Family Lies, Exaggerates, Cover-Ups and Forgets

They won't admit to the things they done in the past without making things appear as if "they weren't so bad, you were mistaken, it didn't happen that way..." etc.  No sense in arguing with them, because you know your truth!

Family lie, exaggerate, cover-up and forget things that make them look bad.  Who wants to put their arm up and say, "Okay, I did it.  I'm sorry.  I should have, could have..."  Maybe at some point your relative might come to grips with the truth and try to make yesteryears' wrongs right, but then again maybe not.  However, using all sorts of tactics to get your family to see the light won't make them come to any revelation any faster.  Rather, all you will be doing is continuing to build a wedge of resistance and possibly put yourself in a position of alienation between you and those you sincerely want in your life--is it worth it? 

Depending on what the issue was, whether the relative has changed, and how much damage was done to you and if  you can find peace within yourself, will determine whether you or they will reach some sort of compromise.  The person or group that hurt you may die never saying "I apologize."  But you can free yourself now by moving on with your life and doing the kinds of things that make YOU happy while all they can do is just spectate.  The sweetest revenge is the kind that only your Creator can provide--he knows how to hit people where they hurt when they have done wrongly to others--I am a witness, my God is awesome!

Sometimes we are guilty of enabling all of this lying, exaggerating and covering-up in families by not letting go and letting God, so to speak.  We tell others that they are making up things while we choose to ignore or forget things.  We accuse others of lying, when we have been guilty of adding to the lie.  We act as if nothing ever happened and tell others to get over it, when we know that bad things really did happen, and we were too scared, worried, or sick to say anything.  Think of times when you weren't always truthful or failed to remember specific details that could have helped someone else. 

It makes no sense to keep reminding yourself of the pain one has inflicted on you--that is self-torture!  Someone in the family might be encouraging you to deal with this person and that one even though you know it isn't healthy.  Why convince yourself that you are mistaken, crazy, or strange for feeling the way you do about someone (just because they are a relative) when you know that their behaviors make you feel uncomfortable, aren't right, and downright weird?  But so many family members will put themselves in challenging situations, while screaming, "Get me out!"when they know someone in the family has repeatedly hurt them with words and actions.

Break free from these lying, exaggerating, covering up, forgetful people by:

1.  Ignoring phone calls, email, text, and snail mail.

2.  Avoiding family events where you will have to deal with them without someone to mediate.

3.  Say no to favors.

4.  Don't move into their homes.

5.  Don't open your circles of friends to them.

6.  Don't borrow money and other items.

7.  Stay away from conversations with those who are connected to them about them.  Otherwise, your conversation will run the risk of being repeated.

Think of other things you can do to find the peace you need from those who aren't interested in building you or others up, but rather break them down.


Nicholl McGuire

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When You Need Family Support

It happens, unfortunate situations that put us in a position that we need the help of family.  But when we reach out, we may not always be greeted with a friendly smile and a warm embrace especially if we have a history of angering certain people.  So what do you do?

One.  Set aside your pride.

Pride can be a demon that sets out to destroy everything that is there to help you.  Some people believe they are somehow doing the right thing by turning down assistance.  But unfortunately, saying "no" at the wrong time for the wrong reason can cause more harm than good.  Not all people are out to get you later or expect you to give your right arm because they did something for you.  If asking for help is bothersome to you, then consider enlisting the help of someone who can do the talking for you.  Also, be clear what you can and can't do for someone upfront.  Most often those who are opportunists will not do much for you when they can't get something in return.  Selfish and greedy individuals will always expose themselves sooner or later.  Watch for individuals and groups who mean you well and stay away from those who don't.

Two.  Assist others when you can.

Everything you do to help others shouldn't be wrapped up in money agreements, but as we all know there are always a few who love money and will do just about anything for it.  Sure, some relatives will expect money loaned paid back, because you may have entered into that sort of agreement with them, but others would be more than happy to receive service from you.  Therefore, whenever possible offer service rather than money as pay back BEFORE YOU BORROW especially when you know you have bills to pay.  If you can get the agreement recorded via email, text, voicemail, or some other way, do that so as to avoid confusion in the future.

Three.  Avoid arguments, personal opinions, and saying anything that you know will start unnecessary conflict.

The past has a way of coming back to haunt you when you are stressed.  You start thinking about those times when this person and that one wasn't there to help you.  You become easily irritated when someone starts bringing up subject matter that you have yet to get over.  Don't rehash your troubles with people who you know don't understand and have never walked a mile in your shoes.  Walk away when you feel like you are ready to explode on someone who thinks he or she knows it all and is critical of your decision-making.  Keep doors closed when discussing your issues with others.  It  is always best to avoid drama whenever possible particularly when you know you need certain relatives to help you.

Four.  State what you need upfront and try not to ask for much more.

Everyone who knows about your personal crises may help you for a time, but as the situation grows older, family members will begin to close their doors on helping you any longer.  They will expect some results from their assistancing you.  So if something comes up, you may have to ask for more help, but before you do, exhaust all options.  The last thing you want is a disgruntled relative complaining about you being a freeloader or beggar.

Five.  Try to speak positively whenever you can.

Sometimes it is simply hard to be happy for others who are doing well.  You become very angry and bitter when things just don't seem to be going your way.  However, you can adjust negative thinking by speaking positively whenever you can.  Find inspiration online.  Surround yourself around individuals who are doing well.  Attend worship services, spiritual conferences, and other similar things to keep your mood upbeat.  Resist the temptation to drink or do drugs, this will only cause discord between you and those who are trying to help you.

