anyone that isn’t doing what they can to raise their children or be in their lives. This also applies to grandparents too. How does any parent (or grandparent) think that suddenly their successful adult child is going to one day acknowledge them when they haven’t been in their lives in the past 20 years?

You will also find that people will watch what you say to your children and how you discipline them. They use this information to determine what kind of person you are. If they find you are disrespectful to your children, chances are they will not want you around.

Seven. Family

You will be hard-pressed to find someone who will sincerely respect an alcoholic, drug addict, wife beater, someone who has gone to jail, or other related struggles. People don’t just shut off bad memories and wake up one day and say, “Yes I will remember his birthday” or “Yes I will make the time to bring my children over and see her.” These things take time and to demand that someone reach out to another simply because they carry a title is absolutely insane! Not only does respect have to be won, but forgiveness takes time.

You don’t have to be a drunk or an abuser, for someone to feel as if you are being very disrespectful to your own family, so what would you do or say to them? When people notice how you negatively react to your family, they often lose respect for you quickly.

Eight. Partnerships

So you, a family member, or a friend has been dating someone for ten years and never married? Maybe it has been a rocky relationship? You will find that people aren’t very empathetic when it comes to illogical decisions. If you have a history of bad relationship choices, don’t wonder why your family and friends don’t respect your decisions or advice.

Nine. Friends

Be careful of the company you keep, this saying is so very true. As you see often in the media, when a celebrity communicates or has business dealings with shady characters their reputation is called into question. Many times people lose the respect of others by the people they associate themselves with.

Ten. Finances

Are you a beggar? A beggar is someone who often relies on others to give him or her something in exchange for nothing. If you are, then you know why people roll their eyes when you come around. They know that you will be asking for something. Stop asking and start donating, you will be surprised at how quick you gain respect of others.

Eleven. Interests

Sometimes the things that interest you will turn people off. If you are trying to get a decent girl, then why are you entertaining yourself with pornographic material? If you are seeking a healthy, handsome hunk of a man, then why are you smoking, not watching your weight or exercising? When one sees that your hobbies are harmful to what they are doing in their own lives, they won’t have much respect for what is coming out of your mouth.

Twelve. Boundaries

Everyone has a set of principals they live by. They may not always be consistent and they may not even be good, but they have them. When one doesn’t establish good boundaries, principals, rules –whatever you would like to call them—that are created to protect themselves, family, even their pet from mental or physical harm and danger, then he or she deserves no respect. You will see their photo plastered in the media and on the Internet, family will gossip about him or her, strangers will shun them, and everyone will have an opinion.

Respect is not something we are given, it is earned as many self-improvement books preach. If you want someone to respect you, you will have to do the things that will gain their respect. Without creating a foundation in your life that boasts “respect me,” people won’t. They will pass over you and look to someone else that means what they say and say what they mean. Now as we all know, you can’t win them all. Some people will not respect you no matter what you do, but there are far more people that will, those are the people who you want to target, forget the rest.

By Nicholl McGuire

How to Know Whether You Are in Trouble with Your Family

1. They don’t bother to call you like they once did or return your phone calls.
2. They either forget or deliberately stop inviting you to family functions.
3. They don’t share important information with you like illnesses, pregnancies, weddings, or other family matters.
4. They often make excuses as to why they hadn’t remembered you or your children’s birthdays, but they seem to remember everyone else’s.
5. They don’t alert you to what problem they may have with you, so they may use someone in the family you do have a close relationship “to find out what’s going on” with you.
6. They lie or say negative things about you to others.
7. They exaggerate matters so that it appears that you are the one with the problem and not them.

By Nicholl McGuire

A Personal Story of Spiritual Abuse

I never thought it would happen to me, I mean I wasn’t interested in attending church, conversing with believers, or reading the Bible, but it happened one day I was saved, sanctified and Holy Ghost filled. I enjoyed attending that little church of less than 30 members, but I relocated and was in search of a church home, I found one alright, or should I say it found me.

The Church Invite

It was nearing the mother’s day holiday and a woman who I will name, Karen, invited me to bring along any mothers I knew to her church’s celebration of mothers. I didn’t have children at the time and thought that it would be nice to go with my own mother and grandmother. However, when they weren’t interested, I declined the offer. I saw Karen again; she was a very attractive woman. She had long straight hair that any woman who wanted long hair would envy and skin like Mariah Carey. If there was anyone who God anointed to draw both men and women who admired beauty to Him, she was the perfect pick. She was articulate, educated, and was always dressed professionally. I was instantly ready to hear what she had to say because she had reminded me of me at the time. She was young and considered by others successful.

