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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Take a Break from Relatives, Friends It's Okay

Between job and children, you simply don't have the time to call relatives or friends much less visit with them especially when you have personal and public challenges.  So why beat yourself up about connecting with loved ones?  Well sometimes guilt others place on us have a way of making us talk to people even when we aren't in the mood.  Other times we just feel this tugging on the inside that we should call someone.  Then throw in past regrets and before long you are in a cycle of needing someone to talk to even when it isn't the most wisest things to do when you are under a lot of stress.

Taking a break from relatives and friends is something that many people who feel obligated to everyone, but themselves, don't do.  They reason that someone will be offended, won't help them, or do other things all because they didn't return a call right away or stop by their home.  If it worries these people too much about what a relative or friend wants, they will not only call, but run to the person even when the issue is unimportant.  Now some individuals who don't feel so much pressure about talking or visiting others will let relatives and friends know in advance what is coming up and that they will be unavailable within a certain period of time.

People can only have as much access to you as you allow.  If what use to work for you is no longer working for one reason or another, you can change the relationship with a certain invidiual or group simply by establishing a new set of boundaries.  If you prefer someone don't contact you anymore, then avoid responding to this person the way you normally do by not inviting him or her to your home, share personal thoughts, family stories, etc.  Instead, state the truth in a way that brings you peace, if the person is doing or saying something that is bothering you and you don't like it, he or she most likely will be offended that you called him or her out on his or her behavior which just might work to your favor of not having to deal with this person in the future. 

Remember, you can't control how one is going to receive that truth, so don't try.  Besides, consider this free time as a test to see which relatives or friends are more interested in what you can do for them rather than what is in your best interest for the time being.

Nicholl McGuire

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