Twins Coming Soon
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[image: Twins Coming Soon]
Jedidiah and Katey Duggar are less than a month out from their January 19th
due date. That means that their twins could arrive ...
Thursday, December 27, 2012
How to Handle House Guests That Stay Too Long
Some people just love your home, your children, you and whatever else that you have; therefore, they will invite themselves over and don't bother to go home--uh oh! Read these noteworthy tips: How to Handle House Guests That Stay Too Long
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Good Times are Here Again! When You Have to Celebrate with Relatives
What is good about being with family, eating, drinking, being merry, and doing other things that a wise God in his Word has repeatedly warned us about, well you get to see some people that you most likely wouldn't see at their best any other time of the year. But yes, we should watch as well as pray and not fill ourselves too much with food and drink. There is always an enemy that would like nothing more than cause problems for you and your family.
The holiday season typically brings out the best in people. Those who are often upset suddenly cheer up when they see something wrapped with a bow. There are children who may not be polite on most days, but when they know they are getting something "fun, cool" out comes, "Thank you, yes ma'm...No sir." Oh the joys of the holidays and those people we love!
So what are some things we all can think about this season to keep us happy and motivated to be around select people that we really don't like much while enjoying the company of others that we do like.
One. Focus on people in attendance you do appreciate and spend time with them. Take part in whatever they are doing so that you aren't busy with those people who annoy you.
Two. Take up time with the children. Playing with toys and listening to children talk will also keep you occupied, so that you don't feel obligated to sit too long with those individuals that bring you down.
Three. Take lots of photos and video. Once again, you are keeping busy so there isn't much time to listen to that one negative relative who sits in the corner always saying one thing or another about this person and that one.
Four. Bring something to the gathering and share it with those who would find what you have interesting. Of course, the busybody, the envious and others will also see what you have, but who cares? You win friends and they just sit back and frown.
Five. Show love even to your enemies. Despite the rudeness or pompous behavior of certain relatives, you still thought about them whether you bring a card, gift card, an envelope with a little cash, or something else you think they might like, you are showing that you still care about them. But your nice gesture doesn't mean, that you are a fool either.
Six. Come up with an idea that keeps everyone smiling. Whether you bring a funny video, sing a merry song, or do something fun online, share.
Seven. Challenge a few to a favorite game. This will also keep some of those negative people from raining down on your parade.
Well with all the things you have to do and all the people you will be talking to and entertaining, there just won't be any time to sit down with the trouble-makers, so don't. When they call for you to come over, mouth, "Later, busy." When you do finally sit down with them (have a witness), and don't get comfortable. Avoid responding to comments that make you feel awkward, irritate you, or make you want to argue, "Oh, sorry you feel that way. But honestly, now is not the time." Get up and go about your way. If things get out of hand, have someone go get the host.
Nicholl McGuire
The holiday season typically brings out the best in people. Those who are often upset suddenly cheer up when they see something wrapped with a bow. There are children who may not be polite on most days, but when they know they are getting something "fun, cool" out comes, "Thank you, yes ma'm...No sir." Oh the joys of the holidays and those people we love!
So what are some things we all can think about this season to keep us happy and motivated to be around select people that we really don't like much while enjoying the company of others that we do like.
One. Focus on people in attendance you do appreciate and spend time with them. Take part in whatever they are doing so that you aren't busy with those people who annoy you.
Two. Take up time with the children. Playing with toys and listening to children talk will also keep you occupied, so that you don't feel obligated to sit too long with those individuals that bring you down.
Three. Take lots of photos and video. Once again, you are keeping busy so there isn't much time to listen to that one negative relative who sits in the corner always saying one thing or another about this person and that one.
Four. Bring something to the gathering and share it with those who would find what you have interesting. Of course, the busybody, the envious and others will also see what you have, but who cares? You win friends and they just sit back and frown.
Five. Show love even to your enemies. Despite the rudeness or pompous behavior of certain relatives, you still thought about them whether you bring a card, gift card, an envelope with a little cash, or something else you think they might like, you are showing that you still care about them. But your nice gesture doesn't mean, that you are a fool either.
