12 Things Fathers Can Do to Help their Daughters Prolong Their Virginity

Every young woman wants her first time to be special. But unfortunately, that isn’t always the case. If she has sex before she is ready she feels humiliated, misused, abused, angry, and in some cases suicidal. The young man who has broken her virginity is usually praised for his accomplishment and all too often wants to come back for more. Many fathers fear the idea that there is some no-good guy out there wanting their precious daughter’s virginity or that she may be all too willing to give it away. They remember the things they said and did to get a girl and now they don’t want their daughter to fall for lines like, “I love you…you are so pretty…I’ll take care of you…I won’t tell…We were made for one another!”

So what are some healthy things a father can do to help his daughter put off having sex with a guy other than threatening to kill her boyfriend, beat her, or brainwash her into thinking there is no young man good enough for her and that every one of them is up to something? The following 12 tips are created to help you build a quality relationship with your daughter, while allowing her the space to make wise decisions when it comes to being intimate with a boy.

One. Respect her Mother and other women

Girls pay attention to how daddy reacts to their mother. While you are yelling, scowling, staring at women walking along the street, or staying up late at night looking at naughty movies or pornographic photographs via the Internet, your daughter is watching your every move. If she reasons in her head that the only time mommy can get daddy’s undivided attention is when she does something wrong or if a woman dresses provocatively, what do you think she is going to do?

Two. Read to her and play games (i.e. put aside your man hood for tea party and Barbie)

Your manhood is what defines who you are, how you conduct yourself, the way you talk and dress, but sometimes your manhood will have to be compromised when you have a daughter. She invites you to read a book about ponies, play Barbies, sit down for a tea party, or help her burp her baby doll, just do it. You aren’t less of a man by enjoying the company of your daughter. If you don’t take the time to experience her world now, years from now that no good guy will be happy to oblige. That is if there isn’t a little boy in school now making a good impression on your beloved daughter. Chances are he is all too curious about what adults do and your daughter just might take him up on the offer.

Three. Communicate

While you are playing dress up with your daughter, she will be open to hear anything that makes you look like a King and her mother look like a Queen. She will also want to know that she is your princess. Little girls want to hear stories that include how beautiful they look, how smart they are, and how proud you are of them. They also want you to tell them what to do when the evil witch, ugly monster, or crazy animal of life tries to attack them. Put on your best show and let them know you care and you will protect them come hell or high water! Tell her what boys say to get girls to do what they want. Use examples from the media. Discuss the music she is listening to and what she may already know about the birds and the bees.

Four. Practice what you preach (i.e. if you believe in God then pray with her)

It doesn’t make sense that a father will tell his daughter not to watch rated R movies, then she sees him up late at night watching rated X movies with the TV turned down. It doesn’t make sense that a father will tell his daughter not to talk to boys and she sees him flirting with women in the stores. You get the idea, don’t just tell her not to do something, but live by example. If you don’t want her to drink, smoke, go to the club or bar, and have multiple partners, then why are you doing it?

Five. Educate yourself about her age group, what they do and talk about

When she tells you something in slang, do you know what she means? If some guy calls her up, do you know what the latest strategies they use to get a girl in bed? Keep your ear to the street. The Internet youth forums, social networking sites, chat rooms, and more are filled with information to help you find out the latest trends, slang words, music, celebrity icons and more to help you find out more about her world. Prepare to interview your daughter about her interests. She will be flattered that dad knows a little something about her world. However, don’t try to say a bunch of slang words in a single paragraph or make a habit of using too many, you will appear ridiculous in her eyes. Some parents make this mistake and forget that there is a fine line between being a child’s friend and being a parent. Avoid crossing that line.

Six. Keep Promises

Too many dads are busy making promises on the job and keeping them; yet breaking them on the home front. Don’t tell her at anytime you will be able to do something and never follow through. She will be hurt and most likely will remember for a lifetime. Check and re-check your schedule, before you commit. It is better to say, “I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it,” then surprise her and make the event, then commit and not be there.