The next time I saw her she invited me to her church again. This time she told me she would be more than happy to pick me up. I accepted the offer. That Sunday I was greeted by so many who were friendly and attractive just like her. The members sang acappella with not a single instrument in site. When offering time came, everyone was enthusiastic, it almost seemed scripted. They held there envelopes up and just about everyone I saw gave something including me. I wasn’t about to miss God’s blessing. They made me feel like I would be missing out if I didn’t!

After church, she had asked me simple questions about my job, whether I was dating, my upbringing, and other questions I had no problem answering. However, when the conversation turned on her she seemed to be somewhat vague. I had reasoned that she didn’t know me that well to share much, but I also felt like I was more open with her than I should. It could have been the way she asked me questions and the way she put me at ease that I didn’t mind telling her about my life.

Eventually, a couple of more church invites, she would open up to me about an engagement she had to a college sweetheart that turned sour. He had cheated on her and around the same time her grandmother had died. She had been invited to the church just as she had invited me, and it was there that she found her sense of peace. She had a zeal for God, had been a Christian for less than 5 years, and was determined to make her next relationship work by staying away from having sex out of wedlock. She didn’t get much more open then that with me in later weeks. She kept most of our conversations related to God thereafter.

Family

The idea that I had an extended family was pleasing to me at that new church. I mean these people were going to take me under their wings and provide me with teachings that were created to deliver me from bondage and make me free in Christ. No longer would I have to worry over issues like rent, employment, bills, or relationships, because I had a faith and a wonderful circle of supportive friends who cared about me. My own family was impressed, but not enough to come with me to church or attend a weekly Bible study. Oh, how I wanted so much for them to experience the joy I was feeling and to meet these wonderful people! I had often prayed for their salvation.

The First Bible Study

Compromised of only a small group of seven, I was asked to tell my story of: how I came to know Christ, when did I believe I was a Disciple for Christ, when did I fall from grace, did my family discuss religion, and other personal questions that made me observe the way I lived my life then, and how I was to live my life in the future. I was saddened, nervous, and stressed at the meeting. I felt as if the women were interrogating me. I felt ashamed, but they encouraged me, told me “it was okay” that God was convicting me for my sins and invited me to come again.

The Pastor Looked at Me

It seemed as if the pastor knew everything about me. I raised my hands and thanked the Lord for all he had done for me. My sister standing to the right of me during service hugged me and I received hugs from more people than I could count. There was so much love all around me, yet I ached inside. How did pastor know so much about me? He even looked at me at one point like he knew me. Could my beloved sister who took me to the Bible study and those in the group talked to him about me? There were so many people there, why was I so special?

The Last Bible Study

Topics heated up during this Bible study which was conducted at someone else’s home this time. They asked me even more personal questions and challenged whether or not I was a believer, a disciple for Christ. I was humiliated. Although, I hadn’t been saved in their church, I was still considered a born again believer. How could they tell me anything different? I knew scriptures like they did. I shared the faith with others even more than most of them did in the room-- I owned a spiritual publication that was distributed to many people and organizations. I handed out tracks. They wanted to know: did I make friends with the strangers, follow-up with them, spend time with them, and more. How could these very loving, caring, “if you need any help” type of women treat me like I scum? They judged me, looked at me strangely at times, and seemed to scold me. They told me I wasn’t a Christian and that I needed to repent for things that I had long ago repented for already. At times they rolled their eyes, huffed, and sighed. I couldn’t very well walk out, I was in a strange house with someone who I relied on to drive me back home. I realized I was set up and I cried!

They twisted scripture picked out what they wanted to get me to do and say what they wanted. The goal: to break me down so that I would rely on them while making me agree to join their church. I didn’t say, yes or no and it frustrated them. I don’t know how long we had been in the master bedroom of someone who lived in that large two story home, but I tell you it was enough for me to have a dry mouth, perspire, and cause my behind to ache in that old chair they offered me.

Spiritual Abuse

I never thought about people in leadership positions using the word of God and twisting it around to benefit their bank accounts, personal goals, sexual desires or anything else they wanted! You see I was like some of you, you heard about Jesus as a child, but you fell by the wayside, and then came back around again. However, when you did come back as an adult, you didn’t think about being taken advantage of by those who prayed with you, counseled you or even volunteered to help you get out of some crisis in your life. All you were concerned about was being back on track with God!