Six. Come up with an idea that keeps everyone smiling. Whether you bring a funny video, sing a merry song, or do something fun online, share.
Seven. Challenge a few to a favorite game. This will also keep some of those negative people from raining down on your parade.
Well with all the things you have to do and all the people you will be talking to and entertaining, there just won't be any time to sit down with the trouble-makers, so don't. When they call for you to come over, mouth, "Later, busy." When you do finally sit down with them (have a witness), and don't get comfortable. Avoid responding to comments that make you feel awkward, irritate you, or make you want to argue, "Oh, sorry you feel that way. But honestly, now is not the time." Get up and go about your way. If things get out of hand, have someone go get the host.
Nicholl McGuire
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Family Intervention
The time has come to share news with a certain family member about some personal matters. But some relatives just don't know what to say or do. From secrets to personal feelings about the person, how do we handle such matters? Well the question we all might want to ask ourselves first is, "What is it that I don't want to do?" Because if you can get the negative issues out the way first, you might be able to reach some solutions faster. The goal is to communicate certain information effectively that will eventually result in positive change, deliverance, assistance, or whatever else you and others in your family might be after from your loved one.
Let's say that you need to discuss money issues with a relative, but you don't know how to do it in a way that isn't going to cause a relative to accuse you of being a no-good, sneaky, downright, selfish gold-digger. Consider the following: you don't want to talk about your needs, you don't want to tell the person right from the beginning what he/she should be doing with his/her wealth, and you definitely don't want to be standing in front of this person like a sniffling idiot who has a history of being foolish with his or her own money either. Instead of doing any of these things, you would talk about the recent string of events and what you were thinking when all those things were going on maybe the relative overspent and came up short with rent or gave someone money that he or she knows they can't afford. Notice, you would focus on your relatives needs--the kinds of things that would most benefit him or her. "Mom that money that was taken from you, could have been best used to pay your bills...I can't afford to help you..." You would encourage others to share their observations. You would also include how the relatives actions or inactions are making you feel. For example, "I was hurt when you called me up about Johnny asking you for money yet again! I wanted to beat Johnny up and you know that had I did that your son would have been in jail! Would you want that?"
Stay away from name-calling, accusatory statements, and belittling when confronting relatives on wrongs. Never brag about how you or others that you know have their lives together or what someone else has done in a smiliar situation. You are not the one on the hot seat and no one really cares about who you know either. Instead of focusing on getting your loved one some help, you have made their issue somewhat about you. Other family members will turn on you when they see this sort of behavior occuring. If I am that angry, bitter old relative, I don't want to be reminded about something I already know especially if your purpose for talking to me is to get me to handle my finances better, manage my household or treat others better.
Now for some family members they aren't going to take too kindly to any intervention where they are on the hot seat. You most likely will have to be that one who acts strictly--you know the bad guy, who is really the good guy, for putting sickly mom away in a nursing home, taking her credit cards away because she can't pay her bills, or permitting any and everyone to take advantage of her. If other family members are not willing to step up to the plate, you have no choice but to go do things alone without the support of others.
One thing you never want to do during a family intervention is show your full hand. What I mean is, you don't want to expose everything you might be considering concerning your loved one. A card player would never show his hand while a game is in play unless he has won. You don't want to do that either. For some family members who might have prematurely spoken up about everything that is wrong about this person and that one, they usually are the last to know about things and the least liked. Then there are those who if they know everything that you are doing or are going to do, they would block you from getting things done. The worse mistake you can make, especially if you are the one who has the voice, power, money, etc. in the family, is to show your hand and you haven't even won the game yet! Family members that cannot or refuse to help really have no say so during a family intervention although their opinions are welcomed. Remember, don't act disrespectful toward them. Sure, they may have some ideas, but you don't have to use them.
You also will want to get some boundaries established on what you will and will not accept prior to the family intervention. You don't want to invest time or money on someone or something that simply isn't going to work.
Do take the time out to do further research on how to handle your specific family dilemma and what might be the best possible solutions.