Seven. Pick her up from places whenever you can

More girls become pregnant during free time when they seem to have nothing planned. It could be before they got to school, during a half day, after school, or on the weekend. Don’t rely on others to pick her up if you don’t have to or believe that her feet will always walk her straight home. Know her friends and phone numbers. Any new friends she tells you about should not be taking her anywhere unless you have met them. Also, have her give you a schedule of extracurricular activities that include meeting dates and times. Be sure you obtain a calendar from the school to see if what she is telling you check’s out. Connect with other parents who have children in the same groups, so that you can be aware of meeting dates and when they are cancelled.

Eight. Attend Parent Teacher Conferences

So many parents are too busy to bother, but when a crisis occurs suddenly they want to schedule a meeting. Be present for these meetings before she has trouble with her studies. You will be surprised to find out how much the teacher really knows about your daughter. He or she may even tell you about a boy in the class who may be taking an interest in her or may mention seeing her around the school holding hands with a boy. With this information, you will have a grasp on what you will have to do to put a halt to certain things, get your wife involved with teaching her about birth control, etc.

Nine. Volunteer to help with field trips, dances, sporting events

This is the best way to educate yourself about your child’s age group as well as stay in the know about her friends. Kids will talk. These events are your front row seat in observing the kind of people your daughter associates herself with and you will be able to warn her about the troublemakers.

Ten. Assist with Fundraisers

Helping your daughter raise money for a good cause allows her to see you in a good light. You are showing her that you care about what interests her and it is a great way to build a relationship with your neighbors. When you are walking around the neighborhood with her, people will be able to get to know your faces and will keep their eyes open for any suspicious activity occurring at your home. For instance, if there is a boy hanging out around your home when you are at work, they may tell you.

Eleven. Surprise her with gifts outside of the holidays sometimes

This is a another great way to show your daughter you care. Let her know you appreciate her not only during the holidays. She will be glad to know you are thinking about her and will definitely be thrilled to find that you got her something that she can really use.

Twelve. Call or visit her some time

Divorce and separations happen; however, that is no excuse not to see your daughter. If you need to go to court, then do it. No matter what the relationship with the mother, if you can prove that you are a good father, then a judge who can see past any lies the mother says, will give you visitation. Do some of the things mentioned above. Take advantage of that free time, ask questions, do something she likes and most of all reaffirm that you love her.

These 12 tips will help you create the kind of relationship that will keep her focused on the important matters of life. In time, when she is tempted, she may not react, because she will remember the things daddy said that made her feel special, the interest daddy took in her, and most of all the love that he has shown. Don’t be like some fathers who spend more time doing the things that please them and overlook what is happening in the family. Your daughter needs you just as much as you needs her mother whether she tells you that or not. If she should still become pregnant or have an STD, at least you know you did everything you could to help her prolong her virginity. She will have herself to blame, not you.

10 Ways to Break Free from Controlling Mother

Mother's Day has come and gone and you thought that the effort you made this year would be appreciated, instead you wish you hadn't done anything for her! "Why did God give you this mother?" you have secretly asked yourself. "Why do I keep allowing her to get next to me?"

Here are a variety of things you can do to get free of the bondage you brought on yourself while relating to your mother.

One. Know your mother and remember how she reacts to you.

Oftentimes people don't take the time to study their mother. They don’t bother to remember the things she does that upset them; therefore, year after year they keep falling in the same traps. For instance, rather than paying attention to your mother's mannerisms while visiting with her, you may be thinking about what you will say next or how she makes you feel inside when she says or does something you don't agree with so you become defensive. Instead of allowing yourself to get worked up before you arrive, the next time that you are in her presence, study her like a book. Is she looking ill these days? What is she eating or drinking that may be causing harm to her health? Who does she socialize with or does she do any socializing? What does she spend the majority of her day doing? How does she react when you come over? Do you observe the way she looks at you when she thinks you aren't looking? Knowing the answers to these questions will help you understand her as a person and not just your mother. You may learn that some of the things she is eating and drinking is affecting her mood. If she doesn’t want to follow doctor’s orders or get the help she needs and her actions is affecting you, you will have to consider what is important your own mental health being in her presence or her?

Two. Find out what others are saying about her.

It may be helpful to know what others' experiences may be like when they are around your mother. She may be saying and doing things negatively with relatives and friends too. Find out what is going on between your mother and others simply by making a statement like, "Mother said that you were over the other day. She told me you did..." The person will usually give up some details about the visit.

Three. Prepare yourself for her negativity.

