7 Reasons Why Your Ex Won’t Come Back

You tried everything to get your ex back and he or she doesn’t seem to budge. You have tried to figure out what could be stopping him or her from being with you. Some of the following thoughts may have come to your mind, but you won’t face the truth because you are still very much in love with him or her. However, you will need to face the truth and here’s how.

One. He or she isn’t interested in you any longer.

When you know that this may be a reason as to why you can’t get your ex back, back off. Some people think that they can sell themselves to another who is obviously moving on with their life. You know that no sales pitch will work with her or him when you have repeatedly called, dropped by, and used others to try to share your thoughts and no matter what you say or do, he or she keeps telling you, “Leave me alone.” Do it, before you find yourself in legal trouble for stalking. One way that you can begin to remove this person from your thoughts is to keep yourself busy doing other things that stimulate you mentally and exhaust you by the time you go to bed at night. This way you won’t be up late at night thinking of him or her.

Two. What you did was so bad that he or she can’t forgive you and forgetting is simply out the question.

When one sees the bad thing that another has done to them, the vision may never go away. That is why it is very hard for a person to get over someone cheating on them especially if they saw him or her in the bed doing the action. If you know, that your ex has actually seen you holding hands, kissing, or being in bed with this person, save yourself a life of insecurity, anger outbursts, and jealous rages, by backing off. Some men and women will tell you that when they got back together with an ex they made their life hell because they couldn’t get the vision out of their head of the night they saw them cheating. When you are making an effort to improve yourself, although it may not win your ex back, at least they will look at you and say, “He or she is trying to be a better person.”

Three. He or she has found someone better.

Oftentimes men and women who are trying to get an ex back will automatically assume that is what is happening. Sometimes there is no one around who the ex is serious with just someone they may enjoy talking to or going to the mall or movies. However, if that is occurring then you definitely don’t want to try to win your ex back by making it a competition. When you do you are no longer focusing your attention on your ex but rather this person who doesn’t know you. Thinking that your presence will make him or her go away is also foolish, because it will make you look like you are crazy and when people feel threatened they will call the police. An ex will not find it attractive knowing that you are in jail over something foolish. If anything, he or she will take precautions as well like file for a Protection from Abuse with the local law enforcement. The best thing you can do is become distant almost act like a stranger. This will help you move on and make your ex feel less threatened.

Four. He or she is more interested in achieving professional goals without distraction.

This is an excellent reason as to why some people will not go back to a relationship. Nowadays people are money driven. They want the best that money can buy and once they are convinced that they can achieve the best no one or nothing will stand in their way. He or she may now see you as a hindrance. The best way to get over him or her is to learn by example and better you.

Five. He or she has reasoned that you can’t be trusted.

When lies are told and other things have occurred that just don’t add up, an ex will resolve that there is no getting the truth out of you and so will move on. You will have to move on too and remember to be more honest with those you meet in the future.

Six. He or she has been advised by a well-meaning family member or friend that you aren’t a healthy addition to his or her life.

Your ex may have someone around them that they admire and this person may have given them some advice on their situation. If you were trying to win him or her back it can be challenging because you are not only trying to get the ex back but you have to convince those who influence him or her as well. Sometimes it is best to move on when you know that a person is still very much dependant on his or her family.

Seven. He or she knows that you have been seeing someone else and may have children with this person.

When an ex knows that the relationship ended mainly because someone was either in the picture while the two of you dated or came soon after the separation, he or she will struggle with the idea of this person’s existence and often wonder if you are still in contact with him or her. When children are involved the ex will reason that they can’t stomach the idea that you have a permanent connection to someone else other than them. Some exs cannot and will not accept this kind of lifestyle.

Your ex is not interested in coming back for any one of these reasons or some other, and when you try to force something that is not working you are causing more problems for yourself and making it harder for you to move on in your life. There is a difference when an ex cares and when he or she loves. Just because he or she is polite and may have helped you a few times with a problem since you have been separated, doesn’t mean that he or she wants to be in a relationship with you.

