When mental illness enters the family | Dr. Lloyd Sederer | TEDxAlbany

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If you have a history of fighting with your family, they will expect you to fight.  Prove them wrong!

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On Dealing with Your Weird Kinfolk

You never know what to expect with some family members.  They can say and do some of the most shocking things.  I recall a time when I would call certain relatives on the phone then about half way into the conversation, they are sharing something they did that was irresponsible and downright crazy.

When you have weird, wild, or way off kind of folks, here's what you can do to keep yourself out of their energy-draining conversations while safe-guarding yourself and family in the future.

1)  Don't entertain strange conversation by agreeing or disagreeing with it.  The more you react to what they say, the more likely they will tell you the kind of things that you just don't want to hear or get involved in.

2)  Avoid the places they go if you know you sincerely can't put up with their behaviors.  If you go somewhere that you really don't want to, knowing full well you don't like one or many people there, you will end up feeling quite disappointed if they should come up to you and start saying or doing something you just can't keep quiet about.

3)  Just because they are family doesn't mean you have to introduce them to everyone you know.  Who came up with that idea anyway?  Some people are so persistent about wanting to get to know their family members' associations.  Well when it comes to those, who you know are mentally draining, you just might want to save your social circle from some headaches as well as yourself the embarrassment by not bothering to ever introduce them to your troublesome kinfolk.

4)  Say a prayer.  You will need a faith to in order to deal with the spiritual issues that some loved ones bring to you and others.  The key to dealing with people who seem to have a rain cloud over their heads is to not offer an umbrella when you know that they keep leaving home without it.  If you continue to be that one everyone runs to when they are in trouble, weak-minded individuals will never learn from their mistakes.  Rather than helping them out, what you are really doing is starting to rely on them needing you.  Unfortunately in time you may grow to resent them if you should keep bailing them out of their circumstances.

As much as we love some of our strange family members, there comes a point when we must let go and let God especially when their weirdness seems to be wearing off on us.

Nicholl McGuire

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Busybody, Petty Relatives

They want to know what is going on with you and your family.  They are interested in your life.  They wish for you to share just one more story...but you don't.  You learn that to some relatives, you can spill your guts, but others (the busybodies and petty types) not so much or not at all.

Busybody relatives, who don't know how to make mouths or feet be still, are not interested in us, but our stories preferably the negative ones.  They are also connected to the feelings that arise within them when we tell our stories.  So if the emotions make them feel good about themselves, they are listening and so-called helping, but if not, they are finding fault and creating distance especially during tough times. 

Think of a moment when you shared a personal experience with one of your relatives, who loves to hear about this family member and that one's highs and lows, how did you feel afterward?  You most likely felt like you gave far too much information then they gave you.  You also might have noticed he or she was only interested in anything that made them feel like they were somehow better than you or someone else you may have talked about. 

Busybody kin are like parasites, they feed off of anyone or anything willing to dish about themselves or others.  So if you have someone in your circle that doesn't mind letting you talk a lot about yourself and others, be advised he or she most likely shares your information too with others and may not say flattering things about you.

I recall a relative who loved to listen to me talk, at least so I had thought--lol, but I learned later, in a strange way, that the woman was going back to someone in her circle complaining about me.  If she had a problem with me, you would have thought she would have said it, right?  But I guess she thought I would never hear about what she had said.  For a long time, I never bothered to connect the dots and realized that she really hadn't changed much since childhood--she was still shady in the way she did and said things.  At one point, I really viewed her as someone who I could share almost anything with, but I was wrong.  After drawing near to my Lord, I learned much about her, heard about things she had told others, and now I rarely talk with this individual.

You might recognize a busybody type in your own family and don't know what to do with him or her, I challenge you to remind yourself each day to do the following:

1.  Watch your conversation with that person.
2.  Limit what you say to him or her.  In other words, don't say anything that you would not want the Internet to know about.
3.  Don't invite the relative to your home (he or she will only visit to see what you have and then go back and share with others you may or may not want to know about your lifestyle).
4.  If you really don't trust this person, stick to text or email--this way you have a paper trail.
5.  Avoid speaking to people, who also know this person, about things he or she has said or done to you.

Nicholl McGuire

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