You have been called names, threatened,
lied to, physically beaten, kept captive in a room, told to keep
quiet and yelled at to perform senseless acts all in the name of love
by the one who calls himself your lover, boyfriend, fiancé, or
husband.
People have judged you, advised you,
cut you off, scolded you, and so much more just to communicate one
thing and that is to leave him. The problem you are having with
yourself and everyone around you, your mind and heart are not ready
to leave at least not yet.
So the following statements will
challenge you to look inside yourself and evaluate your world around
you and hopefully you will be motivated to do what is right for you
and/or your family before it’s too late. It’s time to take out a
piece of paper, pen the thoughts that come to your mind as you read.
My daddy doesn’t know me. Whether
it was your dad or any man around you that you wanted to be close to
as a young girl, but he just never wanted to allow you to get close
to him, this statement is a part of the trouble you now face. If you
had looked for love in the past in previous relationships but found
yourself disappointed with man after man, then finally made yourself
settle down, even though this man didn’t seem to be right for you
either, now is the time to ask yourself, have I really found daddy’s
love? What will it take for me to find the love and peace I
desperately need? What will I have to do to stop my own cycle of
abuse?
My mother contributed to the who in
“am I.” The way a mother communicates and acts with the men
in her life is witnessed by her daughters; therefore she has
contributed to the who that you have become whether you like it or
not. If your mother catered to her man, yelled at him, loved him or
hated him in front of you, some of your mother’s ways have become
yours. What will it take for you to stop what you are doing that is
unhealthy to you and/or your children, and start doing the positive
actions that will benefit all of you?
I can’t risk my reputation amongst
family, friends, and community. You have worked hard to become
the many titles you are to the people that know you. If you
sincerely would want to do something different in your personal life
such as break off an engagement, divorce, or separate from your man,
how would you go about doing it? Your plan could be one that makes
the least amount of drama for you and those around you simply by
stepping out on your own without speaking to anyone who knows you;
rather, find assistance from strangers.
I am no better than I was a year,
three years, or even seven years ago. Each passing year has not
added to your being positively, but only took years of youth away,
what steps could you make that would help you feel better about you?
When was the last time you dreamed, planned, set a goal, and achieved
it? Who or what would you blame for stopping you from becoming a
better you?
I believe that I am helping my man
become a better one. If you believe that enduring his abuse is
somehow helping him become a better man, then take a moment to review
the scars on your body. Would you be willing to allow him to murder
you, so that he can get on with his life? Of course not, but the
women who have been in similar situations, literally allowed
themselves to die at the hands of their men, was it worth it?
I am repeating the same life that
women around me have lived or are living and I’m not happy.
You have noticed that you are repeating their patterns, have you
bothered to question why you do the things you do? Who is benefiting
when you act out behaviors that have caused you to feel the way you
do? From the house being organized his way to how you spend the
money that is rightfully yours, is he treating you fairly? Are you
treating yourself fairly?
The world would be better off
without me. You may have never felt this way until he came into
your life. The arguing, fighting, name-calling, choking and so much
more will make anyone feel as if they want to end it all. However,
if you can think of one thing that makes your life worth living, that
is your sign that everything is going to be alright, you will just
have to make up in your mind that you will do what is right for you
and/or your children.
When you have finished thinking about
your life and why you feel it is still worth living with or without
him, there is a book written just for you, entitled, “Laboring to
Love an Abusive Mate” written by me, Nicholl McGuire.
http://www.amazon.com/Laboring-Love-Abusive-Mate-21-year-old/dp/1434818306/
I wrote this book, because I once
walked, staggered, and fell in your shoes, I never intended to love a
gentleman who would later show me the mean, angry, and bitter side of
himself. He had not only hid that side in the beginning from me, but
from my family too. This book is every abused woman’s diary of
poetry although based on one woman’s experience. The feelings and
thoughts I express as it relates to being let down and abused by men
at the mere age of 21 when most young women are supposed to be
enjoying life. It also contains challenging questions similar to the
ones in this article that encourages the reader to get back in touch
with the things that once mattered such as your independence, love,
freedom, peace, and more.
As women, we enjoy talking about the
troubled souls around us, yet when it comes to evaluating ourselves,
we avoid it like a plague. It’s time to take control over your
life and do what makes you happy! There is no one in this world that
will bother to take care of someone who has given up on her self.
This is one of the biggest secrets that men who control women know
about them and that is why he won’t hesitate to hit you and
apologize just one more time, and then one more time, and on…and
on…and on…until you defend yourself mentally, physically, and
most of all spiritually.
Nicholl McGuire
More insight and details about this writer's experience may be found
at
http://www.amazon.com/Laboring-Love-Abusive-Mate-21-year-old/dp/1434818306/
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