I Met a New Christian Like Me

I had a secret weapon I just didn’t know it yet. I had met a woman at one of their church services who was a new Christian like me. She too had backslidden in the faith and was determined to get right with God like me. We had exchanged numbers. She said she would love to talk to me about the church. One day I took her up on her offer and let her speak first about her experience at the church and at the Bible studies, and boy was I shocked! The same thing happened to her, she felt mistreated, angry, and she too cried! We were on the phone for hours. As we talked more and more, we exchanged information that we had learned about this so-called family of followers of Christ. She wasn’t close to her family like me at the time so she was open to the idea of having an extended family of believers. Like me, she was introduced to the church by a friend who was all too eager to drive her to Sunday service just as my sister in Christ had done for me. This new Christian was on fire for the Lord, but also on fire for knowing more about this church.

After a few days since our first phone call, I heard from my new friend. She had information about the church and it wasn’t good. She gave me a list of websites and told me to read about the church. She provided no further explanation. It turned out that they were a cult and there were specific complaints about similar churches in the area! People had complained about being at meetings where they felt they were being dissected, attending church services where the pastor and his staff knew everything about them, and being told they would have to later recruit others to the church once they completed training. They were also required to have relationships only within the denomination and they were never to be alone with their partners. Group dating was encouraged. Engagements had to be approved by the church and all parties involved. Couples counseling was mandatory and issues between newlyweds seemed to have legs of their own. Nothing was considered confidential except of course the process by which they got us to attend the Bible studies, church gatherings and get money and service from us.

The members of the church were very generous so much in fact they would help one another with whatever their needs were from weddings to bills needing to be paid, there was only one problem, you were indebted to them. You would have to be available to help whenever called upon. Quotas were to be met when recruiting people to the church, and there were pages and pages of other requirements. People were known to be shunned when they didn’t meet their obligations.

I was hurt.

I decided to take what I learned and discuss it with the one who invited me to attend the church. She wasn’t too happy with me bringing this information to her. Now, it was her turn to cry, “The church was there for me when my grandmother died…” she argued. This zealot disciple wasn’t about to turn her back on the people who picked her up when she was down. I mentioned that I felt there was some brainwashing going on at those bible studies and to that this attractive woman’s face seemed to have disfigured right before my eyes, into a rattle snake ready to bite! I looked down quickly slightly fearing what I saw.

The leadership and members of the church had her emotionally, physically, and monetarily too! She couldn’t see that she had been targeted like I was, not only because she was vulnerable, but because she was single, with no children, no spouse and a good job. What a perfect recruit! Someone who wouldn’t be obligated to anyone but herself and her church! A walking bank, that had plenty of money available to help support the church’s goals, and not to mention a beautiful, articulate speaking African American woman (more like bi-racial like President Obama) who could reach certain members of her community like herself! I’m sure she had plenty of experience and knew that blacks were some of the most spiritual people and the easiest to recruit to a church, for they were a disadvantaged people with a long history of slavery, if anyone needed God they did!

I recalled several times during those church visits and Bible study meetings, I saw her pulling out her wallet writing checks to the church and to one of those leader’s in the Bible study group. She had an answer for everything, and of course brought up the scriptures about the tithe. After my meeting with her, she told the others in the Bible study groups most likely what I said, because soon after, I received all sorts of messages inviting me to amusement parks, concerts, even night clubs for almost a month! When I asked my former friend, turned recruiter in my eyes, about the invite to the night club, she told me, “As long as we don’t drink the pastor says, ‘it’s okay.’” Thanks, but no thanks, I declined the offer.

Needless to say I never heard from her again; however, I did see her quite a few times riding different women in her car presumably taking them to those infamous Bible studies, I noticed a weird expression on her face I hadn’t seen before, it was as if she was saying, “Not again!” I avoided returning phone calls from those other women in the Bible study group, and prayed often that they never drop by my home. As for the angel that did the research on the church and shared it with me, I heard from her once, she was attending a different church and she was much happier. As for me, I now only attend nondenominational churches as God leads and even then I sit back and observe. I wasn’t about to let this one experience deter me from Christ.

By Nicholl McGuire

What to do about the other woman

You know she exists and you know you aren’t ready to walk out of your relationship or marriage, so how do you cope mentally and physically until you have enough wisdom, courage, and faith to pack up your things and the children and move?

