6 Common Sense Tests You Need to Give Your Children during School Breaks

Sometimes parents are so busy with their daily responsibilities that they don’t think about giving their children practical, common sense tests. The kind of tests that challenge their thinking in the areas of responsibility, following instructions, saying no, spiritual faith, and respecting and forgiving others. Do you really know what your child would do if they were approached by someone claiming to be your friend? What would they say if a person asked them for money? How would they deal with a bully enticing them to fight? How much do they really know about sex and could they say no if propositioned? These are real issues that children face. As well all know, some of these children have had to deal with adult issues at younger and younger ages. So what can we do to find out what they know about life, test them. This goes beyond sitting down and questioning them like a detective at a police station. Rather we must be creative, entertaining, and unforgettable in our approach. In this way they will retain the wisdom they have been taught and actually use it when the time comes.

In my situation, I didn’t realize just how much my youngest son needed to be taught about standing up for himself, just saying no, and avoiding tempting situations until I put him to a series of tests and to be quite honest he failed. I learned more about his personality and interests from giving him hypothetical situations that he had to problem solve, then I would have ever learned just sitting down conversing with him or by reviewing the homework he brought from school. I also learned what I needed to do to enhance my own parenting skills.

I couldn’t help but wonder had his teacher noticed where he was lacking, and if she didn’t, my tests would shed some light on subject areas that may have been overlooked.

So I am sharing with you what some of those tests were and how you can implement them with your own children.

The Test of Responsibility

I wanted to see if my son could handle taking orders. So I would ask him to do a list of tasks for me. He wasn’t focused on what I was telling him, and actually did some of the things completely opposite of my requests.

You can provide your child with a list of chores or give them fun things to do that they will have to complete by a deadline you set. Also, add one or two challenging things you know they can’t do to see how your child would problem solve. After they have received their instructions, leave them alone. Avoid the temptation to supervise, it may make them nervous.

The Test of Written Instructions

You can’t do anything in this world without some form of written instructions. So I performed a test on my son similar to the Test of Responsibility except this time, I prepared some home work sheets based on his grade level. Then I added my own instructions to it and gave him so much time to complete it. My purpose was to see if he had good reading comprehension skills.

You can create your own written tests for your children and observe whether they did well with you in the room or out of the room. If you had to be in the room the whole time to ensure that he or she stayed focus, this may also be an issue that the teacher has with your child in the classroom, and at some point she or he will send home a report with comments similar to the following: “your child has a hard time focusing…he (or she) is often doing other things when instructions are given to do something else…I often have to walk over to his (or her desk) to ensure the tasks are done.”

The Test of Saying “No”

Pretend you or someone you know is a stranger or someone claiming to be a friend of yours, try to persuade your child to do something bad. I pretended like I was an older child trying to get him to take some candy pills from my hand that I pretended were drugs, my son took the bait. His reason, “Well you said it was candy.” So if the stranger told him it was candy he would have took him up on the offer? I was disappointed that he hadn’t passed what I considered to be a very simple test.

When you inform your child you are just role-playing, make a point to put pressure on him or her by being nice or being mean and watch how they react. Correct them if they take the bait and explain to them why they should be saying, “no,” not “yes!” Sometimes my son would not react at all to my hypothetical situations, he may not have understood, but for some he did, he just didn’t know what to say or do. I took the time to discuss why doing nothing also can be a problem as well. I encouraged him to talk with myself, his dad, or someone at school about issues that made him feel uncomfortable.

The Test of Faith

I wanted to see if my son knew anything about Christianity and other faiths. He told me his views then I challenged him on them acting like a know-it-all big mouth, “Did you ever see God? How do you know he exists?” I also explained to him why people worship and how various types of worship may affect him positively or negatively depending on which path he chose to follow.