When you know that you have to talk to her or go around her, prepare yourself for what she will or will not say by taking control of the visit. You will want to limit your visit to a time you can tolerate being in her presence. Find tasks to do so that you are not just sitting at her home, or talking with her the whole visit. Maybe she has phone calls that need to be made related to her bills, errands, laundry, dishes, dusting, mopping or vacuuming. When you find yourself beginning to grow weary of her complaining, yelling or cursing, excuse yourself and leave. Avoid arguing, hurling insults, and other things that will only make you feel guilty later. Share your experience with a trusted family member or friend.

Four. Never obligate yourself.

When you know that you and your mother don't get along very well, don't obligate yourself to do things you know you will later resent. She may threaten, cry, or complain about you to others to get you to do what she wants. Don't let her tactics get the best of you by dwelling on them or feeling guilty and then eventually giving into her. When you find yourself dropping everything you do for her including taking her phone calls, you are obligating yourself to her not only physically, but emotionally too! You will find yourself using your family to release some steam and in time they will grow weary of your negative stories about your mother which will later cause confusion between you and they.

Five. Address lies, criticisms, and other issues.

Someone in the family tells you that your mother said numerous things about you that are untrue. For years you let these things go and never bothered to address them, now they are sitting within your spirit making you sick! She also finds fault with everything you do including: your choice in birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas gifts, the frequency you bring the grandchildren over for a visit, and the help you provide her with managing her bills and house cleaning. It's time to speak up and create some distance. We tend to think that because our parents are getting older we must spend as much as time as we can with them even if it’s at the expense of our own health. Your children do not need to see or hear their grandmother belittling you, unless you are trying to teach them how to disrespect you, keep them out of the mess. Stand up for yourself and show your parent that you didn't grow up to be walked on especially by them!

Six. Break free from taking money and gifts from her.

Some mothers will use what they do for you to make you feel like you owe them something later. Learn to say no to her gifts when you hear stories of her talking about you and your family to others. By doing this, you are letting her know that you don't need her which will make her feel like she can no longer control you. Ultimately, that is what you want, not to be controlled by your mother!

Seven. Watch what you say to her.

Avoid confiding in her about the following: relationship troubles, places you shop, and personal matters. Good information can be used to control you especially if it is embarrassing or demeans your reputation with other family members. What better way than to get the best of you by spreading gossip about you to everyone else, hoping that the next time, you will do whatever she says or she will tell some more things to everyone else about you or your family.

Eight. Be cautious of family members and friends who will side with her.

Your mother may have told others about how awful you are supposedly. When this happens there isn't much you can do but to tell your side of the story and keep your distance not only from her, but the one who is siding with her as well. Sometimes people have to see the truth for themselves. Hopefully, she will do or say something to them as well that will make them later come to you with, "You know you were right about your mother!"

 

Nine. Avoid the temptation to bad mouth her to others.

Despite her anger outbursts and the other crazy things she does, she is still your mother. Telling everyone you encounter how bad she is will not make you or the person listening to you feel good. Sometimes people tend to formulate opinions about you just because you have had a bad relationship with your mother. If you don’t get along with her most people will want to know why and you may share that, but when you start name calling and insulting your mother to other people, you may open yourself up for a dispute you rather not want, so avoid the temptation to bad mouth her.

Ten.  Have a faith and your own network of support. 

You will need some people around you that understand your plight. Spouses and partners aren't always helpful in this area especially if they have a good relationship with their mother. They tend to say things that actually bring you closer to a situation that is increasingly stressful when you should be stepping back from the negativity and getting some healing for yourself. Remember talking on the phone daily can be just as bad as visiting every day, so limit your phone use with a controlling mother if you intend to make your life just a little bit easier.

6 Common Sense Tests You Need to Give Your Children during School Breaks

Sometimes parents are so busy with their daily responsibilities that they don’t think about giving their children practical, common sense tests. The kind of tests that challenge their thinking in the areas of responsibility, following instructions, saying no, spiritual faith, and respecting and forgiving others. Do you really know what your child would do if they were approached by someone claiming to be your friend? What would they say if a person asked them for money? How would they deal with a bully enticing them to fight? How much do they really know about sex and could they say no if propositioned? These are real issues that children face. As well all know, some of these children have had to deal with adult issues at younger and younger ages. So what can we do to find out what they know about life, test them. This goes beyond sitting down and questioning them like a detective at a police station. Rather we must be creative, entertaining, and unforgettable in our approach. In this way they will retain the wisdom they have been taught and actually use it when the time comes.

