Death of Loved Ones - Family Disputes, Pain, Selfish Gain

What to Do About Moody Relatives with an Ax to Grind Whether You Know It or Not

There are just some relatives that will not show any love no matter what time of year it is.  From Valentine's Day to Christmas, the family issues will continue to mount and some will say nothing until one day they just explode.  A small event triggers a major one and before long everyone is angry, sad or ready to fight.

Moody relatives, who have much negativity to say about relatives and friends, are to be avoided if you want to keep the peace in your own family.  You don't want to spend too much time being around them especially when you know they have their share of relationship challenges, difficult children, and personal misery.  Many relatives and friends set themselves up by trying to uplift some people that have a long history of saying and doing toxic things to others.  If you must connect with these people, do it after the holiday(s).

There are some people who wait for good times to spill the beans about this issue and that one.  They have an ax to grind with someone and so they seek an unsuspecting relative or friend to help sharpen it.  These people, who so readily believe whatever they hear, get cut in the process.  It is always better to stay out of others' quarrels.  But if you must be involved in a family dispute, before you jump in, choose to advise, or be there for someone who might be the scapegoat or black sheep in the family, do the following:

1.  Find out more about why this person is so upset.  Look at both sides, not just the complaining person's point of view.
2.  Don't badmouth relatives and friends to the hurt individual, because if he or she should one day befriend the enemy, your conversation just might come back up.
3.  Don't offer to lie, cover-up, or validate anything he or she says.  Listen without judgment.
4.  Share what you know with others only if the person confiding in you wants you to.  This might occur if he or she wants you to talk to someone for him or her.  However, be cautious doing this because the person who might be on no contact could turn on you for passing information to him or her.
5.  Avoid the shame, guilt, and other emotions that could make you feel obligated to helping this person.  Advise only if he or she is willing to listen to you.
6.  If you find that the family issue is affecting other areas of your life, distance yourself.  Don't be so available to take phone calls, visit homes, and perform service for the quarrelsome relatives or friends.

Not everyone is able to help moody relatives or family friends who just can't seem to get along with people.  When efforts at peace have failed and the person rather keep issues going, don't get involved with the individual or those who encourage the family fighting.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.     

Can You Say Anything Good About Your Family?

They come and go in your life.  They show up at family gatherings.  They claim they love you and will always be here for you, your family.  But how true are they to the words that they speak?  When was the last time a trial showed up in your life and you called on your family?  What happened?  Do you find yourself trying to make a square hole fit into a round peg with these people or do you fit together like a hand in a glove?

Chances are there is some pain, confusion, bitterness, resentment, envy, and more concerning certain relatives, not all.  The "bad seeds" are the ones that we find ourselves trying to make sense of their nonsense.  We cut off some, while others we keep around for title-sake.  Some who carry titles are just as toxic as the bad seeds, but we put up with them for a time.  But one day there will come a time, when we will grow older, get bolder and there is no putting up with anything!

What is certain about all families in this life, they live and then they die.  Some we will miss while others we will secretly rejoice (as heartless as this might sound), but is so true!  There is no sugar-coating what we know about some people.  We try to say nice things about them, be polite in public, and don't rock the boat.  However, there will always be that breaking point when one gets tired of being used, abused, forgotten, ignored, or treated more like a thing then a human being.

As one relative told me some years ago, "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all."  I think this rule applies to some things, but not all.  Some issues have got to be said in order to begin a healing process.  You can't very well continue to allow someone to mistreat you just because they are "family."  It is insane and this is why some relatives never heal, if anything, they are burdened by the weight of someone else's evil just because they won't let go of titles.  There are those moments when truth is prohibited due to one issue or the other, but then there are those times when one is free to say how he or she truly feels.  Of course, some things can't be done without some degree of consequence, so we prepare.  But what really matters is saying what needs to be said before eyes are closed forever.

So I leave you with this, can you honestly say anything good about your family and if you can, is it honest?

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual wisdom at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

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Parents Who Create Sibiling Rivalries

They go undetected for many years, parents who have gossiped, lied, brainwashed, stolen their children's things, and done more that made sons and daughters cold toward one another.  They are told to, "Keep this to yourself...I didn't want to tell you this, but...don't tell your brother and sister what I said."


The deceit they come up with can be enormous!  They can go from smiling in their children's faces to threatening to take money and assets away over minor offenses.  These parents have been described as narcissistic, bi-polar, borderline, etc.  Whatever the label for them, you know that you are a victim if you can relate.