Nicholl McGuire
Let's say that you need to discuss money issues with a relative, but you don't know how to do it in a way that isn't going to cause a relative to accuse you of being a no-good, sneaky, downright, selfish gold-digger. Consider the following: you don't want to talk about your needs, you don't want to tell the person right from the beginning what he/she should be doing with his/her wealth, and you definitely don't want to be standing in front of this person like a sniffling idiot who has a history of being foolish with his or her own money either. Instead of doing any of these things, you would talk about the recent string of events and what you were thinking when all those things were going on maybe the relative overspent and came up short with rent or gave someone money that he or she knows they can't afford. Notice, you would focus on your relatives needs--the kinds of things that would most benefit him or her. "Mom that money that was taken from you, could have been best used to pay your bills...I can't afford to help you..." You would encourage others to share their observations. You would also include how the relatives actions or inactions are making you feel. For example, "I was hurt when you called me up about Johnny asking you for money yet again! I wanted to beat Johnny up and you know that had I did that your son would have been in jail! Would you want that?"
Stay away from name-calling, accusatory statements, and belittling when confronting relatives on wrongs. Never brag about how you or others that you know have their lives together or what someone else has done in a smiliar situation. You are not the one on the hot seat and no one really cares about who you know either. Instead of focusing on getting your loved one some help, you have made their issue somewhat about you. Other family members will turn on you when they see this sort of behavior occuring. If I am that angry, bitter old relative, I don't want to be reminded about something I already know especially if your purpose for talking to me is to get me to handle my finances better, manage my household or treat others better.
Now for some family members they aren't going to take too kindly to any intervention where they are on the hot seat. You most likely will have to be that one who acts strictly--you know the bad guy, who is really the good guy, for putting sickly mom away in a nursing home, taking her credit cards away because she can't pay her bills, or permitting any and everyone to take advantage of her. If other family members are not willing to step up to the plate, you have no choice but to go do things alone without the support of others.
One thing you never want to do during a family intervention is show your full hand. What I mean is, you don't want to expose everything you might be considering concerning your loved one. A card player would never show his hand while a game is in play unless he has won. You don't want to do that either. For some family members who might have prematurely spoken up about everything that is wrong about this person and that one, they usually are the last to know about things and the least liked. Then there are those who if they know everything that you are doing or are going to do, they would block you from getting things done. The worse mistake you can make, especially if you are the one who has the voice, power, money, etc. in the family, is to show your hand and you haven't even won the game yet! Family members that cannot or refuse to help really have no say so during a family intervention although their opinions are welcomed. Remember, don't act disrespectful toward them. Sure, they may have some ideas, but you don't have to use them.
You also will want to get some boundaries established on what you will and will not accept prior to the family intervention. You don't want to invest time or money on someone or something that simply isn't going to work.
Do take the time out to do further research on how to handle your specific family dilemma and what might be the best possible solutions.
Nicholl McGuire
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Family Fights
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Don't Buy Everyone a Gift Whether Physically or Mentally When You Have Major Debt
We shop for others whether in our minds or in our wallets. Then when the money is spent or we ponder far too long on gift-giving and do way too much research on what we could do, then we wish we hadn't--time and money are valuable!
"I thank you for this but...I wish you hadn't...I didn't need this...Could you take this back, my child doesn't play with these...Did you think before you got this for me?"
Oh, the voices from relatives and friends who don't bite their tongues! You know you could have used your hard-earned money or credit for someone else, mainly yourself. "I could have used this thing and that one instead of buying for you or your child," you think.
For a moment, reflect on the past when you had absolutely no money to buy anyone anything. How did you feel? Were you made to feel guilty by others? Did you allow controlling individuals to talk you into thinking about them next year? Did you vow you would make everyone happy by buying everyone something?