In my situation, I didn’t realize just how much my youngest son needed to be taught about standing up for himself, just saying no, and avoiding tempting situations until I put him to a series of tests and to be quite honest he failed. I learned more about his personality and interests from giving him hypothetical situations that he had to problem solve, then I would have ever learned just sitting down conversing with him or by reviewing the homework he brought from school. I also learned what I needed to do to enhance my own parenting skills.

I couldn’t help but wonder had his teacher noticed where he was lacking, and if she didn’t, my tests would shed some light on subject areas that may have been overlooked.

So I am sharing with you what some of those tests were and how you can implement them with your own children.

The Test of Responsibility

I wanted to see if my son could handle taking orders. So I would ask him to do a list of tasks for me. He wasn’t focused on what I was telling him, and actually did some of the things completely opposite of my requests.

You can provide your child with a list of chores or give them fun things to do that they will have to complete by a deadline you set. Also, add one or two challenging things you know they can’t do to see how your child would problem solve. After they have received their instructions, leave them alone. Avoid the temptation to supervise, it may make them nervous.

The Test of Written Instructions

You can’t do anything in this world without some form of written instructions. So I performed a test on my son similar to the Test of Responsibility except this time, I prepared some home work sheets based on his grade level. Then I added my own instructions to it and gave him so much time to complete it. My purpose was to see if he had good reading comprehension skills.

You can create your own written tests for your children and observe whether they did well with you in the room or out of the room. If you had to be in the room the whole time to ensure that he or she stayed focus, this may also be an issue that the teacher has with your child in the classroom, and at some point she or he will send home a report with comments similar to the following: “your child has a hard time focusing…he (or she) is often doing other things when instructions are given to do something else…I often have to walk over to his (or her desk) to ensure the tasks are done.”

The Test of Saying “No”

Pretend you or someone you know is a stranger or someone claiming to be a friend of yours, try to persuade your child to do something bad. I pretended like I was an older child trying to get him to take some candy pills from my hand that I pretended were drugs, my son took the bait. His reason, “Well you said it was candy.” So if the stranger told him it was candy he would have took him up on the offer? I was disappointed that he hadn’t passed what I considered to be a very simple test.

When you inform your child you are just role-playing, make a point to put pressure on him or her by being nice or being mean and watch how they react. Correct them if they take the bait and explain to them why they should be saying, “no,” not “yes!” Sometimes my son would not react at all to my hypothetical situations, he may not have understood, but for some he did, he just didn’t know what to say or do. I took the time to discuss why doing nothing also can be a problem as well. I encouraged him to talk with myself, his dad, or someone at school about issues that made him feel uncomfortable.

The Test of Faith

I wanted to see if my son knew anything about Christianity and other faiths. He told me his views then I challenged him on them acting like a know-it-all big mouth, “Did you ever see God? How do you know he exists?” I also explained to him why people worship and how various types of worship may affect him positively or negatively depending on which path he chose to follow.

The Test of Respect

I was curious to see if my child had created his own racist, sexist, or prejudice opinions. So I acted like I was a little girl who thought he was cute and talked and talked and talked. It turns out that he didn’t have much respect for little girls. He was tempted to push and shove me while I acted obnoxious. So we talked about the appropriate ways boys and girls should act toward one another. I also tested his response to authority by role-playing once again. I paid close attention to how he responded to a buffoon principal and a crazy teacher. Instead of exercising some self-control, he acted just as crazy as them. I discussed why “the monkey see, monkey do” response is not appropriate no matter how old the person might be or what title they hold.

The Test of Forgiveness

I posed a hypothetical situation where someone had said something hurtful to him and listened to how he would handle what they said about him. He wanted to pay them back, so we talked about why revenge and being bitter toward them doesn’t help.

After conducting these tests and taking the time to explain why my son should have reacted differently, I felt that he and I were on our way to better communication and understanding of one another, since we had our challenges in this area too. Hopefully the tips discussed in this article, will also help you with connecting with your children. By the way, these tests can be used with any child who knows how to reason, read, and write. I recommend parents with teenagers use these tests as well. I remember as a child my own parents had their own variations of tests for me, I learned more than if I would have sat down asking them a bunch of questions.

