Christian Friendships - Commentary on Selecting Quality Friends

Doubtful about Celebrating Holidays with Relatives?

So the invitation to come celebrate the Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Year's holidays with people that may or may not be a part of your bloodline has been offered.  Yet, you are hesitant about attending.  There are good reasons to stay home like peace and quiet for starters and your mind will come up with many more, but there are also good reasons to be at one or all of these events especially if you have any of the following: a small business, large family, not much money, unresolved issues, and feelings of loneliness and depression not excluding suicidal thoughts.

Attending a family event just might be very beneficial to you if the pros outweigh the cons. 

1.  Networking opportunities.

Whether you are unemployed, interested in starting a new business, or doing more with a hobby, attending a family event is a great way to test an idea, learn something new, and establish potential contacts/customers/investors.  Remember, many successful businesses were built based on who owners knew that could help them.  Who does your family and friends know?

2.  Receive updates from relatives and family friends straight from them.

Why bother to keep getting stories about your family members through others when you can see how they are doing for yourself?  This might also be a good time to clear up some rumors too.

3.  Unexpected gifts and surprises.

You never know what seeing someone you haven't been around in a long time might do to that person.  There could be a blessing right around the corner coming from a favorite relative and you don't even know it.  So take those phone numbers offered to you and use them.

4.  Free food.

If you don't feel like cooking or your refrigerator and snack cabinet doesn't look so great, why not eat somewhere else?  Stay for awhile then take some leftovers home for the next day.

5.  The possibility of meeting someone new.

Singles, relatives just might bring friends.  If so, take advantage of the opportunity.

6.  Squash old issues.

What better time then to show up to a family event with a huge smile on your face, emotions high, and happy to be around relatives?  You can use this good time to squeeze in a few "I apologize" statements and "I love you, so glad to see you."  If you owe someone money, bring some, if not all the cash you borrowed.  If you asked for their items to use and never returned them, gather them up and take the products to that person.

7.  Meet new relatives.

Far too many people take meeting new relatives lightly, but knowing one's relatives is important.  It can be very easy to connect with someone who you didn't know was a relative while dating.  Oftentimes, people miss out on great opportunities because they didn't know that they had an aunt, cousin or some other relative working somewhere.

So if you are doubtful about celebrating the holidays due to any number of reasons, try to talk yourself out of the negative self-talk.  Stop by to see relatives if only but an hour or two if you live close by.  Even if the welcome is dismal and not much is going on, consider this, life is too short and if someone died tomorrow, at least you can say, "I made the effort to see him/her--no guilty conscious here!"

If you can't make it to see relatives, at least give them a courtesy call, explain your situation, and wish them well.

Nicholl McGuire shares audio/video on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
 

Relatives who like to Blow Things Out of Proportion

Be careful what you to say to them, relatives who love to take what most people would consider a simple statement and make a big deal about nothing.


Most likely family members who have problems with others will not be positive about anything that one might share about another.  For example, if you were to describe a favorite relative to a trouble-making family member like this, "She is a nice person, she looks good, she helps you and others, and she has done well in life."  The bitter, unforgiving, envious, or angry family member will have something to say that is the total opposite or downplay what you say.  You are not permitted to say anything positive when in the presence of a negative relative.


Some people have got into screaming matches, physical fights, and became distant from relatives as a result of a person who has nothing better to do than to blow most statements out of proportion.  There have been family divisions that have lasted for decades because someone was offended, lied, or exaggerated a story or something that was done supposedly to another.


Whether at a holiday event, living with a relative, working with one, or attending the same church, watch as well as pray that God will cover your conversation with all and cut your conversation short with those who love taking what people say and putting their own spin on it!


Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry and Know Your Enemy: The Christians Critic.  Also, check out her blog: http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com

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Your Family is Not Your Friends - Watch the Story-Telling at Family Gatherings

As much as we would love to treat our family members as our friends, we quickly realize when a family member simply isn't a friend when he or she talks in ways that tell us so.  For instance, if you were to tell your friend your deepest, darkest secrets, there is no feeling of obligation with your friend to tell anyone.  But if you were to tell a relative the same thing, he or she might feel the need to alert your parent or someone who he or she might be able to assist you even when that isn't necessary.


Your family is not your friends and do keep this in mind when you gather at the next family event.  It is at these gatherings when people feel so open, comfortable and happy being around folks they haven't seen in awhile that they feel like they need to share some family stories.  Sometimes it is best just to avoid the fodder about relatives and stick to talking about things like: the food, Black Friday sales, the weather, work related tasks, activities, etc. 


You just might be a person who truly loves your family and will not keep anything from them, but when it comes to other people's personal business, it is better to keep those things to yourself.  Family members have roles in our lives that look more like mentors, teachers, parents, counselors, and other titles of authority and less like best friends, acquaintances, and co-workers. 


Nicholl McGuire

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