Today some of you will be free from all of the bondage you placed upon yourself. Something inside your being doesn't want to be a slave to debt! The quiet voice within keeps moving you not to buy this person and that one. Well, heed the voice and your gut feeling, "Don't do it!" at least not yet for a select few people. You see, birthdays will come around and "thinking of you" moments throughout the year, then what? You will be paying back your debt and those moments will come and go. What most people don't realize it is the unexpected, unanticipated gift-giving that makes all the difference in the world. When one is in the state of loneliness, he or she would love for someone to drop by, call, or send a gift in the mail throughout the year. Most families have more than enough during this time of year ie.) a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, food in their bellies, and a bed to rest. Many families are too busy trying to give stuff away or sell --new, used, broken or dare I say it, stolen.
So why would you permit yourself to be pressured into buying things for everyone closest to you? Why would you even spend money on pricey gifts for a select few when you know you owe people money? The best gift for anyone is to pay back what you owe whether that is a company or an individual.
Take a look at your finances. Think about what those around you have promised to help you with, give you, etc. Then look back at your finances. Take a moment to reflect on all you have already done ie.) service, freebies, "above and beyond" tasks, a listening ear, etc. Consider what others have told you about certain individuals you were thinking about buying for "not needing another thing." If you already got some folks some things, take them back or sell them for a higher price online and then pay back what you owe others. Then check your list, that is if you have one, to see what you thought you were going to buy then talk yourself out of buying them or research as to why those items wouldn't be a good purchase (I did this myself and saved $$$). Then fold the list up and place it in a Bible symbolically placing your burden in God's hands, if you don't have a faith then throw it away, or give the list to someone else who can afford to spend much money on gifts for everyone. Remember the point of this blog entry, be free, my friend.
Now is the time to cast your burdens away! Don't permit yourself to be grieved by your circumstances any longer. Pay the bills you owe. Avoid attending functions that will only bring out the worse in you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a quiet holiday season at home. Besides, if you go anywhere, you will feel uneasy, possibly jealous, and brought into someone else's drama about, "All I do for these people and they couldn't at least wash the dishes! I wish that I had gotten this gift from your mom, what am I going to do with it? You know your Uncle buys cheap gifts (sigh). Where did your Aunt get this at a flea market?"
Be free my friend, be free.
Nicholl McGuire
"I thank you for this but...I wish you hadn't...I didn't need this...Could you take this back, my child doesn't play with these...Did you think before you got this for me?"
Oh, the voices from relatives and friends who don't bite their tongues! You know you could have used your hard-earned money or credit for someone else, mainly yourself. "I could have used this thing and that one instead of buying for you or your child," you think.
For a moment, reflect on the past when you had absolutely no money to buy anyone anything. How did you feel? Were you made to feel guilty by others? Did you allow controlling individuals to talk you into thinking about them next year? Did you vow you would make everyone happy by buying everyone something?
Today some of you will be free from all of the bondage you placed upon yourself. Something inside your being doesn't want to be a slave to debt! The quiet voice within keeps moving you not to buy this person and that one. Well, heed the voice and your gut feeling, "Don't do it!" at least not yet for a select few people. You see, birthdays will come around and "thinking of you" moments throughout the year, then what? You will be paying back your debt and those moments will come and go. What most people don't realize it is the unexpected, unanticipated gift-giving that makes all the difference in the world. When one is in the state of loneliness, he or she would love for someone to drop by, call, or send a gift in the mail throughout the year. Most families have more than enough during this time of year ie.) a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, food in their bellies, and a bed to rest. Many families are too busy trying to give stuff away or sell --new, used, broken or dare I say it, stolen.
So why would you permit yourself to be pressured into buying things for everyone closest to you? Why would you even spend money on pricey gifts for a select few when you know you owe people money? The best gift for anyone is to pay back what you owe whether that is a company or an individual.
Take a look at your finances. Think about what those around you have promised to help you with, give you, etc. Then look back at your finances. Take a moment to reflect on all you have already done ie.) service, freebies, "above and beyond" tasks, a listening ear, etc. Consider what others have told you about certain individuals you were thinking about buying for "not needing another thing." If you already got some folks some things, take them back or sell them for a higher price online and then pay back what you owe others. Then check your list, that is if you have one, to see what you thought you were going to buy then talk yourself out of buying them or research as to why those items wouldn't be a good purchase (I did this myself and saved $$$). Then fold the list up and place it in a Bible symbolically placing your burden in God's hands, if you don't have a faith then throw it away, or give the list to someone else who can afford to spend much money on gifts for everyone. Remember the point of this blog entry, be free, my friend.