Secrets Destroying Your Relationship? What to Do About Them.

Someone knows something about you that you don’t want your partner to know. You know you should have told him or her by now; but you don’t want to because you fear what he or she may think of you if they knew the truth, so you continue to lie or don’t say anything at all.

It may have been a scar on your body that you lied about, an experience that you told them but left out the details, or something that you did in the past that you regret. Whatever the secret, if it is killing your peace, stealing your joy, or destroying your relationship, then it is something that has to be said and you will just have to deal with the consequences as they come up.

People lie out of fear and they make up excuses when they don’t want to bother with the truth. “I told you this lie, because I was scared you would break up with me.” The reality is that a person will more likely break up with you because you didn’t just come out with the truth and kept the lie going. It is never too late to tell the truth, but if and when you do, prepare yourself for the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Too many people have a false hope when it comes to a secret-- the hope that no one will ever find out about it. But as we see someone always finds out as long as there is someone living to talk about it or evidence circulating about it. That is why in the movies the snitch is murdered and the object of discussion is destroyed. But such drastic measures need not happen when the truth is told right from the very beginning. There is a way to tell the truth and relieve your conscience without saying anything and the following information will help you do just that.

Some people will purposely leave information behind so that someone else tells what happens. Others will tell a big mouth in the hopes that they will tell whoever needs to be told or they may write an anonymous letter. Strangers can be some secretive people’s best friend by being there to listen. They are able to find the peace they need when they confide in someone who isn’t involved and doesn’t know them.

Another way to tell your truth is by leaving circumstances and events open to question. For example, you can tell just enough about an incident and leave it open to interpretation usually leaning toward the truth. The person listening can read between the lines if they are smart enough. If it is too embarrassing even for them, they may have learned of the secret, but never say a word. I think of media outlets like the National Enquirer, they wouldn’t exist if there wasn’t some celebrity’s assistant, family member or friend feeding them with secrets. Who knows maybe this is why many celebrities don’t bother to sue, because they know it all isn’t a lie?

You may be giving yourself a hard time about someone finding out about your secret or maybe someone else is giving you stress about someone finding out, but if it is killing what matters the most to you then rid yourself of it and try using some of the ways that were explained to you. Because if you don’t, you will find yourself creating more lies to cover up lies.

Once you have made up in your mind how you will expose your secret, have thought about all of the consequences as a result, go ahead and show or tell your truth. Just like a teacher assigns a child a “show and tell” assignment in school, you will have to be prepared to show or tell your secret. Avoid the temptation to lie again and if you find yourself doing it, tell the person, “I’m sorry, let me try this again…this is what I really meant…no what I just said is incorrect…” If you fear the person may act violent, don’t be around when they find out your secret. If you rely on the person for food, money, and shelter then wait until you have these things before you tell them anything. You don’t want to be put out on the street. If you have children with this person, be sure you know what to do if they should threaten to take your children away from you because of the secret. If you know you have done or said something that may help in a criminal investigation then be sure to have a support system around you such as a lawyer, clergy, and family. There are those secrets that may be related to employment. If so, don’t say anything unless you have another job. You don’t want to do the right thing and then fin that you are without a job. Exposing a secret has to be well thought out, timed appropriately and all options must be exhausted. People get into heaps of trouble when they don’t consider who may get hurt and what may happen as a result of exposing a secret that affects them or someone else.

When you expose a secret that is bringing you or someone you love much pain and grief, you will feel a peace in spite of the consequences. You will wonder what took you so long. In time, you will find that you are acting different. There will be those bouts that you will wish you had never said anything, but then you will remember the peace of having finally told. Even if you don’t feel comfortable in your decision initially, think of the person who may be helped as a result. Of course, if you have told lies to cover up your secret, you will have to earn their trust again.

