Wednesday, January 30, 2013

When Loved Ones Grow Apart

It doesn't matter what the title the loved one holds, if he or she is a liar, cheat, adulterer, angry, bitter, or has a lifestyle that you don't agree with, you have a right to permit whoever you want in your inner circle.  Will you be judged, ridiculed, or treated badly by others for your actions?  Probably.  But the great thing about being an adult and having a mind and life of your own, you can call the shots in your personal life.  No government, religion, or anyone else can make you do anything with your mind unless you allow them to have it. 

Sometimes we permit people to be in our lives for a season because they are bringing something to the table.  They are helping us achieve certain goals, build us up, teach us, and more.  We may also be a help to them as well.  However, the relationship between parents, sibilings, and other relatives tend to take an ugly turn when one or both parties can no longer see eye to eye, don't see the purpose anymore of relating to one another, or have simply changed due to life events.  One or both no longer see any benefit in communicating, visiting, or assisting each other any longer.  This isn't necessarily a good or bad thing, it just is. 

People grow weary of negativity.  They get tired of the same conversations about the same people.  They desire to have a more uplifting and helpful kind of relationship that grows with them.  But what happens, is we all can become stale, boring, or even odd over the course of our lives and not everyone is going to keep welcoming us in their presence.  This is why some people truly stop calling or coming around.  Being busy is often true, but there is also a truth that many family members, neighbors, friends don't say because they don't want to hurt feelings, and that is, "I am so done with you...I'm over all of that!  Can't you get a life?!  Why do we keep talking about the same things?  Is there anything more going on with you besides...?"

There are those relatives who witness a once close parent and child relationship or siblings become distant and they hurt inside and want to see them interact like in the past.  But people change.  They just aren't going to remain the same for the rest of their lives, they will either get better or get worse. 

When life deals us a bad hand, we keep playing the game--we don't quit.  We strategize in such a way that we don't have to lose too badly.  Carrying negative people along in our lives will make us want to do things we don't want to do like quit the game of life ie.) marriage, raising children, relocating, etc. prematurely.  So if we are going to go down, we rather do it alone then with someone who may or may not know that he or she is helping us stay down with all his or her criticism, bad experiences, and overall miserable outlook on life.

So if you are one who is growing apart from some family members, don't look at it as a bad thing.  They don't even have to be negative people, just people you are no longer interested in.  Don't beat yourself up about it and don't take on any guilty feelings that others try to place on you because you have changed. 

Consider that for this time in your life, distancing yourself from certain people is giving yourself the permission to grow--to become the kind of person you want to be!  Now if you are the one who is concerned about others' familial relationships, know that people have their reasons as to why they behave like they do and it is just best to give them space; otherwise you get too much involved, those who are at odds with one another may turn against you one day.  Let time heal some wounds.

Nicholl McGuire

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Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media


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