The "Yes" Men and Women in the Family

They say yes to the men who abuse them and yes to the women who curse them.  They say yes to their mothers even when they shouldn't and yes to dads when they really don't want to.  

Know some folks like this?  

I wrote nonfiction books for those who consider themselves to be "Yes" people that really should be saying, "No way!"  Stop being tempted to say, "yes" when you really mean, "no."

Tell Me Mother You're Sorry

Say Goodbye to Dad

She's Crazy

Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men

When Family Members Don't Wish You Well - Pessimistic and Proud Kinfolk

You didn't do what a relative wanted, you behaved in ways that upset one or more than a few members in your family, or maybe you aren't guilty of anything but being wiser, smarter, better, and more accomplished than most of your relatives.  No one is condemning you here.

Some people are just not going to behave nicely whether you talk to them much or very little.  These same people are the customers we see holding up the lines in stores arguing about little things while wanting some of us standing behind them to co-sign on their rants.  I think to myself, "You probably are a problem at home too."

Miserable people can't formulate their mouths to wish you well.  How can they when they look in the mirror everyday and see that they didn't do much in life but work, complain, have babies, complain some more, spend money, save money, and you know the rest.  A lifestyle that is okay, but unsatisfying is not what any of us wished for as we grew older especially jealous and petty individuals.  Even if you don't have much going on in your life, if you should crack a smile around mean-spirited individuals, they aren't the least bit jolly around you--they have issues that might not have anything to do with you.

Negative people look for ways to wipe the smile off your face and others.  They aren't going to welcome you with a warm demeanor, say kind words or do anything out of their way to assist you.  This is why we have to re-evaluate what part are individuals like this will play in our futures even if they have been there for us and "at times weren't so bad but..."  You have to know when to let them go and let God deal with them.

It doesn't matter if the toxic people in your life are parents, grandparents, workers, children, or best friends for decades, if folks are bringing you down, it's time to do something different like guard your heart for starters.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.

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Abusive Men in the Family

They exist and as much as relatives pretend that kin are stable and sweet, those who have been abused by them know better!  Check out Nicholl McGuire's nonfiction, self-help guide, Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.  A great read for those who are just starting out dating once again.

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Nervousness, gut-wrenching stress and other wild emotions about a simple invite to a family event will wreck havoc on someone and those he or she lives with in the household.  Do you know the feeling?  Well, let's address it.  Should you be going to that party? Get you copy of this helpful guide today.  Should I Go to the Party?  Click here.

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Family Holiday Event Invites: 7 Signs You Don't Need to Go Along Just to Get Along

For years many of us have went along with an invite just because we didn't want anyone thinking badly of us.  We told people that, "I'm just doing this for you...I'll go because I like her, but not the rest of them...I did it for my husband...My friend begged me to go."  But doing things when you know deep within you just don't want to is never a good idea.  Sooner or later true feelings show up and show out!  The arguments increase, the mood swings increase, and the rage within is fueled by all the stupid stuff that people you know you don't like will say--count on it!

Now sometimes you just don't know how much you dislike a person or a group until the family invite shows up in the mail or drops from the lips of your favorite people, "Hey just wanted to let you know So and So is having an event, you coming?"  You are either excited within or resent the idea of going.  "Is my least favorite person going to be there?" you might boldly ask.  Of course, the response might be, "I don't know, just come.  Don't let him/her keep you away."  And so you might go along.

Here are seven signs it is best not to take someone up on his or her offer to attend a family event:

1.  Your ex is now remarried and has children.  If the past is in the past, why does The Past feel the need to be around the ex's family?  It is obvious there are some lingering emotions especially when one has children, so reschedule if you know you can't manage hurt feelings or drop children off with their relatives while you spend time with your new beau's family or stay home.  Most hosts of family events are more concerned about wanting everyone together to make themselves feel good, but what about how you feel? 

2.  Avoid the family event if the number of people you don't like far outweigh the ones that you do.  Once again, make plans to see your favorites another time.

3.  You don't like the cooking, atmosphere or the vibe you get when you are around them.

4.  You heard some bad things about the family and you know you just can't keep your mouth shut about them.

5.  The family's traditions go against your religious beliefs.

6.  You are often angry, impatient, moody, or have habits that impair your best judgment.  Do yourself and the family a favor and stay home.

7.  People have told you in so many words, "I don't think it is a good idea to come around..." point well taken, stay away.  Although some defiant folks will want to crash the party anyway, bad idea especially when some individuals might have the police on speed dial.

So when it comes to those either much anticipated or dreaded family events, be wise and do what's right.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Genealogy X: What to Expect When Researching Family History and offers spiritual insight on family issues and other challenges here.