Think of the many people who have told their stories of sexual and physical abuse, things they saw, what they heard and how their stories helped so many including themselves. If we all kept everything to ourselves and said nothing, then we would all die with broken hearts having helped no one. I thank God for those people who came before me and shared their terrible secrets, if it wasn’t for their courage, I would have never been able to face my own challenges.

Sometimes when people carry secrets they may not realize that what is so important to them may not matter to the person who loves them. If someone truly loves you, then they will walk through the fire with you. If you look at the benefit of having a secret and eventually tell it, you will find that it is a test on whether or not a relationship was meant to be. If this person who claims that they love you can’t handle a little secret, then what makes you think they will be able to handle even bigger challenges in the future? You may have to re-evaluate whether you want to spend the rest of your life with them or not.

Finally, there are those secrets that don’t help anyone and those are better left being buried with you when you die.

8 Petty Things Partners Do to Kill a Perfectly Good Relationship

You have started a new relationship and recently discovered that your partner is a bad communicator. Every time you two have a conversation you end up asking him or her, “What is it that you want me to do? You haven’t told me anything!”

How are you suppose to know what is bothering them about you when they act as if everything is normal? Your partner can’t seem to give you any good examples to help you stop doing something that may be irritating them. We are going to take a chance on reading their minds and figure out what sort of petty things you may be doing in this new relationship that are killing what could potentially lead to marriage in the future.

One. Expecting them to call you whenever.

There are men who talk about their girlfriends or wives nagging them. “There she goes again calling me.” Their friends will joke about how he is “whipped,” “on lock down” or make some other negative comment about how you can’t let him alone. For women (or men) who feel secure in their relationships, they usually don’t behave in that way. However, for those who don’t feel they can trust their mate, they will call as often as they can. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, at least initially, but in time it can wear on one’s nerves and make them feel that they can never win his or her partner’s trust.

Two. Hoping they will do things for you or say things that you don’t communicate.

Just as we are attempting to mind read your partner who has trouble communicating, they may be attempting to read your mind as well. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you intend on doing something wonderful for them and you don’t bother to find out if they have a certain day available, then how are they suppose to know to clear that date? If you want more affection, more appreciation, more care, more love, more whatever then what are you doing or saying to get it?

Three. Talking behind their back to everyone who will listen about what makes you angry about him or her.

Some people are very good about telling others what they think about their relationship, but are terrible at communicating their ill feelings to their partner. If the relationship stinks, then tell him or her why you feel this way and what you intend to do to make it better. Meanwhile ask them to tell you exactly what they need from you and what they plan on doing to enhance the relationship. If they can’t come up with anything to make things better, make up excuses, blame or belittle you, and/or don’t act interested, they may actually be confiding in someone that has more than just a listening ear. Someone who truly wants to be in a relationship is willing to work at it; someone who isn’t will find excuses not to work on it.

Four. Being extremely organized, messy or smelly.

A person who is over the top with how they keep a home or terrible at keeping anything clean, (including their body) may be a headache for someone who is totally the opposite. These may not have been obstacles for you to overcome when you weren’t living together. But now they could be, once again, if you can both communicate and reach an agreement on these issues—your world may be more relaxed, cleaner and smell better.

Five. Showing ingratitude when he or she makes an effort to do something that they hope will please you.

When you don’t appreciate the little things as well as the bigger things that your mate does for you, they will stop doing them. If you can’t remember the last time you showed love for what they have done for you, outside of a holiday, then it’s time you should. Pencil them on your calendar so that you will keep the good work up at least once a month.

Six. Being manipulative by using flattery, gift-giving, and other so-called “nice” deeds.

Now if you have been using nice behavior to cover up some misdeeds, then they may be reacting negatively to your actions, because they know why you are doing it. No one wants someone to give them something without being sincere. If you keep doing this without addressing the issues of concern, your partner will begin to resent you and your attempts to cover up your bad attitudes.

Seven. Overly concerned about what everyone else things.