By Nicholl McGuire

When You Need to Say Goodbye to Your Children

Saying goodbye to children doesn't have to be a long drawn out, painful process, if you consider a few things: you most likely will see them again in this life or the next one, there is always video and photos to give you some peace of mind, and you might have some gifts stashed away somewhere that also may help you during those really depressing times.

So how can you say goodbye with the least amount of pain?

1. Prepare them days before their departure by counting down the days using a calendar and crossing off each day.

2. Explain to them the fun things that will be going on when they arrive at their destination on one of those days.

3. Make plans for the next visit as it gets closer to their departure date.

4. Take photos with them doing fun things and put them in a small photo album for them to take with them.

5. Talk about the good time you have had with them the night before.

6. Allow them to cry and comfort them.

7. Practice with them on how to slowly breathe in and out when their emotions seem to get the best of them. Praise them when they do it correctly. Tell them that this exercise helps shorten their cry.

8. Remind them about the fun time they have to look forward to wherever they are headed.

9. Keep them busy with fun activities while they wait for the parent to come and pick them up.

10. Give them snacks and one or two favorite toys on the day of the trip.

11. When you see them starting to get a little bit emotional, remind them to breathe slowly in and out like you practiced and praise them for it.

12. Briefly tell them goodbye, give them a short hug, and don’t let them see you cry.

In conclusion, don't allow anyone to rush your getting over your children's absence. Some people think they are helping you by telling you repeatedly, "It's okay...you will be alright...let's go here...let's do that..." Give yourself some time to get under control. Find ways to remedy your own grief. However, don't wallow in sorrow for long; otherwise, you will find yourself ill.

By Nicholl McGuire

How to Evaluate Whether Your College Student Would Rather Have a Family Than a Career

Most parents want their children to do better than they, but sometimes this doesn't happen. You may have been the kind of parent that saved for your son's or daughter's education, encouraged them to do well in school, and made yourself available to him or her when they needed you. Yet, these days your beloved son or daughter is talking about things that have nothing to do with college. He or she is spending more time with their boyfriend or girlfriend and less time job searching or making plans to attend college. Did you ever think that maybe attending college isn't what he or she wants to do at this time in his or her life? If you suspect that is what is happening, then it's time for you to step back and allow them to make a few life decisions on their own.

Some students just aren't mature enough, focused enough, or even passionate enough about the things that parents assume they should be. They may have thought about higher education and even filled out the necessary applications to gain entry, but when the time comes for them to get ready and go, you fear they will be doing everything they can to get out of going! Should you force an 18 year old man or woman to attend a college they have changed their mind about? The answer is yes and no. If he or she is suddenly apprehensive about going that could very well be nervousness especially if he or she has never been away from home before. However, if this attitude isn't sudden and has been gaining some momentum for some time now, chances are someone or something is keeping them from attending college right now. You will need to ask questions, sit back and listen, and try very hard not to pass judgment and be harsh or critical. Remember you didn't always respond well when someone told you what you are going or better do!

You will also need to evaluate why you are pushing them so hard to attend a very expensive college that you know that he or she can't afford and will more than likely be taking out student loans to attend. Could it be that you just want your child out of the house? If so, you could very well be sending a message to him or her that would force your son or daughter into a very costly mistake that will affect their credit for the rest of their life! Many college dropouts have thousands of dollars in student loans, because they continued to attend college due to someone pushing them, not necessarily because they wanted to go. Don't push your 18 year old into something that they are obviously letting you know they aren't ready for.

Remember many years ago when young women would leave their parent's home, get married and move in with their husband. Well guess what? There are many young women who still have that same mentality. Despite the efforts of the women's movement over the years, which many of the young women of today didn't experience, not everyone wants to be a career woman. There are many young women who simply want to be a wife and mother. If you frown at the possibility that your daughter could be one of them, consider this, at least she wants something out of life. The world nowadays has more women striving for financial gain than ever before, but their children are paying a dear price. Everyone is raising them, but mommy! There are many women divorcing, because being a wife and a mother is just not appealing to them. If a young woman wants to make a dynamic contribution to society by being a good wife and mother than let us all respect her decision and support her on it. Let's also embrace her potential husband and father as well. Provide him with some wisdom and common sense that will help him become a leader in his own home.