The Test of Respect

I was curious to see if my child had created his own racist, sexist, or prejudice opinions. So I acted like I was a little girl who thought he was cute and talked and talked and talked. It turns out that he didn’t have much respect for little girls. He was tempted to push and shove me while I acted obnoxious. So we talked about the appropriate ways boys and girls should act toward one another. I also tested his response to authority by role-playing once again. I paid close attention to how he responded to a buffoon principal and a crazy teacher. Instead of exercising some self-control, he acted just as crazy as them. I discussed why “the monkey see, monkey do” response is not appropriate no matter how old the person might be or what title they hold.

The Test of Forgiveness

I posed a hypothetical situation where someone had said something hurtful to him and listened to how he would handle what they said about him. He wanted to pay them back, so we talked about why revenge and being bitter toward them doesn’t help.

After conducting these tests and taking the time to explain why my son should have reacted differently, I felt that he and I were on our way to better communication and understanding of one another, since we had our challenges in this area too. Hopefully the tips discussed in this article, will also help you with connecting with your children. By the way, these tests can be used with any child who knows how to reason, read, and write. I recommend parents with teenagers use these tests as well. I remember as a child my own parents had their own variations of tests for me, I learned more than if I would have sat down asking them a bunch of questions.

By Nicholl McGuire

When You Need to Say Goodbye to Your Children

Saying goodbye to children doesn't have to be a long drawn out, painful process, if you consider a few things: you most likely will see them again in this life or the next one, there is always video and photos to give you some peace of mind, and you might have some gifts stashed away somewhere that also may help you during those really depressing times.

So how can you say goodbye with the least amount of pain?

1. Prepare them days before their departure by counting down the days using a calendar and crossing off each day.

2. Explain to them the fun things that will be going on when they arrive at their destination on one of those days.

3. Make plans for the next visit as it gets closer to their departure date.

4. Take photos with them doing fun things and put them in a small photo album for them to take with them.

5. Talk about the good time you have had with them the night before.

6. Allow them to cry and comfort them.

7. Practice with them on how to slowly breathe in and out when their emotions seem to get the best of them. Praise them when they do it correctly. Tell them that this exercise helps shorten their cry.

8. Remind them about the fun time they have to look forward to wherever they are headed.

9. Keep them busy with fun activities while they wait for the parent to come and pick them up.

10. Give them snacks and one or two favorite toys on the day of the trip.

11. When you see them starting to get a little bit emotional, remind them to breathe slowly in and out like you practiced and praise them for it.

12. Briefly tell them goodbye, give them a short hug, and don’t let them see you cry.

In conclusion, don't allow anyone to rush your getting over your children's absence. Some people think they are helping you by telling you repeatedly, "It's okay...you will be alright...let's go here...let's do that..." Give yourself some time to get under control. Find ways to remedy your own grief. However, don't wallow in sorrow for long; otherwise, you will find yourself ill.

By Nicholl McGuire

How to Evaluate Whether Your College Student Would Rather Have a Family Than a Career

Most parents want their children to do better than they, but sometimes this doesn't happen. You may have been the kind of parent that saved for your son's or daughter's education, encouraged them to do well in school, and made yourself available to him or her when they needed you. Yet, these days your beloved son or daughter is talking about things that have nothing to do with college. He or she is spending more time with their boyfriend or girlfriend and less time job searching or making plans to attend college. Did you ever think that maybe attending college isn't what he or she wants to do at this time in his or her life? If you suspect that is what is happening, then it's time for you to step back and allow them to make a few life decisions on their own.

Some students just aren't mature enough, focused enough, or even passionate enough about the things that parents assume they should be. They may have thought about higher education and even filled out the necessary applications to gain entry, but when the time comes for them to get ready and go, you fear they will be doing everything they can to get out of going! Should you force an 18 year old man or woman to attend a college they have changed their mind about? The answer is yes and no. If he or she is suddenly apprehensive about going that could very well be nervousness especially if he or she has never been away from home before. However, if this attitude isn't sudden and has been gaining some momentum for some time now, chances are someone or something is keeping them from attending college right now. You will need to ask questions, sit back and listen, and try very hard not to pass judgment and be harsh or critical. Remember you didn't always respond well when someone told you what you are going or better do!

