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Family Holiday Event Invites: 7 Signs You Don't Need to Go Along Just to Get Along

For years many of us have went along with an invite just because we didn't want anyone thinking badly of us.  We told people that, "I'm just doing this for you...I'll go because I like her, but not the rest of them...I did it for my husband...My friend begged me to go."  But doing things when you know deep within you just don't want to is never a good idea.  Sooner or later true feelings show up and show out!  The arguments increase, the mood swings increase, and the rage within is fueled by all the stupid stuff that people you know you don't like will say--count on it!

Now sometimes you just don't know how much you dislike a person or a group until the family invite shows up in the mail or drops from the lips of your favorite people, "Hey just wanted to let you know So and So is having an event, you coming?"  You are either excited within or resent the idea of going.  "Is my least favorite person going to be there?" you might boldly ask.  Of course, the response might be, "I don't know, just come.  Don't let him/her keep you away."  And so you might go along.

Here are seven signs it is best not to take someone up on his or her offer to attend a family event:

1.  Your ex is now remarried and has children.  If the past is in the past, why does The Past feel the need to be around the ex's family?  It is obvious there are some lingering emotions especially when one has children, so reschedule if you know you can't manage hurt feelings or drop children off with their relatives while you spend time with your new beau's family or stay home.  Most hosts of family events are more concerned about wanting everyone together to make themselves feel good, but what about how you feel? 

2.  Avoid the family event if the number of people you don't like far outweigh the ones that you do.  Once again, make plans to see your favorites another time.

3.  You don't like the cooking, atmosphere or the vibe you get when you are around them.

4.  You heard some bad things about the family and you know you just can't keep your mouth shut about them.

5.  The family's traditions go against your religious beliefs.

6.  You are often angry, impatient, moody, or have habits that impair your best judgment.  Do yourself and the family a favor and stay home.

7.  People have told you in so many words, "I don't think it is a good idea to come around..." point well taken, stay away.  Although some defiant folks will want to crash the party anyway, bad idea especially when some individuals might have the police on speed dial.

So when it comes to those either much anticipated or dreaded family events, be wise and do what's right.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Genealogy X: What to Expect When Researching Family History and offers spiritual insight on family issues and other challenges here.

 

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The Holiday Season Might Be the Last Chance to Sever or Repair Family Ties

Sometimes we just have to face the fact that some relatives don't like, respect or care for us as much as we think.  Once the revelation is made, you can either pretend like you don't see the truth or accept it.  Too many family members and friends will be spending hours together in rooms trying hard to ignore what is wrong with toxic ties, but a few just might "lose it" and when they do, don't wonder why.  Years of suffocating voices that needed to be heard will eventually scream before the masses, "Listen to me!" and what better time than a holiday gathering.  So the host is taking a chance putting tension filled relatives together and hoping they will behave themselves.  Change is a coming for many families.  Check out Loved Ones with Toxic Behaviors.

Family Lies, Family History - Still Victims, Claiming to be Survivors

When I wrote Genealogy X: What to Expect When Researching Family History, I felt moved to do so because too often people die in families with spirits in unrest.  They don't all die in peace.  They were troubled when they left.  Sometimes one feels an innate desire to get to the bottom of things and this is what my family history book instructs and inspires you to do before it's too late.  There are many walking dead amongst the living, claiming to be survivors when they are still very much victims in bad marriages, still enabling family lies, covering up for others, and more.  If you want to learn more about your family roots and learn effective ways to investigate your own family history, then get the book. Genealogy X: What to Expect When Researching Family History

 

No Longer a Poster Child for the Family Dysfunction

When we are born we don't know who these people are who are responsible for caring for us.  We are babies that soon grow into adults who have to take care of ourselves.  So when family drops the ball a time or two in our lives, we have to learn quickly how to survive or else remain down.  As much as some would like to take credit for the rebound moments in our lives, we are the ones who were ultimately in control. 

We were down and out in the first place, because someone didn't teach us well.  So we start again and again with or without a support system until we get our lives back in order.  However, we don't realize that someone in the family has put us up on a poster with the word "dysfunction" somewhere on it.  They have basically called us "crazy" and said that we were responsible for our own shortcomings even when they were catalysts behind some of them.  The truth is, people put on fronts to merely hide just how evil they can be.  For instance, if I were to push you into the water knowing you can't swim then blame you for standing too close, what kind of person would I be?  Then if I were to go and tell someone how crazy you were for jumping into the water and no one ever hears your side, then you would be falsely viewed as being the crazy one until the truth catches up with the lies.

I personally share insightful wisdom to alert others to that poster of dysfunction that has been going around about him or her and how to get one's self down off of it.  If you have ever felt like a black sheep, lost or confused in a family that co-signs on dysfunctional behavior, then by all means feel free to check out my YouTube page and stop by Smashwords.  This has been my calling for some time now spiritually moving people to think about the dysfunction they have been fed. My work attracts believers in a Supreme Being and encourages one to draw near to Him (not an establishment other than to learn some things) and definitely not toward abusive handlers.

When I realized my own personal truth and recognized that repeatedly I had been invalidated in so many ways by those who claimed to love me, I did what I had to do and that was focus on what I can to make a difference. 

Awakening to truth, no matter how hard it is or how much it hurts, is a great start toward independence and freedom from controlling individuals.  I am so grateful to the one true God for opening up my eyes to see that the mind manipulation had to stop!  I hope you too will have the courage and strength to no longer accept being that poster child for dysfunction in your own family.

Be at peace.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.