Does it really matter what your family or friends think about your partner? The truth is that you have to live with them not your relatives. If you are always worried about what will people think if for instance, he served time, or what will people think if she tells them that she is from a poor neighborhood and other similar things, then you have no business being with them.

Eight. Assuming everyone of the opposite sex wants your partner.

No one loves your partner as much as you do. If you feel bothered by everyone who talks to your partner, then you must think about why you feel this way? Was there something that happened in the past that affected your trust in people? Does your partner act in ways that makes you feel insecure?

Although these are only eight ways that you could possibly be killing a perfectly good relationship, there are many more. Think of more ways that are causing your mate to want to re-consider staying in a relationship with you. Remember if there is a problem that keeps showing up in your relationship, most likely it’s because you are not dealing with it. Once you face the problem head on and make attempts to resolve it, it will go away, but you can’t go at it alone, you will need your partner to be willing to help you fix matters!

By Nicholl McGuire

Always Busy? Is it Affecting Your Relationship with Your Family

Lately you have been very busy and have had little time to really sit down and converse with a friend, play with your children, or have sex with your partner.  They all may have understood at one time about your busy schedule, at least so you think, but lately they aren’t acting very understanding.   There are ways to check in with the significant people in your life just to be sure that your busyness is not affecting your relationship with them.

After work and on weekends take the time to turn off the television after you are done watching a show rather than have it blaring in the background all day.  Observe your family you will be surprised at what you will learn about them just from watching them.  Notice your children playing.  They may have developed some new skills since the last time you checked in with them.  Ask them if they wouldn’t mind your joining in on the fun.  It can be rewarding to go to them rather than expect them to come to you.  If they are excited about you taking time with them, they will talk to you and offer you a toy.  But if resentment and bitterness hasn’t set up within them, then they won’t enjoy your company rather they will act annoyed.  Try to make it part of your daily routine to visit your children’s world so as to keep resentment out.

Next, find the time to just sit by your partner, help him or her with a task, or unexpectedly give your partner a hug.  If you find that he or she moves away from you, acts as if what you are doing isn’t anything new or doesn’t bother to talk to you, then you have not been making the time for the relationship that is needed.  He or she has either stopped trying or is too busy to notice.  This type of behavior means there is trouble ahead or ongoing, so you will definitely need to ask your partner for some time alone to talk.

Plan to do things differently in all your busyness.  If you can find a way to delegate some responsibilities, cut tasks down, or simply do away with certain activities then do it.  The goal here is to make more time for your family and less time for other things. 

You will know whether you’re making a positive or negative impact on your family just by how they respond to you as mentioned earlier.  Listen to them when they complain about you canceling appointments with them or not showing up as promised.  Ignoring their concerns and acting as if everything is okay will only make matters worse. 

Lastly, if you need help remembering to schedule time with both family and friends why not include them in your planner.  Write everyone’s name down that needs attention and try to make a habit of checking in with your partner, the children, relatives and buddies.  Try to do everything you can to keep your appointment.  If setting a time to meet away from home is too much, make a phone call, email relatives and your friends with a funny card or send a good ole fashioned letter!  They will be pleasantly surprised and glad you are thinking of them!

In conclusion, don’t allow busyness to keep you from having a quality relationship with your family and friends.  Do what you can to keep the lines of communication open, because you never know when one day you will get a terrible phone call about one of them.

By Nicholl McGuire

12 Things Fathers Can Do to Help their Daughters Prolong Their Virginity

Every young woman wants her first time to be special. But unfortunately, that isn’t always the case. If she has sex before she is ready she feels humiliated, misused, abused, angry, and in some cases suicidal. The young man who has broken her virginity is usually praised for his accomplishment and all too often wants to come back for more. Many fathers fear the idea that there is some no-good guy out there wanting their precious daughter’s virginity or that she may be all too willing to give it away. They remember the things they said and did to get a girl and now they don’t want their daughter to fall for lines like, “I love you…you are so pretty…I’ll take care of you…I won’t tell…We were made for one another!”