You will also need to evaluate why you are pushing them so hard to attend a very expensive college that you know that he or she can't afford and will more than likely be taking out student loans to attend. Could it be that you just want your child out of the house? If so, you could very well be sending a message to him or her that would force your son or daughter into a very costly mistake that will affect their credit for the rest of their life! Many college dropouts have thousands of dollars in student loans, because they continued to attend college due to someone pushing them, not necessarily because they wanted to go. Don't push your 18 year old into something that they are obviously letting you know they aren't ready for.

Remember many years ago when young women would leave their parent's home, get married and move in with their husband. Well guess what? There are many young women who still have that same mentality. Despite the efforts of the women's movement over the years, which many of the young women of today didn't experience, not everyone wants to be a career woman. There are many young women who simply want to be a wife and mother. If you frown at the possibility that your daughter could be one of them, consider this, at least she wants something out of life. The world nowadays has more women striving for financial gain than ever before, but their children are paying a dear price. Everyone is raising them, but mommy! There are many women divorcing, because being a wife and a mother is just not appealing to them. If a young woman wants to make a dynamic contribution to society by being a good wife and mother than let us all respect her decision and support her on it. Let's also embrace her potential husband and father as well. Provide him with some wisdom and common sense that will help him become a leader in his own home.

So what are the signs that you should be watching for if indeed you're once college bound son or daughter is now acting like he wants a job and a family?

One. Your son or daughter talks more about having a family one day.

He or she shares with you about getting a job and marrying his or her high school sweetheart. Although you may not agree with his or her conversation or potential plans, try not to be critical, but offer advice in love. Don't talk negatively about family, because this may backfire on you if later there is a pregnancy. Your son or daughter will remember what you said and will come back to you being just as negative and possibly not wanting to care for their responsibility.

Two. Your daughter seems to be increasing in weight, seems to be ill often, tired, and very moody.

She may be pregnant. If so, try to avoid the temptation to encourage her to abort her child. Rather, conduct research online on programs to help her get assistance if need be and call a meeting between her and the boyfriend to discuss what role he will be playing in the child's life and provide him with advice on getting a job and finding an apartment. He may want to use college as a means of escape from his responsibility that is why it is important to have a meeting with all parties. He may have to choose a college locally and attend part-time at night while working during the day.

Three. You may have noticed that your son or daughter seems to be asking you more questions about your own marriage and family history.

If so, he or she may be concerned about family issues because she or he has been talking with their partner about the future. Be open and honest and probe to find out what their thoughts are about marriage and family. Avoid being evasive or negative when they ask questions, because once again you are sending a message to them that being married and having children is bad. As you know, at some point whether now or later, he or she will want to marry and have children and being negative will only cause more harm than good.

Four. Your daughter or son may say that they only thought about going to college because of you or someone else.

This is an obvious sign that they are definitely not interested and you will need to allow them to make decisions that you may not agree such as taking a minimum wage job or starting their own business with graduation money.

These four signs will help you best determine what is going on inside your son or daughter's head concerning college. Consider what you have been saying and doing. Sometimes parents can actually scare their children away from college just by acting jealous, being fearful, showing controlling behavior, and other similar things. Have you been bragging to family and friends about your son or daughter while ignoring how your attitude is making him or her feel? Did you drop out of college yourself or made some decisions in your own life that you regretted and so now you are living your dreams through your young man or woman? If so, then you will need to do the following: re-evaluate how you have been behaving, change what you are doing and saying, and apologize. Hopefully your son or daughter will make a decision that is best for him or her and not necessarily what is best for you - it's all a part of growing up! Just breathe mom or dad eventually they will see the light!

