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The Holiday Season Might Be the Last Chance to Sever or Repair Family Ties

Sometimes we just have to face the fact that some relatives don't like, respect or care for us as much as we think.  Once the revelation is made, you can either pretend like you don't see the truth or accept it.  Too many family members and friends will be spending hours together in rooms trying hard to ignore what is wrong with toxic ties, but a few just might "lose it" and when they do, don't wonder why.  Years of suffocating voices that needed to be heard will eventually scream before the masses, "Listen to me!" and what better time than a holiday gathering.  So the host is taking a chance putting tension filled relatives together and hoping they will behave themselves.  Change is a coming for many families.  Check out Loved Ones with Toxic Behaviors.

Family Lies, Family History - Still Victims, Claiming to be Survivors

When I wrote Genealogy X: What to Expect When Researching Family History, I felt moved to do so because too often people die in families with spirits in unrest.  They don't all die in peace.  They were troubled when they left.  Sometimes one feels an innate desire to get to the bottom of things and this is what my family history book instructs and inspires you to do before it's too late.  There are many walking dead amongst the living, claiming to be survivors when they are still very much victims in bad marriages, still enabling family lies, covering up for others, and more.  If you want to learn more about your family roots and learn effective ways to investigate your own family history, then get the book. Genealogy X: What to Expect When Researching Family History

 

No Longer a Poster Child for the Family Dysfunction

When we are born we don't know who these people are who are responsible for caring for us.  We are babies that soon grow into adults who have to take care of ourselves.  So when family drops the ball a time or two in our lives, we have to learn quickly how to survive or else remain down.  As much as some would like to take credit for the rebound moments in our lives, we are the ones who were ultimately in control. 

We were down and out in the first place, because someone didn't teach us well.  So we start again and again with or without a support system until we get our lives back in order.  However, we don't realize that someone in the family has put us up on a poster with the word "dysfunction" somewhere on it.  They have basically called us "crazy" and said that we were responsible for our own shortcomings even when they were catalysts behind some of them.  The truth is, people put on fronts to merely hide just how evil they can be.  For instance, if I were to push you into the water knowing you can't swim then blame you for standing too close, what kind of person would I be?  Then if I were to go and tell someone how crazy you were for jumping into the water and no one ever hears your side, then you would be falsely viewed as being the crazy one until the truth catches up with the lies.

I personally share insightful wisdom to alert others to that poster of dysfunction that has been going around about him or her and how to get one's self down off of it.  If you have ever felt like a black sheep, lost or confused in a family that co-signs on dysfunctional behavior, then by all means feel free to check out my YouTube page and stop by Smashwords.  This has been my calling for some time now spiritually moving people to think about the dysfunction they have been fed. My work attracts believers in a Supreme Being and encourages one to draw near to Him (not an establishment other than to learn some things) and definitely not toward abusive handlers.

When I realized my own personal truth and recognized that repeatedly I had been invalidated in so many ways by those who claimed to love me, I did what I had to do and that was focus on what I can to make a difference. 

Awakening to truth, no matter how hard it is or how much it hurts, is a great start toward independence and freedom from controlling individuals.  I am so grateful to the one true God for opening up my eyes to see that the mind manipulation had to stop!  I hope you too will have the courage and strength to no longer accept being that poster child for dysfunction in your own family.

Be at peace.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.

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Parents: Are You Turning Siblings Against One Another?

One or all sons and daughters just might not come for the holidays to see parents and grandparents, because they know how they truly feel about them. 

As a parent, stepparent or grandparent, don't minimize the truth, cast blame, invalidate feelings, or pretend that what your offspring tells you about "playing favorites," "you don't love me" and "I'm not good enough" is wrong.  You know how you sincerely feel inside, what you said to others about the son or daughter, and you know what you have done over the years to add to the issues that your emotional son or daughter now has.  Don't let yourself off the hook so easily.  Not every son or daughter will react to a demanding, ineffective, needy, or controlling parent like you think they ought.  One child might be totally open with a parent despite short-comings while the other not so much.  Just like you have your right to your feelings, they have theirs and attempting to control them only aggravates already intense situations.    

A parent who is angered for whatever reason at his or her son, daughter or step-children can be that way, but once the upset trickles into other people's lives, you have to take a step back and say, "What am I doing?"  Venting to the son or daughter's siblings is just not a good idea, ever.  A parent or grandparent will not always be on this planet, so because he or she is feeling hurt/disrespected/angry about one's child, this same parent seeks to destroy any healthy bond one's children may one day have with one another.  If you are a son or daughter reading this take heed to what a parent like this is up to and reach out to your siblings when you know full well they have done nothing wrong to you.

"Can you believe Jan did it again...didn't respond to my phone call?  I really can't stand your brother, I am leaving that ingrate nothing in my will!"  So Mom or Dad's rants continue, yet the sibling listening to the words spoken against his or her sister or brother feels awkward.  Parents don't take a moment to pause and ask themselves, "Why am I causing strife between my children?  What I'm doing is tearing down bridges not building them up?  Why do I badmouth like this?  I need to stop it and change the discussion." 

As much as a sibling might want to respond with, "Honestly Mom/Dad don't talk about my sister/brother like that!"  Nothing is said, because either he or she is jealous of the other, doesn't want to cause any trouble for his or herself, or fears the parent and what he or she might do if the sibling stand up for his brother or sister--something he or she was mostly likely taught just so long as the individual doesn't do it with parents so he cowers.  However, the ache within doesn't go away--there is empathy for one's sibling whether the least favorites choose to believe this or not.  The worry of being unfavorable in Mom or Dad's eyes took root from childhood and beyond, and so the trouble-free siblings try their best not to anger parents because they have already witnessed the consequences.

Some parents and grandparents like to feel like they are in control of children and grandchildren.  They expect respect, yet don't feel they need to respect others.  They believe they are always right even when they are wrong and will try to convince themselves and others of this by exaggerating events, lying, blaming, becoming emotional, and more to build a solid case against their least favorite children.  If you know someone who behaves like this, consider how he or she might behave with you if you should have a falling out with him or her.  The drama isn't isolated, in time it spreads to other relatives, family friends, etc. as well.  So the "favorites" enjoy their moments in the parental limelight before they too are mistreated or discarded for not following the rules. 

The matriarchs and patriarchs in the family may have their favorite people, but what they fail to realize is that one day they will die leaving a legacy of unnecessary issues while answering to an all-knowing, righteous Judge on the other side.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.