I would ask questions and comment on their strengths making them feel good in my presence. I couldn't help but be this way, taking more interest in people than most, because of my educational background in journalism and communications.
Some individuals thought I was a counselor, therapist, or in some other profession, but never guessed a writer or journalist. It wasn't that these individuals were fascinating people, I was just trained to listen and to treat people as well as possible to get them to talk--get the story. I never bothered to think deeply about why selfish people liked me so much until I connected the dots.
I realized that some people are over-the-top interested in others for the sole purpose of hearing them speak well of them. They like to be admired, appreciated, questioned, complimented, and when you are one for communicating how much you like something about them, these narcissists are all ears. However, the relationships with these individuals with this type of personality disorder are energy-draining.
The wrong things I did that kept drawing narcissists near and dear--way past their expiration dates. Don't do these things if you want to cut ties!
- Don't enable their conceit. They already think they are better than most people even though they lack in so many areas.
- Don't encourage them to self-love and self-admire (they do that enough already). When you do, they will lean on you when they are feeling bad about themselves far more than you can handle.
- Don't buy them much (especially expensive items). Keep in mind they only really want what they ask for which is usually expensive--don't expect them to return the favor. Most of them are cheapskates.
- Don't make them feel so important and right knowing full well that what they are saying is unimportant and wrong.
- Don't engage them in much conversation especially about their self, because when they do speak they expect you to listen and not to interrupt.
- Don't show so much support when they are suffering, but don't expect any sincere empathy.
- Don't admire their wit, strength, decisions, house, car, clothes...anything tied to them, but if you have anything bigger and better, you best not talk about that to them.
The connections you make with narcissists start off appearing like a match made in heaven, but in time corrode becoming one-sided and unsatisfying. Narcissists rarely fulfill one's emotional needs; instead, they take and take and take some more until the victim is exhausted of their manipulations and simply can't give anymore!
The narcissists know this because they have a long track record of disappointing people and not being liked by them. They grow bored with most relationships when people aren't stroking their egos. Egoists don't bother to revitalize the people they take from unless they can once again get their personal needs met first. When they aren't able to anymore, because the victims are no longer blind to just how truly selfish they are, off the narcissists goes, looking for new supply.
When narcissists' new supply can't be found or is no longer providing, depending on just how much they feed off of them, they will try to win that person over again or move on. I personally grew weary of these connections that led nowhere. So many dead-end relationships! I found myself wanting very much to have long-term and quality connections, but nothing was really left after the narcissists' love bombing during the early stages of the relationship. Once all the niceties faded, the narcissists were beginning to demand far more than they gave me.
All these self-centered individuals wanted was more of me (time, energy, money and gifts) but they weren't willing to give me even close to the amount of service and money I gave them! As long as I made them look good, treated them with much respect (more than most), went along just to get along, bought them, made my schedule available to them, exceeded their expectations, balanced multiple roles which included taking the load off of them...all was good with the narcissists if you made them feel and look exceptional!
Make a narcissist look bad and you will soon find out that they are orchestrating a plan to hurt you or pay you back. A narcissist in a position of power will look for ways to bring you down. They don't mind sharing their disappointment in you with you while telling anyone who will listen all about you. The argument, lie, mistake, or misunderstanding that they cause is never their fault. They have more excuses for their short-comings then a child who doesn't complete his or her homework.
As I grew older and bolder in my conversations with these needy and controlling people, I started speaking up and exposing the narcissists. I didn't care about their so-called "love" for me, because I knew it wasn't about "loving" me, but using me. As quick as the smiled and said, "Thank you so much!" They were coming up with yet another idea to get me to do something else for them.
It became a challenge to be all things to all narcissists (there were plenty around me). I was tired, confused, used, and abused. These poor relationships ranged from a year to decades. I felt like something was "off" about these people, and I just couldn't keep up with all their demands, manipulations, false fears, false tears, threats, fake flattery, fake promises, lies, coverups, secrets, and more. This was all to keep me near so they could use me yet again!
If you are interested in learning more about the narcissist from a spiritual perspective (there are definitely dark spirits/energy at work), listen to the audio below. These are some of my most informative audios. Guard your heart around narcissists!
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