By Nicholl McGuire

On Making Time for the New People in Your Life

Meeting new people, but you just don't seem to have the time to spend with them. Well depending on how willing you are to be with them, you will find the time, here's how.

As soon as someone gives you some information about them such as name and contact information, you should always have something readily available to hold their information and any notes about them you would like to follow up on later. From a cellular phone to a wallet that holds business cards, keep their information handy. When you are organized, you will give them the impression that they are now important in your life.

Specifically set aside a date and time during the week to touch base with everyone including anyone you are dating. This phone call should briefly let them know you are thinking about them and that you would like to see him or her again. From business to personal relationships, people love the fact that someone is thinking about them or their idea.

When you plan to meet them, be early so that you can go over anything you would like to ask them before they arrive. Of course, this also makes a great impression on him or her.

If you enjoyed speaking with this person, wrap the meeting up with another date and time to meet again. Each time you meet him or her, you want to keep the relationship or exchange of ideas going, so don't ever close a meeting without another date, time, and location to meet again.

You will also want to send a business contact a thank you card after the first meeting, so that you remain fresh in their mind. Flowers and other special treats work well for personal relationships.

Nowadays email is very powerful in keeping relationships going, so send an email asking them about their day and if they have given any thought to something you may have mentioned at the last meeting.

In closing, the following are a couple of things you might want to keep in mind:

* Don't overdo communication when you don't know the person that well. You can always ask them how often would they like to communicate. Depending on their business interest or relationship, you may need to communicate more. That will need to be discussed so that you don't turn him or her off.

* When a person chooses not to return your phone calls or emails, he or she is letting you know in a polite way that you aren't that important in his or her life. Move on to someone else who will make time for you.

By Nicholl McGuire

How to Fill Your Home with Happiness

Happiness at home doesn’t come from pretty pictures, a comfortable recliner, and a big screen TV, but happiness comes from within the mind, body, and spirit. How does one find joy in a home filled with challenges, anger, and resentment? If you have asked this question, then it is you that will be responsible for starting the process of creating contentment in your own home, here’s how.

Encourage and inspire those in your home starting with the person who is the most challenging. Some ways to do this include: unexpectedly bringing food from a favorite restaurant home while letting everyone know you were thinking of them, leaving a Thinking of You card in the bathroom for a partner, arranging some separate time for each of your children, or rewarding the family when they help with chores.

Whether you are spiritual, religious or otherwise, take some quiet time for yourself either when you first wake up or just before you go to bed to talk about the things that ail you about the most challenging person in your family. Sincerely ask God for guidance then be still for awhile until some thoughts come to mind on how to deal with him or her. You may not have any idea at that moment, but later something may come to mind.

Be prepared for negativity when it comes. The human spirit is powerful and it will seem as if this person or the people you are praying for will know you are doing something behind the scenes to promote change. They may act worse, but hold on because this is your sign that change is not that far away, so keep on praying.

Watch how you talk to the people in your family, life is too short! Ask rather than command. Speak softly more than raising your voice. Think about what you are going to say before you say it. Be slow to place blame or find fault.

If money won’t allow for you to keep up with the others, then stop trying. You won’t be able to get everything for everyone so eliminate some of your worries and stick to the priorities. List all your family's wants on a bulletin board. You may include photos or newspaper and magazine clippings. If the family really wants them, then they will make the effort to make them happen from selling or giving some things away to recycling plastic to save money.

Stop thinking about what could have been. The past is the past. Be in the present and take control over the things you can control like your own happiness. The only way you can do that is if you start by looking outside yourself and appreciating those around you.

Don’t try to be something you’re not. Hypocrites are unhappy people. They are too busy rushing to become something that they are not equipped to be. Start every project, every to do list, every self-help task, and every opportunity to forgive one step at a time. People don’t suddenly have a close relationship with God, lose weight, become a great mom, get a job, win a sweepstakes, or do anything and receive the fame and fortune. It all takes a lot of time and dedication! So ignore the critics and do what you can today!