Now is the time to cast your burdens away! Don't permit yourself to be grieved by your circumstances any longer. Pay the bills you owe. Avoid attending functions that will only bring out the worse in you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a quiet holiday season at home. Besides, if you go anywhere, you will feel uneasy, possibly jealous, and brought into someone else's drama about, "All I do for these people and they couldn't at least wash the dishes! I wish that I had gotten this gift from your mom, what am I going to do with it? You know your Uncle buys cheap gifts (sigh). Where did your Aunt get this at a flea market?"
Be free my friend, be free.
Nicholl McGuire
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Black Friday and Cyber Monday Shopping: 3 Departments You Don't Want to Pass up!
Whether you are planning to shop before, during or after
Black Friday offline or online, you will need to have some idea on how to save
time and money. Learn a thing or two about shopping for Black Friday deals and
Cyber Monday bargains!
Year after year online shoppers seek out the best deals on
things like electronics, media, clothing, household goods and more only to be
disappointed with some of their finds.
Sometimes what appears to be a great deal ends up being nothing more
than a headache. Why? Because shoppers fail to shop with their
minds, rather than their hearts.
Clothing
Most cheaper goods, slow moving items, and just plain old
ugly things tend to have the best deals.
However, those rare finds on quality merchandise can catch you off
guard. So you will need to be on the
look out for the items you want the most.
Try opening up several windows of websites you like to shop and then
compare prices. Also, use comparison
shopping sites and word of mouth for the best deals. I personally surf forums, blogs and make
phone calls to relatives and friends to see what they know. Typical major retailers that have reasonable
deals include: Walmart, Target, Kmart, Kohls, Burlington Coat Factory, TJ Maxx,
JCPenny, Old Navy, etc. However, do try
the smaller businesses and lesser known names simply by conducting a search
including what you are looking for. See
this advice site on shopping for men’s clothes.
Household appliances
You will need to have the make and model of the item you
seek to purchase. If you don’t have an
idea of what you want and you are just looking, then at least note your
findings. Start by listing the brand,
the model, and the cost you see at stores like: Home Depot, Lowes and Sears
just to name a few.
Toys
There is always some deal on select toys throughout the
year. You have to know what your child
really wants and also how much can you afford to spend on a toy that he or she
most likely will outgrow. I personally
stay away from items that you have to keep buying something new for such as a
gaming console. Children will see the
latest game and before long they are asking for another, then another and
another. If you are going to get an
electronic device at least seek out those items that are already used. I have found that many pre-owned items are
far less than the Black Friday deals–that is unless you are one of the lucky
ones that got something for dirt cheap or for free new!
I took the liberty to post some interesting and very useful information on general Black Friday shopping and included links to the most popular stores here.
I took the liberty to post some interesting and very useful information on general Black Friday shopping and included links to the most popular stores here.
There are many places to shop, but oftentimes little cash,
so do check your family’s wardrobe, your household, and your children’s room to
find out what they need most rather than what they want. You will feel better about your purchases
when you do this while keeping guilt feelings away.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Unsaved, Lost Family Members - What to do? - YouTube
Are you a believer? Most likely, God is going to move you to pray or speak to a relative about God this holiday season. Unsaved, Lost Family Members - What to do? - YouTube
Monday, November 19, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
For Anyone Who Has a Gas Problem Due to Thanksgiving /Christmas Dinner
It happens. The more some eat, the more they got to go! But sometimes a gas attack comes before the storm. Help someone or yourself out, and get some deodorizers to keep the odor down during those family gatherings!! Start with deodorizer pads for your chairs and for others their behinds.
Amazon.com: GasBGon Flatulence Filter Seat Cushion, Patented - (The Winner's Circle): Home & Kitchen
Flatulence Deodorizer Pads
Amazon.com: GasBGon Flatulence Filter Seat Cushion, Patented - (The Winner's Circle): Home & Kitchen
Flatulence Deodorizer Pads
Friday, October 19, 2012
7 Ways to Break Free from a Controlling Father
How will you emotionally and physically set yourself free from your domineering dad?