Six.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Don't get caught not doing what you said you were going to do.  If you are supposed to be looking for a job, do that.  If you plan to pay someone back, start paying that person a little at a time as soon as you have money in your pocket.  But whatever you do, don't make promises you can't keep.  If you know you will be unable to pay a loan within a designated time frame, say so.  Ask for options.  If you know you will need a donation, instead of a loan, then be clear about that.  Never assume that someone knows your situation, speak truthfully.  Keep only those who need to be updated about your personal business in the know, leave those who can't help you, out of your affairs.

Those that love you the most, can hurt you the most with mean-spirited statements, looks and the like, but just because you are down today, doesn't mean you always will.  People reap what they say and do.  Keep your head up.  Stay active seeking a job, taking courses, networking, working on your personal relationships, and doing other things that will help you in life.  Don't let critics keep you down!  To your future success!

Nicholl McGuire shares faith based messages on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7  You can also check out videos on Godtube.

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Crazy Relatives Who Don't Care Whether They Live or Die

You may have a few in your family, crazy relatives who don't mind taking risks with health, wealth, family, and more.  These insane relatives will fight with self and others in order to get their illogical ideas off the ground.  They reason, "This will be good for everyone...you will see!"  But the reality is that far too often their thoughts and deeds do nothing more than bring heart and headache to relatives and friends.  So what do we do about these mentally handicapped people in our families?

One.  Don't encourage them to take dangerous risks.  From cheating to drug use, when you know your relatives are bound to try anything, don't say, "Go ahead, do it--I don't care if you kill yourself, you crazy S.O.B.!"  If you say words like this, you might be the one at the funeral one day crying out of guilt--beating yourself up about the last words you said to your wild family member.

Two.  Keep away from the angry, deceptive, or dangerous relatives when you know they have a history of tricking people into doing crazy things.  If a sudden phone call to do something doesn't sound right coming from this wild relative, most likely it isn't.

Three.  Pray for your insane relatives.  If you know that their parents tried everything else like: medicate them, take them to a psychologist, to church, etc., the least you could do is utilize your faith to help them, help you!  Ask God to give you peace, understanding and willingness to help your family member when you can.

Four.  Be at peace with all those related to the insane relative.  One way is to not talk/visit/help out so much if you find yourself too involved in your wild's relatives life. Limit your time with those family members who are often bitter, angry, and saddened by this troubled person's misdeeds.  You can only do and say so much to them, if you find yourself being handicapped as a result of others' issues, distance yourself from them and those who insist on burdening you with all their problems.  The last thing you will want to deal with is losing your cool with your own family because you don't know when to let go of troubled circumstances and people.

Five.  Learn more about your family history.  Notice patterns and other behaviors that might have contributed to your relative's mental handicap.  Seek remedies that might possibly help with some symptoms.  Don't insist on advising your relatives to take your advice when you know they are irresponsible, nonchalant, and selfish.

Take a moment to think of other things you could possibly do to keep from becoming like your insane relatives.  Keep children away from troubled people, because it is very easy for them to pick up on their bad mannerisms.

Nicholl McGuire

When Relatives Don't Listen

No matter what anyone says, some relatives just won't listen to sound advice!  They will cry, scream, threaten, and even run away from truth.  They ignore warnings, fight with family members, make excuses, ignore phone calls, and even lie to keep from the following occuring:  exposed on a wrong,  told to do the right thing like pay back what they owe, advise on handling problematic relationships/friendships, and whatever else they are supposed to do or not do.

"I don't bother with Mom because...I can't stand my sister because...If I were you, I would stay out of my business...Who do you think you are telling me...?"  says the stiff-necked, angry person.  He or she is often defending why he/she/it is right and why what this person does or doesn't do is okay, alright and "don't worry about me."  The offended, who doesn't like truth, especially with a Christian ring to it, is going to push back.  If you are the one, who has to speak truth to a rebellious person, here's what to do:

1.  Prepare your speech and know what you are going to do if there is no change in the offending behavior(s).

2.  Use your faith to keep you focused ie.) pray in your mind before, during and after confrontation.

3.  Demonstrate self-control.  Don't argue or act like a fool because you don't like what the person is saying to you.

4.  Be a blessing, offer assistance and then follow up.  It wouldn't be fair to tell someone what they should do and you are not willing to help.

5.  Don't bad-mouth.  It isn't necessary to share your encounter with someone else particularly if you feel tempted to say every vile thing you can about this person.

6.  Stay away from an angry man or woman.  If you already know this person has threatened to harm you, don't go near him or her.  Use the phone, computer or a third party.

7.  Forgive your enemy without being difficult, evil, or temperamental.

After you have done what you can to help your stubborn relative, back off!  Don't continue to speak to this person about what is bothering you ie.) "I feel...you make me...I wish..."  If he or she is willing to reach a compromise, you will see fresh fruit, so to speak, if not, don't hang around spoiled fruit. 

Most people are aware that their actions and in-actions on a matter is why negativity has showed up in their lives.  The problem for some people is it is easier to ignore issues and hope that they go away.  But when tough love comes into play and no one is inviting The Problem to the family event, calling him or her often, asking this person to do anything for him or her, and overall acting differently toward the troubled person, sooner or later he or she will see that the family doesn't accept his or her behavior.  It is then that the person will have to make a choice either, do what's right or not.  Your Creator treats Christ believers the same way.  A believer defends his or herself when He uses his messengers to get a person who claims to be a child of God to act on His will.  In time, God distances himself from the rebellious.  Take the time to confess your sins, repent, and ask the Lord to forgive you, then forgive those who have offended you in Jesus name.

Nicholl McGuire