Now sibling rivalries show up in ways that look like they are just about sibling issues, but what some don't realize is that when dealing with devious parents they are often conjured up as a result of what a parent said or did.  Think back to a time when a parent told you something your brother or sister said  and how you reacted to the news.  Most likely, the parent shared the story in the hopes that there would be a negative response; therefore, he or she has someone on his or her side. 


One of the worst things that a sibling could do to another sibling is side with the parent over something that has little or nothing to do with them!  What benefit does one gain by going along just to get along with a parent?  Possibly a gift or two, an appearance at an event, a money loan, a mention in a will, temporary acceptance, a compliment, and more from a deceitful and possibly unloving parent.  He or she might even go so far as to ask a son or daughter to lie, exaggerate, or come up with a story that goes against the child's brother or sister.  Why would a brother or sister be willing?  Because most likely he or she has a wish to be in mom or dad's good graces.  This person might be desperate for mom and dad's attention and approval.  If mom or dad's request is accepted and done properly by the son or daughter, the parent might reward his or her obedient slave.  The golden child like the scapegoat becomes a slave over time.  He or she is expected to do for the parent, because the individual accepted that parent's gifts in the past.  On the other hand, the scapegoat, rebellious or discerning son or daughter who speaks up and sees the parental foolishness is not well-received or liked and talked about badly for not meeting the parent's needs.


When siblings stop arguing, holding grudges against one another and start comparing notes, they will see many instances where mentally ill mom (or dad) was in fact pitting them against one another.  He or she played guilt trips, demanded things, threatened, used, and abused to make his or her children respond.  Sometimes these parents will act very sweetly, behave in ways that deceive sons, daughters and others into thinking that they are "good" people, changed their ways, kind, and reputable.  However, the reality is that nothing has improved with a parent who has been deceitful for decades!


There are many sons and daughters who are blinded to the psychological games of devious moms and dads everywhere!  They can't fathom dear mom or poor dad coming up with ways to get his sons or daughters to "do as I say, but not as I do."  So they fall in their traps while hating a brother or sister who was treated as that "troubled one...problem child...never respected mom...hated dad."


These same parents don't hesitate to use whatever tools necessary to make them appear as if they are good.  From church attendance to handing out money during holidays, as long as their reputation looks good in their eyes, then everyone else should take notice.  They will seek the attention from their children and remind them to offer up praise, because "Well, the Bible says to honor me..." says the self-righteous parents.




Nicholl McGuire author of Know Your Enemy:  The Christian's Critic.  

Appreciate What You Have - When It's Gone, It's Gone - Life, Love, Family, Money, Home

Every second someone dies in this world.  How many of those people who were on their last hours prior to death even gave a thought about their lives, family, help they could have provided others, etc.?  What regrets did they have?  What had they wished to do had they not died?


Consider those who have lost much still walking this earth.  Now that their life storms have passed, how are they living and what are they doing to show love to others, enjoy life, encourage family, assist others financially, etc.?


People living life good right now aren't thinking too much about what more they hope to accomplish when it comes to love, relationships, money, and more because they are comfortable.  They take one day at a time--the house is here, the love is there--all is good.


Yet, far too many people take advantage of the fact that partners and children will always be there.  They assume that each day will be more of the same, so "I don't need to change, do anything different, I am who I am," they say.  The rich, selfish, miserable, and unforgiving, all start their days not even thinking about a divine Creator who controls life and death.  They live as if they are fully in control of their lives and others, that is until bad news arrives.


Now a once peaceful life is disturbed.  The "should have, could have, would have" emotions start flooding in.  Too busy to talk on the phone to loved ones.  No time to see a dying relative.  No money to share with someone or a family who needs help.  This is what happened up until the terrible news was received.


Now tears fall from faces, hearts are heavy, and memories flood minds.  There are regrets, promises made, and hope for the future until life storms pass.  Then it is more of the same.


Appreciate what you have.  Listen to that gut feeling.  Ask yourself, "What have I been putting off that continues to gently remind me to tend to it?"  Is it a phone call, an email, a document, a visit, an important legal matter...?  Do what you can while there is still time to do it!


Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry. 

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How Much Do You Really Know About Your Family?

The time will come one day when you will wonder, "What is it that I need to know about a parent or relative?"  Maybe it has already come for you, but what have you done about it?

• Did you sit down and talk with your loved one in an effort to truly get to know him or her?
• Did you write a family history book?
• Did you think of collecting family keepsakes and photographing them so that others might enjoy them?
• Have you thought of getting others' personal accounts about the relative in question?

The sad reality is that most family members know more about popular reality show stars, black history, musicians, and even their best friend's family then they know about their own history.  Who are you really?  Where did you come from? 


Something to think about.


Nicholl McGuire also contributes to a blog for people who are easily bored with life, things, and people here.

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