You have to love a dad who cares about you and wants what is best for you. But like mothers, fathers sometimes don't know when to let go and let God too! Some papas just love their children so much that they can't see when they are actually causing more harm than good. These men usually came from backgrounds where their own fathers didn't give them much attention or things; therefore they feel like they have to make up what was lost in their young lives with their own children. This is when the problems come into play. Dad doesn't want son bothering him about money, yet dad gives son anyway. Dad is irritated with his daughter for the life decisions that she makes, but he keeps bailing her out. You may have a relationship with your dad that isn't bad, but isn't all that good either and you just want him to stay out of your business and let you live your own life! So what do you do?
One. Stop sharing so much of your personal life with him. Maybe you aren't directly talking to him about all that is wrong with your life, and if this is the case, then your mother or someone else is taking your information back to him. This is why he feels like he can roll his eyes, take a deep breath and formulate his unflattering opinion about you, who you know and what you do.
Two. Don't ask him for the car, money, housing, or any other help when you are in trouble. When you do this, you are telling your controlling dad, "I can't take care of myself, I need you. You were right, I am an idiot!" So what is a controlling dad going to do? Beat you over the head with your requests! "If you would just do what I tell you, you wouldn't be in this mess! I am tired of you asking for my stuff!" He yells, yet reluctantly he helps you out anyway while you talk negatively about him to others--like father like son/daughter.
Three. Don't help your dad bring you down. Ask yourself, "How am I helping my dad enable my issues?" Are you expecting him to fund your drug, alcohol and other addictions? Do you tell him stories about your sexual conquests and how you manipulate or abuse your partners? Do you excuse what you do when you are away from him as being "okay" or "all good," because you saw him do the same things when you were growing up? Well, if you are laughing it up with him and thinking he is "cool" and "alright with what I do," think again, he is just waiting for that opportunity to find fault with you! When he does, he will name-call and talk ugly about you to others (as if he has always done right by your mother and siblings). Someone once told me, "Don't give him a stick to crack your head with."
Four. Avoid dropping everything and then running to his aid. Once you start something, the older he gets, he will expect it. "Your my son and my daughter, you should help your old man. Look at all the years I took care of you!" You make promises about coming over and doing this or that for him, he will remind you of what you said and tell others when you don't deliver. "Look at that unreliable #$%^%#@! If I told him once, I told him twice!" Then what is he going to do when you don't keep your promises? Start praising your siblings who do come to his rescue. Controlling dads aren't self-esteem boosters! So don't make any promises you can't keep.
Five. Relocate. If you live with or near a controlling dad, you might want to relocate. You see, sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder. He may not have appreciated you much when you were around, but now you and he have some space to work out your differences. When he sees that you are doing well and have a nice family, job, etc. he will either admire and respect you or grow jealous of you which only encourages more controlling behavior such as: giving you unnecessary advice, spreading negative criticism, and conducting evil speaking about others who are doing better than him to you (as if you care)!?
Six. Forget the holidays. Visit your dad when there is no shine on him--that's right no shine, no phony happy family picture taking, gift exchanges, and more. When you jump when he (or your mother) says, "jump" what you are saying is that, "I want to make you happy, so I will celebrate the holidays because you want me to and I am still that spineless little kid who coward every time you walked into the room." You are a woman or man now probably bigger and/or stronger. What is he going to do if you don't come to visit him on his birthday, Thanksgiving or Christmas? The idea, when dealing with a controlling father, is to undo the things you did to help him remain in control of your life. Remember, don't talk yourself into doing things that only give him more power.
