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Patti LaBelle Performs "If Only You Knew"

Singers have a way of bringing family together.  Don't miss out on a great opportunity this upcoming holiday season to gather your relatives and listen to some quality music from yesteryear!  Good music helps calm even the most tensed families down!  Besides life is too short! 

Family of Divorce

Far too often, there are families that are hit with destruction as a result of divorces, they are overwhelmed with the pain, responsibilities and depression that come with break ups. 

They are angered that partners have moved on with their lives and away from drama.  Some hopeful individuals expect that everything will be the same and all parties will treat everyone with respect.  Others falsely assume that children will continue to be loving, sweet and kind and do well in school.  But when times change, people also will change and not everyone will deal with divorce in the ways that one might expect.

You may have noticed those around you looking like they have everything together since a divorce.  There are scheduled pick ups to see children, new purchases, new relationships, and good things happening.  However, what you don't see is the symptoms that come with a break up.  Those that need to be medicated, healed, delivered, removed, and so on. Past unresolved anger, emotional issues, mental challenges, un-forgiveness, impatience, rude behaviors, and more occur before, during and after a divorce.  Sometimes it takes many years for people to mentally come back to their senses.  Not all smiling faces that have come out of a divorce are genuinely happy.  They realize that getting all things new doesn't bring anything, but new difficulties.

Before one encourages someone to get a divorce, he or she might want to open his or her heart, environment, bank account, and schedule to help that person who is going to need financial, mental, and physical support.  The more drama the relative has had to contend with in the marriage, as well as outside of it, the more assistance he or she will need.  This is why it isn't always a good idea to suggest a break up or divorce if you are not prepared to assist the individual in the turbulent relationship. 

It is also unwise to prematurely leave a person or situation that might be temporary.  A job loss is temporary, a financial dip temporary, a crying newborn temporary, a relocation/move temporary, a new hobby temporary, a health issue temporary, or a career move temporary!  None of these things last for always even if one might depart this life in the process, they aren't here forever.  So if the couple can endure, they will find that after the storms in their lives pass, they will draw near to each other.  However, abusive behavior, addictions, mental illness, cheating, and similar problems require much outside help and are not good situations to raise children.  Therefore, the family has no choice but to get away, particularly when the one with the illness is showing no signs of getting help.

If you are someone who is experiencing a divorce, keep in mind that you are not alone and that there are online programs, websites, and offline free resources that can help.

Nicholl McGuire   

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Facing the Truth - When Relatives are Not Mentally Stable

Sometimes we just don't want to admit that favorite relatives are "out there...strange...crazy!"  We just assume that their personalities are just different.  Therefore, we excuse insanity, anger outbursts, and other negative things while we continue to be entertained by these people.

Rather than take mental illness lightly with relatives, we are to find ways to cope that are healthy, but doesn't enable them to act even worse.  I think of a person who has a serious issue with wanting to be the center of attention, be right/have the last word, and worse doesn't mind creating chaos even when there is nothing substantial to argue about.  When dealing with people like these, we must learn how to deal with them from a distance.  Whatever they once were feeding us to keep us coming back to them, we must cut it off so that we don't pick up on their negative ways.  We also need to be mindful of how we react around them.  It helps to be knowledgeable about one's mental illness or personality disorder so that we know how to deal with he or she.

Justifying hurtful behavior just so that we can keep someone a favorite in our lives is unhealthy and foolish.  Sooner or later the so-called "favorite" is going to turn on us--the mental instability will show up and act ugly.  Denying that someone is sick when the evidence is there that proves they are is just as ugly as the illness.  Sick people take up for sick people.  Mental illness has many symptoms that are tricky and makes its victims act as if everything is alright when it is not.

Here are some things to think about when dealing with family who are mentally unstable.

1.  Notice what prescription medicines they are taking and look up side effects.  (You can do the same with those who are illegal drug users).

2.  List the symptoms you notice.

3.  Talk with doctors and other relatives about your findings.

4.  Seek a support system.  Without one, you will feel like you too are going crazy.

5.  Keep children away from adults who can't control themselves.  It isn't necessary to put children in front of relatives who may not want to see or be around children for long.  Don't use them to babysit your children.  There is no way to predict when the individual might have an anger outburst.

6.  Stay away from loved ones you know you can't handle being around and encourage others who may not be emotionally stable to keep away too.  Many family issues result from uncontrollable tempers.

Nicholl McGuire 

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