Parents: The Danger of Not Making Children Listen

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How Much Do You Really Know About Your Family?

The time will come one day when you will wonder, "What is it that I need to know about a parent or relative?"  Maybe it has already come for you, but what have you done about it?

• Did you sit down and talk with your loved one in an effort to truly get to know him or her?
• Did you write a family history book?
• Did you think of collecting family keepsakes and photographing them so that others might enjoy them?
• Have you thought of getting others' personal accounts about the relative in question?

The sad reality is that most family members know more about popular reality show stars, black history, musicians, and even their best friend's family then they know about their own history.  Who are you really?  Where did you come from? 


Something to think about.


Nicholl McGuire also contributes to a blog for people who are easily bored with life, things, and people here.

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On Greed - When Relatives Ask for Too Much

How much money does one really need when he or she has almost everything?  Is it necessary to ask for things just because someone is willing to give them to you?  For some of us, we wouldn't dare ask a relative who had little money and other resources to buy or give us some things.  Yet, there are those relatives who are bold enough to do just that!  They don't mind stating what they want and if select family members don't do for them, they will not hesitate to bad mouth them.


When one attends a holiday celebration, most likely he or she isn't paying much attention to the greedy people in the family until they do or say something that upsets others.  It can be a turn off to witness individuals pack food on large plates, ask for third and fourth helpings, talk incessantly about getting more of something, and joke about taking all of what sits before others.  These people who just love to take more than they give, are typically ignored by other adults or scolded by patriarchs and matriarchs while children observe.


What some greedy people don't realize is that their behavior is passed down to the naïve who watch them fight, curse, swindle, and do other things to get more of something.  Then young observers grow up and do the same things--acting selfishly while expecting others to meet their demands.  These greedy men and women, who just can't get enough of something, are a disservice to others.  Negative behaviors like greed must be exposed if one hopes to stop certain habits. 


1.  Tell the person who is acting greedy to stop.  (If you know you are greedy, think about what you are saying and doing that is hurting others and halt the urge to want to take more than your fair share.) 
2.  Explain to the greedy person why the behavior shouldn't continue and give examples.
3.  Advise the individual of the consequences if he or she should refuse correction.
4.  Don't invite, share, or encourage greed of any kind.
5.  Avoid assisting people who already have more than enough.  Politely say something like, "I know you might like XYZ; however, there are still others who need this...you might want to look into...or buy the item yourself...I hope you understand."  Then walk away.  Don't argue with a person who obviously has a problem with greed.
6.  When greedy people make a small effort to help someone, even though what they did was okay, don't brag about their deeds.  They will falsely assume that their unsatisfactory deeds were great even though they weren't anything worth mentioning.
7.  If your greedy relative should insist on asking you or someone else to do or give them something, don't give in, keep refusing them.


No one should have to put up with anyone who refuses to see how their negative behavior impacts others.  Stand your ground and remind the greedy person that others might want whatever the item(s) might be and if there is something left over than you are willing to part with it/them.


Nicholl McGuire also maintains a blog for Christians entitled, Face Your Foe.  

When Relatives Don't Listen and the Advisers Who Care About Them

As much as we want our loved ones to do what's right, especially when it comes to caring for themselves and others, some will refuse correction and attempt to discredit us because they don't want to do what's right.


I have watched rebellious relatives look for fault in myself and others because they knew what we said was honest and wise, but didn't want to change bad habits, toxic thoughts, or exercise self-control when dealing with others. 


Anyone who comes to a family function and chooses to share details about one's personal life with others, is setting themselves up for advice whether he or she wants to listen or not.  This is why many mature individuals don't have much to say about their feelings, personal habits, and more, because they know that if they aren't willing to change, there is nothing anyone can say to them that will make them want to do anything different.  They are not interested in debates, defending themselves, prefer not to experience the uncomfortable feelings that come along with being told what to do.  So they sit, observe, don't say much, and may even reflect on the dumb things they did in life, but one will never know. 


Some parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts just won't sit idly by and let young ones live and let live, they will say and do what they can to assist them.  However, this isn't typical behavior from elders, most rather let know-it-all and rebellious types fall on their faces first, then learn from lessons, before offering to pick them up.


Those familiar with biblical scripture know that pride does come before a fall.  When a wise one is witnessing a relative, who is standing on his or her soapbox preaching, boasting, or attempting to advise others while still dealing with issues themselves, notice he or she says nothing.  Why quarrel with someone who believes that he or she is doing everything right in his or her life?


Family gatherings can bring out the worst or the best in people depending on how stable or unstable in their minds they are.  Some family members wrestle with unresolved issues of the past that stem from things like: rejection, resentment, lies, abuse, and more, so they might not speak well of self and others.  Most often, their intent is to be on their best behavior, but sometimes internal and external disputes cause them to speak what's on their mind to anyone willing to listen.


When you find yourself struggling with those loved ones, who really aren't interested in being advised and more concerned with voicing their issues, if you have a faith, pray for them.  But whatever you do, don't allow their issues to affect your personal life--you have come too far to turn back now!


Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.   

The Family Members Who Don't Like to Do Much of Anything

There is always one or a few in the family that if a task doesn't have money connected with it, they aren't helping, serving, volunteering, or complimenting.  These people can be difficult people to be around especially when they are lazy, stingy, avarice, or argumentative.  But as much as we may not like these people, they are family and we have a choice, we don't have to be around them either!




When I first noticed the laziness in some relatives, I was about six years old.  I recalled watching an uncle who was only a few feet away from the kitchen tell another relative to carry his dirty glass and plate into the kitchen.  I didn't like him for that and later in life I still didn't like him when he repeatedly asked others, while sitting on his behind, including myself, to do more of the same--be his servant.  I refused.  He was able-bodied, there was nothing wrong with helping himself. 




There were other family members like that lazy uncle, men, who sat in front of TV screens next to girlfriends or wives for hours, and they would rarely buy a gift, offer assistance and sometimes added no value to any conversation others were having.  Those male relatives who did pitch in to help the women in the kitchen was distracted or talked into joining the other men in the living-room area and some would quite boldly say, "You don't need to help the women, come in here with us."




These family members, who don't bother to do much of anything--not even entertain children, tend to eat the most, complain more than others, and talk too much.  They are also the ones who want to be treated with respect, but don't act very respectfully to others.  Over the years, the family gatherings declined and those who use to host have said, "I am so glad I don't do that anymore...I hated it when people didn't bother to help. The food was costly to buy and time-consuming to make, so glad I don't have to feed a bunch of lazy You Know Whats!"




Some of these same lazy relatives were also the ones who didn't stay employed for long, didn't get married or did but later separated or were divorced, and they were also the ones who had many health issues, because they didn't bother to get checked out.




As I look back over those times of being with fun, wild, lazy, and crazy relatives, I realize that good times didn't last very long.  As I grew up, it also became harder to deal with some of those family members too without becoming easily frustrated and irritated with the things they would say and do.  Unfortunately, many have since died. 




If there is anything I would say to those, who are working hard to make a family gathering pleasing, relax, no matter what you do, leopards don't change their spots.  If you don't have to invite some, don't.  (I have no regrets not seeing some of those trouble-makers once I became an adult). 




Get the most out of the good memories with those you sincerely enjoy being around, because life is indeed too short!




Nicholl McGuire also maintains the following blog:

Workplace Problems, Solutions, Raves & Rants -- Need a Career Change?: Looking for Extra Income?

Funny Family Conversations - Talking to Family During the Holidays