So what are some healthy things a father can do to help his daughter put off having sex with a guy other than threatening to kill her boyfriend, beat her, or brainwash her into thinking there is no young man good enough for her and that every one of them is up to something? The following 12 tips are created to help you build a quality relationship with your daughter, while allowing her the space to make wise decisions when it comes to being intimate with a boy.

One. Respect her Mother and other women

Girls pay attention to how daddy reacts to their mother. While you are yelling, scowling, staring at women walking along the street, or staying up late at night looking at naughty movies or pornographic photographs via the Internet, your daughter is watching your every move. If she reasons in her head that the only time mommy can get daddy’s undivided attention is when she does something wrong or if a woman dresses provocatively, what do you think she is going to do?

Two. Read to her and play games (i.e. put aside your man hood for tea party and Barbie)

Your manhood is what defines who you are, how you conduct yourself, the way you talk and dress, but sometimes your manhood will have to be compromised when you have a daughter. She invites you to read a book about ponies, play Barbies, sit down for a tea party, or help her burp her baby doll, just do it. You aren’t less of a man by enjoying the company of your daughter. If you don’t take the time to experience her world now, years from now that no good guy will be happy to oblige. That is if there isn’t a little boy in school now making a good impression on your beloved daughter. Chances are he is all too curious about what adults do and your daughter just might take him up on the offer.

Three. Communicate

While you are playing dress up with your daughter, she will be open to hear anything that makes you look like a King and her mother look like a Queen. She will also want to know that she is your princess. Little girls want to hear stories that include how beautiful they look, how smart they are, and how proud you are of them. They also want you to tell them what to do when the evil witch, ugly monster, or crazy animal of life tries to attack them. Put on your best show and let them know you care and you will protect them come hell or high water! Tell her what boys say to get girls to do what they want. Use examples from the media. Discuss the music she is listening to and what she may already know about the birds and the bees.

Four. Practice what you preach (i.e. if you believe in God then pray with her)

It doesn’t make sense that a father will tell his daughter not to watch rated R movies, then she sees him up late at night watching rated X movies with the TV turned down. It doesn’t make sense that a father will tell his daughter not to talk to boys and she sees him flirting with women in the stores. You get the idea, don’t just tell her not to do something, but live by example. If you don’t want her to drink, smoke, go to the club or bar, and have multiple partners, then why are you doing it?

Five. Educate yourself about her age group, what they do and talk about

When she tells you something in slang, do you know what she means? If some guy calls her up, do you know what the latest strategies they use to get a girl in bed? Keep your ear to the street. The Internet youth forums, social networking sites, chat rooms, and more are filled with information to help you find out the latest trends, slang words, music, celebrity icons and more to help you find out more about her world. Prepare to interview your daughter about her interests. She will be flattered that dad knows a little something about her world. However, don’t try to say a bunch of slang words in a single paragraph or make a habit of using too many, you will appear ridiculous in her eyes. Some parents make this mistake and forget that there is a fine line between being a child’s friend and being a parent. Avoid crossing that line.

Six. Keep Promises

Too many dads are busy making promises on the job and keeping them; yet breaking them on the home front. Don’t tell her at anytime you will be able to do something and never follow through. She will be hurt and most likely will remember for a lifetime. Check and re-check your schedule, before you commit. It is better to say, “I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it,” then surprise her and make the event, then commit and not be there.

Seven. Pick her up from places whenever you can

More girls become pregnant during free time when they seem to have nothing planned. It could be before they got to school, during a half day, after school, or on the weekend. Don’t rely on others to pick her up if you don’t have to or believe that her feet will always walk her straight home. Know her friends and phone numbers. Any new friends she tells you about should not be taking her anywhere unless you have met them. Also, have her give you a schedule of extracurricular activities that include meeting dates and times. Be sure you obtain a calendar from the school to see if what she is telling you check’s out. Connect with other parents who have children in the same groups, so that you can be aware of meeting dates and when they are cancelled.