Seven. Don't fear him. When one is guilty of acting fearful of his or her manipulative father, he or she might use lies, excuses, blame siblings, and do other things to try to hide fear while hoping not to offend him. If you are an adult, paying your own bills and have no need of your father (other than an occasional moment where you want to just touch-base with him), then what is there to fear? Childhood dramas take up too much of our time and energy and only feed the monster. If an animal senses fear, he will attack. If being in your dad's presence brings out the worse in you, then stay away! It doesn't matter what your relatives, siblings and others think, you have to live in your body not them. Sometimes controlling people can trigger all sorts of things in us that we didn't know we have such as: alters, nervous tension, suicidal thoughts, rage, etc. If you have a faith, use it to bring you to a genuine place of healing in Jesus name!
You may be able to think of some more ways to break free from your father. I suggest you start putting some of these suggestions and more to good use! Know that people will talk, others who are fearful of him will try to keep you under his thumb, and even your mother/step-mother/girlfriend will try to get you to draw near to him, but whatever others say and do, you know you and what you can tolerate.
Set yourself emotionally and physically free from your father for good! Sometimes there will be setbacks and you might even cry and get angry at yourself for slipping back into old habits, but forgive yourself, and then get back on track. By breaking free from a controlling person, you will be better able to see the damage that this person has caused in your life then you will be well on your way toward healing from your past.
Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and others including Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and When Mothers Cry. She has also recently self-published a book on Amazon entitled, "Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic"
You have to love a dad who cares about you and wants what is best for you. But like mothers, fathers sometimes don't know when to let go and let God too! Some papas just love their children so much that they can't see when they are actually causing more harm than good. These men usually came from backgrounds where their own fathers didn't give them much attention or things; therefore they feel like they have to make up what was lost in their young lives with their own children. This is when the problems come into play. Dad doesn't want son bothering him about money, yet dad gives son anyway. Dad is irritated with his daughter for the life decisions that she makes, but he keeps bailing her out. You may have a relationship with your dad that isn't bad, but isn't all that good either and you just want him to stay out of your business and let you live your own life! So what do you do?
One. Stop sharing so much of your personal life with him. Maybe you aren't directly talking to him about all that is wrong with your life, and if this is the case, then your mother or someone else is taking your information back to him. This is why he feels like he can roll his eyes, take a deep breath and formulate his unflattering opinion about you, who you know and what you do.
Two. Don't ask him for the car, money, housing, or any other help when you are in trouble. When you do this, you are telling your controlling dad, "I can't take care of myself, I need you. You were right, I am an idiot!" So what is a controlling dad going to do? Beat you over the head with your requests! "If you would just do what I tell you, you wouldn't be in this mess! I am tired of you asking for my stuff!" He yells, yet reluctantly he helps you out anyway while you talk negatively about him to others--like father like son/daughter.
Three. Don't help your dad bring you down. Ask yourself, "How am I helping my dad enable my issues?" Are you expecting him to fund your drug, alcohol and other addictions? Do you tell him stories about your sexual conquests and how you manipulate or abuse your partners? Do you excuse what you do when you are away from him as being "okay" or "all good," because you saw him do the same things when you were growing up? Well, if you are laughing it up with him and thinking he is "cool" and "alright with what I do," think again, he is just waiting for that opportunity to find fault with you! When he does, he will name-call and talk ugly about you to others (as if he has always done right by your mother and siblings). Someone once told me, "Don't give him a stick to crack your head with."
Four. Avoid dropping everything and then running to his aid. Once you start something, the older he gets, he will expect it. "Your my son and my daughter, you should help your old man. Look at all the years I took care of you!" You make promises about coming over and doing this or that for him, he will remind you of what you said and tell others when you don't deliver. "Look at that unreliable #$%^%#@! If I told him once, I told him twice!" Then what is he going to do when you don't keep your promises? Start praising your siblings who do come to his rescue. Controlling dads aren't self-esteem boosters! So don't make any promises you can't keep.
Five. Relocate. If you live with or near a controlling dad, you might want to relocate. You see, sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder. He may not have appreciated you much when you were around, but now you and he have some space to work out your differences. When he sees that you are doing well and have a nice family, job, etc. he will either admire and respect you or grow jealous of you which only encourages more controlling behavior such as: giving you unnecessary advice, spreading negative criticism, and conducting evil speaking about others who are doing better than him to you (as if you care)!?
