Never Trust the Big Mouth in Your Family

When family members share, "I don't talk to her because...I don't come around because..."  There is good reason, most likely they have said or did something that caused a stir in the family.  Be it right or wrong, the chaos had been so much over the years that there was no more interacting closely with relatives.  Nevertheless, there will always be the big mouth in the family, the one who says, "I don't care what she said, I'm calling her...So what he doesn't come around, he knows what he did, but I still want him to come to my event!"  Whatever the issue, the big mouth will be sure to broadcast every little detail to other relatives about those who have been distant for quite sometime.  "Did you hear what she said?  Well, this is what I heard."  Before long, personal opinion about the person spreads like wildfire!

When you encounter the big mouth in the family, you will want to limit your conversation with such a person and try hard not to say anything to him or her that includes a name, place, or anything related to other family members unless absolutely necessary.  When referencing your personal interaction with other relatives, you might be vague and only mention labels such as: "an aunt, a cousin or a relative" rather than names.  Taking care to leave out any details that might be misconstrued and keeping private information to one's self.

If there is a confrontation or family dispute over what the big mouth relative said, stand your ground!  Don't feel threatened, bullied, or curse the person you are speaking with.  Rather stick to the facts and give the person or yourself a way out if the discussion because emotional.  You don't want to keep conversations going with people who easily jump to conclusions, act childish, or have so many rules about what to say or not to say about them.

Nicholl McGuire

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How to Recognize an Emotional Manipulator - a Bully

Sometimes the people in your own family can bully you.  They know your weakness and will use those to get the upper hand.  Don't let them!  Learn more on how some will use emotional manipulation to get what they want.  Use the techniques mentioned in this video to empower you!

Bad Weather + Bad Attitude = Kooky Behavior

Weeks of cold weather made up of snow, rain, and very little sun will make anyone lose it!  Grandma is suffering with pain in her body which affects her mind.  Mom is yelling about God knows what--she hasn't seen the sun in weeks!  Dad is staring at a television screen like a man under hypnosis--blocking out all sound around him.  He hopes to one day get back to his backyard activities.  Siblings are fighting about what this one has and what this one wants.  Mother Nature has a way of working a number on the human psyche.

When so much is going on indoors, it can be a challenge to go outdoors.  Therefore, one must check his or her kooky behavior before someone does.  The family must exercise some patience, look for ways to stay busy without need of others, and be helpful whenever called upon.  Negative attitudes, loud conversation, and bad-mouthing just adds fuel to the melting pot of personalities all around.

Sometimes family can be very understanding of short-tempers, impatience, and disrespect when outside the home and interacting with others they barely know.  However, at home can be a very different story.  It would make sense to treat others how one wants to be treated at home and wherever he or she goes, but of course, that doesn't happen with all individuals.  Some people enjoy feuds, more than they like peace.

Bad weather will affect one's mood and the results may not be good, so we must all check our minds, bodies, and spirits and avoid trouble whenever we can via phone, at home, and other places.  In the words of one of my children, "Mind your own business!"

Nicholl McGuire

Big Dreams, Big Ideas - Troubled Relatives

They want you to believe in their dreams.  They desire help with their plans.  They tell you a long story about what they hope to become in the future and all you can do is nod your head.  But then the question comes, "So do you have some money to help me finance my business?"  Huh?

Let's be honest a relative with a long track record of broken dreams can't be trusted.  If his or her own partner isn't supporting your loved one on what he or she says, why do you think that is?  Yet, the guillble, the optimist, and the blind will reach into his or her wallet or write out a check in the hopes that the family member will be that great success.

After months of wishing and praying, nothing happens.  The once excited relative doesn't have the passion anymore.  It is on with another idea.  You may have been the one praying for that relative, but things just don't work out for him or her.  You might even ask, "Why oh God, don't you answer my prayer?"  You know why he doesn't?  Because even one's Creator knows that fools like to talk much.  Take heed. 

There is a bottomless pit of ideas with many people and most don't amount to anything.  Before you support someone on his or her project, understand that you just might be getting an answer to your prayers right around the corner, therefore hold on to your money, save yourself some time!

Nicholl McGuire

Break Free from Parental Programming - Too Old to Be Governed by Control...

You Can't Make Them Like You

You may have bought your loved ones gifts, offered a helping hand, stayed on the phone listening to their every problem, and told them a million times, "I love you,"  but despite all your efforts, you learn from other relatives that they don't like you much.

Why is it that some relatives think that you will never learn the truth about what they really think about you?  There is a lot said in flippant comments, the family member who thinks that you are "...nothing but a...." is going to pretend like they honestly care about you, at least in front of your face, but behind your back, well that is a different story!  "Well, I wish she would get her life together...he is too old behaving like that...I never really liked either of them...Sometimes I have to pray they don't call me or come around." the critical relative might say.

Observers will ask, "Why do you bother?  Why go out of your way?  You know he/she doesn't like you?"  Most good-hearted people will reason/defend/excuse/ignore the negativity that they are being given.  "I know what my Bible says...What goes around, comes back around...I do what I do, because I love him/her."  But the concerned relative will retort, "But he/she is USING you!  Don't you get it!?  Do you really want to know what this person thinks about you?"