Eight. Attend Parent Teacher Conferences

So many parents are too busy to bother, but when a crisis occurs suddenly they want to schedule a meeting. Be present for these meetings before she has trouble with her studies. You will be surprised to find out how much the teacher really knows about your daughter. He or she may even tell you about a boy in the class who may be taking an interest in her or may mention seeing her around the school holding hands with a boy. With this information, you will have a grasp on what you will have to do to put a halt to certain things, get your wife involved with teaching her about birth control, etc.

Nine. Volunteer to help with field trips, dances, sporting events

This is the best way to educate yourself about your child’s age group as well as stay in the know about her friends. Kids will talk. These events are your front row seat in observing the kind of people your daughter associates herself with and you will be able to warn her about the troublemakers.

Ten. Assist with Fundraisers

Helping your daughter raise money for a good cause allows her to see you in a good light. You are showing her that you care about what interests her and it is a great way to build a relationship with your neighbors. When you are walking around the neighborhood with her, people will be able to get to know your faces and will keep their eyes open for any suspicious activity occurring at your home. For instance, if there is a boy hanging out around your home when you are at work, they may tell you.

Eleven. Surprise her with gifts outside of the holidays sometimes

This is a another great way to show your daughter you care. Let her know you appreciate her not only during the holidays. She will be glad to know you are thinking about her and will definitely be thrilled to find that you got her something that she can really use.

Twelve. Call or visit her some time

Divorce and separations happen; however, that is no excuse not to see your daughter. If you need to go to court, then do it. No matter what the relationship with the mother, if you can prove that you are a good father, then a judge who can see past any lies the mother says, will give you visitation. Do some of the things mentioned above. Take advantage of that free time, ask questions, do something she likes and most of all reaffirm that you love her.

These 12 tips will help you create the kind of relationship that will keep her focused on the important matters of life. In time, when she is tempted, she may not react, because she will remember the things daddy said that made her feel special, the interest daddy took in her, and most of all the love that he has shown. Don’t be like some fathers who spend more time doing the things that please them and overlook what is happening in the family. Your daughter needs you just as much as you needs her mother whether she tells you that or not. If she should still become pregnant or have an STD, at least you know you did everything you could to help her prolong her virginity. She will have herself to blame, not you.

10 Ways to Break Free from Controlling Mother

Mother's Day has come and gone and you thought that the effort you made this year would be appreciated, instead you wish you hadn't done anything for her! "Why did God give you this mother?" you have secretly asked yourself. "Why do I keep allowing her to get next to me?"

Here are a variety of things you can do to get free of the bondage you brought on yourself while relating to your mother.

One. Know your mother and remember how she reacts to you.

Oftentimes people don't take the time to study their mother. They don’t bother to remember the things she does that upset them; therefore, year after year they keep falling in the same traps. For instance, rather than paying attention to your mother's mannerisms while visiting with her, you may be thinking about what you will say next or how she makes you feel inside when she says or does something you don't agree with so you become defensive. Instead of allowing yourself to get worked up before you arrive, the next time that you are in her presence, study her like a book. Is she looking ill these days? What is she eating or drinking that may be causing harm to her health? Who does she socialize with or does she do any socializing? What does she spend the majority of her day doing? How does she react when you come over? Do you observe the way she looks at you when she thinks you aren't looking? Knowing the answers to these questions will help you understand her as a person and not just your mother. You may learn that some of the things she is eating and drinking is affecting her mood. If she doesn’t want to follow doctor’s orders or get the help she needs and her actions is affecting you, you will have to consider what is important your own mental health being in her presence or her?

Two. Find out what others are saying about her.