Get a life

Now some women will interpret that to mean, “Oh that means get a boyfriend for myself, hang out with the girls, and do everything that he is doing to me,” that is not what this advice suggests. Rather, find your purpose, your sense of self worth. Evaluate your skills, find out what you can do to better yourself, and work toward your goals. Let’s say that you want to change careers, want to relocate, take up a new hobby or start a business, why not? If you can discipline yourself to save money to get the things you want, this would be the best time to do it while you still have his help with the bills. When you are busy, you won’t be as focused on what he is doing.

Protect yourself

Avoid sleeping with him without protection. Although you may have done it in the past, start using a feminine condom. If you don’t want to use it, then ask him to use a condom and you put it on. You don’t want to take any more chances with your life.

Keep your children out of it

They may have already told you a few things about who daddy was talking to on the phone and where he went. Try not to be tempted to interrogate the children about your partner. If there is something they want to share with you, let them. But don’t make it a point to get them involved with adult business. There will come a point in a conversation with your children that you may become so upset with the information you find out that you may inadvertently lash out at them. Why shoot the messenger?

Keep your family and friends out of it

You know that whatever you tell them they will most likely have your back. They will tell you all sorts of things to do usually the kind of things that would put your freedom in jeopardy. So if you don’t want to get all riled up, leave the pep club out of it.

Sometimes women will pay friends and private investigators to follow their partners to confirm some things they suspect. They could save themselves a lot of money simply by paying attention to their gut feeling, watching his mannerisms and those around him, checking his cell phone and emails, receipts, bills, and what he is telling them. There are also other ways such as popping up unexpectedly at places he says he will be present in order to catch him in white lies.

Talk with a professional

Someone who has experience dealing with matters such as yours is a great person to vent to about your troubles. He or she can provide you with the wisdom to get out of your situation. If you can’t afford a private counselor, then look to your local church for assistance.

Create a plan

You know that you don’t want to be in this kind of relationship with your mate forever, so you should be creating a plan to get yourself out of this mess while being in it. Of course, it hurts when you thought that there was still a chance for you two to work on your relationship drama then later you discover that he is working on a relationship with someone else. But you can’t make him change his mind, quit seeing her (or them,) he has to make up his own mind to stop what he is doing. The biggest mistake women make in situations like this is expect that he will listen to what you say, like you are his mother, and stop doing what he is doing. Most often, cheaters will say whatever you want to hear, but all the while they will keep on working late, visiting imaginary friends, bring gifts home to deter you from asking questions, turn off cell phones, hide bills, and lie about their whereabouts. The other woman is not going anywhere anytime soon and he won’t be ridding herself of her if he has something to gain out of the relationship.

Don’t be competitive

You may know what she looks like, what kind of car she is driving, even where she lives and you may want to approach her, if you haven’t already, and tell her how you feel. Why, put yourself out there? This isn’t a competition of who is the prettiest, smartest, richest, etc. She most likely began this relationship with your partner just as you did, and just like he lied to you he lied to her. You both are in the same boat she doesn’t have him 100% emotionally or physically and neither do you. She waits by the phone thinking that he will do what he says like you do, and very often he disappoints the both of you. Neither of you are in a good position in your relationship to go around bragging about what a good man you have when he is playing both of you. The best thing for you to do in this situation is be yourself-- a strong, determined woman who will do what she can to make the best out of her situation until she is ready to leave! Avoid contact with this woman and if she shows up on your property, harasses, stalks or threatens you, contact the police.

Be open for relationship counseling

Despite the current circumstances, there may still be hope for your relationship. Who knows maybe he wants to stop sneaking around, but doesn’t know how to stop? Talk to him about what has been bothering him lately. Sometimes men go through changes in their life that they don’t even understand. Listen and be polite. Suggest he visit a doctor and mention relationship counseling as well and see how he feels about it. He will have to be willing to work on the relationship with you and for the best interest of the children (if there is any.) If he makes excuses at first, don’t push it, wait a week or so and bring it back up again. If he becomes increasingly angry and argumentative about it, don’t mention it again. You will have to make a choice either to stay in the relationship and be miserable or break free.

In conclusion, being in a relationship with a cheater is a very upsetting place to be, but when you aren’t ready to leave, you will have to do what you can to maintain your temperament until you figure out what you are going to do. Years ago, when women were expected to stay at home with children while their spouses worked, they were often told to stay in toxic relationships for the sake of money, a place to stay, and/or children, but times have changed. You don’t have to endure any kind of abuse; you can do badly all by yourself! So seek the help you need for your own personal well-being!