So what are the signs that you should be watching for if indeed you're once college bound son or daughter is now acting like he wants a job and a family?

One. Your son or daughter talks more about having a family one day.

He or she shares with you about getting a job and marrying his or her high school sweetheart. Although you may not agree with his or her conversation or potential plans, try not to be critical, but offer advice in love. Don't talk negatively about family, because this may backfire on you if later there is a pregnancy. Your son or daughter will remember what you said and will come back to you being just as negative and possibly not wanting to care for their responsibility.

Two. Your daughter seems to be increasing in weight, seems to be ill often, tired, and very moody.

She may be pregnant. If so, try to avoid the temptation to encourage her to abort her child. Rather, conduct research online on programs to help her get assistance if need be and call a meeting between her and the boyfriend to discuss what role he will be playing in the child's life and provide him with advice on getting a job and finding an apartment. He may want to use college as a means of escape from his responsibility that is why it is important to have a meeting with all parties. He may have to choose a college locally and attend part-time at night while working during the day.

Three. You may have noticed that your son or daughter seems to be asking you more questions about your own marriage and family history.

If so, he or she may be concerned about family issues because she or he has been talking with their partner about the future. Be open and honest and probe to find out what their thoughts are about marriage and family. Avoid being evasive or negative when they ask questions, because once again you are sending a message to them that being married and having children is bad. As you know, at some point whether now or later, he or she will want to marry and have children and being negative will only cause more harm than good.

Four. Your daughter or son may say that they only thought about going to college because of you or someone else.

This is an obvious sign that they are definitely not interested and you will need to allow them to make decisions that you may not agree such as taking a minimum wage job or starting their own business with graduation money.

These four signs will help you best determine what is going on inside your son or daughter's head concerning college. Consider what you have been saying and doing. Sometimes parents can actually scare their children away from college just by acting jealous, being fearful, showing controlling behavior, and other similar things. Have you been bragging to family and friends about your son or daughter while ignoring how your attitude is making him or her feel? Did you drop out of college yourself or made some decisions in your own life that you regretted and so now you are living your dreams through your young man or woman? If so, then you will need to do the following: re-evaluate how you have been behaving, change what you are doing and saying, and apologize. Hopefully your son or daughter will make a decision that is best for him or her and not necessarily what is best for you - it's all a part of growing up! Just breathe mom or dad eventually they will see the light!

By Nicholl McGuire

On Making Time for the New People in Your Life

Meeting new people, but you just don't seem to have the time to spend with them. Well depending on how willing you are to be with them, you will find the time, here's how.

As soon as someone gives you some information about them such as name and contact information, you should always have something readily available to hold their information and any notes about them you would like to follow up on later. From a cellular phone to a wallet that holds business cards, keep their information handy. When you are organized, you will give them the impression that they are now important in your life.

Specifically set aside a date and time during the week to touch base with everyone including anyone you are dating. This phone call should briefly let them know you are thinking about them and that you would like to see him or her again. From business to personal relationships, people love the fact that someone is thinking about them or their idea.

When you plan to meet them, be early so that you can go over anything you would like to ask them before they arrive. Of course, this also makes a great impression on him or her.

If you enjoyed speaking with this person, wrap the meeting up with another date and time to meet again. Each time you meet him or her, you want to keep the relationship or exchange of ideas going, so don't ever close a meeting without another date, time, and location to meet again.

You will also want to send a business contact a thank you card after the first meeting, so that you remain fresh in their mind. Flowers and other special treats work well for personal relationships.

Nowadays email is very powerful in keeping relationships going, so send an email asking them about their day and if they have given any thought to something you may have mentioned at the last meeting.

In closing, the following are a couple of things you might want to keep in mind:

* Don't overdo communication when you don't know the person that well. You can always ask them how often would they like to communicate. Depending on their business interest or relationship, you may need to communicate more. That will need to be discussed so that you don't turn him or her off.

* When a person chooses not to return your phone calls or emails, he or she is letting you know in a polite way that you aren't that important in his or her life. Move on to someone else who will make time for you.

By Nicholl McGuire