It may be helpful to know what others' experiences may be like when they are around your mother. She may be saying and doing things negatively with relatives and friends too. Find out what is going on between your mother and others simply by making a statement like, "Mother said that you were over the other day. She told me you did..." The person will usually give up some details about the visit.

Three. Prepare yourself for her negativity.

When you know that you have to talk to her or go around her, prepare yourself for what she will or will not say by taking control of the visit. You will want to limit your visit to a time you can tolerate being in her presence. Find tasks to do so that you are not just sitting at her home, or talking with her the whole visit. Maybe she has phone calls that need to be made related to her bills, errands, laundry, dishes, dusting, mopping or vacuuming. When you find yourself beginning to grow weary of her complaining, yelling or cursing, excuse yourself and leave. Avoid arguing, hurling insults, and other things that will only make you feel guilty later. Share your experience with a trusted family member or friend.

Four. Never obligate yourself.

When you know that you and your mother don't get along very well, don't obligate yourself to do things you know you will later resent. She may threaten, cry, or complain about you to others to get you to do what she wants. Don't let her tactics get the best of you by dwelling on them or feeling guilty and then eventually giving into her. When you find yourself dropping everything you do for her including taking her phone calls, you are obligating yourself to her not only physically, but emotionally too! You will find yourself using your family to release some steam and in time they will grow weary of your negative stories about your mother which will later cause confusion between you and they.

Five. Address lies, criticisms, and other issues.

Someone in the family tells you that your mother said numerous things about you that are untrue. For years you let these things go and never bothered to address them, now they are sitting within your spirit making you sick! She also finds fault with everything you do including: your choice in birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas gifts, the frequency you bring the grandchildren over for a visit, and the help you provide her with managing her bills and house cleaning. It's time to speak up and create some distance. We tend to think that because our parents are getting older we must spend as much as time as we can with them even if it’s at the expense of our own health. Your children do not need to see or hear their grandmother belittling you, unless you are trying to teach them how to disrespect you, keep them out of the mess. Stand up for yourself and show your parent that you didn't grow up to be walked on especially by them!

Six. Break free from taking money and gifts from her.

Some mothers will use what they do for you to make you feel like you owe them something later. Learn to say no to her gifts when you hear stories of her talking about you and your family to others. By doing this, you are letting her know that you don't need her which will make her feel like she can no longer control you. Ultimately, that is what you want, not to be controlled by your mother!

Seven. Watch what you say to her.

Avoid confiding in her about the following: relationship troubles, places you shop, and personal matters. Good information can be used to control you especially if it is embarrassing or demeans your reputation with other family members. What better way than to get the best of you by spreading gossip about you to everyone else, hoping that the next time, you will do whatever she says or she will tell some more things to everyone else about you or your family.

Eight. Be cautious of family members and friends who will side with her.

Your mother may have told others about how awful you are supposedly. When this happens there isn't much you can do but to tell your side of the story and keep your distance not only from her, but the one who is siding with her as well. Sometimes people have to see the truth for themselves. Hopefully, she will do or say something to them as well that will make them later come to you with, "You know you were right about your mother!"

 

Nine. Avoid the temptation to bad mouth her to others.

Despite her anger outbursts and the other crazy things she does, she is still your mother. Telling everyone you encounter how bad she is will not make you or the person listening to you feel good. Sometimes people tend to formulate opinions about you just because you have had a bad relationship with your mother. If you don’t get along with her most people will want to know why and you may share that, but when you start name calling and insulting your mother to other people, you may open yourself up for a dispute you rather not want, so avoid the temptation to bad mouth her.

Ten.  Have a faith and your own network of support. 

You will need some people around you that understand your plight. Spouses and partners aren't always helpful in this area especially if they have a good relationship with their mother. They tend to say things that actually bring you closer to a situation that is increasingly stressful when you should be stepping back from the negativity and getting some healing for yourself. Remember talking on the phone daily can be just as bad as visiting every day, so limit your phone use with a controlling mother if you intend to make your life just a little bit easier.