The unfavored ones, who were never considered the favorite ones by parents, will work real hard to prove themselves.  They will do what they can to win favor with family members.  They will use their actions to scream out loud, "Don't forget about me!  I love you!"  But the reality is, that no matter how many Thinking of You cards you send them, how much money/gifts you put in the mail, and family events you attend to show support, some people are simply mean-spirited.  Some believers will even ignore their Heavenly Creator's admonition to, "Keep away...don't call...don't come around for a time."  There is a season for all things when it comes to reaching out to family; therefore, one must know when his or her season is over for giving and being available to extended relatives.  Sometimes how someone feels about you has nothing to do with taking a time out from him or her (although it might be necessary), but the time-out has everything to do with readjusting your focus on keeping the peace in your household, dealing with personal issues on the home front and troubles elsewhere in your life.  Extended relatives must be placed on the back-burner when personal problems begin to mount.  But what some will do is attempt to feel good about their lives, by doing for others so that they don't have to deal with issues on the home front--this type of thinking is unwise and will lead to much heartache in one's personal and/or professional life. 

Think of the many relationships that have been destroyed because a partner's mindset was all about getting someone in their family circle to like them.  The individual totes children, partner, gift bags, and food over to a house that isn't very inviting even loved ones will comment, "They don't like us, why do we come over here?"  The host puts on a fake smile while whispering some negative remarks to other family members.  When confronted about his or her behavior, the response goes something like this, "You didn't have to do this...I didn't really invite you...Why do you bother calling or coming around?"  Wow, what a reality check!  However, most family members don't want to look like a spit-fire demon, so they will put on an act, "Glad you came...Oh, this is for me?  You shouldn't have."

When you know that people have proven over and over again that they just don't like you for any number of reasons that might make sense or might not, guard your heart and your wallet!  Consider what people are telling you about some of your relatives and avoid the temptation to defend the users and abusers.

Nicholl McGuire

The Braggart Family Member Who Believes that All You Need is Family

He or she goes around spewing his or her speech about family togetherness, family time, and how much time is left to be with this relative and that one while squeezing in how great his or her family supposedly is.  "Cherish your family, you never know when you will need them...family will be here when no one else will...your family loves you..."  Unsuspecting relatives have been manipulated by the optimist who claims to only want what is best for everyone.  However, what some family members fail to realize is that they are living their lives based on what someone has told them, but not on how they truly feel!  It is very easy to put aside differences based on someone's false perception only to later be shot down with a negative reality. 

People move away, ignore others, and practically disappear out of families for good reason!  Some return only to wish they never came back.  Others will open up doors only to be reminded to close them back!  Fickle family can be a detriment to a relationship, business, one's spiritual growth and more!  It would make sense to avoid the comments of one's hyped up braggart family member and observe people, places and things for who and what they truly are!  A relocation can turn out badly, an event can end up with people in the hospital, children can be emotionally scarred for a lifetime in the wrong environment with the wrong people, and above everything else, one can lose his or her mind, partner, and finances trying to appease others.

Sure, it sounds good the family talk, walk, group, event and whatever other word that has "family" in it.  But the reality is, that many relatives have moved away for good reason and to convince them to, "Come on back home, because your poor, dear mom needs you...grandma doesn't have long to live...you know how much we love and miss you (sob, sob)" is just wrong especially when the family member arrives to his or her hometown only to find that everyone is doing just fine and no one doesn't even look like they are on their death bed.

Braggart relatives speak highly of family because of their own personal guilt.  They remember the money they owe, the family disputes, the bad-mouthing they did, and a plethora of other issues they have had with their relatives.  Some even go so far as to pass on responsibilities for loved ones in the hopes that others will step up to the plate.  So of course, they will talk loudly about how much family means to them. 

Depending on the relationship one has with certain family members will determine whether or not they are going to buy into the "We are family" hype.  Don't expect everyone to jump on board just because someone is ill, having financial difficulty, needs someone to talk to, or misses a relative he or she once was close to.  Realize people change!  Don't be the one bad-mouthing others because they don't want to be a part of family related events!  What use to be may not be anymore for these wounded individuals.  People have a way of messing things up because they overly promote family.  They fail to understand that some get tired of being lied to, used, abused, controlled, bad-mouthed, or judged.

As the year presses on, if you are the one being pressured to do one thing or another for a relative just because their "family," stop!  Think about what is happening.  Notice how the pressure is affecting your personal life and make some immediate changes including distancing yourself from those who don't care to understand what is going on in your own personal life.

Stay blessed!

Nicholl McGuire

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Hypomania - a milder form of Mania

In this video, the reporter shares the mental personality disorder hypomania and provides a woman's experiences to further explain the condition.  Mental issues such as hypomania and others are often overlooked by family.  Those who think they are "normal" dismiss others as being "odd, weird, crazy."  But there is more to what those, who are coping with an imperfect body, are going through.  They are typically unaware of what is happening at the moment that it is occurring.  Demanding that one act a certain way while in a weak state of mind is like talking to a wall for some and for others might lead to major disputes or worse violence.  The one going through the mania, must be given the opportunity to do the following in order to calm down:  pace one's self, cut back on certain activities, be left alone if he or she is in no danger of harming self or others, or removed from the environment that is causing major stress.  Also, he or she might need to be reminded to take his or her medication, herbal supplement, etc.