Six. Forget the holidays. Visit your dad when there is no shine on him--that's right no shine, no phony happy family picture taking, gift exchanges, and more. When you jump when he (or your mother) says, "jump" what you are saying is that, "I want to make you happy, so I will celebrate the holidays because you want me to and I am still that spineless little kid who coward every time you walked into the room." You are a woman or man now probably bigger and/or stronger. What is he going to do if you don't come to visit him on his birthday, Thanksgiving or Christmas? The idea, when dealing with a controlling father, is to undo the things you did to help him remain in control of your life. Remember, don't talk yourself into doing things that only give him more power.
Seven. Don't fear him. When one is guilty of acting fearful of his or her manipulative father, he or she might use lies, excuses, blame siblings, and do other things to try to hide fear while hoping not to offend him. If you are an adult, paying your own bills and have no need of your father (other than an occasional moment where you want to just touch-base with him), then what is there to fear? Childhood dramas take up too much of our time and energy and only feed the monster. If an animal senses fear, he will attack. If being in your dad's presence brings out the worse in you, then stay away! It doesn't matter what your relatives, siblings and others think, you have to live in your body not them. Sometimes controlling people can trigger all sorts of things in us that we didn't know we have such as: alters, nervous tension, suicidal thoughts, rage, etc. If you have a faith, use it to bring you to a genuine place of healing in Jesus name!
You may be able to think of some more ways to break free from your father. I suggest you start putting some of these suggestions and more to good use! Know that people will talk, others who are fearful of him will try to keep you under his thumb, and even your mother/step-mother/girlfriend will try to get you to draw near to him, but whatever others say and do, you know you and what you can tolerate.
Set yourself emotionally and physically free from your father for good! Sometimes there will be setbacks and you might even cry and get angry at yourself for slipping back into old habits, but forgive yourself, and then get back on track. By breaking free from a controlling person, you will be better able to see the damage that this person has caused in your life then you will be well on your way toward healing from your past.
Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and others including Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and When Mothers Cry. She has also recently self-published a book on Amazon entitled, "Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic"
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
You've Been Tricked: Occult Holidays And Sabbats in Your Family
You celebrate year after year occult holidays. Maybe you don't believe this, but you need to do some research. Most of us were once in the dark, but after years of research, praying and fasting, some learn quickly that they have been deceived into believing that someone else's idea of harmless fun is really bringing a curse on self and family.
Traditions can be broken and people can be delivered from annual holiday stress simply by not subscribing to the following:
Occult Holidays And Sabbats
Learn more and be free!
Traditions can be broken and people can be delivered from annual holiday stress simply by not subscribing to the following:
Occult Holidays And Sabbats
Learn more and be free!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
When Family Work Together
Credit: Nicholl McGuire
"No, you are doing it wrong...get it together...stop slacking...do it like this...keep that up and you won't be in the group! Okay, now we got it--yeah showtime!"
There were young as well as older dancers moving hips, bouncing, jumping, etc. After standing in the hot sun for about 30 minutes or so, I couldn't help but think about my own family doing things together as far back as I could remember. They were making large dinners, serving, decorating, selling stuff, building, painting, errand running, etc. for others. Relatives worked together (or apart depending on whether they could get along or not) on some project or event and there was always moments of negativity showing up making one want to cover their mouths, ears or run away! I recall the tension in the atmosphere being so bad at times and I thought to myself, "Why bother? Why keep doing the same thing year after year with people you know you don't like or get along with?"
I think sometimes people permit tradition, especially during holidays, to override common sense. There comes a point prior to a holiday or some other time of family togetherness when you are sitting back thinking about that "Wonderful time when.." that you should really be thinking about the headache, heartache, yelling, and all the ugliness that came along with the family event. You should ask yourself, "Is it really worth it?" Now for some, they would say, "Yes" because all they see is how they might benefit. But for others, they should say, "No." No tradition, person, place or thing is worth causing one a potential heart attack, a physical fight, loss of money, or something else just because someone or a group thinks that it is. Be wise before you plan this holiday season!
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It's All in the Family by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at familyarticlesbynicholl.blogspot.com.
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